Have you ever listened to the ragged rasp of your own breath, desperately clawing its way out of your chest? It's a haunting sound, an eerie symphony that relentlessly echoed through Kokichi's days, a stark reminder that his time was slipping away. Within Kokichi's fragile lungs, a garden of flowers had taken root, blossoming solely for Shuichi's sake. Yet Shuichi had no desire in this gift. The disease had mercilessly progressed, leaving Kokichi helpless. He became unable to make even the slightest movement without triggering a series of violent upheavals of the soft flower bouquet that thorns lodged in Kokichi's throat. Death by flowers. It sounds beautiful but is deceivingly tormenting. Kokichi could live with that cause of death.
The two boys hadn't dared to approach each other since their argument. The tension between them was too thick, so thick even a chainsaw couldn't make a dent in it. Sometimes one of them would glance at the other, hoping their relationship hadn't turned out the way it did. But it had. And neither of them were courageous enough to fix it. If anything, Shuichi had been desperately trying to cut all ties with Kokichi. All thoughts and feelings towards Kokichi he wanted gone. The intense sense of guilt that Shuichi was responsible for Kokichi's death was uncontrollable and suffocating. If only he hadn't approached him that Wednesday maybe Kokichi would have had a fighting chance at life. Yet he and he alone had stripped that away from him. The guilt was swiftly drowning him, and no one could save him even if he reached out his hand for help. What was worse? A small feeling had been creeping upon him that went off whenever he thought of the time he had spent with Kokichi before everything came crashing down. A feeling of warmth and tenderness.
Kokichi had yearned to spend every last passing moment with Shuichi before it was too late. When he noticed Shuichi anxiously walking off with his true friends whenever Kokichi came near, he got the memo. It's ironic how life can be so cruel, teasing you with your desires, even granting you a taste, only to cruelly snatch it away with more you had bargained for. All Kokichi had desired was a typical high school experience, yet destiny had dealt him a terminal illness because he got too attached to a boy who now sought no association with him whatsoever. It just made it all the worse. Pleading for a swifter demise, Kokichi accepted Shuichi's wishes and stayed far away from Shuichi too with the few remaining days he attended school.
Music blasted in his ears to drown out his impending doom as he miserably attempted to take a short walk without kneeling over and making the addition of bloody flowers to someone else's garden. He knew his timer would soon run out and signal the end, he just longed for one last breath of life before death robbed it from him.
One step onto the road without looking both ways was all it took.
Maybe this was a sign of mercy from whatever twisted gods were toying with him.
* * *
Silence is what filled the car. Silence. Each passing moment amplified the deafening quiet, magnifying the cacophony of his panicked mind. Shuichi's thoughts were toppling over one another in a frenzied race. Kokichi had been hit by a car. The school needed him to confirm Kokichi's identity as he had no known living relatives and Kokichi had only ever gotten close to him. Kokichi had been hit by a car. His thoughts careened between the fondest memories he had of Kokichi and desperate pleas for this all to be a rotten dream. Pleas for a different outcome. The uncertainty gnawed at him, twisting his insides into knots of anguish. The reality of the situation had crystallised and seeped into every crevice of his consciousness. Kokichi had been hit by a car. What if he arrives too late? Will his last words to Kokichi really be ones that hurt him greatly?
The panic within him only seemed to multiply to great lengths, he could feel his heart slam against his rib cage over and over again. His breaths running rampant and lips quivering, he had never felt this way before. It was as if his body was overwhelmed by panic and had forgotten the gentle pace of natural breathing. Instead, succumbing to a chaotic whirlwind that threatened to spin him out of control.
Desperate to calm himself, he clung to any memories that brought him happiness. First he had thought of his family, which didn't work. Then ones of Kaito and Maki, which also failed. Next, ones of Kaede, which were surprisingly unsuccessful too. It was only when he thought of the joyous times he spent with Kokichi was he able to calm down, those familiar feelings of warmth and tenderness comforting him. The times when they goofed around, or when Kokichi said something overly stupid on purpose. Their little silly games of Truth or Dare and even when they made pointless conversation. He remembered the times they laughed until their stomachs hurt and couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day. For a moment he nearly forgot about the nightmare he was currently living in. That's when it hit him.
When he started avoiding Kokichi despite being surrounded by friends and family who lavished him with constant affection, Shuichi couldn't shake the profound loneliness that began to emerge within him. The love and care from his loved ones were undeniable, like a warm embrace that sought to shield him from the harsh realities of life. Yet, in the depths of his soul, there existed an ache that only Kokichi's presence could satisfy. It was a unique connection, an intricate tapestry of shared moments and unspoken understanding that couldn't be replicated. No matter how much love surrounded him, the absence of that one person who held an irreplaceable space in his heart left a void that seemed impossible to fill. The loneliness he felt wasn't a result of neglect or lack of affection, but rather the yearning for the certain love and connection that only Kokichi could provide. The love he had denied. The realisation filled him with both euphoria and bone-chilling dread. Shuichi did love Kokichi, very much actually, but was he too late now?
When he arrived at the hospital Shuichi swiftly obtained Kokichi's room number, his heart pounding with urgency. Racing through the corridors, he pushed himself to his limits, driven by the desperate need to reach Kokichi. He needed to apologise to Kokichi for how horrible he'd been to him and to express his feelings of love to him. It was like his life depended on it. He just prayed that he wasn't too late.
Sometimes it takes losing someone to truly realise how much they mean to you.
