June in Boonsboro, Maryland was killer.
The heat was sticky and clogged my throat any time I inhaled - but it wasn't like I was complaining. I happened to love the summer.
And even if I was a guy and wasn't supposed to get excited about these kinds of things, I had to admit it was the perfect day for a wedding. I was looking at it purely from a photographer's point of view, of course, and the clear blue sky was my best friend at the moment. Well, it'd make shadowing a problem, but that was fixed easily enough.
I had, however, never shot a wedding before. Not that the opportunity hadn't come up, but it was awfully hard to capture every possible shot when you were the lone man on the job, and I didn't have an assistant.
But when Rebecca, Chris' only sister and my aunt, had called me in a panic a few weeks ago because their wedding photographer had bailed at the last moment, I'd agreed to do the job without a second thought.
How could I refuse to photograph my aunt's wedding? I would've been disowned by my mother if I hadn't.
Ever since my impromptu jaunt down to Boonsboro the other month, and Rebecca had discovered she had three nieces she knew nothing about, contact had flourished between us all.
Rebecca and the girls were constantly on the phone with one another, and she'd even come back to the city a few weekends ago, after Milo's baptism, so the girls could show her the sights.
My mother's relationship with her sister-in-law had improved considerably, though I suspected there was still some bitter feelings there because my mother hadn't told Rebecca she was pregnant when Chris was killed.
Things were improving, however tense they still might be, and I wasn't willing to rock the boat - like where Irene and Carter, Chris' parents, were concerned. If things were to get better, it would happen in its own time, because I was done meddling.
So my mother, my little sisters, Hadley and our son, made the four hour drive down into Boonsboro for Rebecca's wedding in mid-June. Rebecca had asked the girls to be her bridesmaids a few months ago, and they'd thoroughly enjoyed the whole process leading up to the wedding.
And this left me with the daunting task of finding an assistant for the wedding who could at least competently handle a camera, which wound up being -
"Carlo, I swear to God, if you take one more photo of that girl's ass, I'm going to weigh you down with cinder blocks and dump you in the Hudson."
My cousin burst into a round of immature giggles, wiggling his eyebrows at me. "What are you, le mafioso? Don't be such a spoil sport, Archer. You can't honestly tell me you aren't enjoying the view here."
A surprising amount of Rebecca's old sorority sisters came into town for the wedding, which Carlo was thoroughly enjoying, which was in turn thoroughly annoying the hell out of me.
"Coglione, I'm married."
"So? Doesn't mean you can't look, my man. Who's the coglione now, eh?"
The urge to strangle my cousin was stronger than ever, but the ceremony was starting soon, and it was probably a sin to murder someone in a church.
"Consider this my form of payment," Carlo continued as he watched another gaggle of Rebecca's sorority sisters flutter by to their seats in the pews.
"You know I'm doing this free of charge, right?" I said, biting back a sigh.
Carlo shrugged, fiddling with the settings on the camera I'd managed to borrow from a guy I'd gone to Pratt with. "Who am I kidding? You wouldn't have given me a cut of the payment anyways."
"Not true. I would've paid you what you're worth."
"And that would be?"
"About seventy-five cents."
That comment opened up a round of manly bickering in Italian, with a lot rapid hand gestures and cursing.
We were getting a good bit of attention from people sitting towards the back of the church where we were huddled, but I was willing to bet there were less than ten people present that even knew Italian, so I figured it didn't matter.
"For the love of God, would you two shut up already?"
Our bickering was cut short as Hadley came marching over, Milo in her arms, a dangerous look on her face as she narrowed her eyes at us.
"Who, us?" Carlo said, playing innocent. "We were just having a...creative discussion."
"You do know I can speak Italian, right?" Hadley said dryly. "This is hardly the place to be threatening to punch someone in the dick."
"My goodness, the foul mouth on you!" Carlo gasped. "You shouldn't speak like that in front of the baby, you know."
Hadley somehow managed to smack Carlo upside the head even while holding Milo, and then turned her attention to me.
"Rebecca and the rest of the bridesmaids are ready for you. You'd best get to it before she has a breakdown."
