"But I rescued you," I said, a whine tinged in my voice.
"Maybe. But look what you've done to yourself."
"I had no choice."
"You did."
"No good choices."
"If you were half the evil queen I know you are, you'd never settle for the choices you were given. You'd tell those choices to scram and create new ones you liked better."
"You're real," I breathed. (You can't blame me. None of us thought she was flesh and blood. Or whatever demons are made of.)
Xiri leaned in and sniffed my neck. I took a step backward. "You're real," she countered. "And you smell delicious."
I took another step back, trying my best not to look like a delivery from Uber Eats. "You're not going to devour me, are you?"
"No, just ate," she said, wiping away the blood on her chin with her palm. "Thanks anyway."
Phew! Should I ask her where she got her meals? Hello Flesh? Butcher Box? Demon Feed? Naw. Better not to know. "Good, I mean, I'm sorry I didn't think you were real. It's just Ash said he modeled you after his ex, and I assumed you were, I dunno, um, software?"
"Honey, there's nothing soft about me!"
I gulped. She was correct. She was very firm. I mean muscular. Whatever.
Dozens of computer monitors encircled Xiri's high-tech tomb chamber, like the control center in a heist movie. Soundless images flicked across the screens, displaying a myriad of locations in and around the castle—the dungeon, the banquet hall, the entry, the gardens, the moat, and more.
Ghosts haunted the dungeons. Giant spiders patrolled the halls. Witches stirred boiling cauldrons and weeded the gardens. Fairies danced around the dining hall, festooning the table, that now looked as if it could seat a hundred people in ribbons of sparkly magic that transformed into glasses, platters, candles, and bowls of gleaming fruit. In the kitchen, minions were hard at work, peeling potatoes and deveining shrimp while the Queen's French chef, Jacques, loomed over them. (Fortunately, no frogs' legs were in sight.)
I scanned the screens, looking for my dads. No luck, but the furthest screen was a flurry of activity. Petronella sat upon her throne wearing her usual white suit and pearls, receiving a horde of supernatural creatures—giants whose gnarly heads scraped the 30-foot ceilings; fairies, each more gorgeous than the last; trolls, as ugly as the fairies were beautiful; the occasional hint of a shadowling lurking in corners: dragons spewing fire way too close to the antique tapestries; unicorns leaping in arcs across the chamber, leaving trails of sparkly rainbows in their wakes; merfolk in tanks, splashing water across the marble floors. And many more. Though there was no sound, they all seemed to be displeased with the queen based on all the splashing and spewing and lurking and fist shaking. Well, the creatures who had fists were shaking them.
And a line of minion guards with long spears prevented Queen's displeased guests from getting too close. A few had been singed by the dragons' breath, but they held their posts bravely. More afraid of Petronella than an angry supernatural mob.
I pointed at the screen. "What's going on in the throne room?"
"You're not supposed to see that," Xiri said. She pressed a button on her keyboard and the screens went black.
"Hey, I'm the future queen. Shouldn't I be able to see whatever I want?" I said, curiosity burning inside me. Why were all those creatures so mad? And why did I think it had something to do with me?
"Until you take the oath, you don't have the proper security clearance."
"I'll remember your lack of cooperation when I ascend the throne," I warned in my warningest tone. (You and I both know I would never take the oath, but it seemed like an excellent tactic for getting my way.)
She smiled coldly, (i.e., showed me her mouthful of pointy teeth). "You're threatening a demon?"
I swallowed hard. "Um, kind of," I said.
"Whatever. Why should I care anymore? Those are the representatives of the realms who have arrived for your coronation."
"But that's like a week away!"
"It's today."
"Huh? That can't be true."
"Quest-time runs differently than regular time. Didn't anyone tell you that?"
"No. But I'm not ready!" I might've started shaking so hard I created a minor earthquake in the chamber. And I still had a whole quest to do—Inferno's Embrace, (yeah, that sounded fun ... not!)—before I could be safely hooked up to the magic sucking machine. Who knew what would happen if I wasn't fully prepared? Tyra and Olivia said I could destroy the realm, but what if I was so out of control, I took out the entire planet, the solar system, the galaxy, or even the universe? "Why were all those ... er ... representatives so angry?"
"I don't think they believe Petronella's heir is up to the job. Something about her living as a human for her whole life."
"That's me. I'm the heir."
"I know. I was just trying not to call you out. Don't take it personally. The realms don't do well with change. You should've seen what happened when Petronella took over. The castle had to do almost a total rebuild after the melee."
"Get the images back, and turn on the sound. I need to hear what they're saying," I commanded.
Xiri shook her head. "Look, the truth is, I'm not supposed to be spying on the castle. But a demon needs some entertainment after 500 years in a white room."
"If I'd been alone in here for that long, I'd have eaten my own eyeballs by now."
