juliette
present; narrative
It was valentines day. The day I was supposed to be going on my date with Jay, well kinda. I told him I needed to figure some stuff out first and then I'd get back to him and that stuff was Paige Bueckers.
I realized that after I had accepted Jay's date I got that guilty feeling again. It's like I couldn't move on from Paige without knowing 100% nothing was gonna happen. If there was something there then I'd choose Paige but if there wasn't then I needed to move on.
I spent every night since lying awake thinking about Paige. Was I even ready to move on? I hadn't exactly come to terms with my feelings the way I thought I did because even the idea of only being friends with Paige made me want to scream. It was awful wanting someone you're supposed to be friends with because even if Paige doesn't have any feelings for me I'm still meant to support and love her like a friend, not like someone who wants to be her girlfriend.
Rose had tried to keep a smile on my face but I could tell that even she felt bad for not knowing what to do and because of her asking around for help Azzi found out about my date with Jay, which led to Nika then the whole basketball team. Even Geno knew which meant Paige had to know.
I wondered how Paige reacted. Everytime Jay was brought up or even near me I saw her get tense, assuming having issues with him for reasons I didn't know about. I hadn't seen Paige since before I hung out with Jay so I didn't know how she was feeling, or if she even reacted at all.
I was on my way to class, doing everything possible to distract myself from the idea of Paige for the hundredth time today, which basically meant blasting Taylor Swift till I couldn't feel my throat and chugging so much water that my stomach hurt. That's how I coped when I was overwhelmed.
Class felt like it was never ending but thankfully I only had one class today so afterwards I could head to my dorm and make a whole script for how I'm gonna talk to Paige. I wasn't going to confess my feelings but atleast put it out there and if she bites then great, if she doesn't then I have my answer.
"Ok Rose you be Paige and I'll be me." I said sitting across from Rose on the couch.
"Yuh bet." She imitated Paige's accent and we both burst out laughing at her failure. She somehow managed to make Paige sound like a cowgirl who hung out with Tupac in her freetime.
"P maybe we should talk about last time." I said, nerves coursing through my body at the thought of saying this to Paige.
"Yeah probably." Rose responded dryly, as much as her answer made me groan it was realistic to how Paige would actually reply.
"I can't do this. I don't know what to say to her, or how to say it without making a fool of myself and ruining everything." I complained, putting my hands over my face. Maybe now was the time to transfer to another school, Rose could visit.
"Jules, you're stressing way too much, just be yourself." I looked at her, a very unhappy look on my face at her reply.
"If I moved back to New York would you come with?" I asked, making preparations in case everything went horribly wrong. She threw a pillow at my head, taking it as a no I layed back down.
"Jules stuff between you and Paige isn't awkward so don't make it. Just be yourself because that's the person Paige likes." Rose reassured, putting her hand on my leg comfortingly.
Rose always knew how to comfort, that being the main reason she was taking psychology as her major. She loved to help people and she was good at it, mostly learning from helping me and being my biggest supporter through everything.
I decided to get ready for my maybe date with Jay. I told him that it might not happen today and he was super chill about it, understanding I had more important things to deal with. If stuff went well with Paige I would have a lot of explaining to do. I wanted to look good, not for Jay but for Paige and myself. If I looked good I would probably feel less anxious about seeing Paige and if it didn't then Jay would be very appreciative.
I know how it sounds, pretty bad but Jay isn't a second option. I don't even think he's an option at all. Paige has and still continues to be all I can focus on, I didn't even have feelings for Jay but one date just to see if there was something wasn't wrong. And plus who asks someone out after they reject you 3 times, I mean I applauded his courage.
Once I was ready I knew I had to go find Paige, I already spent enough time stalling. I walked to her dorm, basically shaking as I walked up to the door. I was holding my breath, knocking lightly at the door which opened to a smiling Azzi.
"'Jules god I haven't seen you in forever." She exclaimed, hugging me before taking in my appearance, looking me up and down with a smirk. "Today's the date with Jay?" She asked, already knowing the answer.
"Well yes but I was actually looking for Paige." I said nervously and Azzi's face changed. Her eyes lighting up and the biggest smile forming on her face.
