"We come into the world worse for the wear. But the wars of our fathers are not ours to bear."
Chapter Theme Song: 'Are You With Me' by Nilu.
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Ashton
I had nothing to lose. Absolutely nothing. My adoptive parents didn't want me. And the people before and after them didn't want me either. So, if I were to shed blood and be caught...it didn't matter at all.
And so as Amelia McKay stood in front of me with that innocent gleam in her eyes and that frown etched upon her face, my trembling fingers reached the tip of the knife snuggled in the back pocket of my navy trousers. The navy trousers that didn't quite match the black jacket I wore because, Erwin, didn't care enough to buy me things and I didn't fancy jackets and trousers because what sense did it make to own dinner suits when you only served at diners and worked at under-paid delivery joints?
But then as I began to pull the shiny blade up, her hand reached out suddenly as she trailed the tiny set of fingers down the side of my hair, and I froze.
"It's okay..." She whispered so tenderly I felt goosebumps pepper my flesh. I stared at her. "Someday...everything will make perfect sense." And then she smiled, so brightly her entire face lit up and little holes formed in her cheeks and all she needed now was a bright halo above her head. Her smile triggered something inside of me. Then my vision began to blur and my head went fuzzy with one of those same old painful memories.
A little girl, my big sister, sitting on the old tattered mat, her eyes big with care and her lips pursed tightly as she stroked the side of my hair. Then her lips pulled back in a big grin as she said: Don't worry. Someday, it will all make perfect sense. You're too young now.
"Ah..." I held my chest as a sharp pain struck right through my beating organ, stealing my breath for a moment. I backed up against the wall, panting. Amelia stepped closer to me, but I didn't want her near me. I reached a hand out. "Don't. Don't come near me."
That frown again. Deeper this time. She reminded me of her. Too much. "Why? What's happening, Ash?"
Don't call me that!
"Nothing. I just don't like your perfume..." I sputtered, and her face morphed into embarrassment. She smelled herself, and I pushed past her, stumbling out of the room and to the bathroom down the hall. I slammed the door behind me and pressed my hands against the edge of the sink, breathing through my nose. My chest tightened, then loosened, then tightened again, and I flipped the tap on to wash my face.
"Come back to your senses, come back to your senses, Ashton..."
I swallowed to moisten my parched throat and lifted my head to the mirror, watching the droplets as they slid down my face, shimmering beneath the pale lights above my head. I reached for the glasses I rested on the sink and put them on again. My jaw flexed. "Come back to your senses. It doesn't matter if she reminds you of her. She left you anyway..."
The reminder hardened my heart like heated gold, and I tipped my chin, smelling the awful stench of blood again. It didn't matter if she reminded me of my sister. It didn't matter at all. They were two different sides of the same coin.
I stepped out of the bathroom and returned downstairs. I needed fresh air, and I needed it now. The raw scent was still ever alive and I just couldn't bear it. I stepped out onto the chilly foyer, and chattering coming from the left of me pulled my attention immediately.
The McKay brothers, Amelia, another boy, and two other girls were gathered at the outside hammock. It was a bit dark with only the moonlight, the backyard bulbs, and one of the triplets' white phone lights. Khalil. I knew because his hair was gelled back from when I saw him earlier. When he and Amelia were whispering in the bathroom almost like two lovebirds. I wondered if their parents knew. How weird their relationship was. I was sure that what he felt for her wasn't an ordinary, sibling love.
His head was in his cellphone while a girl was leaning against his shoulder, trailing her hand down his hair. Occasionally, he'd frown a bit, like when she touched his face or fiddled with the collar of his shirt like a dog in heat. And Amelia was standing next to Kanan, but her eyes were on Khalil and the girl he was with.
"Didn't think you'd come, though. Haven't seen you in so long." Uttered the dark-skinned guy wearing black shirt and trousers but I didn't know who he was aiming at. All the boys were dressed in black, except Khalil, who had on a white dress shirt and bow tie, his jacket missing, unlike the other two brothers.
"What? Thought I'd be locked away in my room overdosing on PTSD pills?" A blonde-haired girl in a pink short dress said, "Don't dream about it."
Amelia looked down from her, hugging herself.
"Jada, come on. Let's not fight." Kanan smiled. "I just want us all to live in peace for once. Get along."
"Get along? I'll tie a rope around my neck and jump from a chair before I get along with you demons. You boys are a bunch of psychos!"
Khalil's eyes slid off his phone. The girl next to him straightened in her stance, the statement no doubt intriguing her. And it intrigued me as well. What did they do?