* * *
Shuichi burst through the door to the room Kokichi was in to find two doctors staring at the purple boy he cherished most. Kokichi laid motionless on the bed, blood drenched his left side while a soft beeping noise in the background accompanied the view. His face was twisted and scrunched up in agony as if he was frozen in time. His left arm looked like it had been snapped like a twig and carelessly left there, unnaturally bent at the wrong angle. The same arm was also covered in a sea of red and black, sheets of skin peeled away like paper as it strained and struggled to contain the repulsively malformed swelling that held his arm captive. Beneath his petal-thin skin was craters of raw flesh on display for all to see, it oozed out small streams of blood that trickled down his side, staining the sheets beneath him. The burns would without a doubt leave nasty scars on his fragile frame. Lastly, his ribs seemed to cave inwards a bit too much... He begged for his eyes to be deceiving him. Yet through all the trauma Kokichi endured his chest still weakly rose and fell, grasping onto the thread of life.
After hurriedly confirming Kokichi's identity he waited for the doctors to begin helping Kokichi to recover. Yet both remained where they were. "So now that I have confirmed that he is Kokichi, you are going to start helping him, right?" Shuichi asked, anxiety haunting his words.
"We are deeply sorry, but we believe it's best to let him pass," One of the doctors softly spoke. This made Shuichi's heart plummet inside his chest, he felt like he was going to be sick.
"But you're doctors and he's alive! You should be saving him!" Shuichi countered.
"We understand your concerns, but our scans show he has Hanahaki disease, which is nearing its final stages. Even if we did the surgery to fix the wounds he sustained from the crash, he would merely die a much more painful death shortly after from Hanahaki," The other doctor began to explain. His thoughts became to stir a storm within him once more, sending waves of panic to crash onto him.
With fear controlling his thoughts Shuichi exclaimed "Then do the Hanahaki surgery as well! Just save him!!" Shuichi's voice rose in both volume and pitch, threatening to break into a sob as his eyes struggled to hold back rapids of tears.
"We would, but we need Kokichi's permission to perform that surgery. As you can see he is clearly unable to give us that permission in his current state," The second doctor continued to softly explain.
"He... He.. He's already given permission! He was scheduled to get the surgery later this week, just do the surgery and I'll get the papers he signed from his house while you do it!," Shuichi lied through his teeth, desperate to get the doctors to save Kokichi no matter what it took. Shuichi didn't know where Kokichi lived, and Shuichi knew Kokichi definitely didn't want to get the surgery. He couldn't recall why though, but it didn't matter. The surgery meant Kokichi would stay alive and then they would be able to love and treasure one another till the end of time
Uncertainty was etched onto both of the doctors faces. They both sceptically looked at one another before nodding and asking Shuichi to leave the room so Kokichi could be prepared for surgery. They cautioned him about the dangers associated with both surgeries required for Kokichi, particularly the Hanahaki procedure. They emphasised the uncertainty surrounding Kokichi's survival, acknowledging that there were no guarantees. But Shuichi didn't care, even if it was a point one percent the surgery could save Kokichi he would take that risk for Kokichi. He would make it up to Kokichi and soon, so soon, they would get their happily ever after. The one Kokichi deserved most.
Hope and fear intertwined; his heart was burdened by the impotent wait during Kokichi's surgery. The feeling was eating him alive, he just wanted to be there for Kokichi more than ever. Yet all he could do was wait; wait with the unnerving feeling he's forgotten something of immense importance...
Helplessness: yearning to aid, yet bound by the unyielding grip of powerlessness
* * *
It had been two days since Kokichi's surgery now. In silence, Shuichi sat faithfully next to his sleeping beauty, eagerly waiting for his love to awaken. Despite sleep plaguing his own body, Shuichi refused to give in. He had to be there, awake and by Kokichi's side when he woke up. It was the least he could do for him, a gesture of new devotion to his beloved. A miracle must've been bestowed upon Kokichi as the surgery went smoothly, not even one complication arose. Now he just sat in silence, ecstatic for Kokichi to wake up so he could confess his love to him.
During his wait he constantly daydreamed about the future he and Kokichi would have together. Although sometimes he wondered if he was acting too immature, his fantasies undeniably also made him feel an abundance of happiness and excitement for the endless possibilities that lay ahead.
It was while he was day-dreaming the a hundred and one ways their engagement might be like, was when Kokichi began to stir and wake up from his slumber. "Shit my body feels like it's been hit by a truck... wait where am I?" Kokichi grumbled.
Shuichi immediately yelps his name and pulls him into a hug, holding back tears. Kokichi stiffens in response and awkwardly pats his back "Yeah that's me" he hesitantly adds "Shuichi?".
"Yeah, it's me. Shuichi. Look I am so so sorry, you didn't deserve how I treated you at all. I'm sorry I rejected your confession—your love. I promise I'll make it up to you, I was wrong I do love you Kokichi. I'm ready to be in a relationship with you. I love you so much, you mean the world to me now. I was so scared I was going to lose you.. but you're here! And alive! I'm so sorry, but I realised I love you so much. I love you, Kokichi Ouma, and I always will!" Shuichi poured all of his love for Kokichi into his confession. But the response he got was not one he had anticipated... Kokichi shoved him away. The sight that met his eyes shattered his hopes—a frigid expression etched upon Kokichi's face, colder than an arctic gust. It was a look of detachment and distance, devoid of the warmth and affection Shuichi had grown accustomed to. In that heart-wrenching moment, it felt as if an icy grip clenched around Shuichi's heart, squeezing it mercilessly.
Kokichi's words cut through the air, and with each syllable, Shuichi's heart plummeted further into the depths of despair. The world around him seemed to dim, and it would never regain its original light.
"what are you on about...? I've never liked you, let alone loved you."
That's when Shuichi coughed up his first petal.
~ 2168 words ~