[down the drain...]
.
Cole was still holding him when the two came back. By that time, the rest of the team stood there alongside the earth and fire ninja and they all waited for some news.
"They're gone," announced Lloyd gloomily once he and Jay caught their breaths. However, before anyone could react to the news (Kai felt a pit swallow his insides), the green ninja continued, "But we did find what might be one of their secret hideouts. That's where we lost them, so it's possible it's connected to more."
"We should probably go check it out before they try and get rid of their traces," offered Nya, slamming her fist into her hand, ready to take action as fast as possible.
"That's exactly what I was going to say."
"Wait, so we all go?" Cole spoke up before anyone could turn around and run away. Kai tried to get out of his arms but Cole's grip only tightened. Just like traps do. Just like when you get caught and all your desperate attempts to free yourself only backfire.
"Well, it would be good to have as much power on our hands as possible but maybe it's not the worst idea to have someone stay back. You know, in case this is only a distraction."
"Lloyd has a good point, there is a certain possibility they are counting on us on following them."
"All right, so." Lloyd clapped his hands together and looked at his team. His gaze lingered on Kai, who was still weakly wrestling with Cole but the moment the red ninja looked back at him, Lloyd avoided his eyes.
"Cole, you and Kai can stay at the monastery and look out for anything suspicious with Pixal. Everyone else, come with me before it's too late." When he got a nod from Cole, he led the others along with Jay to where they lost their suspect.
Kai, finally having enough, ripped his arms from Cole's hands and crossed them, looking after his team that was disappearing into the sleeping city. He was very well aware of what Lloyd has done and as much as he loved his little brother, he wasn't going to forgive him for this one that easily.
"Kai, come on, let's go," said Cole from behind him. He glanced at him to see his hand with which he reached out. While he wanted to be furious with everyone, part of him whispered that it wasn't a smart thing to do, that it would just prove their point, and so he took Cole's hand and let him lead the way back home.
That was, however, where he gave up and got angry despite whatever that voice whispered to him. Why should he listen to it? What did it know? He was hurt! Despite everything, they deemed him not stable or strong enough to go with them! Him! The fire ninja!
He slammed the door of his room shut and gripped the edge of his desk as he leaned over it, trying to breathe out his anger despite being aware that it won't work and he's just risking setting the poor piece of furniture on fire. As far as Kai was concerned, setting something on fire would only make him feel better but they would judge and it would create a cursed cycle. There is just nothing more satisfying than watching his own element destroy even the things he himself wouldn't be able to. Watching those flames carefully hug its prey; lick it, as if it wanted to reassure it that it's safe now; feed onto its life and grow, grow stronger until nothing can stop it.
"Hey, at least we've got some free time together – as long as Pixal doesn't spot anything, that is." There was a hand on his shoulder. As calming as it was, Kai was freaked out – or perhaps angry with himself for not noticing it – that he never saw Cole come into his room. He was so consumed by his own anger (just how wood gets consumed by fire; his own element turned against him – who can you trust anymore?) that he didn't notice anything.
And that could cost lives.
"Breathe with me, Firefly, or you're gonna get yourself a fever again."
As much as he didn't want to, Kai listened to him and took several deep breaths, mostly through his nose, until they both felt his temperature go down. Kai knew that the fire was still far from dying, it was just under control now but it could break free any moment. He knew it, and he had a feeling that the moment was getting closer and closer.
"None of you trust me," he muttered. "Why does everyone act like I'm this poor victim that can't even take care of themself? I was fine! I had them!"
"Yeah, I've seen that."
"Then why did you stop me?" He got out of his reach and began pacing back and forth, rubbing his knuckles, ignoring Cole's eyes with all his might. He was determined not to give him the satisfaction of acknowledgement just as his team – his family – did the same to him.
"Because I didn't want you to do something you'd regret," came Cole's simple response. Kai hated his cool approach to the situation. How dare he stay calm when he himself was on the verge of exploding!
"Bullshit!"
"Kai." Honestly, Kai couldn't tell if he was getting scolded for his language or the other thing.
"I haven't even done anything. And even if, would it matter? They deserve it! They used you to get to me and that's just a fraction of all they've done! Who would care?"
"You would," Cole said. Something in his voice, his words, made Kai stop and look at him. As if he hit a wall. "Your consciousness. Maybe not right away but eventually it would eat you alive."
"That's–"
"I know you, Kai, all right? God, I feel like I know you better than I know myself! I know you would never get over killing someone no matter what they would do to you! All of us have trouble accepting the fact that our missions come with victims but so far everything has been indirect. I can't even imagine how much messed up any of us could get if we pulled the trigger."
