"You'll be 16 tomorrow!" Jeonghan cheered, clapping a hand on her shoulder as they waited backstage. "Are you excited?" Love shrugged, anxiously fiddling with the hem of her shirt. They'd styled her in a simple white crop top and blue jeans.
"We're performing again tomorrow," she mumbled, running a hand through her pink hair. Jeonghan frowned, knowing the comments of her being the only girl in the group were lingering in her mind.
"It'll be okay," he promised, pulling her into a hug. "What do you want for dinner tonight?" She hummed in thought, leaning her head against his chest carefully so as not to stain his clothes with her makeup.
"I don't know, I'm still pretty limited on what I can eat. Maybe gimbap?" He pecked her forehead, saying he'd make some before leading her on stage for the sound check. They sang their lines, the audio directors adjusting the vocals accordingly.
"It's coming out really clear today," Woozi commented. She smiled slightly, thanking him. Once their sound check was over, they began rehearsing the choreography, marking slightly so they'd still have energy for later.
Once they were released, they had thirty minutes before they were to be back onstage to perform. Love found herself wandering near Joshua. He noticed and offered her a warm smile that made her heart flutter, squeezing her hand gently.
"You nervous?"
"Is it that obvious?"
He chuckled in understanding. "Just keep doing what you have been, it's been great in every performance so far." She poked her tongue into the side of her cheek, turning away from his gaze.
"Thanks, Oppa," she half-heartedly replied. She found herself in the bathroom next, wanting a moment of silence before they had to go onstage again. Only, the silence allowed her thoughts to roam free, filled with negativity and insecurity.
No one had expected her to appear at their debut performance. She was meant to be a surprise, a sacred treasure that would make viewers love them even more. But that was never the case.
A mistake.
A whore.
Unnecessary.
That was just some of the vile things that had been said to her since their debut. Sure, not all fans thought she was awful, and some even had the bravery to applaud her. That didn't mean it made much of a difference against the sea of antis she now had in record time.
"Love?"
That was Seungcheol's voice. Had she been in there too long already? She opened the door, exiting with a small sigh. "We're about to go on," he softly explained. She nodded in understanding, taking a sip of water from a fountain. She felt his eyes on her, wanting to help but not wanting to say the wrong thing either. They were always like that with each other.
"I'll be okay," she said as confidently as she could. No one would've believed her, though. So, instead of saying that she could rely on him or it would get better like he was sure everyone already was, he pulled her into a hug. "Oppa?" she mumbled into his chest, a bit awkward as he wasn't one to initiate affection with her often.
"Just relax for a sec," he instructed. He took a deep breath, and her body automatically followed suit. Pulling away, he offered a small head pat before leading her to the others already getting ready.
•
•
•
"You're not gonna answer?" Dino asked, gesturing to her phone that had been vibrating the coffee table on and off for nearly twenty minutes now. She shook her head, absentmindedly fidgeting with a pencil. "Who is it?"
"My parents," she whispered, hands tensing at even the thought of them. He offered a sympathetic expression, pulling her to lean into him. She sighed loudly, letting him rub her arm comfortingly. Hoshi joined them, leaning on her so they were both now putting their weight on Dino.
"I didn't invite you, hyung," Dino jokingly complained.
"Too bad, here I am."
Joshua laughed at their antics, snapping a picture before they could object. Love smiled just a bit, patting the top of Hoshi's head. "The food will be done soon, wash your hands," Jeonghan instructed from the kitchen. They all got up, slumping toward the bathroom in a line.
"This is a lot of birthdays in a row," Seungkwan noticed. "Jun hyung, then Hoshi hyung, now Love." She nodded silently, rubbing her eyes.
"Our schedule tomorrow starts in the afternoon, so we can stay up a bit later," Seungcheol mentioned. "So if you wanna play some games for your birthday tonight, we can." She pursed her lips, shrugging.
"Maybe. Right now, I just wanna eat." They gathered in the living room with plates of gimbap after washing their hands. "It's really good," she said between bites. "Thank you."