"I think she's shooting around, she hasn't been having a good day." She said, making me even more anxious. Talking to Paige was hard enough but talking to her when she was in a bad mood was almost impossible.
"Ok thank you." I said, rushing to the elevator leaving Azzi by the door.
"Go get your girl." She laughed, making me freeze in place and looking at her, she just winked and walked back into her dorm.
I didn't have time to stay here and think about how Azzi knew, or figured it out but I would definitely be asking her about it later. I ran to my car trying to catch Paige before it was too late.
I got to the facility where the practices were held, and where Paige usually went to shoot around when she was upset, or bored, or even happy.
I sprinted inside, hoping to find her and there she was. Shooting around, not noticing me walk in and I assumed she had airpods in and couldn't hear me over her music. I walked down to the court, being careful of the stairs since I was wearing heels and falling on my face wouldn't be ideal right now.
She saw me now, taking her airpod out and looking at me confused. Her face looked dull, not shining with positivity like it usually was. Her eyes seemed red and the usual bright blue was now gray and dark.
"Jules, what are you doing here?" She asked, continuing to look at me as I walked onto the court. Note, heels and a newly waxed court do not match as I almost ate shit right there but I caught myself.
Honestly, what was I doing here? Everything I had planned to say to her slipped out of my head as I just looked at her, attempting to sort through my thoughts and form a sentence.
"I had to see you." I said. Rose said to just be honest and myself and that's what I was doing.
"Don't you got a date or something?" She asked, turning back around and dribbling the ball between her legs.
"I mean technically yes but I couldn't go without coming here first." I admitted and she stopped, looking at me once again.
"Why Jules?" She asked as she stared at me, almost a harsh look in her eyes.
"Remember the last time we were in here?" I asked, answering her question in a way that I was hoping she understood.
"Yes of course I do." She replied, still looking at me for answers on why I was even here.
"You never brought it up again." I said sadly, now she had to understand what I was trying to say. She looked at me knowingly, finally understanding as she nodded slightly.
"It wasn't a big deal Jules don't sweat it." She shrugged. Was it really not a big deal to her? That small moment made me blush just thinking about it but here I was looking stupid for something that she didn't think twice about.
"You know, I'm gonna go." I said, awkwardly walking back over to the stairs. I kept my head down, just wanting to sink into the floor at that moment. I heard the ball start dribbling again and then I heard it hit the backboard.
"Jules wait." She stopped me and I turned around to meet her eyes again. She should've just let me go and not have to continue being in this embarrassing moment. "Don't go out with him."
I looked at her confused, waiting for her to continue speaking. She took a deep breath, looking down at the ground before back to me.
"I can't stand here and watch you go out with him when I know I should be the one taking you out. I'm sick of just being friends when I'm hypnotized by you Jules." She said and you could probably hear my heart pounding in my chest. Was I dreaming right now?
"I wanted to kiss you that day but I couldn't, I was worried about how you would react and if I would ruin everything so I just tried to act like no big deal but it was. I can't stop thinking about you and I can't watch you leave knowing I didn't even put up a fight." She continued and my face was bright red.
I walked closer to her as she put her head down, probably anxious after her confession. I grabbed her chin with my hand making her look at me.
"Paige, it's always been you for me. I never wanted Jay or anyone else when you were in the room. I thought that day was finally the day but then you got all weird and I just took it as a friendzone but I had to be here now to know if there's ever a chance for us." I admitted and she just gave me the same look I was giving her a few minutes before when she was confessing her own feelings.
"Is there a chance for us?" She asked. I looked between her eyes and lips before finally making up my mind.
I put my hands on her face and pulled her down to kiss her. The second our lips met I felt my stomach explode. It was a soft kiss as she put her hands on my hips and pulled her closer.
It was the type of kiss that spoke more than real words. It was a kiss we had both been waiting on but just couldn't figure it out. She pulled away, looking at me with a huge stupid grin on her face and she started laughing, resting her head on my shoulder and wrapping her hands around my waist.
I had the same smile on my face but tried hiding it from her as she lifted her head back up to look at me.
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." She smiled, putting her hand on my cheek.
"Then do it again." I said and she obliged, bending down and kissing me softly again.