"What does she mean by this?" Khalil's girl acquaintance asked, and he sighed and swung his face towards her.
"You know Jacob Whitaker?"
She nodded and said: "Yeah, I-I've heard of his death."
Of course she did. It stank at Sade Rose.
"He was her brother. She thinks we were the ones who did something to him."
Jada scoffed and crossed her arms against her chest, but her back was to me so I couldn't tell what her expression was like. "I can't believe this. I don't think you guys did something to him. I know you guys did something to him. You're fucking monsters! You all are!"
Amelia kept her head down in the dark, cradling herself as though she was cold. She didn't seem to be okay. And Khalil glanced over at her before he said through gritted teeth:
"Could you go somewhere else with your emotional breakdown? You're affecting people."
Kanan sighed and sat upright on the hammock he was swinging on. "Jada," He brushed his hands enthusiastically. "Let's play a game."
"Play with yourself, you narcissistic, psychopathic, asshole! You're all going to hell! Fucking hell! YOU'RE GOING TO BURN IN HELL FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BROTHER!"
Khalil closed his eyes. "Go away."
Amelia turned into the shadows where I couldn't see her face anymore, and Khalil's female acquaintance had looked terrified as she peered among the brothers as though she were standing with aliens.
"You're all going to pay! You're all going to pay for what you did to him!"
"Lily...can you go get me some wine?" Khalil looked at the girl next to him, and she stood there hesitantly. It was either the story scared her or she just didn't want to miss the drama. Either way, she didn't want to move. This undoubtedly pissed Khalil off. "Lily."
"Yeah, I-I'll go get it..." She walked off, and Kanan sighed.
"Jada..." He opened his arms wide, "Come here..."
"You'll get what's coming one day!" She yelled. "I am sure of it! I'll be there to witness it and I'll laugh!" Her voice was raw and scratchy, like someone who hadn't talked in days. "Fucking hell, I'll laugh so bloody much! Just watch!"
Keegan, the quiet brother, was just staring at her blankly, blinking with no hint of care on his face.
"I'll be honest, I didn't like Jacob..." Kanan said, "but I like you, Jada. And when you act like this...it bothers me. You're very beautiful. Inside and out. It was just your brother who was rotten..."
She shook her head in disbelief. "You're going to be punished by the heavens...just watch. And you Amelia..."
Amelia turned to look at her. She looked scared.
"You're just as fucking rotten as they are!"
Keegan narrowed his eyes and Kanan's smile wilted before it returned. Khalil put his phone in his back pocket. "Leave Amelia out of this."
"You're going down along with them. I don't give a fuck if you're adopted."
Adopted. The reminder struck me hard...
Yes, Erwin said that...
And then I began to remember the flashes I would have whenever we came in contact. Could it be...? No. No way.
I shook my head rapidly. Could never be. The world wasn't this small. Coincidences didn't happen this way. It just wasn't possible.
"Apparently, you're so desperate to fit in with the rich that you'd protect these three assholes. I'm sure you're all fucking her too!"
Kanan looked down, his smile completely gone. Khalil looked frozen as though he'd just heard that the world would end tomorrow. And Keegan, he squared his shoulders and said:
"Move."
I straightened my stance for this one.
The girl's head turned towards him, and so did everything else.
"I said...move. Before you piss me off." His glare grew dark under his glasses, and Kanan bent his lips, standing from the hammock.
"My brother can get quite...over the top when he's angry. Which is rare..." He approached her while Khalil was staring at Keegan with a weird expression. "So, to avoid his violent outburst, it's best you call it a night, Jada..." He smiled and reached out for her arm. "We can always pick up next time..."
"Fuck off." She dodged him and hurried towards the house, and I pushed my body more behind the statue, but she saw me anyway as she rounded the garden. She slowed down, eyed me in the dark, but kept it moving in palpable anger.
I looked back at the group, where Khalil was standing in front of Amelia now, looking worried. His two brothers watched on warily.
Then the sound of crunching gravel and a pale white light covered the yard. I pushed my head in as the estate was much brighter now. I looked back with squinted eyes, easily making out the old chipped-up truck parking by the driveway. Erwin.
I rolled my eyes. I told him I didn't need him to come. I didn't know why he couldn't just bugger the hell off. He was working for his own demise. Overtime too. Because I was sure that if he kept pissing me off, I'd be sketching his favourite lucky skull chain next.
