"Alright, I think we know why we're all here," Vasseur says as we all begin seating at the table in the Ferrari hub in Las Vegas.
The past 4 races, Carlos and I had alternated between driving, with Carlos only getting one podium in Brazil at P3, while I had gotten P2 in Qatar and P3 in Mexico.
We didn't have the best of a relationship, Carlos and I, constantly arguing between the two of us while either one of us was driving, making it difficult for the team to work between the two, especially when we both shared Albert as our race coordinator.
We were now in Las Vegas, the second to last race of the 2023 season and the tension was still cutting close as to who was going to have the seat for the following season.
I had made my mind up about Toto's offer and he knew that, but I was yet to discuss with anyone about it, including George and Dee, no one knew what I decided yet.
There were a bunch of Ferrari officials from the head quarters in Italy, people I had never seen before, sitting around the table we were seated at.
Charles had been stale with me all morning, brushing me off when I had asked him if he wanted to go for a run before the meeting this morning.
We had been doing really well up until this morning, even sharing hotel rooms now instead of getting separate ones, the PR relationship being a meer thought in our minds as it felt more real than fake now.
I watch as Charles rounds the table, deciding to sit opposite me instead of next to me, the empty chair I had left vacant for him. Carlos was seated to the left of him and Amanda to the right of me.
Dee comes in and sits down in the chair I had saved for Charles, making me swallow the lump that was starting to form in my throat.
I could see my Dad standing not too far behind me, his reflection in the glassed wall opposite me.
"Today we will be discussing the seat for next season, I'm glad you could all make it," Vasseur continues, standing from his seat at the head of the table.
My hands were sweaty as I played with them on my lap, I had been dreading this meeting for the past few weeks, as it played a big part in my decision with moving to Mercedes.
"As we all know we had Madeline fill in on reserve for Carlos during his injury, however in that time it has been clear that she has made excellent progress with the team." He states, pointing to a few race stats that were being broadcasted on the whiteboard behind him.
It felt like I was in the headteachers office in school for being told off, I couldn't sit still, I brushed my feet back and fourth on the carpet, hoping this would be over and done with quickly.
I felt like I was going to be sick as Vasseur went on about my stats this season, then going on to compare them to Carlos's and his previous seasons with the team.
Charles refused to look at me the entire time, frustrating me as right now was when I needed him most, he knew this was going to be a make or break deal for me.
I try to reach my foot out under the table to grab his attention, but he just glares at me, diverting his attention back to Vasseur, leaving me more worried.
"Carlos has been a valuable driver for the team for a few years now, and has show great progression with us over the years, which is why it has made it difficult to come to a decision." Vasseur concurs, clasping his hands together as he comes to stand back directly at the head of the table.
I look to my dad behind me for some reassurance, he gives me a smile, squeezing my shoulder gently as I look back as Vasseur, who was looking between Carlos and I.
"We will take to a vote, with everyone in the room, excluding family and friend members, for who will have the seat for next season." He says, the pit in my stomach dropping.
"I will give you all a few moments to think about what we have discussed so far," he sits back at his chair, while a few board members begin to talk amongst themselves.
"A vote?" I hiss at Dee and my dad, sweat starting to form on my forehead as I close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Don't stress, you saw the stats, you've done way more and better in a season that Carlos has the past 2 years," Dee places a hand on my knee, trying to calm me down.
The room felt too crowded as I looked around at men in suits, who were looking between Carlos and I.
"Whatever happens, you did a bloody good job and I couldn't be prouder," my dad says, giving me another smile as I take a few breaths trying to compose myself.
I turn back in my chair looking at Charles who was speaking in a hushed tone with Carlos, the two looking rather pleased with themselves, making me confused and more stressed.
"Charles," I hiss at him, trying not to draw attention.
He doesn't even acknowledge me until I kick his foot under the table, earning me a cold glare.
"What?" he snaps back, making me pull away, leaning back in my chair.
I furrow my eyebrows at him, about to say something but Vasseur clears his throat, silencing the room from the hushed conversations.
"I hope you have used this time wisely to make a sensible decision, if I could ask both Madeline and Carlos to leave the room for a moment," he says.
I stand from my seat, looking at Charles across from me who was looking down at his lap, a monotone expression on his face.
Carlos and I reach the door at the same time, walking out and sitting down on the sofas outside, our backs to the glass meeting room.
I let out a shaky breath and pat down the front of my shirt, not knowing what to do with my hands.
I debate saying something to Carlos, but I didn't feel like sparking a sarcastic conversation as of now, not when our seat was on the line just behind us.
It felt like we were sat our there for hours, watching the clock tick on in front of us, the only sound coming from the water machine bubbling away next to us and the subtle sound of the TV in the corner, quietly playing the news headlines.
"You may come back now," Vasseur's voice fills the empty waiting room and I had to hold my breath in fear if I didn't, I was going to spew on the meeting table.
I look at Dee first, hoping she would give me some sort of look to what the vote had come to but she gave me nothing, my dad the same.
Charles on the other hand had a guilty look plastered all over his face.
I take my seat back next to Dee, clutching the arms of the chair in anticipation.
Everything I had worked for was about to come down to this moment, all the highs and lows to this season could be coming to a end before I had even really started.
"We have concurred a vote, but it has come to a tie." Vasseur says into the silent room, my breath hitching in the back of my throat as I frantically look around at Dee and my dad who were looking at me with worried expressions now.
I think back to the first time I had entered the Ferrari meeting room many months ago, my first interaction with Charles when he had mistaken me for a new media person instead of a driver, how we battled for weeks, arguing on and off the track.
"However, Charles has not yet made his decision." Vasseur points at Charles who was now looking at me, his eyes hard as stone, his hands placed on the table in front of him as he looked at me.
Why didn't he vote? I think to myself, frantically scanning my brain for anything I had done that may have pissed him off in the past 48 hours, or ever, that he wouldn't have voted for me.
"Charles, if you could please tell us your decision now," Vasseur pushes him.
He sits up in his seat clearing his voice.
I slouched down in mine, closing my eyes, waiting.
"Well, we've had a good season with Scott," he goes on to say, and I knew something had happened when he used my last name instead of my first, making me open my eyes and sit back up in my chair, anticipating his reply.
"She has done a... good job at filling in for Carlos, but we have to be realistic given the information provided." He pulls his shirt down slightly, putting his hands back on the table in front of him again.
I tilt my head to the side, trying to understand where he was going with this, wishing he would just say who he wanted for his teammate instead of beating around the bush.
"I have made a decision based on the facts and circumstances of both drivers," he looks between Carlos and I, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment longer before he clears his throat again.
I grab onto Dee's hand under the table, clutching onto it like a pregnant woman going into labour.
I wanted to scream out at Charles to just say it, to stop looking at me that way and just say it.
Everyone in the room was watching him, waiting for him to say something as the clock ticked on in the background, filling the empty space.
I worried that they would be able to hear my heart beating, like it was trying to break through my rib cage as we all waited in anticipation.
He opens his mouth to speak and it's almost like I'm watching him in slow motion as I hitch my breath in my throat, clasping onto Dee's hand harder.
"Carlos."