Shaking his head slightly, it was almost invisible, Kai stated, "I don't need protection."
"No, you don't. You need a brake and the one you had is out of service, so I'm stepping in." Cole stood firmly, never moving an inch. His eyes were boring into him and Kai felt the fire grow without anywhere to go. It could only burn there idly.
He wanted to punch him – but just that thought, however fleeting, made him hate himself. What was worse, he felt his hands warm up. If he could barely handle his own anger, how could he handle it when it's mixed with guilt?
"Why should you even care!"
Cole rolled his eyes. "Seriously? Come on, you're better than to ask that."
"Maybe I'm just not as perfect as you think." Kai made his inner self desperately search for any way of turning the situation in his favour. Pushing Cole away was one of those, yet he felt like being torn apart as his mind found itself in another dispute. It was the same thing over and over.
Push him away.
Don't let him go.
Push him away.
Don't let him go.
Please, I don't want to be alone.
What do they know?
"I don't think you're perfect." As if all tension dropped off Cole. Kai was shocked. He couldn't understand anything anymore. All he wanted was for it to be over. He wanted everything to be over, to lay down, to rest... He was used to the exhausting life of an elemental master and to all his duties as a ninja but things just got into another twist and made everything ten times worse.
"I don't think you're a messed up failure either," Cole went on. "I think you're in that grey area just like every single one of us. Maybe you are reckless, but at the same time, you're extremely loving. Maybe you mess up – just as everyone else does – but you never give up, you always try to fix your mistake and do even more to make up for it. They can say whatever they want but it's only half of the real picture. Maybe you get easily controlled by your emotions but who doesn't? It's not a weakness to feel things, Kai! It's quite the opposite! It makes you stronger, it makes you able to not lose yourself completely."
"But–"
"Without emotions, you would sink to the deepest depths and never get back up. But with them, you're still able to stop yourself. Able to forgive or not forgive but let go and save at least yourself. Don't forget that, Kai, please don't ever forget that."
Kai felt tears sting his eyes and he hated everything. This isn't the kind of burn he likes so much. When those arms wrapped around him, he allowed his knees to give out because he knew Cole would catch him no matter what.
"How do you do it?" he hiccuped into the crook of his neck. "How do you make me believe it's actually you?"
"I didn't even know I did that, Kai."
Cole would never lie to him. Perhaps that was it. His honesty. No matter how much it hurt or frustrated him.
There are no cameras in the ninja's rooms. Sure, it might be risky at times and there are moments in which having some cameras there would be useful, however, the team decided they each wanted some privacy and their wishes were respected. So there were never installed any cameras in the bedrooms, they were almost everywhere except for those. To this day, it wasn't an issue. No one broke in via the rooms not only since the way up to the mountain was long and exhausting for many, but also because no one outside the monastery was even aware of this fact that could certainly play into someone's cards.
And once Cole left to go see Pixal and look over surveillance footage of the city, there were no witnesses in the particular bedroom that perhaps needed it most.
The red ninja was in a rush. He pulled out a pair of sai, which he barely ever touched unless he wanted to take care of them, but they came in handy that day. He deemed his katanas to be too long. Perhaps there was a reason some part of him made him take clean the weapons despite his constant doubts that he would ever use them.
Once he was armed and assured that the coast was clear, Kai climbed out the window and closed it behind himself. Then he moved in all the blind spots he learned about over the years and left the grounds of the monastery, and eventually the mountain. Where was he going? He wasn't entirely sure. All he followed was that feeling deep within him that might be sending him on a wild goose chase but he decided to trust it. Something, maybe a voice, was telling him which way to go. And while it did mean he had to face what he preferred to avoid, he was willing to do so one last time.
He hoped it was the last time.
Still, it was unpleasant, and Kai couldn't wait to get it over with. It only brought the paranoia back and he had to use all his might to ignore the feeling that someone was watching him because it was most likely just a phantom of something that was supposed to be long gone.
He's not there anymore, Kai, that's long over. You're just overthinking it. Calm down, it's fine.
For good measure, he looked over his shoulder a few times but of course, there was no one to be found hiding behind him. Did that soothe the paranoia? No. So he had to just ignore it, otherwise, it would get him off track.
The sky above was getting paler and paler but it still wasn't enough, there were still dark shadows looming everywhere over him. The lamplight wasn't strong enough to chase them away – it never is.
