I wasn't kidding when I told Vivienne I was going to marry her again, and ten times over. I want it done properly this time. A real proposal, a real wedding, I want to see that pretty smile of hers on our wedding day, not her eyes full of tears and regret. It's what she deserves.
And while I highly doubt she'll say no, I'm still scared shitless. I haven't been able to eat a bite of food all night. I had rehearsed the words in my head a hundred times, but now that the moment was approaching, I feel like I might vomit all the words out.
And Finn's sneaky, 'reassuring' winks from across the table don't help at all.
For weeks, I had been carefully arranging the perfect moment to propose to her. Finn had been in on the secret the whole time, hence why he is here now.
The pregnancy was just the icing on the cake for me, making me feel like the most luckiest man alive. But I'm also shit scared of that too, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out.
I didn't know what I was doing with Viv either, I didn't know anything about relationships or marriages, but here I am, the happiest I've ever been. I'll figure out being a father too.
It'll all be worth it, for my two favourite people.
The ring sits in my suit pocket, my hand resting on her thigh as she talks to Wren from across the table. Wren doesn't know, nobody but Finn knows. I trusted him to keep it a secret, and he's good when it comes to these things. He's just stoked that I told him.
I feel my heart sit in the back of my throat as I pull my hand away from Vivienne, somewhat grabbing her attention, disappointed that I moved away.
But It's time, and I'm more than ready, despite the nerves that are churning in my stomach.
I rose from the table, brushing past Vivienne and standing beside her chair, extending my hand towards her. She lifted her attention towards me, her eyebrows furrowed. Despite her confusion, she listened anyways, reaching out for my hand, and standing from her chair without questions.
I take a deep breath as she hesitantly scans the restaurant. I had reserved a more private area of the restaurant for this, I knew she wouldn't like to be put on show for everyone."Why are we standing?" her eyes meet mine again, a confused smile playing on her face.
I ignored her question, holding her hands in mine, the nerves overpowering me. As I looked into her eyes, I couldn't help but feel a sudden sense of vulnerability wash over me, the only person I've ever felt vulnerable with. Suddenly, words start falling out of my mouth.
"I didn't know what love was before you," I whispered softly, my voice barely above a whisper. It was as if the words were escaping my lips before I even had a chance to fully process them, but I let them go anyways, I mean everything I say.
I was always so afraid of love, I didn't believe in it, but now I know it wasn't that I didn't believe in love, but I was saving it all for her.
"And even if it was forced in the beginning," I continued, my voice growing stronger, "I know damn well it isn't now." Even though there are others in the room, it suddenly feels like it was just the two of us, with very little space left between us.
Her face softens, a smile tugging on her lips, "When I first laid my eyes on you, I knew you were going to be mine. No matter what or who I had to go through to get you." I admit.
As cliché as it sounds, my love for Vivienne was love at first sight. At the time, I didn't even fully understand what love was or how it felt, but I knew deep down that I loved her. She showed me what it was to love, she is my definition of love, of home.
From that day forwards, she became my everything. I know some people may not understand how it all works, but I'm not ashamed to admit it. I just knew she was the one for me, and I was right.
Even if I had known her for a week, or for a year, it still felt like I had known her forever, and I plan on loving her forever too.
She was the first woman I ever fell in love with. I didn't feel butterflies and I never felt nervous, but the moment I was in her arms, I just knew. I was home.
"You've changed me for the better, a better man, a better person, and I know you'll make me a better father." I have every intention of being a better father than mine was, I won't make the same mistakes he did, even under the same circumstances or worse, I'd still be a better father than he ever was.
I love my unborn child more than I've loved anything in the world, It's already on the same level as Vivienne, and I haven't even met it yet. I can't imagine putting my baby or Vivienne through what my father put me and my mother through.
I know that Vivienne's worried that I'm not a hundred per cent with this, and that pains me. I want her to know that I'm all in, that I'm not going anywhere. I don't ever want her to think I'm disappointed about our baby, or to doubt that I'd ever not love either of them, not when it's the only thing I'm sure of. They're mine, my world, my reasons, my forever.
