12km ran and just over an hour later, we finished our run outside my apartment. We stopped in the shade, desperately trying to cool down.
"Oh my god, I feel sick! Thank god you did it with me, cos I was ready to finish after 8km!" I panted, gripping my side. I could feel the beads of sweat on my forehead slide down my face as my cheeks burned.
"Same. After 10km, I was ready to give up. We'll keep at 12km this week. 13km next week, maybe the week after. We just need to be comfortable with this 12km first." Matt was bent over, his hands on his knees.
"Sounds like a plan! Are you alright getting back, or do you want a lift?" I asked, wiping my head. I could barely walk, my legs were shaky. I wasn't sure if Matt would make it back, or even how far he had to go.
"No, I'm good thanks Elle. Won't take me long. I won't be running it though. Just a gentle stroll for me and my shaky legs. I need to pick up things for dinner anyway. Emily's coming round tonight." He mischievously grinned at me.
"Sounds exciting! You can fill me in on how it went tomorrow!" I grinned. "Text me when you get back please."
"Will do! Have a good day, Elle!" He waved and turned off down the street. With shaky legs, I attempted to make it back to my apartment without collapsing. I wondered if Pedro had stayed, or if he'd realised what he'd done and left. As I got to my door, panic struck as I remembered I hadn't took my key and hoped Pedro was still there. Otherwise I'd have to call my landlord. I knocked on the door sheepishly. After a few seconds, Pedro opened the door. He walked away as soon as I walked into the apartment. You could instantly feel the tension. "I'm surprised you're still here."
"I couldn't leave. You didn't take your key. I'm an asshole, but I wouldn't intentionally get you locked out your apartment." He walked over to the sofa and sat back down. I never had a problem with him staying here, but the fact he settled back down instead of offering to go home annoyed me. I didn't want to see him right now.
"Well I'm home now. I'm going in the shower." I left him to it, heading towards my bedroom and en suite. We hadn't planned to do anything, but I wasn't in the mood anymore. After a quick cool shower, I changed into some leggings and a top. I towel dried my hair the best I could, but left it to air dry. My stomach rumbled as I made my way back out into the open living space. I idly wondered if Pedro had taken the hint and left, or if he was still on the sofa. As I turned the corner, I saw him on his phone, lying with his head back resting on the back of the sofa. "Are you hungry?" I asked as I walked over to the kitchen.
"Yeah. I was waiting for you. You eating here or do you want to go out for lunch?" Was he serious?
"I'm going to make food. I've got plenty in. What do you want?" I asked as I collected a glass of water and drank the whole glass in multiple long gulps. Just as I finished, my phone buzzed against the kitchen worktop.
Matt: Forgot to text you to say I'm back. What kind of wine goes best with steak?
Me: Maybe a Cabernet Sauvignon or Malbec? Something red. Cute that you're thinking about all the little details. I'm sure she'll appreciate!
"Eleanor?" Pedro shouted me.
"Sorry, what did you say?" I replied as I quickly locked my phone and gave him my full attention.
"Who are you texting?" His tone was clipped and cold.
"Are you seriously asking me that?"
"It's Matt, isn't it?" Here we go.
"Yes. What did you say?" I tried my best to change the course of the conversation but knew deep down he was going to kick off.
"Christ, you've only just left him! Can't he be without you for 1 second?"
"Do you hear yourself? I asked him to text me when he got home. He just did and asked me what wine he should have because the girl he's seeing is going round tonight. Honestly, Pedro!" I turned my back on him and went to the fridge.
"Surely he knows what he's doing. I'm sure he's drank wine before?"
"Yes of course he has. But not everyone knows a lot about wine. I didn't know till I was like 25 what wine goes with what dish! I'm not sure I even understand now."
"He could have googled it?"
"He wants to impress this girl and asked my opinion. It couldn't be any more innocent! This is getting out of hand!"
"It is, isn't it? You'll be seeing him every day of the week soon, you pretty much do now. And you're texting each other."
"Pedro just stop! It's fucking bad enough how you were with him when he came by. He has no idea you're being malicious. He genuinely thinks you like him-"
"I do like him. He's better than the other creeps at your work!" Pedro scoffed.
"So what's your fucking problem?" I almost shouted. I had no idea why he was so argumentative lately.