"A breakdown?" I repeated with a grimace.
"C'mon, it's her wedding day," Hadley said, like this should've been obvious. "Every bride is a wreck on their wedding day. At least before the ceremony."
"Even you?"
"Yeah, even me. Half of Italy flew in for our wedding, remember?"
"Yeah, you're right. I almost forgot."
Our wedding hadn't been as stressful as I thought it would be, but when the alcohol started flowing and my extended family members had their fair share, I'd done my best to block it all out.
I told Hadley I'd see her later, and after pressing a quick kiss to the top of Milo's head - who was very much enjoying playing with his mother's hair - I went in search of Rebecca and her bridesmaids.
Rebecca was, of course, seconds away from having a breakdown when I found her. She looked stunning in this fancy ivory gown and perfectly curled hair, but her bridesmaids kept fluttering around her, assuring her that everything was going to be fine, and that the wedding was going to be perfect.
If I had any alcohol on hand, I would've given her some and told her to buck up, but instead I settled for assuring her everything was fine, and that she would feel better after we got some photographing done.
The ceremony itself ended up starting about ten minutes late, but everything else ran smoothly. Carlo actually managed to pull his head out of his ass and take pretty good photos, so it wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be.
Tatum, Rebecca's now-husband, looked gobsmacked at his new wife's grand entrance on her father's arm, people sniffled and grabbed for tissues during their vows, and all was as it should be during a wedding.
The reception immediately followed the ceremony on the church's back lawn, all decked out with tasteful decorations and fancy china patterns. I assumed it was quite the to-do given the size of the wedding and the amount of people that had turned out for it.
As thrilled as I was that Rebecca was now married and perfectly happy with her new husband, her wedding was technically a job for me, and I dropped into business mode, directing and positioning the wedding party, trying to get the perfect angle and lighting for each shot.
The wedding party didn't show up at the reception for another hour, but I figured it was better to be safe than sorry when it came to photographing weddings.
I was still on the move as the reception went on in full swing, though I told Carlo he could take a break. The only part I'd really needed extra help with was the ceremony. Carlo was only too happy to oblige and immediately pulled one of Rebecca's sorority sisters out onto the dance floor.
I liked to think I did my job masterfully, capturing every moment perfectly, like the toasts, Rebecca and Tatum's first dance, all of the decorations and so on, but I wasn't going to deny that I was freaking exhausted.
"Archer!"
I heard my name being called as I stopped at the cart-turned-bar for a beer, and turned to see Rebecca waltzing over to me. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks were flushed, making me think she'd already had a good bit of champagne.
"Hey, Rebecca," I said.
"Put down that camera and come dance with me!"
"What? No, sorry, I don't - "
She apparently wasn't going to take no for an answer and snatched my camera right out of my hands, dropping it off with Hadley, who was sitting at a table, having a piece of cake while my mom held Milo, and then I was yanked out onto the dance floor.
Now I don't have two left feet, but I don't dance. I never have. I danced with Hadley and my relatives at our wedding, because it was our wedding. I most certainly did not partake in recreational dancing.
But did I really have the right to refuse? It was Rebecca's wedding, and she was my aunt after all.
"Thank you for doing this so last minute, you know," Rebecca said during a slow, bluesy sort of song. "I really appreciate it."
"Absolutely," I said. "Happy to do it."
"Looks like you've had your hands full with that one over there, though," she said, nodding towards the table where Hadley and my mom sat with Milo.
Milo was wide awake despite the later hour, a real first for him, and kept trying to grab at my mom's hair.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Milo can be a handful sometimes, but I think we got lucky with him. He really likes his sleep."
"Fair enough," Rebecca said with a grin. "But he sure is a cutie."
"Hadley and I made a damn good looking kid, I know."
Rebecca laughed loudly at this, perhaps a little more loudly than necessary, but her face was abruptly serious a moment later. "Have you talked to my parents at all?"
Her parents were the very thing I'd been dreading about her wedding. I hadn't spoken to Irene or Carter since my visit. I had nothing more to say to them, and I was fairly certain they hadn't wanted to contact me as it was.