"I'm glad you like it," Jeonghan hummed, taking a bite himself. They ate in mostly silence—Seventeen take food very seriously. It wasn't until after they'd all finished that Seungkwan suggested playing a game.
"Mafia?" Hoshi suggested with a sinister grin. Love lightly poked his cheek, shaking her head.
"It's too late for how much yelling that'll cause," she denied. "But, there is a game called paranoia that I'm somewhat interested in."
"Paranoia?"
"Yeah. Basically, you whisper a question to someone in the room, and they answer out loud. Then you flip a coin, and if it lands on heads, the question is revealed."
"That's scary," Dokyeom immediately said, shivering dramatically. "What if the question is something like 'Who in the group do you dislike?'"
"We won't do questions like that," Seungcheol immediately cut in. They nodded in agreement before asking how they should determine who goes first.
"Birthday girl goes first!" Seungkwan shouted.
"Wait, wait," she cut in. "What if we spin a bottle to determine who asks who?"
"Ooh! I like it!" Woozi exclaimed, clapping as he grabbed a long plastic bottle. She spun, the others drum rolling on their thighs until it landed on Vernon. Love thought for a second before scooting over and leaning into his ear.
"If you had a sister who was older than Sofia—your age, let's say, who would you be least opposed to her dating?" He cringed immediately at the thought of his sibling dating, even a fictional one.
"Joshua hyung?" he answered, though it came out as more of a question. Said member's ears perked as everyone became increasingly curious of the question. Jeonghan fished a coin out, flipping it.
"Guess we'll never know," Joshua mumbled as it landed on tails.
"Ah, now I get it," Hoshi exclaimed as Vernon went to spin the bottle next, heading toward Minghao accordingly and whispering something in his ear. They had a small hushed conversation, seemingly to clarify the question before he answered.
"Love, or Seungkwan," he answered.
"The suspense is killing me!" Seungkwan whined, making Love laugh as Jeonghan flipped the coin again. This time, it landed on heads.
"I asked, 'Who here is most likely to cry at a movie?'"
"That's accurate," Dino confirmed, messing up her hair before she slapped his thigh so he'd stop. "Wah! Birthday girl is so mean!" He dramatically fell to the side, making her roll her eyes.
Minghao spun, and it landed on Woozi. He whispered in his ear, and Woozi seemed to be filled with slight regret as he quietly sighed.
"Bakeries near me."
"Eh?" Love blurted. "Bakeries?" Jeonghan flipped the coin; heads.
"What was the last thing I searched," Woozi explained to Love. She seemed to be the only one who didn't know what was going on. Jeonghan smiled in her direction, getting up and heading to the fridge before returning with a small personal cake.
"We were saving it for tomorrow, but you might as well just have it now," he said, handing it to her with a fork. Her eyes watered immediately—she hadn't had a birthday cake since she was a little girl.
"Oppas..." She hastily wiped her eyes to prevent the tears that were threatening to spill. It didn't do much good, but they were nice enough to not tease her about it. "Thank you, thank you so much."
"Aigoo, did you think we wouldn't spoil our maknae at least a little bit?" Seungcheol cooed, pinching her cheek. She playfully glared at him, removing his hand.
"Do we have candles?" Mingyu asked.
"Oh, let me go—"
"—No," Love cut in. "No candles. The smoke will get trapped because of how small the apartment is."
They respected her wishes, still opting to sing Happy Birthday in several different keys at once, Hoshi and Seungkwan apparently competing for most dramatic rendition until she was laughing so hard tears sprung to her eyes again.
"Do you have a wish?" Jun asked.
"She can't tell us," Minghao cut in. "Or it won't come true." She shook her head at their antics, closing her eyes for a moment.
"Please...just let me spend more birthdays with them, that's all I wish for."
She took a small bite afterward, eyes going wide at how good it was. "It's my favorite flavor!" she shockingly noticed. Eyes turned to Woozi who flushed slightly.
"Of course, if you're gonna have a birthday cake it should be," he insisted to cover up his embarrassment at his soft spot for her. She offered a bite to everyone, not all taking one but thanking her regardless.