"I just don't understand why he's gotta see you every day!"
"I don't see him every day!"
"You've seen him 6 days this week!" He laughed to himself like I was completely unaware how what he was saying.
"Who fucking cares?"
"You've seen me 4 times."
"That's because you avoided me for half the week! I didn't make you!" I spat back. I could feel myself about to explode and didn't want to reach that point. "I can't do this, Pedro."
"What do you mean?" He shot up off the sofa and paced towards me. "You can't do what?" He was now in front of me. He wanted to touch me, I could tell. But he knew he'd crossed boundaries today and was too scared to. I'm glad he understood that, because I didn't want him to touch me.
"This. All the arguments all of a sudden. If you're in the mood to argue with me, just go home. It's Sunday, I just want to relax and have a nice day before I'm back at work for another week."
"But you still want to be with me?" He asked, his eyes wide and panicked.
"What? Yeah, of course. You're just so fucking annoying when you're like this." Shit - he must have thought I meant I couldn't do the relationship.
"I know, I'm awful. I'm sorry. But you still want me?" His words cut me deep.
"Of course. It's going to take a lot more than you being a jealous asshole to drive me away. You'll drive me insane, but not away. Please just listen to me when I say you have nothing to worry about. You can check my phone, you can spy on me at lunch, do whatever you need to do. But there's nothing going on between us."
"I'm fucking sorry. I don't know why I'm doing this, behaving like this. Just seeing you with him, he's young and he's real attractive and you're into the same things and he's fun and you like being around him. He can give you more than I can."
"No you're just being stupid." I squeezed his arm. "I knew him before I knew you. If I wanted him, I'd have shown him interest from the beginning. And if he wanted me, I'm sure he'd do the same. We don't see each other like that. We are just really good friends. Apart from you, he's the only real friend I have here. That's why it's easy for me to call on him when you're not around. You'll always be my first choice, but whilst I'm here, he's second. Because he's the only friend I have. Which is really sad. I know I need to go out and do more and socialise more, but lately, I do everything with you, so I'm not doing that. I was thinking of joining a Yoga class, I've wanted to get back into it and I can make friends there. A women's class, by the way, before you start panicking that I'll be doing a downwards dog in a room full of men!" I teased.
"With a female instructor too, I hope?" I winked, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised he was joking. "I'm sorry baby. I'm really sorry."
"What do you want on your sandwich?" I asked, watching him smile sweetly at me. It was hard to stay mad at the man with the most perfect face.
"Shit! Fuck! Shit! Shit!" Pedro spat a string of profanities as we settled into bed later that night. "Fuck sake!"
"What's wrong?" I asked, taking my supplements and washing them down with a chug of water.
"I'm so sorry, babe." He threw his phone down on the sheets.
"What's wrong?" I felt my heart thump in my chest.
"I've gotta go back to New York next week."
"Oh, Pedro!" I clutched my chest! "You idiot, I thought it was something serious!"
"Well it is. I told you I'd be off for the months before filming and now I'm in fucking New York again!" He grabbed his phone and started tapping at his screen. Someone was being ranted at and I was thankful it wasn't me.
"It's OK. We'll have plenty of time together. It's not a big deal. Work is work."
"Do you want to come with? Can you get the time off work?" He asked, running his hands through his already messy hair. I loved when Pedro was freshly washed. He smelt and looked like heaven. His little curls bounced in every direction; giving him a boyish charm.
"I can't. I've already had a lot of time off work, it's too short notice, too."
"This fucking sucks!"
"When do you go to New York?" I shuffled down the bed and got comfortable.
"Next Sunday to the following Sunday. I'm sorry!"
"Don't apologise. It's nothing to worry about, it happens. What are you going to do when you're away for months at a time?"
"I don't wanna think about it!"
"Well, you're going to be going away for a month soon. So you'll have to get used to not seeing me."
"I don't wanna think about it. Are you not upset you won't see me? You don't seem that bothered now and it's a week." He snapped, throwing his phone down on the bedside table.
"Of course I'll miss you. But I'm not going to let it ruin my mood now."
"Jeez thanks! Nice to know you care!" Pedro batted his hand through the air.
"What's gotten into you lately? It doesn't mean I don't care. It means if I think about it, I'll get upset and I'll spend the next week missing you before you've even done. I'd rather just spent the time I've got with you happy and enjoying your company!"