I didn't think I was required to try and force conversation with them either. Somehow I'd managed to do a fair job of avoiding them so far, but I wasn't sure if my luck was going to run out.
My mom already had the distinct pleasure of awkwardly speaking with them the night before at the rehearsal dinner. She hadn't mentioned anything about how it'd gone yet, and I wasn't going to pry.
Just like I'd predicted, though, Carter and Irene hadn't been immune to my little sisters' charm, and were immediately sucked in by them. I knew this wouldn't be the last time they ever saw each other - but I also didn't know when the next time would be.
"No," I said to Rebecca. "I haven't talked to your parents. I figured it was...best not to."
Rebecca bit her lip, a thoughtful expression taking over her face. "I was hoping that...well, maybe that they wouldn't be assholes today."
I had to swallow a laugh at this. I'd always thought Carter was the asshole in the situation, and that Irene would eventually come around. She at least seemed to understand the importance of family. "Rebecca, this is the last thing you should be worrying about on your wedding day."
"Yeah, but I just thought - "
"I think things will get better sometime," I said, cutting her off mid-sentence. "But we should just let it happen on its own. The last thing you want is some come-to-Jesus meeting at your wedding."
"Maybe not," Rebecca said in agreement. "But still...I mean, it's the least we can do for Chris, isn't it? He wouldn't have wanted all this silence and bad feelings between us all."
"No," I said after a moment of thought. "You're right. Chris wouldn't have wanted that."
"But enough talk about depressing things," Rebecca said. "This is my wedding day, dammit."
"Now you're getting it."
Somehow I ended up getting roped into dancing with my mother, and then Hadley - which I didn't mind so much - after one of Rebecca's sorority sisters insisted that she didn't mind looking after Milo for a few songs.
The reception continued on well into the evening, and the laughter and the dancing and the alcohol never seemed to stop. As much as I disliked being around so many people I didn't know, it was nice, having a break from the hustle and bustle of the city for a night out in a small town.
"I'd count this day as a success, wouldn't you?" Hadley said as we sat down at a table, cake and beer in hand.
Milo was in Rebecca's care at the moment, and she was telling everyone who would listen that even though he was her great-nephew, she was only in her thirties, dammit.
"I'd say so," I said, taking a sip of my beer. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."
"Ever the pessimist."
"You know me. I like to keep a realistic point of view."
Hadley rolled her eyes as she took a bite of cake. "Yeah, whatever. Sooner or later, you know that's going to have to change."
"I'm working on it," I said defensively. "Milo's been a great help."
And this was true, at least. It was hard not to think only of positive things where Milo was concerned. I didn't think I'd been dealt the best of hands when it came to certain things in my life, but I was certain I would do right by our son, no matter what happened.
"That's fabulous to hear," Hadley said, a smile brightening her face. It was hard to think of pessimistic things when she looked at me like that, too. "But just wait until Milo starts asking for money or wants to get his license or is bringing home girls and demands that we give him his space, and you'll want to - "
"Jesus, Hadley, he's only two months old!" I exclaimed. "What, are you trying to break my heart already?"
"Aw, Archer, who knew you were such a softie!"
"Shut up. I'm not a softie. I'm a - "
"Excuse me."
Our conversation was cut short by the gruff voice that spoke behind us.
I looked over my shoulder and was stunned to see that it was none other than Carter Morales at our table.
I was a bit too shocked at first to formulate a coherent sentence, so it was Hadley that said, "Hi. You're Rebecca's father, right?"
"I am," Carter said awkwardly, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but here at the moment.
That was something we had in common.
Had Rebecca demanded that he come and talk to me to try and patch things up? I had trouble thinking he would've ever approached me of his own accord.
"I'm Hadley," she said, introducing herself as she got to her feet. "And I'd better be getting Milo now. He probably needs his diaper changed."
She left the table after a polite smile in Carter's direction, in search of Rebecca.
Real tactful, I mouthed at her as she waltzed off.
Her response was to blow me a kiss.