His legs and mind brought him to a part of the city he had either never been in before or simply didn't remember being there. Based on its looks, there surely was no reason to visit it anyway. From what he could see – and there was really barely anything to be seen, thanks to the lower number of those weak lamps – the buildings weren't cared for and were slowly losing the battle with time. The plaster was peeling off like dead skin, the green wasn't tamed and did whatever it wanted. And somehow it was even more silent than the rest of the city.
What a ghost town.
Kai wasn't going to let the silence and frail appearance fool him. Somewhere within this place, there were people more than ready to pay for their wicked actions.
Everything was fueled by pure instinct. Every single step he took and every single turn he made, Everything. Even the kick that broke down the door of one of the weakest houses was guided by that faint feeling. Determination was his best friend.
And it seemed to pay off, for he walked into one of those hooded figures from their previous encounters. Getting rid of them was hilariously easy. All Kai had to do was trip them and knock them unconscious. It took him two hits to get them to lie motionless on the dirty floor.
For a moment he was afraid he celebrated too early. He couldn't find anything else besides mountains of useless crap but then, thanks to the silence, he noticed that at certain places, his steps sounded different. It didn't take him long from that discovery to find a trapdoor leading to some upgraded basement. There, he met another person but it was the same quick process – trip and knock out. Simple as that. He should be unsettled by the simplicity of it all but all Kai felt was that fire gnaw on the wood, getting stronger and stronger with every next step.
Sometimes stealing a lollipop from a child really is just that. Easy.
No need to let the paranoia creep back up. No need to feel the spiders crawl up his spine. No need to keep looking back – all you will see is what you've already seen. There's no one. Especially not him. He's gone.
As he walked towards the door at the end of the corridor (because he just knew to go there), Kai unsheathed his sai and got ready.
Kick down the door, don't hesitate.
"I'm so sorry to let you know that your moment of surprise is gone like this."
Despite being surprised himself, in one swift move, Kai blocked their attack and pushed them away from him. Now it was time for that good old show tango. Familiar clinks and clangs filled Kai's ears for the umpteenth time. He could never count how many times he did this. Except for the weapon of choice. Luckily the change didn't hold him back much. If anything, he felt more flexible.
Flexible was good. Just as the flames can twist around any shape, that's how he was supposed to be.
Another thing that played into his hands was the fact that his opponent was still weak from their earlier fight. The red line across their face was still fresh and still threatening to spill more blood if they gave it a reason to.
Kai, on the other hand, has found more strength during his short break. More coal to fuel him.
And their lack of breath equalled a lack of taunting words.
So it was no surprise that it didn't take long for Kai to gain the upper hand again and they were laying on the ground again and Kai was towering over them just like the shadows in the streets above.
His sai just below their throat, teasing the skin, teasing the veins.
"Do it, then," they struggled to say. "Finish it, free yourself. Master knows it won't help you. But hey, people do tons of things for that short-lived pleasure, am I right? Why should I stop you?"
"You're pretty calm for someone who's gonna die without ever achieving whatever you wanted to achieve," Kai muttered and pushed harder on the blade.
"That's because I already did."
"What?" Careful. As if he stepped on a frail edge, stones fell down te pit and Kai had to back away before he would risk following them. He readjusted his grip on the sai.
"There never was a big plan! All we wanted to do was break you. Granted, we hoped for greater damage but even without one wheel the car can't move properly. It becomes unreliable. Just like you."
"The hell are you talking about?"
"We just prepared you for someone else, like hotel service before someone else checks in. Now, if someone tries to do something, the ninja will be a bit weaker! Bit by bit you will eventually all break."
"But that's–"
"I live for chaos, I don't care who causes it!" they boomed. "Doesn't matter whether it's us or somebody else, the damage is done!"
"You haven't even done anything!" Kai couldn't comprehend what was going on, his mind felt frozen and a part of him began to fear that it was merely a plan to distract him. Yet he couldn't stop his bafflement.
"I will die knowing I broke the mighty fire ninja's spirit," they whispered, raising their head a little above the ground, pressing more into the blade it made a drop of blood finally appear. Kai felt sick. "And one day you will die knowing it was the easiest thing in the world. So who's actually the winner here?"
Don't forget, don't forget, don't forget.
The red ninja (red like that droplet of blood, that little red tear) had finally had enough. With a cry, he raised his hand and the next moment was filled with pained, muffled whimpers as they tried to contain them, as they tried to rid him of the satisfaction.
Kai stood up and avoided looking at the sai stabbed into their arm, keeping them pinned to the ground.
There was another groan of hurt and Kai wanted to yell at them to shut up but it quickly turned into laughter. His insides turned and he actually thought he was going to be sick. Not just by the sight – rather by the nature of his nightmare.
