EVELYN NOTT
I may have many acquaintances and connections but I feel not connected or truly understood by any of them. I feel disconnected from my own emotions and thoughts, making it difficult for me to form genuine relationships. I've always have had a fear of opening up and being vulnerable to others, which could lead to feelings of loneliness despite having a large group of friends.
To others, I appeared outgoing, easy to talk to. A wide circle of friends, and people may perceive me as being 'popular' and well-liked.
Despite the many people I did speak to, I felt a deep sense of loneliness, and isolation that I cannot untangle the truth to.
After everything, the breaking down in front of the dark lord's son in complete anger and confusion... I still feel like I can't breathe.
My chest is tight, and every breath I take feels like it's not enough. I just found out the truth about something, and it's like my whole world has been turned upside down.
My mind is racing with questions and doubts. How could this happen? Why didn't Theodore ever think to speak to me about this? What does this mean for me and Theodore? I feel like I've been living in a lie, and now that the truth is out, I don't know what to do.
I try to take deep breaths, but it's like my body won't let me. It's like I'm suffocating under the weight of this new knowledge. I want to scream, to cry, to run away and hide, but I can't.
I'm stuck here, trapped in my own body, struggling to come to terms with what I've just learned.
I know that I need to face this, that I can't keep hiding from the truth. But right now, in this moment, all I can think about is how I can't breathe. How every breath is a struggle. How I wish I could just disappear and make it all go away.
And then I feel his fingers interlocking with mine, holding me so close and his voice was faint, but loud enough to hear him telling me to breathe.
He holds both of my hands in his with just one of his to stop the trembling of my own. His other hand caressing the back of my head, holding my head against his firm chest.
"I need to get you back to your dorm." He tries to stand the both of us up and achieves.
"No— I need to see my brother. Or should I even call him that?" I swallowed thickly, looking down at the ground.
"Listen to me. You can't see your brother right now. And just because Theodore's parents hid something from you doesn't mean you and Theodore any less of siblings." He moves the strand of hair in my face behind my ear.
"You're wrong! He isn't even my brother— we aren't blood. He's just someone I thought—" I stammered, trying my best to not collapse back onto the floor, again.
"No. You're wrong. Family isn't blood, family is who you'd bleed for. Look at me and tell me you wouldn't do anything for Theodore." His hand grabs my face, making me look directly at him.
"I would do anything for him."
"He is your family, blood or not. Do you understand me?" His eyes pierce into mine, letting me know that he was serious.
I nodded, my mind still foggy, and I can't think straight. Everything was so overwhelming and my muscles felt sore while my face burned from crying so much.
My emotions were completely jumbled up inside of me, and the only thing keeping me from going off edge is the brunette boy next to me, holding me tight close to him so I didn't fall back to the ground.
I don't know how he did it, but having him here, so close to me, his warmth and steady presence, was enough to anchor me and stop me from completely falling apart over the truth I had just found out about.
His hand rests on my lower back, rubbing circles into my skin, a small gesture, but important to me, it meant everything to me in this moment.
I could feel his concern radiating off of him, both comforting and overwhelming, I can't help but feel guilty to burden him with my problems and everything I had just found out, completely changing my way of thinking and my life.
But at the same time, I don't know where I would be if he had told me the truth and then just left me in the corridors alone.
I take a deep breath and tried to steady myself, it was difficult, but I seemed to manage slightly.
And then suddenly, we are both walking, I didn't feel my legs move or feet pick up to take steps, I just... did it.
"I can't go to my dorm." I say, not louder than a whisper. He looks at me, "Your friends?"
I nod. "I don't want them to see me like this. And I don't need them to know the truth either."
"Where do you want to go?" He asked, waiting for my answer, his hand still, resting on my lower back.
I hesitate before slowly speaking, "Can I stay with you? It's okay if not. I understand if—"
"Yes. It would be better for the both of us." He interrupts, stopping me from my babbling.
"Why?"
"Because you won't go kill your brother, and I get to sleep peacefully knowing that you aren't having a tantrum in the corridors at night."
"Excuse me for having feelings. Do you know what I just found out? Do you know what this means? It means I have no family, my parents didn't want me." I respond, taking offense to his words, how could he just act like this was a joke?
"I didn't mean it like that."
When I didn't say anything, he stops us both from walking any farther, turning his body to face mine. "I said I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Really? Because that seems to be your goal in life." I snapped at him, taking his hand off of me.
I watch his jaw clench, "If I wanted to hurt you, I wouldn't have sat there with you for a hour fucking straight holding you in my arms, telling you that you'll be okay. If I wanted to hurt you, I wouldn't fucking be here right now. If I didn't care about you I wouldn't—"
He gulps at his own words, looking away from me, secretly hoping that I didn't hear his last few words.
"Theodore said you were using me."
"I was, in the beginning. It's different now." He still refused eye contact.
"How is it different Mattheo? Enlighten me."
"No," His eyes snapping back to mine, "I'll only push you away, there's no point."
//
yup yup mattheo and evelyn chapters
ANYWAY! here are some pictures of evelyn bae:
hope you guys enjoyed......