"Just quit work and come travel with me everywhere!" He scooted down the bed and put his arm behind his head. I laughed at him as I scooted myself over and onto his chest. He turned to face me and stared. Shit.
"You're not joking, are you?"
"Well, kinda. Would you?" His voice was all one tone, inquisitive.
"Absolutely not." Surely he's not serious?
"Why?"
"Because I like working. Yeah my job isn't anything to be proud of and I don't enjoy it most of the time. But I'd have to work. I couldn't not."
"You could? I'm stable enough financially to look after both of us."
"It's not just about the money, Pedro. I need to work for the money, yes. But I enjoy having my own career. My own part of my life that's just mine. Would you give up your job and let me look after you?"
"No, I love what I do." He looked at me as if I'd said the most bizarre thing. "I get it. I just, I just want you with me all the time. You just make my life so much better."
"Just because I'm not physically with you, doesn't mean I won't be with you. I'm always on the other end of the phone."
"I love you." He cuddled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head. "I genuinely don't know how I coped, how I did my life before you. I thought I was happy back then, but this, with you, is happiness. Im an asshole and I kick off at you, but I do love you. I'd do anything for you."
"I know, clearly. You got me trying to be a trophy wife after a few months of dating. I do love you too."
"Let's have the best fucking week together before I have to go."
"That sounds perfect." I snuggled into his chest and wrapped my arm over him. Pedro drew circles softly on my shoulder before I drifted off to sleep.
Monday evening after work, I was at my apartment googling Yoga classes nearby for me to join. I needed to socialise more and not depend on two people whilst I was here. Pedro was at home, we'd been texting all evening and everything seemed fine between us. He agreed to FaceTime me at 9pm, just before I went to bed. I didn't realise the time till his name flashed up on my phone.
"Hey you."
"Hey gorgeous." He grinned at me through the phone. "How's your evening been?"
"Pretty good. I've been trying to find a yoga class, been texting this pretty hot guy. He's quite fun to talk to." I teased, as I placed my laptop on the coffee table.
"He sounds great!" Pedro played along.
"Oh he is. Apart from when he's being a moody ass. But he's been on his best behaviour tonight. I feel like I should reward him for it."
"Oh you absolutely should reward him. I think he'd appreciate that!" He gave me a seductive look as he smirked at the camera.
"Maybe I'll send him a nude or something. I think he'd appreciate that."
"Oh he'd definitely appreciate that. Do it!" He grinned at me, and I made a mental note to send him one after the call. That smile could make me do anything. "Lux has asked if you'd like to come to dinner with me and her boyfriend. Lux will be there too, obviously. Thursday? Is it too short notice?"
"No, I don't have any plans. I'd love to. Don't let me drink too much though. I've got a works night out on Friday."
"You guys are always doing something."
"They're quite social bunch. It's an escape room. I've done a couple escape rooms before. Only ever failed to get out of one but been the reason we've got out of many. I'm too competitive to lose."
"I don't doubt that. You're a clever little thing. That sounds fun, though. I've never done one!"
"If this one is any good, I'll take you to one. For date night!"
"Sounds good to me, baby. How many of you are going?" Pedro asked. I knew he wasn't interested in the guest list. He just wanted to know if Matt was going.
"Matt can't make it. He's at a client launch in the afternoon. You've nothing to worry your pretty head about."
"I'm not worried." I could tell he was lying. "Just thinking about how many people would be too many if you're in a small room together. It would make me feel claustrophobic."
"Instagram is going crazy over you at the moment. Well, crazier than usual. The amount of comments and posts I've been tagged in of people fangirling because you took me to see Harry!" I changed the subject, hoping to steer it away from another argument over Matt.
Pedro had put a post of our night at the Harry Styles show. The first slide was of me fangirling when Harry came on stage, all wide eyed and grinning. The second was of me singing to Music for a Sushi Restaurant, the third was of me and him together selfie-ing with Harry on stage in the background, the fourth was of Pedro recording me crying during Matilda as he swayed with me, the fifth was me and him dancing around to Treat People with Kindness, the sixth was of the fans on the floor doing the conga and boot scoot to Treat People with Kindness and the last was me crying like a baby during Fine Line but smiling like an idiot. The caption read:
@PascalisPunk: I just want @EleanorGraceParker to look at me the way she looks at @HarryStyles. (Though, I totally get the Harry thing now.) We loved Love on Tour.