"Been there. Done that," she said. "They just grew back."
"The good news is you can finally leave. I'm here to rescue you!" I said, waiting for her overwhelming expression of gratitude.
"Oh, aren't you adorable? The teenage witch come to liberate the demon from her prison."
"Exactly. If you have anything you'd like to bring with you, grab it, and let's get out of here. I am out of time!"
Xiri went rigid, the muscles in her legs so tense she looked like a bodybuilder who'd just done a tortuous leg day at the gym. "No."
This was not an expression of gratitude; I was pretty sure. I mean, not that I was that familiar with the body language of demons. "Excuse me?"
"I'm not leaving."
"But you have to. Releasing the demon is my third task." I sounded incredibly whiny.
"You mean I'm nothing more than a task for you? You've hurt my feelings. Maybe you could release another demon?" she suggested.
"I am supposed to release the demon from the Tomb of Despair. You're the only demon around. It's got to be you."
"Then you have a problem."
"I do?"
"Yes. Because I am absolutely 100% never ever going to leave the Tomb of Despair."
"But why not? You said yourself it was boring in here."
"I said I needed entertainment, not that I was bored."
"That's the same thing."
"Witchling, I run the entire magical inventory system for the realms. It's an enormous responsibility that I take seriously."
"I get that, but maybe you could duplicate this set up somewhere that's not in an underground white tomb."
She waved me away. "No thanks. I'm good."
"Please?"
"You don't seem to understand the word no. I may have to eat you just to shut you up."
"No, that's unnecessary. But please, tell me why you prefer this solitary life? Why don't you want to be around other demons? Maybe have a baby demon and teach the kid demon stuff. Possess a few bodies. Negotiate for their souls? I am not really sure what a demon does, but you can't do any of that from in here."
"And that's why I want to stay."
"Can you explain?"
"Ugh! Fine. Just because I'm too full to eat you right now, and I'm getting a headache listening to you talk. Now, where should I start? I know! "At the beginning of time, a demon baby girl was tossed out from the fires of hell ..."
"Wait, you're going to tell me the story of your entire life? I mean, I don't have a ton of time." Xiri growled. Her horns waggled threateningly. She bared her teeth. I got the idea. Don't anger the all-powerful demoness who could get hungry at any moment. "I mean, continue."
"Where was I?"
"The beginning of time," I offered sweetly.
"Yes, a baby demon was belched out of the fires of hell. She grew into a hot, fit, gorgeous demoness desired by all. Except for the one she desired most. Oh, at first sparks flew. Literally. Forests burned to the ground from the mere thought of their desire. Embers rained down from the heavens. The humans living on earth at the time had to retreat into their caves when the two demons made love, but, hey humankind got fire out of the whole escapade, so it's not like they didn't benefit.
"But we loved to possess the humans. Enter their bodies and do a kind of demon role-play. 'This time you be the cave girl in the loincloth bikini, and I'll be the hairy cave boy with a large club.' Put your jaw back where it belongs, Rowen. You requested my story!"
I snapped my jaw into place. Geesh, if I'd known this was going to be an R-rated autobiography, I wouldn't have asked. "Sorry," I squeaked.
"Thank you. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, the beginning of time."
"No, we were up to the cave dwellers and role playing."
"Right. So, we were. Then one day the demoness grew jealous when her lover gazed upon a human woman who said he was 'super cute and had a mischievous smile.'"
Where had I heard that before? "A cave woman?"
"No! We're in the sixties now!"
"Which sixties? Every century has a sixties."
"The nineteen-sixties. Keep up, witchling! Anyway, it was the era of free love and also a bountiful time for possession. So easy to enter a body during those psychedelic times. In her completely justified fury, the beautiful demoness conjured a few hurricanes, tornados, and after a drunken visit to Cuba, nearly started a nuclear war.
"But rather than her lover taking the destruction as a compliment, he saw her as dangerous. Out of control. So, he ended things. And here she is to this day, alone in a tomb, running the Spiderweb system ... for him. Hoping that her efforts and life of peace might one day change his mind. The end."
"But the guy, he was also a demon?"
"Of course. Have you even been listening?"
"But don't demons love destruction? Why wouldn't he understand that you destroying things out of jealousy was the compliment you obviously intended it to be?"
"Right? You know, I've really missed girl talk. You get me!"
In more ways than you know. "I think you should leave this place, find the demon of your dreams, and tell him everything. You don't need to prove your worthiness! It's his problem if he doesn't see how awesome you are. I mean, look at the control you have. You haven't even eaten me!"
"I'm getting a little peckish," Xiri said with a resigned sigh.
I backed up all the way to the door, which had naturally sealed itself once again. "Er, you're doing so well. You wouldn't want to mess up now. I mean, think about your demon love. He will be super proud you controlled your ... urges?"
