"Come in Mr Potter" Dumbledore said, Flitwick and Harry Potter entered his office. "Please take a seat" Both did so "now Mr Potter, I have no doubt that you've been told but in three days there will be a court session to deal with Gilderoy Lockhart..."
"The rapist you hired" Harry couldn't help but point out
"Yes, him" Dumbledore sighed "and shortly after that it will be decided who your guardian is"
"I don't want a guardian" Harry said as he glared at Dumbledore "and you have no right to force one on me"
"Harry, please be reasonable..."
"Reasonable?" Harry interrupted "This coming from the old man who has been making decisions about my life without my consent? I was fine with things as they were, what gave you the right to change it without at least asking me?"
"Mr Potter" Dumbledore began, in truth he wanted to get Harry away from Lestrange but he had a feeling that telling him that wouldn't go over well "I am only doing this for your benefit. It is better to give you a magical guardian before someone realised that you don't have one and a person with less than pure intent tries to gain custody of you. There are plenty of good and loving families that are willing to take you in"
"Yeah well screw them" Harry responded "I'm not changing my life to deal with a bunch of arrogant prats and snotty nosed brats"
"I'm sure you will change your mind in time" Dumbledore said just as Fawkes, his phoenix flames into the room and landed on his perch. Phoenixes were light favouring creatures and he wondered how it would react to Harry, but before he could see he looked towards his open window when he heard the sound of wings and watched as Harry's familiar flew into the room. The two birds eyed each other, almost as if they couldn't decide to fight or leave each other be.
That confused Dumbledore a little, as Fawkes was usually quite clear on if he disliked someone or not. He usually disliked 'evil' or dark people. That made it easy for Dumbledore to learn more about who he was dealing with. But Fawkes wasn't sure, so what did that mean? Was Harry and his familiar light with darkness mixed in? Was Harry still redeemable? Was he slowly becoming less redeemable or was Fawkes just confused about if he should react to Harry or his familiar? Or was Harry's familiar...
"So what you're saying is, what I want doesn't matter, is that right?" Harry asked, glaring at Dumbledore, bringing the old wizard out of his thoughts
"No Harry, that is not what I'm saying" Dumbledore noted that Fawkes was becoming slightly more uncomfortable and appeared to be deciding on the negative in his judgement of Harry Potter
"It certainly sounds like it you colourful jackass!" Harry spat as he got up from his seat and turned to leave, when Fawkes began screeching at him. Harry turned and aimed his wand at Fawkes while Shadow screeched at the fire bird.
"Mr Potter!" Dumbledore thundered as he and Flitwick got to their feet "You will not attack my Phoenix!"
"Then you will control him," Harry snarled at Dumbledore "You know that he's trying to hurt me. He thinks I'm dark and he tried to cause me pain, rather hypocritical for such a light creature and you are once again permitting one of your most trusted to try and harm me! Now shut it up or we see how a phoenix is reborn without a head!"
"Fawkes, stand down" Dumbledore said, while looking thoughtful. Harry didn't appear to be in pain, he just seemed angry, though Dumbledore guessed that was because of a combination of Fawkes trying to hurt him and the fact that he was going to get a guardian against his will. If Fawkes didn't hurt him then that at least meant that Harry wasn't totally evil.
"Stay away from me" Harry growled as he stormed out the office
"I don't know what kind of game you are playing Albus" Flitwick said to Dumbledore "but I don't like it" He walked out the room as well
"I am losing my patience" Harry whispered to Shadow as he rubbed his temples, he found himself currently sat in a court room. The Lockhart trial was rather quick with the evidence being provided and veritaserum revealing all of his crimes, Lockhart had been sentenced to life in Azkaban. Though many people wanted him to have the dementor's kiss, Dumbledore disagreed and Lockhart was sent to jail, a move that didn't make Dumbledore very popular with all the parents of children that he could have raped. Now Harry was currently in the part where they tried to decide the fate of his guardianship.
Dumbledore was the Chief Warlock and therefore he was in charge of this whole thing. There were many big names, Amelia Bones the head of law enforcement, Malfoy and Augusta Longbottom to name a few. Many people were hoping to become Harry's guardian, the problem from Harry's point of view was the fact that he didn't like any of them and the fact that these idiots had spent the last twenty minutes arguing with each other.
Shadow, who was also losing his patience, trilled in agreement before rubbing his head against Harry's. Harry lasted about another ten minutes before he decided to take action.
