"Young age, learned how to get paid (we gon' get the money)
Big stage, long way from section 8 (ballin' other countries)
Big wave, he gon' have to get saved (big old wave)
Ridin' in the foreign, chiefin' on the forest
I know I wasn't there for you, at least I said I'm sorry
You know what it was, I told you that I was heartless
I'm emotionally scarred, that ain't even your fault
But don't listen to them haters tryna fill your ears with salt."
Lil Baby "Emotionally Scarred"
Nicole
"Nicole, we were about to get some...hibachi." Tae stopped in his tracks in the middle of my doorway as he saw me throwing my jacket on.
"I'll have to take a raincheck on that."
"Where are you going?"
"I have a meeting that I need to attend to." I grabbed my purse and laptop bag. I left my office and went to talk to my personal assistant.
"Shirley, I'm heading out for the day. I'll be working from home for the rest of the week. If anything comes up, just call me. Okay?"
"Yes, ma'am. Enjoy the rest of your day."
"Thank you. You too."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I've just been stressed with work. I'll be fine."
"I'll call you later to check on you."
"Okay. Take care of yourself." I exited out the back door and hopped into my car. When I was about to pull out of the parking lot, somebody jumped in front of my car.
What the h*ll?
"Nicole!" I put the car in park and rolled down my window.
"Alfonso, what are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to see if we could talk."
"I'm actually heading somewhere. Maybe we can talk another time."
"Nicole, I don't want to overstep my boundaries but what concerns Omari concerns me. Your silence is killing him."
"I don't know what you want me to say. I'm just not ready to talk about everything."
"If you don't hate him, can you at least tell him that?"
"I'll think about it." I drove off.
I stopped by McDonalds to get a medium caramel frappe. I also bought a deluxe sandwich with pepper jack cheese and large waffle fries from Chick-fil-A before getting on the highway.
I prayed for this pregnancy to go easy on me, but morning sickness has been kicking my *ss. My OB said it should clear up by the time I enter my second trimester so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Even though Dewayne doesn't complain, I know he hates waking up to the sound of me hurling in the bathroom. Every time it happens, he comes to rub my back and help me brush my teeth. I really love how this man takes care of me.
I don't think any of our friends suspect that I'm pregnant. Tucson did have a hosting last week that almost got me caught up. They were passing out shots, and I turned around to give the cup to one of my fans. Tucson did not believe me when I said I took it until my supporter vouched for me. She was a real one for that.
I had to leave the house really early this morning to make sure I got the photos and videos done for my upcoming nude palette collection. I did my thing, but my mind could only focus on this place I'm about to go to.
Spelman College.
After receiving the shock of my life from the woman I believed was my birth mother, I decided to do a little digging.
I found a couple of Gloria Campbells in Georgia, but there was one who looked about the right age. She's an English professor and one of the cofounders of the survivor support group on campus. I found a syllabus on CourseHero from this semester that lists her office hours.
Today's the day we'll come face to face. We'll see how it goes.
I also did a little research on my sperm donor. A few days after Gloria left the home she shared with him, Damian was found dead in the apartment.
According to the police report, the police didn't suspect any foul play because of all of the drugs they discovered around the apartment. It was ruled an accidental overdose. That feels a little suspicious to me because if he was a long time drug addict, he would know how much to take without killing himself.
Was it really an accident? Did he do it on purpose? Or did someone take him out? Like Gloria...
When I arrived on campus, I made my way over to the Academic Center where her office was located. I walked down the hall until I reached a receptionist desk in the middle of a cluster of offices. The one with Gloria's name and title had the door closed shut.
I turned to the woman at the desk.
"Hi. How are you?"
"I'm doing well. How can I help you?"
"Is Professor Campbell in?"
"Yes. She just stepped out, but she should be back in a minute. Are you one of her students?"
"No, I'm...I'm an old friend. I just wanted to surprise her. We haven't seen each other in a long time."
"I'm sure she will love that. Oh, there she is."
"Is there a problem Melissa?"
"No. This young woman says she's here to see you." Gloria turned to me and she looked like a deer in headlights. Her LinkedIn profile picture didn't do her any justice. She's really beautiful. We shared the same nose, eyes, and lips.
"Nicole."
"It's me."
"Why don't we step into my office?" She opened her office door and ushered me in. "Have a seat."
"Thank you. I guess you know who I am."