An alarm blared so loud I had to cover my ears. Xiri spun in her chair and flicked the monitors back on. The alarm died out as the screens sprang to life, revealing the happenings in the aboveworld of Brittlebane.
"What was that alarm?"
"Nothing," Xiri said, her pale cheeks flushed.
"Liar," I said.
"Fine! I have an alarm set for when HE's in his room doing something important."
Stalker much? I did not say. "The guy you like?"
"Yes."
I inched closer, assuming that Xiri was distracted by her own private K-Drama and wouldn't eat me. "So where is he?"
Xiri pointed to a screen directly in front of her. And there, seated in front of a computer monitor in a red room in the castle with red pillows, a gigantic red bed, red roses in a vase, and a bowl of red apples, was none other than the only other demon I knew—Ash!
"Your longtime love is Ash?"
"Didn't I say that?"
"No."
Xiri's tongue darted out of her mouth. I didn't know what that meant, but just in case it was something like, 'I'm super hungry and ready to eat you now,' I took a step back, hopefully out of biting range. "You should've known. He told you I was his ex."
"True. But what's the important thing he's doing that caused the alarm to go off?"
"Being adorable with his crooked smile and fuzzy little horns," she crooned, setting her elbows on the desk and holding her head in her taloned hands. The demoness had turned into a lovesick teenager.
Suddenly there was a pop in the air, like a needle pricking a balloon, and Tyra appeared in all her wretched pinkness. Her dress took up half the room. Xiri growled at the fairy. The fairy growled back. I got as far away from the two of them as possible in the tiny space. It felt smaller. Sweat broke out on my forehead. "Good work, Rowen," Tyra said. "We've been trying to get to Xiri for ages."
"But why? Why do you need her?" I asked.
"We don't really need all of her. Just her horns. For a very special potion."
"Gross!" I said. "That's horrible. Also, if you could just pop in here any time, why did you need me to trek across a werewolf-infested graveyard and traverse a smelly tunnel to get here?"
She wrinkled her brow. "Where would the fun be in that?"
I stomped my foot. "Seriously?"
"No, we needed you to break the seal on the door. Some prophecy foretold of this. Also, we enjoyed watching you suffer a teeny bit."
"This place is insane. And you're not de-horning the demoness." I moved in front of Xiri.
Xiri laughed. "Witch! You're very amusing. You do not think I can protect myself from a fairy?"
"I don't know the power hierarchy of supernatural beings. I'm new to this. But hey, Tyra. Don't we need to get going so I can embark on the fourth quest?"
"What fourth quest?"
"The Embrace of the Inferno or whatever."
"You certainly are entertaining. You know there are always three quests."
I was about to go on a tirade about how she told me I was stupid for thinking it was always three, when out of the corner of my eye, I caught a familiar face on one monitor. I turned to get a better look. Oh, my gosh! It was Blade! Lying on the floor of a dungeon cell surrounded by rats! Alive, but ... with rats! "Why is Blade in the dungeon?" I yelled.
Tyra glanced at the screen and shrugged. "He woke up, and we turned him over to Petronella. You'll have to ask her."
"I'm asking you!"
"I don't know!"
Anger boiled inside me. And without my familiar, there was no hope of containing it. I know they instructed me not to blow anything up on my quests, but how could a witch help herself when the boy she likes was being treated this way? Magic zipped like fire toward my fingertips and burst out of me, blasting the Tomb of Desolation to smithereens.
Xiri winked, then disappeared.
"Rowen! I told you no blowing anything up!" Tyra snarled.
Hot metal burned my skin. Tyra grabbed my hand. Fairy dust encircled us as we spun into a freezing black nothingness. Images of Blade suffering in the dungeon flashed across my mind, and I jerked my hand away from Tyra.
"What are you doing?" her voice echoed in the void. "Unless we get those horns, your quest isn't over. We must go after the demon! It's foretold!"
"I did the foretold bit. I got into the Tomb and even released the demon against her will. My plate is full right now, not to mention that I kind of like Xiri and don't want you to hurt her. Also, I just found out the coronation is today! I'm going to rescue Blade," (and return Nellie's egg, I did not add,) "then we can do the magic sucking thing. I know I'm ready."
"But the horns."
"Why do I have the feeling these quests had nothing to do with preparing me? I exploded the vault, and nothing horrible happened. Except to the vault. I think you were distracting me for some nefarious reason or using me to do your evil bidding. Or both."
"You're smarter than I thought, witch!"
"Laters!" I said and encanted, "ut ferrum me!" Blade, I'm coming.
I had so much fun writing this scene with Xiri. Why are demons so fun to write?
Hope you had fun too! If so, don't forget to vote and comment and stuff.
As of my most recent calculation, it looks like there are 8 more chapters to go in the story! I better get back to writing!!!
Hugs!!!