"Oh, come forth into the storm and rout, and be my love in the rain." -Robert Frost
Memory Lane: Chapter Twenty Nine
Quinn wasn't kidding when she said she was banned from playing pool at The Oven Bird. When we got here earlier, Kendall and I convinced her to attempt to play one round. The second her hand touched the pool cue, we heard a loud whistle from the bar where Ferncliff was shaking his head at us.
With just the four of us at the table, Quinn's ban makes playing pairs exit the conversation.
"I can play against the two of you on a team?" I offer to Kendall and Allen, leaning against the table.
Randomly, a burning sensation begins forming on my leg from where the pressure of the table is being applied and I flinch away. Kendall sends me a look of concern, glancing at the table in confusion.
I clear my throat and quickly throw on a smile despite the way the burning remains. "Must have hit an existing bruise, or something."
Kendall buys the lie instantly and nods, "When I drink, I always wake up with random bruises."
"You didn't drink though, Laura," Quinn points out.
"Still, being around you and your form of dancing last night probably gave me some battle scars," I joke.
Quinn's lips tug into a scowl and she tosses a balled up napkin at me. I laugh as I catch it and toss it back onto the high-top table she's sitting at. Always trying to teach us new dance moves, last night was no exception from Quinn. This time, her dance felt like Kendall and I were a human pinball machine since she kept slamming into us as part of the routine...
"My Uncle taught me that dance when he got back from..." she trails off, scrunching her face, "Actually, I can't remember where he learned that one."
"Or you made it up yourself and you're trying to use him as an excuse," Allen suggests.
Quinn throws the napkin at Allen this time, who evades it with a small step to the right.
"So, are we going to play on uneven teams, then?" I ask Kendall and Allen.
"Looks like we won't have to," he nods toward someone behind me.
I twist my head around and lock eyes with a familiar, sea-green gaze. Without meaning to, I feel my lungs deflate in disappointment that Steven is the one on his way over and not Jesse.
Since Tuesday, Jesse and I have been hanging out every now and then. He seems to have become more comfortable being around friends and joining conversations. The air doesn't become tense anymore when he shows up, and it's obvious Jesse has noticed.
He was on door duty at the party last night, which proved much less eventful than last week's. There were no hidden kisses, but there were plenty of stolen looks and shameless smiles towards one another from across the room as I partied with the girls.
"Laura Laurier," Steven's voice snaps me back to the present. "Looks like you could use a fourth. Mind if I join?"
Allen and him do their little bro-hug before he hands Steven the extra pool cue, now taken from Quinn.
"You've got Laura," Allen explains as he re-racks the balls, "you two are playing against me and Kendall."
Steven's eyes shift back to me and his million-dollar smile shines beneath the neon lights strung on all the walls. Internally, I sigh. Externally, I smile back.
I don't think Steven remembers his actions at the party last week; saving me from falling and then insinuating we stay the night together, and then emptying the entire contents of his stomach all over his back porch. If he does remember, he must not think he did anything wrong because he hasn't mentioned a word about it to me. I've chosen to leave it alone rather than bring it up. Nothing happened. I think the alcohol just gave him a boost of confidence and a massive mind-block that made him fail to recognize my negative body language.
Shay, who is here with some friends sitting in a booth towards the back, has also declined to acknowledge what she did. She must feel some sort of guilt, however, because she's avoided both me and Jesse ever since.
"You and me again? Must be my lucky day," Steven says, turning fully towards me.
His cologne is as overwhelming as usual, but it helps my mind focus on the slight stinging of my nose rather than the now itching sensation spreading over my legs.
"What's our record? 2-0?" He asks, twisting some chalk onto the end of the cue.
"I think so."
"Mostly because of you. Which," he says, handing me the pool cue as he steps closer, "is why you're so cool, Laura Laurier."
As I respond, I spot a familiar little red pickup truck driving down Main Street and pulling into a parking space right in the front of The Oven Bird. All of my attention directs to Jesse as he gets out, taking in his dark gray crewneck that helps frame his toned body. As he pushes past the front doors, it makes the familiar sound of the little bell ring over the sound of chatter and music. He scans the room. When he spots me, his passive expression flickers into something different and he gives me a small grin.
Then, he spots Steven next to me (suddenly close enough for his shoulder to be gently knocking into mine), and that grin drops.