"I do. The first time I saw you do an interview on the local news a couple years ago, I had a feeling that you were who I thought you were. Seeing you in a commercial with Diane confirmed everything."
"So, you knew that we were in the same city and never reached out. Why?"
"I would have been opening a can of worms. You've grown into a successful, beautiful woman. You looked at peace and had parents who loved you. I doubted that they told you about me. I didn't want to ruin anything."
"Why did you give me up?"
"I gave you up because I was in a terrible situation with your father. I wanted you to have a better life and I wanted to be able to get myself together without anything tying me down. At first, I felt guilty about relinquishing my rights to you but I knew God would make a way for you."
"Did you ever think about me before you saw me on tv?"
"I did. Every time I saw mothers playing with their babies at the park or peep through the windows of children's clothing stores, I thought of what could have been. I said a prayer for you every night. I prayed that you found a good home with Diane and Omari. They were good people."
"They are. My parents are great."
"That's good."
"Do you have any kids now?"
"Yes, three. My husband and I have two boys and a girl." I noticed a picture frame on her desk.
"Wow. So, you were able to create your perfect family?"
"Nicole, it's not like that."
"You don't have to explain. I honestly don't know why I came."
"Nicole, you may not believe it but I owe my life to you. Your existence gave me a second chance. How I would have loved to raise you, but it wouldn't have been fair to you if I brought you into a world of uncertainty. I loved you enough to let you go."
"Did you ever see Damian again?"
"No, I left and never turned back. Once you were in safe hands and I packed up the few things I had, I returned home to my mother."
"I saw that he overdosed."
"Yeah. I guess he finally went too far."
"Are you sure about that?" She didn't utter a word, but her silence confirmed my suspicions. "That's what I thought."
"I don't regret anything I did. I made sure he wouldn't come after us or hurt any other woman again."
"Does your family know about me?"
"I told my mother that I had a miscarriage. As for my husband and kids, they don't know anything. I wanted to bring it up in the beginning of our relationship, but I was afraid of how he would react. But now that you're here, maybe we can—."
"No." I shook my head.
"What?"
"I think it'll be better if we don't try to pursue a relationship. It's nothing against you. I've just realized that we're in two different worlds and that's probably how God wanted it to be. I'm not really sure what I came to achieve today, but at this moment, I feel like I have closure."
"If that's how you feel, I understand. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you."
"Mommy, mommy, mommy!" A little girl burst into the room wearing her school uniform and a hello kitty backpack. An older woman followed close behind.
"Hey, baby girl."
"Gloria, I'm sorry. Melissa told me that you were with someone, but this little lady didn't want to wait."
"It's okay Mom. We were about to wrap up."
3 generations in a room and they don't even know it.
"Who is that? She's pretty."
"She's, she's um—."
"I'm an old friend. I'm Nicole."
"Hi, I'm Ariana."
"It's nice to meet you Ariana."
"Nicole, this is my daughter and my mother."
"Nice to meet you ma'am."
"An old friend?" Her mother raised a brow.
"Yes Mom. Is it so hard to believe I have friends?"
"No, it's not that. If I didn't know how many kids I had, I would have easily thought you two were sisters. The resemblance is crazy."
"Really? I don't really see it."
"Neither do I."
"Why did you say old friend? You don't look like Grandma."
"Old also means someone you've known for a really long time."
"Oh."
"I should get going. I'm sure y'all want to get home. Thank you for everything Gloria. I wish you and your family the best."
"Good luck to you Nicole." I smiled and waved.
This will always be her little secret.
She finally has the life she wanted. Why ruin that by revealing our connection? Sometimes you have to let sleeping dogs lie.
Despite the decisions Gloria made, she probably did the best thing for the both of us. Imagine if she would have kept. There would have been three possible outcomes: I would have grown up in an abusive household with Damian and Gloria, Damian would have killed Gloria leaving me in his care, or Gloria would have ran away with me and had to live with looking over her shoulder. I mean, I turned out all right. I have Diane as the only mother I've ever known and Omari back in my life as my father.
At this point, I don't want to be arguing with anyone or angry with anybody. I'm not mad at the parents I've always known. I just didn't want to be living in the dark.
As I walked to my car, I checked my phone to see 20 missed calls from Dewayne. Damn.
I called him back and he answered after the first ring.
"Nic, are you trying to make me have a heart attack?"
"No."
"I called the office, Tae, Tucson, and the rest of the guys but no one knew where you went or when you were coming back."