I see her eyes go glossy as she listens to me, a smile tugging at her lips, although she's still a little confused. With that, I take a deep breath, finally kneeling down to one knee. That was enough for her to understand where I was going with this, her eyes widening, a hand covering her mouth.
"Vivienne, I'm asking you to marry me — again." I fumble my fingers anxiously into my suit pocket, pulling out the little box, and opening it in front of her, revealing an 18-carat, white gold diamond ring, tucked in blue velvet. She doesn't even look at the ring before she's nodding her head, a tear rolling down her cheek.
I stand up before she decides to drop to my level, her arms wrap around my neck, her lips smashing against mine. The whole room seems to fade away, and it's just us, me and my Vivienne. It feels like the kiss goes on forever, and I wish it would, until I pull away, slight concern etched on my face.
"Is that a yes?" I tease, a playful smile tugging at my lips. "Yes, of course, yes." she replies excitedly, kissing me again. Eventually, she pulls away, taking a look at the ring, tears still rolling down her face.
I take the chance to pluck it out of the box, sliding it onto her finger, and joining it with the other ring. I don't expect her to take that one off either, she deserves every ring in the world, I wouldn't take it away from her.
I pull her closer towards me, my arms tightly wrapping around her waist, my lips mere inches away from hers, "My first, last and only love." I mutter against her lips, before kissing her yet again. I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'll never get enough of her lips.
We eventually settle back down in our chairs, Vivienne only just managing to control her tears while admiring and showing Wren the ring.
I had it made specifically for her, every intricate detail personally made just for her. She deserves way more than anything I looked at in the shop. It's worth more than anything I've ever bought myself, all my cars and watches combined. And yet, I still believe she still deserves more than that.
Wren huffs, her hand playfully batting Finn in the chest while he scoffs down his dessert. "Why didn't you tell me he was proposing." she teases,
he frowns, mumbling through a mouthful of food, "Why is everything my fault." before he rolls his eyes, slumping back in his chair.
"Just wait till you marry her, it'll get worse." I tease, glancing over at Vivienne. She squints her eyes at me knowing that I'm joking, "And yet, you're marrying me twice, you love me."
You have no idea.
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We've made it back home, and after a long night of proper lovemaking, we've found our bare bodies intertwined together.
My hand grazes her soft skin through the silence, my mind racing. I'm still scared, but I don't want to tell her that in fear that she'll think I don't want this. Because I do, I just don't know how.
"Are you scared," I whisper quietly, almost completely inaudible. "Terrified," she whispers back, a faint smile playing on her lips as she looks up at me. "But we'll be okay." her hand moves a piece of curled dangling black hair from my forehead, her gentle finger tingling against my skin.
"What if I ruin it, like my father ruined me." I mutter, really just thinking out loud, I need to get it off my chest. The thought hasn't left my mind since I saw the positive line.
This is what I meant by the only person I'm vulnerable with is Vivienne, I'm so easily comfortable and safe around her, it's like I just melt into nothing and words just leave my mouth.
"I'm a monster, a murderer. I have blood on my hands, my hands are scarred." I avoid looking at her out of shame, swallowing the thick knot in my throat. How am I supposed to be a father, and help bring someone into this world, when I've taken people from it.
I feel her fingertip start tracing my hand, her hand smaller compared to mine, "Your hands are scarred from murder, yet I trust them so much." she hums, placing my hand against her stomach, her eyes full of nothing but trust.
"We do terrible things for the people we love, and that's the best kind of person I'd want to have a family with." her hand cups the side of my face, my eyes meeting back with hers, "You'll be the best daddy in the world, not a bone in my body doubts that."
I smile, my hand moving against her warm stomach, before I pull her closer to me. I press a hot kiss against her, her lips warm and soft. They parted slightly, allowing my tongue to slip inside, inhaling air through my nose, suddenly feeling completely at peace.
Everything was hard until we found eachother. I want to give her a soft life, I will give us a soft life. We deserve it.
I'm moving us away from all of this, no more business, no more parents, nothing. This woman is my wife and she is carrying my baby. This is about them now, they're my priorities.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
AN/word count -2000
I either cringe at my own writing, or I sob hysterically. no in between. My babies are having a baby, ugh.