Two days had passed and you and Randy were constantly in and out of the studio. You had hardly seen Roman anywhere, and Milton was constantly hanging around. You and Randy were stuck sitting around waiting for a detective when you heard it.
"Gale Weathers! Oh my god," Jennifer cheered.
You and Randy turned to look, and saw the face of the devil herself. Next to her was the woman who was constantly pretending to be her when she wasn't behaving like a toddler. Gale ignored Jennifer, and continued power walking her way through the studio like she owned the place.
But that did not deter Jennifer.
"I- listen, I know we've never met..." Jennifer trailed off. "And I don't mind you never returning any of my calls, but I have to tell you: after two films, I feel like I am in your mind!"
"Well, that would explain my constant headaches," Gale quipped.
"You know, I'm sorry things didn't work out on 60 minutes. But 'Total Entertainment', that's a pretty good fallback!"
"Thanks. I'm sorry things didn't work out with Brad Pitt, but being single's a pretty good fallback," Gale sassed.
"Gives me more time for my work," Jennifer stated, brushing off the insult. "After all, Gale Weathers! You're such a complex character!"
"And I'm sure she's glad to be played by an actress of such depth and range," you quickly cut in. "But I need to borrow Ms. Weathers for a moment. Randal needs her."
And with that, you grabbed Gale's arm and dragged her back over to where Randy was standing, still waiting for a detective. He had been displeased by the thought of being near the woman who monetized your constant tragedies and made herself out to be the main character, but you had managed to persuade him. Everyone needed Jennifer to shut up sometimes.
But before you could fully help Gale to escape (and potentially end up on her good side), someone else had to step in. Because at this point in time, as her body guard, wherever Jennifer went Deputy Riley was contractually obligated to follow.
"Jennifer, Markus said you wanted to... Gale," he greeted with a nod and a scowl.
"Dewey," Ms. Weathers replied in a far more chippy tone.
"Well surprise surprise, somebody died and Gale comes running," Dewey stated angrily.
The two began to bicker back and forth about Jennifer's character, and Gale's general disposition. You looked over to Randy with a silent plea for help, yet he just smirked at you. He was quietly mocking you from where he stood. You could practically hear him screaming at you 'I told you so.'
You'd kick his ass for it later.
But for now, you had to focus on getting away from the two adults who couldn't even hold a civil conversation with one another. And the universe thought they'd be good together for eternity... they could hardly handle each other for 30 seconds! Although, you were stuck with two raging psychopaths who constantly threatened to kill you and all the people around you, so maybe the system was a bit flawed...
You finally made it back to Randy, when he pointed back over at Gale.
"Right when I thought there was enough drama for today," he muttered.
Looking at where he was pointing, you saw Tom walking straight up towards you both, the little infant in his arms. Apparently Randy hadn't had a chance to tell him about the 'no more bringing a baby to set' rule. He was cursing out Gale as he shoved the kid into your arms, before composing himself and marching right over to the news anchor.
"He's probably gonna chew her out for that report she did on that one crash he was in," Randy told you.
"Yeah, but now I'm stuck with Nameless Child. Again."
"Why don't you take Crotch Fruit outside? They'll probably have a lower chance of getting upset where there's less people and madness," Randy suggested.
"Okay. But I thought I told you to stop calling them a crotch fruit," you said.
"And my response is: I don't care. The kid's a crotch fruit."
You made your way outside, and alerted some of the police officers where you were going and why so that it didn't look like you were trying to run away or something. They said it was fine so long as you didn't leave studio property. They took pity on you because the kid was already looking a bit antsy and on the verge of a meltdown.
When you finally stepped outside, everything seemed deathly quiet. It was the middle of the day, but it looked as abandoned as the lot would be at midnight. A major contrast to people running around, screaming, and getting interviewed inside. Like Randy said, it was probably good for the kid to get a break from the madness.
That was when you heard it. Or, to be more accurate, him.
"Why didn't you tell us we were dads?!"
You quickly whipped around to see where the voice had come from. Leaning against the wall to one of the studio buildings was Stu fucking Macher. God, why was it always him?!
Well, at least it wasn't just him this time. Creeping up behind you so he could grab your shoulders so that you couldn't get away was Billy Loomis. And when he grabbed your shoulders, he quickly covered your mouth so you couldn't scream. A neighboring building was flooded with police, and he had no intention of getting caught. And somehow, when you were grabbed and you panicked, you almost dropped Nameless Child.
Seeing this, Stuart couldn't start being a bad dad after knowing the kid less than five minutes! So he lunged forward and grabbed the infant, who was now starting to get real fussy. They were about two seconds or one minor inconvenience away from a total meltdown.
"Hey, calm down, it's alright. Papa's got you," he cooed.
Somehow, by some miracle, Nameless Child calmed right down. In fact, it was too the point where it almost looked like they were going to fall asleep. Both you and Billy stared at the man, dumbfounded.
And now that you were staring at him, you saw just how much he had changed in the past three years. The facial scars had faded a little, but they were still clearly visible. His hair was no longer dyed, and he dressed like a somewhat normal person. Although there were still 'mini stabs' littered about his face. And somehow, by whatever demonic force, he had managed to get taller.
"What, is there something on my face? Or am I just that hot," Stu joked, noticing you both staring.
You tried to talk, but it came out all muffled because of Billy's hand. So the man quickly removed it so you could speak.
"Since when could you of all people handle kids," you asked, bewildered.
"I vividly remember telling you that kids love me," he shrugged. "But where did we even get a kid? What's their name and birthday? What major events have we missed out on already?! God, we have so much time to make up Billy, we-"
"It's not my kid," you interrupted. "They're Tom Prinze's, and no one knows their name. Not even Tom. And I just happen to be his favorite babysitter."
"So... so we're not dads," Stu said dejectedly.
"Look, why are you even here," you interrogated. "All I have to do is scream or shout, and you both go away forever."
And with that, Billy's hand clamped right back over your mouth.
"We've been in the area, getting some money, watching you, the good stuff. And then we saw you with a kid and I got excited," Stu replied. "A kid that... that we don't get to take care of."
"Since when did you want kids," Billy questioned.
"Since forever! They're so small and sweet, and I want at least one. And now I really like this one, and I want to keep it forever."
A/n: I've been seeing a lot of various character x reader things, and I will not lie, I kinda want to give it a shot. But I got the two story lines I want to use with no one to write about, a request for a show I've never seen, and two fandoms with literally 0 demand that I can use to piss off my brother and a friend.
The woes of a person who has practically no social life.