Carter continued to stand there in silence for a few tense moments before he finally dropped into the seat Hadley had just vacated, making sure to scoot back a few inches.
I occupied myself with my beer while I waited for him to say something. I wasn't going to be the first one to speak here. I'd done all the speaking last time.
"That's your wife?" Carter finally said, nodding in the direction Hadley had left.
"Yeah," I said. "And Milo is our son."
"Right," Carter said. "I saw him with Rebecca. He sure is a character."
"Thanks."
It took a few moments for him to say something else, and by that time, I was wishing he would just spit out whatever was on his mind and then go away.
"Look. I wanted to thank you for doing this for Rebecca," he said, actually meeting my gaze. "I know it means a lot to her."
"Right," I said. "I'm glad."
"And I also wanted to say that I'm - "
"This isn't the part where we have some touching, heart-felt moment and you promise things will be different from now on, is it?"
A smile actually broke out across Carter's face and he shook his head, leaning back in his chair. "You know, you remind me a lot of Chris."
I paused with my beer halfway to my mouth.
That was one thing I hadn't ever expected to hear from Carter Morales.
"Do I?" I said awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.
"You may not have been his biological son, but you're very much like him."
"Yeah, well, he was my father, whether or not you liked it."
"I know."
I set down my beer, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees, my hands clasped together. "What exactly are you trying to say here, Carter? Are you trying to apologize, or what? Because I'm honestly a little confused."
"I know," Carter said again, clearing his throat. "I know my behavior was...inexcusable. I have years of lost time to make up for, and it's entirely my fault. After you showed up with Rebecca that day, I realized how foolish it was of me to have ignored you and your mother and sisters all these years. It's a disservice to Chris's memory, to have treated his wife and children like that."
It did not go unnoticed that this was the first time Carter had ever acknowledged me as Chris's son.
"I'm not the one you should be making amends with," I told him. "You owe my mother and my sisters a hell of a lot more than just an apology."
Carter nodded in agreement, and it was entirely appropriate to say that the expression on his face was an ashamed one. "You're right. But it's a place to start."
"I...suppose you have a point there," I said.
He gave a grim sort of smile, and we lapsed into silence again. I reached for me beer and downed about half of it in one go before either of us said anything.
"I think that's about it for the touchy-feely kind of talk, don't you?" Carter said as he rose to his feet.
"I wholeheartedly agree," I said as I stood.
He hesitated for a second, then extended a hand towards me.
I shook his hand despite how awkward this was, and it only lasted a few seconds.
"I suspect I'll be...seeing you around," Carter said.
I wasn't going to say that I was looking forward to that, so instead I said, "Yeah. I suspect so."
He walked away then, heading for his wife, who was having an animated discussion with April, May, and June.
He was right, however much both of our attitudes still needed adjusting. I figured it would take some time before we were ever truly comfortable around one another, but it was a place to start.
Hadley returned almost immediately after Carter was out of ear-shot, Milo in arm. "What was that about? Did he apologize for being an asshole?"
"...Sort of," I said, then reached out to pull her into me so I could kiss her.
"That's good," Hadley said, nudging me with an elbow when we broke apart. "Things really are looking up, then, aren't they?"
"Yeah," I said. "You wanna hold hands and skip off into the sunset now? Talk about our feelings? Make promises to each other that our love is forever?"
We both started laughing at this, and Milo made this sort of cooing noise, blinking up at us with eyes I suspected one day might be hazel.
"I'll hold your hand, yeah, but I'm not going to do any skipping," Hadley said, smiling at me. "And I'm done talking about our feelings. My whole job is talking about feelings."
"You're right," I said. "Let's settle for cake and beer."
"Cheers to that."
And, really, what was better in life than that?
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Holy cow, you guys! What a fun ride this is been!
This chapter came surprisingly easy, though it is in fact the last chapter of Face Your Fears! I'm sure an epilogue is in the works, so keep an eye out for that, but I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me this long while I wrote Hadley and Archer's story. Thanks so much for being apart of it - it really does mean the world to me. Like, seriously. You guys are the best.
Lots of love,
Ally <3