I made my way towards him in annoyance as he leaned against the side of his truck, lighting up one of his disgusting cigarettes with his washed-out boots and loud Hawaiian shirt. Leave it to him to prove how unbefitting we were with the likes of these people.
But before I could even reach him, a man breezed past me, walking fast with this girl trailing behind him. They smelled like clean clothes and money. I realised in no time that it was Jada and presumably her father. A closer look revealed that it was that feisty-looking man--Mr. Whitaker. I assumed that was his name.
Oh. It made perfect sense now.
I stopped in my tracks and watched as they made their way towards this matte black Mercedes, parked at the corner, and Erwin glanced over at them, then leaned off his truck with the cancer stick hanging between his lips. Deep down I prayed that his lungs would shrivel up before I punctured them myself.
"Goodnight, Mr. Whitaker!" Erwin grinned, waving his wrinkled fingers.
I cocked my head to the side. What was he doing?
The man and his daughter stopped, his hand rested on the backseat's handle while he gawked at my adoptive father. I sighed.
Jada looked from her father to Erwin as my godforsaken guardian began to move towards them, his hands stuffed into his pockets. He removed one to tuck the stick between his fingers and waved it around. "Nice ride you got there."
"Is there an issue?" Mr. Whitaker scrunched his face in what seemed like impatience, but his voice was almost lifeless.
"I just thought you and I could have a talk. Man to man."
"I am sorry, I am busy..." As he turned to open the door, Erwin gave out:
"Jumping into the lake, hitting his head on a rock. I'll just follow the fireflies..." He grinned as the man froze like a mannequin. "Sounds a bit made up, don't you think?"
What the hell was the little geezer up to?
Jada crossed her arms and squinted her eyes at my adoptive father.
"I don't know about you...but if it were my son...I'd have done something about it..." He took a noisy drawl and sighed through his nose, "Are you just going to let it all go?"
"What are you trying to say?" Jada questioned, but her father waved her away.
"Get inside the car." His aghast eyes never left Erwin as he opened the door for her, and she began to get in while Erwin grinned and cocked his head behind the man to wave to his daughter goofily.
She cut her eyes off him and skeptically slid into the backseat, and I began to walk towards them, trying to put an end to whatever Erwin was doing. He was in some way messing with my plan. Wheeling himself into the Jacob Whitaker case made me irritated. If the boys were to be penalised by the law, that'd no doubt create a hindrance to what I have planned.
"What are you talking about?" Mr. Whitaker demanded, "Talk straight."
"What is going on?" I was there now, but Erwin ignored me completely and jerked his head to the house in response to Whitaker's question.
"What are you going to do about the boys? I know you know it wasn't just an accident. Teamwork...makes the dream work, innit? I think we both have mutual interests."
Mr. Whitaker sized him up from head to toe. I looked down at the pavement, grinding my teeth so hard my temples hurt. Then the man scoffed, vapour pouring through his mouth and nose as though he took Erwin as a big ole joke, and Erwin smiled with cracked lips and a breath reeked of cigarette.
Mr. Whitaker pointed his head to the house. "Look inside there. Top of the top doctors and lawyers and politicians. It's a den in there. And I am a part of it. So, what can a man with a beat-up old truck and washed-out Khakis offer me?"
I eyed the man under my lashes.
Erwin laughed and took a drag again. "Oh ye of little faith..." That was meant to be a joke but no one laughed. "The world is built for the rich on the back of the poor. The skints you guys frown upon have built this world with our own dirty hands and hard labour, while the upper-heads sit in high chairs, looking pretty. It has always been this way. Don't you think the scums when united can take back what is ours? You are no different, remember where you're coming from..."
Mr. Whitaker shifted in his stance, narrowing his gaze at my adoptive father, perhaps wondering how he knew so much.
"Who do you think is the most dangerous? A man who is hungry, or a man who knows hunger and is afraid to go back there? You and me, we are half a whole, Mr. Whitaker. I know what we'll do together will be no less than the things you've done before to be where you are. Things Mr. McKay still has over your head..."
Mr. Whitaker shuffled in the cold, guilt marring his face.
Erwin held up his hands, "No judgement. But don't worry...we won't be taking his way. You cover me in high places...and I'll handle the streets. No one knows the streets like I do."
"Erwin," I said, but he ignored me once again and beamed at the man like a creepy conman.
"What do you say we join hands?"
"No. There is nothing you can do to help me," the man replied, and I inwardly smiled, "and there is nothing I can do to help you. Have a good night."