"I'm gonna save the rest," she said, hopping up to place it in the fridge so it would stay good. "Seriously, guys...thank you." Jeonghan pressed a kiss to the top of her head, wishing her a happy birthday once more.
"It's Jihoon Oppa's turn," she reminded.
They continued playing for nearly half an hour before Dino leaned in to ask her a question. "How old were you when you had your first kiss?" She pursed her lips, hesitating slightly.
"That's to be determined."
Dino looked at her confused, unsure of what that answer meant. "It...hasn't happened," she clarified, running a hand through her hair before hastily flipping a coin that thankfully landed on tails.
The game eventually faded as people finally grew tired and decided to either rest or do their own things. "I'm gonna go to the roof," Love said, mainly to Joshua who was the oldest in the room now.
"Keep your phone with you and take a jacket," he instructed. She nodded, grabbing one of their hoodies that happened to be nearby before exiting the apartment. As she made her way upstairs, her heart felt bittersweet. She was really grateful to the boys for having any sort of celebration for her birthday. But the realization that she was about to turn 16 and still hadn't had any sort of romantic interaction with anyone ever weighed on her mind.
She sighed, leaning on the railing slightly as she looked out into the night. The smarter, logical part of her knew that that was perfectly fine. If it was a friend back in America, she'd say things like, "Things happen in their own time," and "First kisses don't matter anyway." Only, this was Love, a teenage girl who happened to also be an idol in Korea now. She knew she'd never have time to herself again to date and experience those things.
"Hey," a voice suddenly called from behind her. "It's getting late." Dino. She sensed him approaching until he was next to her on the balcony. One glance was all it took for her to know two things; he was worried, and he was cold. Unfortunately, she didn't want to go back inside just yet, so she scooted closer to offer him some contact warmth.
He let her stand there silently next to him for a long time, waiting until she was ready to talk. It was one of the things she appreciated most about Chan; he rarely ever pushed.
"I've just been thinking, I guess." He took the olive branch he was giving her, turning his head to face her ever so slightly and show he was listening. "About your question. About my first kiss—lack thereof, rather."
Dino frowned, gently pulling her head to lean on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he mumbled against her hair. "I had a feeling after I asked that it bummed you out." She shook her head in such a small gesture she wondered if she imagined doing it.
"Chan...we gave up so much to be here."
"I know," he softly replied.
"We gave up our chance to be normal teenagers and go on dates and have relationships. And I love Seventeen with all my heart, but when I think about how much I'm missing—how much I might never even have, it makes my heart ache."
Dino gently guided her to sit on the bench before wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry I reminded you of something that hurts you this much," he sincerely apologized. She shook her head again, curling into his figure. He was caught by surprise since she didn't usually cuddle him this closely, but adjusted quickly so she'd be more comfortable.
"Is this okay?" she softly asked.
"Yeah, but are you okay?"
"I just want to know that I won't be waiting to have my first kiss when I'm 40 years old," she whined, making both of them laugh slightly as she poked fun of the situation. "Really, if I wait that long I might just die instead."
"Well, how old do you wanna be when you have your first kiss?" Dino asked. She shrugged.
"I don't know, I thought it'd have happened by now. I didn't think I'd still be worried about it at 16." Dino hesitated to reply, and she noticed. "What?" she asked, sitting further up. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You could still have your first kiss before you're 16," he blurted, making her cheeks flush as she was now fully sitting up.
"I'm sorry?"
"I'm saying, it's 11:57pm on June 16." She was in disbelief at his suggestion, feeling as if she wasn't even fully comprehending. However, there was no joking glint in his eye, and the way he was nervously flickering his gaze to and from her told her he was completely serious. "If you want to have your first kiss before you're 16, you can."
Love swallowed harshly. "If you're playing some sort of prank on me right now, I'll never forgive you." He shook his head vigorously.
"I swear I'm being serious. You have two minutes to decide if you wanna do this."
"Chan, I-I don't know, I don't want my first kiss to be meaningless." He frowned, seemingly hurt at the suggestion.