"Damn it" Harry stood up
"Harry?" Andromeda, Harry's lawyer and legal representation and Bellatrix's sister, asked
"Excuse me" Harry walked up to the middle of the room and tried to get the adult's attention, though they didn't seem to notice "excuse me...excuse me...that's it! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAD BEST START LISTENING OR ELSE!" Harry had, somehow, managed to get every person to be quiet and turn their attention to him
"Mr Potter?" Dumbledore asked with a bit of confusion
"Shut it hairy" Harry said as he looked around
"Now see here..." Minister Fudge said
"You too porky" Harry interrupted before the minister could say anything "look...look at all of you...so pathetic"
"Mr Potter" Dumbledore said before the people in here could start shouting again "please control yourself"
"I have controlled myself for the last half an hour as I listened to you all bitch, moan and whine and complain and yell at each other" Harry replied "last I checked, I am the child here. You all are supposed to be the best that Britain has, its elite members, yet you wasted half an hour of time arguing over my custody without asking one crucial person"
"And who would that be?"
"Me!" Harry shouted "You all are here trying to decide my future yet none of you even considered asking my opinion. In fact, nobody even asked me if I wanted a guardian."
"Of course you would want a guardian" Fudge said, unable to help himself
"And of course you would want a diet plan you fat little shit" Harry spat back "don't presume to know what I want"
"How dare you?!" Dolores Umbridge beat the minister by one second "That is the minister of magic you are talking to"
"And who the hell are you?" Harry rolled his eyes
"I am Dolores Umbridge, senior undersecretary to the minister of magic"
"What part of me looks like I care?" Harry replied "I don't know you, I don't like you, I imagine that not many people do. Now, I am royally pissed off, so unless you want your position to open up in the ministry, I'd advise shutting up."
"How dare..."
"I dare" Harry cut her off, he then turned to the rest of the court "now, nobody asked me if I wanted a guardian. Nobody bothered to check if my living situation was abusive, which it wasn't, nobody asked if I wanted to change it, which I don't. But now you colossal idiots have brought me here and I have lost half an hour of my life, so I am getting something out of this or so help me, someone is going to pay. Now, normally I would just let the adults do their jobs but currently it seems that you lot are uncapable of doing so."
"Mr Potter..." Dumbledore began
"Shut it Dumbles, I'm taking over" Harry cut him off "I'd like this to be finished by today so clearly it needs someone with at least half of a brain to hurry it up"
"Don't you disrespect us boy!" One member shouted
"That is not disrespect, when I disrespect you, trust me when I say that you'll now" Harry narrowed his eyes slightly at the man, causing the man to become just a bit uncomfortable "now" Harry turned back to everyone "first step of business, remove Dumbledore as Chief Warlock for this session"
"Why?" Amelia Bones frowned
"Firstly because I don't like him, secondly he was the one who originally didn't give me a proper guardian in the first place, thirdly because his pet death eater tried to mind rape me, fourthly because his deputy headmistress tried to use my parents memory against me and he didn't do anything, fifthly because he makes decisions for me without my consent, sixthly because he's a prat, seventhly I will be very upset if he is in charge of this whole thing and before anyone says anything, just know that I am mildly annoyed right now. You do not want to see me when I'm upset. Shall I go on?"
"No...no you don't need to go" Amelia blinked and then turned to Dumbledore. It was common knowledge that Snape, a man who Dumbledore constantly defended, had tried to mind rape Harry Potter so it was understandable that Harry didn't trust him. Also if this was annoyed then Amelia thought that Harry Potter was right, they didn't want to see him when he was angry.
"Very well" Dumbledore sighed "let's put it to a vote, all those in favour" Most seemed to put their hands up, though the glares from the boy-who-lived may have helped speed up the voting "very well, before I step down, we need to decide on an acting chief warlock or witch"
"I vote for Madam Marchbank" One voice said, a minute later an old witch by the name of Marchbank was voted in and Dumbledore was escorted out as he no longer had any business here.
"Alright now that we got that over with, let's move on" Harry said
"Mr Potter, you are not in charge here" One member said
"Well I am taking charge because frankly I have better things to do then stay and listen to you lot argue over what you might have forgotten is my future, this is my life and I am in charge of it. I sure as hell am not wasting another half an hour for you all to get this over with. Now, first of all, give me the list of the families that want me."
"Mr Potter I..." Chief Witch Marchbank was interrupted by Shadow flying off Harry's shoulder and snatching the list and bringing it back to Harry
"Thank you Shadow" Harry said as he read the list "merlin knows that Britain needs help when a bird is more efficient then the people in charge"
"That is it!" Nott senior stood up and shouted "I will not tolerate such disrespect from a deformed brat!"