"I'm sorry for getting you worried. I went to see Gloria."
"Gloria who? Like GloRilla? You rapping now?"
"No, my birth mother Gloria." Silence overtook the phone.
"How did it go?"
"It was fine. Better than expected. I thought I would have been crying all over the place, but I'm fine."
"Why didn't you tell me? I would have came to support you."
"It's not fair to you that I've been putting my problems on you. It's emotionally draining."
"I don't care bout that. Look, let me come get you."
"No, it's okay. I'm on my way home."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'll be there soon."
"Okay. Drive safe. I love you Nic."
"I love you too Dewayne." I sent him kisses through the phone before ending the call. I sighed, stropping in my tracks. I looked around the landscape, watching the students walk by and I saw Gloria, Ariana, and her mother walking in the opposite direction.
Who knows? Maybe we'll cross paths again. As it stands, the same blood may be running through our veins, but we're just complete strangers.
I hopped inside my car, slipping off my heels. I looked in the front seat for my sandals but couldn't find them. I drove home. When I was turning into the driveway, I saw Dewayne and my Dad sitting on the porch.
After I parked in the empty spot, I got out the car with my bag and heels in hand.
"You okay? What happened to your shoes?" Dewayne kissed me.
"Nothing. My feet started to hurt. I thought I had my flats in the car, but they might be in my other car."
"You need me to carry you inside?"
"As much as I would love that, I think I need to have a conversation with my Dad." I saw him standing on the steps with his hands in his pockets.
"I'll give you guys some privacy." Dewayne took my things, kissed my forehead, and went inside.
"Thank you."
"Hi Dad."
"Hi baby girl." He embraced me. I felt myself tearing up a little as we hugged.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize. Your reaction and feelings were valid."
"I guess you and Alfonso can go ahead and find a surrogate, so you can have your own child."
"Nicole, I would never do that."
"I promise I won't be mad."
"Baby girl, just stop. I don't care what a DNA test or anybody says, you will always be mine, my daughter, my princess. You're the only reason I made it in prison. I wanted to be able to get released and have the opportunity to be in your life. I am your father. You can come to be for anything. Whether you need advice, a shoulder to lean on or a reminder that you're a beautiful and phenomenal woman, I'll be right here. I love you with everything in me."
"I love you too Dad."
"You're the only child I would ever want and need."
"Can I get that writing?" We laughed.
"Speaking of Alfonso, he told me how you almost ran him over today."
"That is not true." I covered my face. "He thought he was Spider-Man jumping in front of my car like that."
"I told him not to go there and to give you space."
"It really shows how much that man loves you."
"I think Dewayne has him beat in how much he loves you."
"I'm really lucky, huh?"
"You sure are. You hungry?"
"Not really." I'm more thirsty than anything.
"What if I told you Dewayne and I cooked?"
"You're lying."
"Nope, we made your favorite."
"What are we waiting for?"
*************************************************
Dewayne
I filled a cup with crushed ice before shutting off the kitchen light and going upstairs. When I got to the bedroom, Nic looked up from her phone. I smirked, seeing her lying down with her legs crossed.
I placed my cup on the dresser before making my way over to her. I hopped on the bed and grabbed her ankles to spread her legs.
I climbed over her and grabbed her phone.
"What you got going on?" She asked me.
"Wait for it." I opened up Spotify and pulled up Sexyy Red. Once the song I was looking for started playing, Nicole looked at me in shock.
I followed Sexyy's command and shook my dreads in my baby's face.
"Dewayne!" Nic giggled. "I can't. I feel like I'm going to pee on myself."
"How'd I do?"
"That was so random, but it was perfect. It was low key sexy as f*ck. I know you usually keep your hair up when we're in bed, but maybe we can switch it up." She bit her lip.
"I like the sound of that. Your wish is my command." I kissed her.
"But I really need to pee though."
"My bad." I got up and held out my hand to help her up. She handled her business and then stood at the sink to wash her hands. She had on her pink nightie from Waydamin with no panties on.
I wrapped my arms around her belly.
"Doesn't it look like I'm starting to poke out a bit?"
"A little bit. I love it."
She put her back against my chest, putting her hands on top on mine as I placed my head on her shoulder. I admired her in the mirror as we looked at our reflection.
"What are you thinking about?"
"How safe I feel in your arms. Thank you for being here through all of this."
"I will always be here for you every step of the way. I love you."
"I love you more."
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