He really had no idea how to feel over the past weeks after the death of olivia , it's not like he had the right to feel sad or grieve someone he didn't even really know , plus the fact that she only put a wedge between him and rubys friendship , he wasn't bitter or relieved .
he was just confused .
confused over the situation and confused on what he was supposed to be feeling over the matter .
sure , he felt kinda guilty when he found out while he spent the night rolling around in the sheets with his boyfriend , shots were being fired , his best friend now being scarred and wounded along with the newest member to his friend group dying .
That was the furthest he could think about the topic before his mind would drift away becuese carlos distracted him , always doing something or stealing his attention away whenever his mind started to wonder over these things over the past month .
ceaser had been living with Carlos over that time , he hasn't seen his friends since , and he knew it was his fault , and that they probably blamed him at some point for Olivia's death .
Because , technically, it was his fault , those shots were meant for him , and the fact he didn't put a bullet in him all the days prior was a surprise to everyone , and he was quickly pushed aside like a spec of dirt on the wall by the santos .
If not for Carlos , he'd have nothing , he did have nothing .
he was technically homeless if not for the fact carlos didn't take him in with open arms .
" what you thinking so hard about ", Carlos frowns , arms crossed over his bare chest as he lent against the door way to his bedroom , his voice husky most likely from lack of use or dehydration
" huh - oh , uh , nothing much , just been thinkin' ", ceaser tilted his head up , sitting up on the bed space as he bit his lip in thought
Carlos hums , eyeing ceaser before he fully enters the room , shutting the door behind him and giving a look to the teen
" I think I'm gonna talk to Oscar ", ceaser mutters , bringing his knees up and leaning his elbows on them to hold his face as he thought .
Carlos face almost immediately drops at the idea . Thinking it's the worst possible thing ceaser could do at the moment - Oscar hadn't said anything , but he hadn't exactly been putting up a friendly face to his own gang . Oscar was his best friend- yes . But that just ment he knew him all too well , he knew ceaser wouldn't be aloud back with the santos. Family or not , ceaser hadn't killed latrel - he had gon against orders and lied about it , and shut got stirred up .
" no "
" huh ..... what do you mean .'no?'", ceaser pauses , furrowing his brows confusedly as he looks to Carlos - coming out of his thoughts to actually grasp what was going on - drowning at the look on his boyfriends face
" no . You're not seeing Oscar ", Carlos shakes his head , giving ceaser a serious look as he leant against his door
" he's my blood ..... we're family , papi , he can't turn me away-
" he will ,that's what I'm saying . Oscars gonna turn you away - it doesn't matter if your blood , that your siblings - that your brothers , carino , santos comes first with Oscar - even if he wanted to , he can't speak to you , not like blood would . Your nothing more than the kid that messed up an order right now", ceaser flinches at Carlos's words , frowning deeply - not only at Carlos's words , but the fact he knew that Oscar cared more about true santos than his own flesh and blood .
But if santos comes first for Oscar , who comes first for Carlos . Aminios or him?