🍒🥝🪩💃🏻🕺🏻
There were so many comments from girls loving that Pedro went to see Harry; many of them commenting how their two favourites were in the same room and they 'couldn't cope'. I found it relatable. I wasn't sure how I coped either.
"That's because it's Harry Styles, baby. Not me."
"Shut up, don't even try and be humble. You have over 8 million followers. You get millions of likes on a post. You know you're loved by the masses." My comment made his dimple shine as he smiled.
"I noticed now I made the 3rd slide in on your Harry post. I was surprised I even made the cut, to be honest." Pedro smiled at me, before he ran his fingers through his hair and drove me wild.
"Me too. I was tempted to just upload all my videos of Harry and his perfect self. But the video of you dancing was too hot and wholesome to not share. Where's Lux thinking of going for the meal?"
"I'm not sure. I just told her I'd ask you and she said she's going to plan it. I'll ask her after the call." I went to respond, but the dull achy pain I kept getting in my back resurfaced and took my breath. "You OK, Elle?"
"Yeah, just that weird pain again."
"Do I need to call a doctor?"
"No it's fine. It'll go in a second." As if on cue, the pain subsided. "Told you. I've got my appointment soon. I'll be fine till then."
"Go get yourself to bed, babe. Get some rest. Call me if you need anything."
"Yeah I will. Love you. Sweet dreams."
"Sweet dreams of me and Harry." Pedro said, laughing at my reaction. My jaw dropping.
"Both of you?"
"Yeah. Would you like that?" He raised a brow at me.
"I don't think I'd recover. That's the ultimate dream."
"Alright, alright. Go bed and dream of me. And Harry, if you really have to. Love you." He blew me a kiss and I swooned. Later that night, I dreamt of Harry. And not Pedro. But I didn't tell him.
"I'm pretty busy the week after I come back from New York, I've got a string of day interviews but I've got the Thursday off. Maybe we can do something then?" Pedro was running his hands through his hair, attempting to style the masses of curls as he thumbed the screen of his phone, looking at his schedule.
"I'll need to check my calendar. What date is it?"
"The 14th?"
"Ah, shit. I can't do that date." I looked at my calendar, "I'm going to see a band with Matt."
"Since when?"
"Booked it a couple of weeks ago at lunch."
"You didn't tell me." He was annoyed.
"I didn't think it would be an issue."
"Great. So I won't see you for like two weeks cos some fucking concert is a priority." He locked his phone and threw it down on the side.
"I never said it was a priority but I've had it booked for ages and I want to go."
"Of course you do."
"What's that meant to mean?"
"How come you didn't ask me to go with you? To the concert?"
"Because we were talking about it at work and we both liked them and just agreed. You're more than welcome to come along I'm sure there's still tickets. Or if not, ask one of your famous contacts." I rolled my eyes. Here comes another argument.
"Who's the band?"
"Ghost. I'm sure you'll never have heard of them."
"Nope." He shot me look, "Wouldn't want to gatecrash your date either."
"Oh grow up, Pedro." I went into the bedroom to get changed. I hoped that walking away from the argument would defuse the situation. I got changed into a thin strapped vest, baggy black trousers and some strappy heels. Enjoying the outfit I'd pulled together, I took a picture for my Instagram story:
@EleanorGraceParker : 🍕🍷
Pedro was sat on the arm chair, watching something on the TV whilst his fingers tapped at the arms of the chair. When he heard my heels click against the hard wood, he looked up and double took me.
"Fuck, you look so good." He beamed with pride. "Fuck, Elle."
"Thank you." I tried to stop myself from grinning but those words, from that man, was enough to make me wanna scream. "You don't look too bad either." Pedro was dressed in a green T-shirt, jeans and trainers. His hair was pushed to the side, and looked glorious. "Your hair looks nice like that."
"Thanks, I did it myself." He beamed at me. My favourite kinda Pedro smile; all toothy and dimple on show. "You almost ready to go?"
"Yeah, I'm ready."
"You're ready on time for once!" He teased as he got off the chair and came towards me. "You're sure you got everything?"