"Ah, that's brilliant!" they exclaimed. "I actually thought I was going to die! Listen, ninja, you're pretty sick in the head too, no? Edging your victims like that, I don't think that's coming from our merit!"
"Just shut up," Kai muttered in annoyance. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away as he contemplated what to do next. Cole's words were stuck in his head and he couldn't tell whether or not it was pissing him off.
He didn't want to sink to the deepest depths, he hated water.
But what was it like to drown in blood?
Was it even possible? To drown in blood?
"Or what? You'll stab my other arm? Or better yet, my leg? The pain won't stop me from enjoying seeing you drown in your own self!"
Drown. Sink.
Where were the straws he was supposed to grasp at?
"You couldn't even finish the job, isn't that pathetic? You almost had me, all that was left was one swift move. And you couldn't even do that! Doesn't that feel awful? Being constantly held back by your own consciousness? Don't you wanna be free?"
Kai turned back only to meet their eyes. There was something in them and despite how terrified Kai was of the sight, he couldn't look away.
"You're just like your element. You both lust for one thing but they don't want to give it to you. Seems like you just had to take it yourself, huh?"
"Shut up."
"Blood. You desire my blood just as fire desires to consume everything in sight. Take it! Kill me! Kill the person that's at fault for everything wrong with you and you'll be free!"
"I told you to shut up!"
"I took his appearance, how would you know I won't do it again? Maybe I could do it at any possible moment. Or maybe I already did. How do you know your beloved earth master is actually him?"
Kai stared at them.
"I can give you what you want. Or better yet – you can take it yourself. There's no one to stop you. I definitely can't stop you. No one has to know. It will be your little secret. But you'll be free, right? Satisfy the hunger, Kai."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Let go and save at least yourself.
Or end this all and free yourself.
Who exactly was the balloon in this scenario?
He raised his other sai and stepped towards them when some force tackled him and Kai found himself on the ground as well, staring into Cole's pleading eyes. His grip on Kai's wrists wasn't the strongest but it still made him drop the weapon and the ringing seemed to echo through his skull.
"Are you all right?"
Kai had no idea why he was asking that, especially in their situation.
"Of course I am." He pushed him off and stood up.
"Bloodlust is a curious thing, isn't it?" they went on, completely unfazed by the fact that there was a sai sticking out of their arm. Until it wasn't. Cole walked over and pulled it out, inspected it in his hand, and then handed it over to Kai. His behaviour got both Kai and their enemy to stare silently. Kai wondered what was up with him besides all of his other questions, while they seemed to be intrigued by his calm silence, almost looking up at him in child-like wonder. The weird twist of his insides was back and he felt his hands tremble. To stop it, he clenched his fists.
"Come here," Cole muttered while he pulled them up into a sitting position, having them leaned against the wall.
"... What are you doing?" Kai asked but Cole waved him off. He poked their face.
"Do you feel that?"
"Of course I feel it." For the first time (and Kai noticed the tingle of satisfaction within himself), they seemed unnerved. Maybe even annoyed by the odd turn of events. Or perhaps they're just angry that somebody poked their face – because who would like a stranger to poke their face out of nowhere?
"Good, that's good," Cole muttered as he rubbed the knuckles of his right hand. Before Kai could come to any conclusion or get any time to question him further, there was a low thud as his fist collided with their head which in turn hit the wall behind. And just like that, the person was knocked unconscious. "You know, I hate talkative people."
"You're best friends with Jay," Kai deadpanned.
Cole turned to him with a grin that was far from how they both felt inside but it was still a nice sight and somehow helped Kai calm down a little. "I guess exceptions have got to be made sometimes."
Kai hummed, keeping his distance. "You're gonna tell me now how you found me?"
"I followed you."
"I–"
"You tried to avoid the cameras, sure, but Kai, you're forgetting you're not the only ninja in the house. Monastery."
"So when I–"
"Yeah, I guess your sixth sense was right but I couldn't just show myself because you would just get mad and refuse to let me help." Cole's tone switched slightly. "Now I'm asking questions. Care to tell me how the hell you knew about this place?"
Kai shrugged. "Instinct."
Cole raised a brow, crossed his arms and hummed, "Instinct you say."
"Look, I don't know, I just followed the feeling I got... you know... that night."
"But it was supposed to be out of your system!"
"I guess I just remembered it well, what do I know, Cole!" Then, as if he remembered he was still holding the bloody sai, he threw it on the ground next to the other one and turned away.
"I also let the others know about this."
Kai sighed. "I'll just pack my bags, it's fine. No need to worry about my sorry ass anymore."
"What are you on?"