"Way-way-wait..." Erwin gripped his arm, and the knife in my back pocket felt more uncomfortable. "At least, take my number; I wrote it down for you." He fished around his pocket, the sound of candy wrappers and Lord knows what else mixing in the air as the man screwed his face up impatiently. He took out a piece of paper and extended it to Mr. Whitaker, but the man just ogled it in hesitance. Erwin snickered and slid it into his shirt pocket, grinning and patting the white flat pouch. "I hope you change your mind..."
"Unfortunately..." Mr. Whitaker practically brushed his hand off, "I won't be changing my mind..."
He walked away towards his car, his daughter peeking over the passenger seat, and Erwin laughed under his pungent breath with his tongue sweeping over his gold teeth. "He'll come back, won't he, Ashton? He'll come back. He'll call me for sure..."
I cut my eyes off the man I was dying to murder and moved towards the truck. He hurried to catch up with me, dropping his bud by the garden. "Gathered anything about the McKay family?"
"No," I snapped, but he was too excited to call out my 'disrespectful' tone. "If you hadn't come, maybe I might have had..." I climbed up into the passenger seat, flattening my arm on my nose when the awful stench of stale fish sprung up. He got in next to me while I scoured the truck for the source.
"You're right. I shouldn't have come so early. But at least..." He threw me a smile, "It wasn't in vain..." He danced in his seat, his pocketknife riding up from between his leather belt, the handle getting tangled in his white wife-beater before untangling again. And I looked away and out the window, watching as the car tore away from the driveway.
Nothing happened that night because I didn't want it to. But I couldn't be so sure it would be that way next time. Time was ticking. I don't know why, but it just was. These boys and their sister couldn't be taken down by the law or by anyone else... only by me.
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Khalil
Morning came and I was tangled into the arms of Amelia, the perfect scent of her hair massaging my nose, and her warm body pressed against mine. The day before was tormenting because it had hurt me deeply to see her with William. I couldn't bear it. I almost lost my cool half of the night, and sinful thoughts I couldn't quite keep away kept surfacing in my head.
As she laid there asleep, my eyes travelled down to her legs. Her nightie had ridden up, showing parts of her smooth thighs. Her peach socks stopped at her ankles, hiding her feet, but from there upwards was a stretch of spotless skin that glowed so beautifully under the pallid morning sun. The birds were out, the pigeons making their own morning greetings around the barn. It was still. No wind. But she was cold, judging by the way she curled into herself. Or maybe...she was still uneasy about the two of us sleeping together like this...even in her sleep.
The thought made me sigh as I reached for the tip of the duvet, bringing it up and over us. But then she stretched out her limbs and kicked the sheet away, splaying her legs in deep slumber. And my eyes, unintentionally settled on her lower half. Her dress was above her hips now, revealing thin white panties with a bow at the waistband. So erotic my cheeks tinged a bright red. I flipped over on my back and blinked at the ceiling.
"Amelia..." I sighed and blindly reached down for the duvet, trying to bring it over her, but she kicked at it again and flung her leg across my thigh. I stiffened...and something else did too.
Her cheek was pressed against my heart, her small hand poised on my chest. I breathed through my lips and looked down at her. She was sleeping innocently, her plump lips pursed together, even a drip of drool trailed along the corner of them. Yet she still looked so perfect.
And I began to remember what Jada said about me and my brothers 'fucking' her. The thought angered me because imagine Kanan and Keegan being with Amelia sexually. No way. If anyone would be sinning, it'd be me. If I were to ever see Amelia with any of my two brothers that way...I'd probably lose it. Go mad. The image would no doubt fuck my head up. And maybe I'd fuck them up too because of it...
Drive holes through their heads for driving their dicks through who belongs to me...
I shook my head and tried to lift her off me, but she stirred a bit again as her eyes fluttered open. She stared out the window with swollen, sleepy eyes before she slightly brought her head up and settled them on me. They were a brighter brown in the morning, appearing as though a whole world lived inside them. And there was a whole world inside them. Where she saw a dead boy...
I smiled a bit, and she stared at me. Then she must have felt a wave of cold breeze on her bum because her hand flew to the back of her as she felt around. No dress, just underwear. Her dress was bunched beneath her. She reddened like an Elmo doll and rolled over onto her back, gaping at the ceiling, soft, pink lips parted.
There was silence, the sound of early morning nature filling the void. Then her mouth separated.
"D-did you see?" She whispered, and I nodded against the pillow.
"White panties."