"If you want me to stop then come down and make me" Harry said in a bored voice as he read the list. Nott looked like he was about to but he was stopped by Lord Parkinson grabbing his arm. "Okay, now let's look at this list of potential candidates. I'm just ignore all the people I've never met. Okay we have Miss Bones, nice woman, nice niece as well but I don't think I'm the kind of person you want in your house. Greengrass and Davis, I like your daughters but not enough to want to live in your houses. Let's see...hmm...don't know that person. I'm just going to cross off Malfoy, Nott and all the other death eater people"
"Now hold on!" Fudge demanded "Those are upstanding members of society and they were under the imperius curse and..."
"They did not take veritaserum during their trials" Harry interrupted "forgive me, but I am not trusting my safety to them...unless they want to come down and take some truth serum now"
"You don't order us boy" Parkinson sneered
"That's what I thought dipshit" Harry turned his attention back to the list "not going to bother, no, nope, definitely not him, he's probably a paedophile and I can't be bothered to deal with another. No, nope, he looks crazy, boring, hold on, why are the Weasley's on here?" Harry turned to the Weasley parents who were sitting in the guest chairs "You lot want to adopt me?"
"Well yes" Molly smiled "I..."
"Are you crazy?" Harry said before she could continue
"What do you mean?" Arthur frowned
"Don't you lot already have like five kids?" Harry asked
"We have seven actually" Molly admitted
"That's worse!"
"But the first two are already out of the house and..."
"Aren't you also poor? I remember Malfoy Jr pointing that out enough times, why are you adding an extra mouth to feed when you're poor?"
"We're not that poor" Arthur defended himself "we could be able to afford it" He resisted the urge to add 'barely'
"Oh yeah? How much spare money do you have after paying for all the expenses? Is it enough to divide between six kids and keep them all happy?"
"Uh...well...yeah...I think so"
"You just fill me with confidence" Harry said sarcastically "Even if you could afford it, which I doubt, one of your sons is Ronald Weasley right?"
"Yes" Molly nodded
"That's settled, I am not going to whatever land of madness created Ronald Weasley. If I was you then I would learn a bit about saving money and not wasting it, especially by adding more children to your family." Harry then turned to the list and ignored the gaping reactions of the Weasley's "now back to this bloody list. I notice that Sirius Black isn't on this list"
"Sirius Black was a mass murderer and the betrayer of your parents!" One member shouted
"How do you know?" Harry asked
"What?"
"How do you know? Did you attend his trial?"
"Everyone knows that Black did it" Fudge interrupted
"Is that the same way everyone in the muggle world 'knows' that magic doesn't exist? Because we are a giant living middle finger to that belief and I'd rather not risk a man's life and sanity on everyone 'knows'. Now, who here attended Sirius Black's trial?" Nobody raised a hand "Did he even get a trial?"
"Go search for the trial of Sirius Black" The chief witch ordered one of the court assistant who nodded and walked off
"Okay, now back to this list." Harry took a few moments to read it "I don't like or approve of any of these people"
"Mr Potter, I am on the list" Lady Longbottom pointed out, believing that Harry hadn't seen her name. Harry looked at the list for a second before he spotted his name
"Ah, found it"
"That's good"
"Okay, now back to this list. I don't like or approve of any of these people" Harry repeated, causing Lady Longbottom to gape at him, she was about to respond when the assistant came back
"Ma'am, there is no trial transcript, apparently Sirius Black never had a trial" Shouting and screaming began as the courtroom was thrown into chaos. The Chief Witch tried to gain order but she wasn't succeeding
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" A magically amplified voice roared and the room went quiet, everyone looked at Harry who was gesturing for Andromeda to cancel the sonorous spell she placed on him "thank you" He said to her before turning back to the court "it is nice to know that the second something big happens you lot jump into screaming and shouting. Merlin I fear for our country if you lot are in charge. Now, that is something I expect you lot to deal with. Also Minister, did you 'know' that Sirius Black didn't have a trial"
"Uh no...I didn't...I really didn't" Fudge said as everyone turned to him, Dolores Umbridge was about to come to his aid when Harry continued
"Well now I 'know' that you're an idiot, the next minister hopefully checks his bloody facts" Harry said
"You're disrespect..." Dolores began
"Is amusing for me and that's all I care about" Harry interrupted her with a small grin
"You filthy half-blooded..."
"Hey look everyone, the ministers secretary is a prejudiced bitch" Harry pointed at her "the minister supports discrimination"
"I do not!" Fudge squeaked
"Well nobody sees you stopping it tubby" Harry replied "and by her pointing out my blood status, she is insulting me and my mother and my father by extension seeing as he loved her enough to marry her. My parents were war hero, she's insulting war heroes, and you're not doing anything. Are you sporting her in disrespecting war heroes? You are? You bitch!"