"I almost killed them if it wasn't for you! I really tried not to but I just..." The tears he felt rolling down his cheeks made him shut up. And once again, the skills he harnessed over the years failed him as he didn't notice Cole walk back to him until there was his hand on his shoulder.
"Come on, look at me, please."
Usually, Kai would refuse. If anyone else was going to witness the master of fire crying, he would do anything in his power to avoid it. But Cole has already been there, he was his exception.
So Kai turned and found himself enveloped in one of those bear hugs that usually came with his tears. Yet not even the kiss on his head made him give out to the sobs, he held them back with all his might until all he could do was tremble in Cole's arms.
"You said it's not bad to feel emotions but they almost made me... almost made me snap."
"We've all been there," Cole said. "We've all had someone get under our skin until we became desperate."
"Everyone's gonna think I'm a monster."
"I don't. So just that proves you wrong. And they will understand. You haven't even done anything and even if, I think deep down most of us would feel a sense of vengeance. Family is there to love you unconditionally, okay?"
"You're just saying that."
"But doesn't even that prove something? Just how your own guilt does?"
Not having any idea what to respond with and being too weak to fight back his arguments nevertheless, Kai just stood there along with Cole while the black ninja rubbed his back. The silence was disturbed by his deep breaths as Kai tried to calm down the waves which threatened to take over him. And the more he shook, the more he held onto Cole.
"It's over. It's over, okay? We'll be good now."
"Why do you still stick with me? I hurt you. I have a hard time believing it's actually you and you still always stay with me. Why?"
Cole pulled away but kept holding onto Kai. It didn't take Kia long to notice the distant footsteps. "I'll always be there for you, all right? No matter what."
"But why–"
"Come on, I think we both know." Maybe Kai would've asked more but Cole gave him a quick peck on his lips just when new familiar voices appeared. "But we can discuss that some other time, okay?" he added, rubbing his shoulders. The fact that it made Kai, the master of fire, warm was ridiculous to him. Cole always did it. Now he just had to hold onto that trustful feeling with all his might.
"Guys?" It came from farther away, from behind the door. Not too long after that, Lloyd and the others emerged from the door and froze in shock at the scene, then Nya ran to Kai who Cole let go of.
"Are you all right?" she asked cupping his face, looking him all over like a concerned mother. Exactly the way he used to do when they were young, only had each other, and Nya was a wild child – too difficult to handle for a little boy who could barely tame his own self.
"Yeah, I'm uninjured." From her expression, he could tell she wasn't completely satisfied with his words but she hugged him tightly nevertheless. Then she pulled away and smacked the back of his head.
"Going alone! You always do this, how many times do you have to do this before you realise you've got a team to watch your back?" He glanced at Cole to see his provocative 'I told you so' smile and just that made him feel a little content with himself, at least for that brief moment.
"It was just three guys."
"And? It's not like you could've known that! Do I have to buy you a collar thingy for children or what!" And then Kai hugged her again and held his little big sister close, which earned him a surprised squeal but all that mattered to him was that she was there, to hell with what anyone else could think.
Off to the side, Cole went to stand next to Zane as they scanned the motionless body.
"We could treat the wounds, wait for them to wake up, interrogate and then send them to Cryptarium."
"Do we want them with us? I would prefer to keep them as far away from Kai as possible."
"I would prefer that option too, unfortunately, my trust in the hospital is quite low, I'm afraid. I believe it wouldn't be a problem for them to get out of there or worse, get killed before we can learn anything more about their organisation."
"Hm, then I guess I would have to distract Kai from that. How unfortunate," Cole mused and got an amused look from them in return. "But I'm not sure they'll tell us much, even though they're one of the most talkative people I've had the courtesy to meet."
Lloyd joined them. "We've got the rest tied up back there, we can bring them to prison right away. Maybe they'd speak." In response, Zane hummed and their eyes stopped flashing. Then the ice ninja went to collect the body to tie them up and get them ready to go.
"Hey, how did that investigation go?" Cole asked as he nudged Lloyd with his elbow.
"Well, we didn't get much time to look all around but it seemed like an escape route anyway. Probably just some tunnel that got them closer to here." The blond smiled up at him. "Good thing you had eyes on Kai. This is probably the best outcome we could've hoped for."
And Cole couldn't help the grin from stretching across his face as he looked back to where he left the Smith siblings and caught Kai's gaze.
"Oh yeah," he chuckled. "You can always count on me to have eyes on Kai."
Fortunately for him, Kai smiled back, however slightly. It was a silent, unspoken message.
Better times are coming. And I'll be there for you through it all.