"Khalil!" She whisper-yelled, even redder now like apples long past their picking seasons, and I laughed. But not too loud to pull attention to us.
"Then sleep better next time!" I said and grabbed her arm, pulling her so her back was to my chest, and I felt her smile. Lately, she felt tinier than the way she was before...and it made my smile falter.
"You feel hot..." She whispered after a while, "As usual..."
I grinned and mimicked her soft tone. "And you're cold...as usual..."
"I am not..."
"You are..."
"I am not."
"You are..." I buried my face into her neck. "I am hot, you're cold...perfect juxtaposition."
Then down the hallway, we heard the slamming of a door. Her body went rigid, and I moved away from her fast and got off the bed, pulling my pants up my waist. "I-I have to go back to my room."
She sat upright and nodded rapidly, her eyes looking duller than before.
I made my way towards the door, but stopped in my tracks and swung to her. She watched me with one of the shoulders of her nightie limp along her arm.
"I...I don't like Lily..."
She caved into her shoulders, like when someone was just caught red-handed. Like I had found out something she was trying to keep hidden. She looked down.
"I really don't. The whole time she was with me, I kept thinking about..." I trailed off and sighed. "W-We'll talk later..."
"I have to go to the doctor and then William's...maybe...you won't see me until tonight..."
My heart slammed against my ribcage and I swallowed loudly. "Okay."
Without meeting my gaze again, she rolled over onto her side and stared at the wall.
Fucking William. Fucking Meredith. Fucking Kai. Fucking rules and society. Fucking morals.
I turned away, running a hand through my hair as I cracked the door open. I peered up and down the hallway before stepping out of her room, quietly shutting the door behind me. Had it not been for puberty and the fear my parents had of walking in on me masturbating to HD porn with bad actresses, they'd have already known that I didn't sleep in my room at night. They'd book my sessions again after my father drove a bullet through my eyes, then there wouldn't be a need for the therapist anymore.
As I made my way towards my room, a voice said:
"Slept well?"
I stopped in my tracks and turned to see Kanan. He was still shirtless with black pants covering his lower half and a jar of frogs in his hand. He looked where my eyes were focused and shrugged. "Oh. It stops me from aiming for the rabbits."
I eyed the plated-back insects that were cramped lifeless in water.
"Sometimes...you have to let them play a bit first. Let them think all is well...and then bam. You strike. It makes you a god, doesn't it?"
My chest tightened, but I blew my lips out and straightened my back. I managed to force a smile. One I hoped didn't showcase how terrified I was of him. "I think that makes you psychotic instead of a god..."
He laughed, biting his lips. "Ah, it does, doesn't it? Oh well, we can't all be normal, can we?" He stared into my eyes with a grin before opening the door to his room, entering, and shutting the door behind him. My shoulders dropped as I released the breath I was holding.
Feed the monster and feed it well... so that it won't turn on you.
I took a much-needed shower and got rid of the facial hair that was stealthily growing on my chin. I even...rubbed one out to Amelia because I didn't want to spend all day lusting over her white panties. I didn't want to desire her that way, so I had to release it so it wouldn't haunt me.
Then as I returned to my room and grabbed my Biology textbook from my bag, the note that Lily gave me last class dropped out. I took up the wrinkled piece of paper and reread the words scribbled in pink, glittery ink.
Meet me around the back of the school, close to the tree. No one sits around there.
I didn't go. Because I knew what she wanted. I was not interested. She didn't think too much of my failure to follow through, though. Lily didn't strike me as someone as pushy as Giselle, but I couldn't be so sure.
She still had something I didn't want her to have. And that was me and Amelia in the bathroom.
As I sat on my bed, the curtains wide open, letting the sunlight through, my father's angered voice sounded from downstairs.
"Khalil! Get down here, now!"
"Fuck." I breathed and threw myself against the bed. "What did I do now?"
"Khalil!"
I got up and tossed my book aside, stepping out of the room and out into the hallway. Kanan was standing at his room door, wondering what the noise was all about. I peered down into the living room where Giselle sat on the settee with her parents. My eyes met hers and she looked away fast, seeming guilty.
"What the fuck..."
"Never leave them alive, Khalil..." Kanan whispered behind me, "Should I get rid of her?"
"No," I muttered, walking past him, "Amelia wouldn't want that..."
I hurried down the stairs where my parents were standing, appearing distraught and angry, and I swore to God the next time I get Giselle alone, I would--
A harsh slap greeted my cheek, twisting my head to the side.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THEIR DAUGHTER?!"