"It's not meaningless," he insisted. "You're my best friend, Love. I...I don't want you to regret your first kiss because it's with some douchebag that you just kissed so you could say you did it. I want it to be something that's special to you, with someone you trust."
His hand had taken hers at some point along the way, his thumb rubbing soothing circles along the top of hers. "11:58," he gently reminded. "You don't have to—"
"I want to," her mouth spoke before her mind realized it had decided. Her cheeks were now a burning red, and Dino had to suppress a snort at how easily embarrassed she became. "But I-I don't know how to do this."
Now it was his turn to become nervous. He sat up more, turning her so she was facing him before taking his hand in hers again, offering a small squeeze. "Do you just want a peck? Or a real kiss?" he asked, needing to know before he proceeded.
Even though she knew the answer, saying the word was difficult. "Real," she whispered, so quiet he almost didn't hear her. He checked the time; 11:59pm.
"Happy Birthday, Love."
His other hand had come up to her cheek at some point, gently guiding her to meet him halfway when she showed no resistance to his touch. The second their lips touched, Love felt like her heart was beating out of her chest in nervousness. As if silently asking her to relax a little, Dino grabbed her hands that had been awkwardly sitting in her lap and placed them on his shoulders—a safe place, he'd decided.
His hands returned to her cheeks afterward as he finally moved his lips against hers. She realized how warm and pillowy they were, faintly tasting her cake as well in a realization that made her smile ever so slightly.
Meanwhile, Dino wasn't quite sure what she'd been nervous about—it was her first kiss, but once she'd relaxed into it he was the one who felt like his head was spinning. Her hands had somehow moved towards his neck and hair, her fingers cautiously messing with the strands and simultaneously pulling him closer.
At this point, Love wasn't sure if this counted as her first kiss or her first few, but she couldn't think enough to care. She'd never felt such a pleasantly intimate sensation. They finally had to pull away once they ran out of air, but both stayed close, resting their foreheads on one another as they caught their breath.
"Was that okay?" he finally asked, sheepishly grinning. She nodded immediately, finding her eyes drifting to his lips once more. He noticed and flushed, but didn't move away. He let her connect their lips one final time, Love savoring the sensation as much as she could in case she didn't get it again for years.
"It's soft," she mumbled, gently tracing his lips with her thumb. "Really soft." Dino wasn't sure what to do at this point and briefly wondered if he'd somehow changed the nature of their friendship, but then he realized she wasn't focused on the fact that it was him. It was the sensations, the physical feelings she was paying attention to.
She sighed softly, pulling away and placing a kiss on his cheek that caught him off guard.
Her arms wrapped around him in a tender embrace, her head relaxing onto his shoulder. Again, he wasn't sure what was happening, which was rare when it came to Love. "Thank you," she whispered against the skin of his neck, her hands squeezing his shirt tightly. "I hope you don't regret this."
"Never," he replied. And even though he hadn't really thought it through, he didn't. Not because of any feelings he had for her—they really were just friends. But because the fact that they could kiss, that she let him be her first, and still didn't feel like now they had to act differently with each other just proved that he didn't need to regret anything.
"I'm sure it's not the birthday present you expected, but I hope it held meaning for you and maybe eased your pain a bit." She smiled slightly, nodding. "Love?" he softly called. She hummed. "Don't take this the wrong way, considering we just kissed and all. But I love you."
She laughed, the sound sending waves of reassurance to her best friend. "I love you too, Chan." Love paused for a moment. "Thank you for always being there for me."
"You don't have to thank me for that."
She pulled away from his shoulder to stand up, holding out a hand. "Come on, we should head in." He nodded, letting her lead him downstairs.
Before they went inside, he stopped her, fixing her hair that had become a bit ruffled. She did the same for him, and then the two snuck inside as quietly as they could seeing as everyone was now asleep.
She snuck into her room, pausing to glance at Joshua's cute sleeping figure before making her way to her bed. She closed her eyes, thinking back on the day. She'd had no idea it would turn out this way, but she couldn't say she minded.
"To think my first kiss would be him. How silly, yet how lovely."