Despite the couple of kisses we've shared, neither Jesse nor I have defined what's going on between us, nor have we told anyone else. All I know is that it's rather obvious neither of us wants to be dating anyone else.
When Jesse walks over, I step forward and greet him with a small smile. "Hey. I'm glad you ended up coming."
He glances at Steven, who is a few feet behind me, before his eyes jump back to mine. They soften as he mirrors my smile. "You asked. I came."
Since learning more about his dad and how deep his drinking problems went, I understand at a greater depth how difficult it may be for Jesse to continuously come to the bar that fed his dad's addiction. We talked about it a little last night at the party, when we had a moment to ourselves on the front porch. I had asked if he would join us at The Oven Bird today, caveating the question with the understanding that going may be too difficult for him.
I know, he said, but when you're there, the reasons to come easily outweigh the reasons not to.
I would have kissed him right there if a very drunk Freddie hadn't barged past the front door and ran between us to puke in the front yard.
I'd kiss him right now if we weren't surrounded by people. I'm still not positive how he feels about the others knowing, but Allen hasn't mentioned anything to me which proves Jesse never told him. Meanwhile, I haven't told the girls either.
"Oh! Jesse, thank God." Kendall says just before Allen begins to take his turn to start the game of pool. "Do you want to play instead of me?"
We snap out of our daze and he glances at her, subtly clearing his throat. "I don't want to take your spot."
"You'd be doing me a favor, really. I would get crushed by these three... Having you play makes the teams more fair."
Jesse, with his hands buried in his jean pockets, shrugs his agreement and Kendall skips over to the table beside us to sit with Quinn who is busy redoing the braid on her long, blonde hair.
"Ready to lose, again?" I ask, trying to bite back my little smirk.
A grin teases the corner of his mouth. "Remind me who won last time?"
"Last time Laura Laurier and I played you, we did." Steven pipes up, throwing an arm across my shoulders.
However, I don't really have time to react or see Jesse's lips drop into a hard line because the itching sensation in my legs flares up. I flinch away from Steven to scratch my leg as casually as possible. But the itching provides absolutely no relief. Instead, it does the opposite and my leg turns to fire in the spot that I began to scratch with the bottom of the pool cue through the fabric of the jeans.
Steven's arm drops away and he runs his hand through his sandy hair. He doesn't realize I pulled away because I'm in pain. Jesse, however, is watching me carefully. In order to move the conversation along, though, I plaster on a smile in place of my subtle grimace.
"Alright, who wants to go first?"
We go through the game, but I continue to perform horribly due to the pain on my legs and the anxiety surfacing because of it. So, when it's Steven's turn towards the end of the game, I excuse myself for the restroom and rush to check on my legs. Sure enough, when I get to the bathroom and pull my pant legs up to check, the skin is red and inflamed.
In a panic, I call Aunt June who calmly tells me to come home so that she can help me figure this out. She does a good job trying to bring me down from the rising panic attack stirring within me. Before long, my breathing becomes normal and my heartrate goes back to normal. As I exit the bathroom, I do my best to ignore the itching sensation on my legs and stop letting my mind spiral to the worst-case scenario.
It takes Jesse about two seconds to see right through my calm façade.
When I come back to the group, I pull Allen to the side and explain the situation and that I need to head home. Fortunately for me, he's quick with an excuse that Aunt June needs me back for something and that he'll need to ride back with Kendall and Quinn.
The others buy it with no questions, but Jesse's gaze burns a hole in me.
"Sorry to cut the game short!" I say, "Kendall, can you take my spot?"
"You sure your Aunt can't wait ten more minutes?" Steven asks. "We're only, like, three balls away from the win."
"So you're saying you need her to win, then?" Allen asks, trying to take Steven's focus away from me.
It works and Steven changes course to defend himself against Allen's teasing, opening me up even more to Jesse's stare.
"Hey," Jesse says quietly, setting his pool cue down to step closer to me. We're far enough away from the others for them not to hear anything. "What's going on? You seem spooked."
I shake my head, choosing to stick to Allen's story. "Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Yep."
"Then why do you look so panicked?"
I clear my throat, diverting my gaze to the floor. "Aunt June just needs me real quick for something... she said it couldn't wait."