"No...no I'm not" Fudge said quickly "Dolores will not do that again, will she? In fact she won't even talk at all, right?" Fudge glared at Umbridge, who just nodded even though she fumed at the way Potter disrespected her
"Good" Harry grinned "now, let's get this shit over with so I can get on with my life and the rest of you can fuck off"
"Potter! Mind your language!" Lady Longbottom commanded "You have been disrespectful and rude this entire meeting"
"Lady, I promise you that this is nothing. I'm pulling all this off the top of my head while being tired, just wait and see what I can do on a day when I'm prepared and actually have energy. Now as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, I'm choosing my guardian and seeing that Sirius Black is still in Azkaban because the ministry is too incompetent to realise when people haven't had trials, I'm choosing Bellatrix Lestrange"
"She's a death eater!" One member shouted
"Is she? Because unlike Malfoy, Nott and a few others here, she took veritaserum to support her claim. She was freed by the very court we stand in, her daughter is my best friend and she is currently the closest I have to a mother. Now you lot seem to think you're in charge, let me make it clear, you are not in charge here. You have a few choices, give me to Bellatrix and I don't bother any of you and we can get all this over with. Your second choice is to try and force me into a house I don't want. Do that and then you can expect two things, the first being for this meeting to happen again because the guardians you chose will no longer have a house to live in and expect me to leave this country as soon as possible. That would be a brilliant article, 'The 'boy-who-lived' leaves Britain because idiots can't help but be idiots'. Make your choice and make a good one...or I will show you what a really angry Harry Potter looks like"
"Let's take a vote on it" Madam Marchbank said as everyone thought over what had just happened. It was clear that Harry Potter was going to fight over any choice that wasn't Bellatrix. The dark side weren't willing as Potter would insist on veritaserum being used on them and they didn't want that while the light side wouldn't force a boy to live with them, especially when said boy seemed to be an angry rage machine capable of laying a verbal smackdown on just about anyone. "Miss Lestrange, are you willing to take guardianship?" Bellatrix rose from her position in the crowd
"Yes" She nodded with teary eyes "I would love to become Harry's guardian. I swear that I will always love and care for him"
"All those for Miss Lestrange?" Pretty much every hand went up, apart from a select few like Lady Longbottom and Umbridge. "It is settled then, custody of Harry Potter goes to Bellatrix Lestrange"
"No!" Augusta shouted as she rose from her seat, her attention to Harry "Why on earth would you chose that vile woman to be your guardian?!"
"Because I like her" Harry said with a confused look "why else would I chose her?"
"You're not thinking straight! I would be a much better guardian than her"
"You raised Neville on your own right?" Harry asked
"Yes, I did" Lady Longbottom nodded
"Well I refuse for three reasons, the first is the fact that Neville is either naturally shy or you just made him that way with how you raised him, the second is because I fear you'll chose my clothes for me and your fashion sense frightens me as it is. The third is because you told me you wanted me to get rid of my familiar" Shadow, from his position on Harry's shoulder, rubbed his head against Harry's "you told me you wanted to get rid of my first friend, the biggest constant in my life, you would control my life and I am not someone you control! I am my own person and I will do what I want and be who I want!" Harry spat the last words out
"You're making a mistake!"
"You're making a fuss" Harry shrugged, his demeanour changing instantly to calm and collected
"He's right Augusta, control yourself" Madam Marchbank hissed
"This isn't over!" Lady Longbottom vowed
"Of course it isn't, the court hasn't been dismissed yet" Harry rolled his eyes as if he was talking to a child "speaking of, can you?" He asked the chief witch
"The custody of Harry Potter is at a close, you may leave, is there anything you want to say before you do?" The chief witch immediately regretted asking but knew it was something that had to be offered
"Yes actually, first I want to thank Lord Greengrass, Davis and Lady Bones. I'm good friends with your daughters and I've only met Susan a few times, though she seems nice. Unlike the others, I actually considered your homes because I respect you and I have nothing against you. As for the rest of you..." Harry blew a raspberry and gave them the finger before he left with Bellatrix following him.
"Harry!" Bellatrix pulled him into a big hug once they were out "Thank you! This means a lot! Thank you!" She cried into his shoulder
"Yeah well...you were there for me...now I'm here for you" Harry hugged her back. He didn't think he'd ever be comfortable with hugging, though now he guessed it just depended on the person.