I continue to avoid his gaze, but I don't miss his body tensing as he recognizes the poor lie. He's piecing together that whatever I'm not saying is directly tied to the secrets I'm still keeping from him.
"Okay, can I come help?"
I close my eyes tight for a moment, trying to ignore the bits of sadness drifting into his voice. "No. I can handle it."
"Laura," he says as he reaches out to touch my arm, "I'm here. You can talk to me."
"I know that. But I can't here, not right now."
"Then let me come with you and-"
"No!" I snap, pulling my arm away. I instantly regret it from the rejection that spreads across his face and pain that pollutes his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he breathes in a quiet voice. "I...I'm just worried about you."
My heart plummets into my stomach and I frown, letting out a breath. "I know."
This is the exact thing I was fearing. Hurting him. But the pain in my legs persists and I don't know what else to do. I can't tell him now, especially not here. I'm not ready. But from the wounded look in his eye, I think he's fearing that I'll never be ready. That I don't want to be.
Suddenly, the sting in my heart hurts far worse than my legs.
His eyes are locked on mine. He looks sad and confused. I don't blame him. This is the first I've really shut him out in such an obvious way... I don't want him to think it has anything to do with how I feel about him. This is all me being too cowardly to admit that I'm in pain.
He's searching my gaze for the answer, but I don't think he'll find it there. I want to reassure him that I do trust and care about him, but this moment is not the time or place to push my story out to him. I want him to know that what I'm keeping hidden now, won't always stay that way. That's not something a simple look can say.
I think he realizes what I'm about to do a split second before I do, because when I step forward and kiss him reassuringly, he shows no signs of surprise. He kisses me back without pause, his hands finding their way naturally to my waist. One winds around my hip to land on the small of my back while the other slides under my hair to rest tenderly on the side of my neck. It's a soft, reassuring kiss, but it does the job. He understands. I can tell.
When we pull apart, the pained look in his eye is gone and replaced with something much softer.
"I know that I can talk to you," I whisper. "I just..."
Jesse shakes his head, "When you're ready and no sooner. I won't push you."
"Thank you," I whisper.
He presses a kiss to my forehead, letting his lips stay resting against it as he whispers, "I just wanted to come with you to make sure you're okay, not to make you talk."
"Can I come over later?" I offer in place.
"Of course. We still have that one-on-one pool score to settle."
My entire body relaxes as relief pumps oxygen back into my lungs.
"And, we're going to have to talk about how unfair this is," he says, and my pulse jumps again from worry. But his tone is light and teasing as he glances to our left. "You kiss me in front of everyone, and then instantly leave me to answer all of their questions. I think Kendall is about to explode."
My cheeks burn from sudden embarrassment. For the moment, I had completely forgotten about the others and the fact we are in a public place. I press my eyes closed for a second, hesitantly peeking to our left to catch our friends absolutely shocked faces.
Allen is just smirking, with a smug look on his face that says he 'totally called it.' Meanwhile, both Quinn and Kendall's jaws are dropped so low that I think they're catching flies, and they're hands are clutching each other in what looks like excitement. Steven, on the other hand, is scowling deeply at Jesse with his arms crossed defeatedly over his chest.
"Let me know what story you tell them," I say to Jesse.
"I'll go with the one where you couldn't resist my charm."
"I said story, not some make-believe fairytale."
Jesse snorts and lets me go, but not before kissing my forehead again. "Just get out of here and do what you need to do. Can you at least let me know that you're okay?"
I nod, "I'll see you tonight."
With a massive blush, I risk another small glance to the others and smile sheepishly. I half expect Kendall and Quinn to run after me, so I quickly speak up before they can.
"I promise I'll call you two the second Aunt June is done with whatever chore she needs me to do!"
"You had better!" Kendall says, stomping over.
"And I expect you to come prepared with the whole story, because there is no way that was your first kiss! Not with the way he held you!" Quinn exclaims.
My blush just gets deeper and deeper and I duck my head, "Okay! Okay! Hold off the interrogation for a bit, please!"
"We'll give you thirty minutes."
"But-"
"And that's generous," Kendall says.
"One more word and I'll cut it down to twenty," Quinn threatens.
I laugh at both of them and give Jesse one last look before quickly leaving and heading for the car as the pain in my legs pushes once again to the forefront of my mind.
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Next chapter: next week