"Yep. Phone, perfume, lipgloss, purse..."
"I'm getting this you don't need your purse."
"My purse." I emphasised the word so he knew I wasn't going to be leaving without it and I would be paying for myself. "Wait!" I quickly ran back to my bedroom as quickly as my heels on wooden floor would let me. I grabbed the small Sephora gift bag and headed back to Pedro.
"What's that?"
"When me and Lux went for coffee the other day, she said she really liked my perfume so I've grabbed her a bottle." I quickly smiled at him before grabbing my handbag off the side.
"You brought that for my sister?"
"Yep."
"She's going to be so happy. You are so kind. But stop buying things for my family."
"Why? Scared I'm going to become her favourite?"
"I already fear you are." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my temple. "But no, I don't like you spending money. It's my job to take care of them. And of you."
"And it's our job to take care of you and each other. I never had a sister, so I kinda like having this sister sort of role in my life."
"Elle! My god, you look so good!" Lux and her boyfriend, Derek, were waiting for us on the pavement outside the restaurant. A wave of excitement fled through my body when Lux chose to hug me first over her brother. I felt like I'd really made a connection with her. I ran into her arms and engulfed her into a big hug. "You smell so good too!"
"Thanks, it's the same perfume from the other day you liked." I pulled back to give her a smile.
"I need to get me some! It's so nice."
"Well..." I handed her the bag.
"Wait? Did you, did you buy me it?" She asked. I nodded. "Eleanor! You can't be buying me things! Oh my god."
"You sound just like your brother!" I rolled my eyes in Pedro's direction as he watched us interact with a massive grin on his face.
"You're so kind. Thank you so much. I can't wait to smell like you, sis!" Lux lead the way into the restaurant but Pedro held onto my elbow to keep me back from the two of them.
"She really likes you, you know." He looked down at me with a serious expression.
"I hope so. I really like her too."
"Part of the fam, now. I love seeing you two together."
"I have a feeling we'll have plenty of time together."
Pedro ordered another bottle of red wine to the table and was in the middle of pouring glasses for everyone. I watched him in awe, how he could get along with anyone and everyone. He was chatting to Lux's boyfriend like they'd been friends for years. They'd only met 4 times.
"Do you like Taylor Swift, Elle?" Lux asked, knocking me out my Pedro trance.
"Yeah, love her."
"Would you like to come see her on the Eras tour with me next month?"
"I would absolutely love to!" Another concert I was desperate to go to but couldn't get tickets for. "I'll give you the money for the ticket."
"No way! You got me the perfume. We'll call it even."
"What are we calling even? I already said I'm picking up the bill. Order what you want. Have you eaten enough?" Pedro's hand found it's way to my thigh and gently squeezed it. He went to put the bottle to my glass.
"Just a little bit for me please." I whispered.
"Thanks bro," Lux grinned at her brother. They looked so alike when they smiled. "But we were talking about Taylor Swift. Eleanor's going to come with me to see her so now I finally have someone to go with."
"Look at you two, planning girly dates." Pedro beamed. I couldn't help but notice the difference between his reaction to me going with Lux to concerts and me going with Matt to concerts. Polar opposite.
"I can't wait! We're going to have the best time. We should get matching nails! What are you going to wear?" Lux's excitement was infectious. I fell into the rabbit hole of making the Taylor show a big extravaganza with Lux. It sounded glittery and exciting!
Lux and Derek excused themselves for the bathroom at the same time.
"Sneaking off the the bathrooms together." I joked as I sipped my water, leaving me and Pedro alone.
"Don't. That's my baby sister." Pedro's face twisted in disgust. "Seeing how you two are with each other makes me feel so good. It's so wholesome. I never thought I'd ever get a girlfriend, nevermind one that's so good with my family. Javiera will love you too. When you finally meet."
"You still need to confirm a date so we can plan something."
"Shit yeah, I forgot to ask Lux. I'll ask her later." Pedro started picking at his half eaten salad when I picked up my phone to take a photo of him. He noticed and started to laugh, allowing me to capture a perfect shot of his goofiness. It went straight to Instagram.
@EleanorGraceParker:
@pascalispunk nom nom 😀🌱
"Ugh, you look so hot today. Like I just really fancy you today it's driving me wild." I couldn't help but stare at Pedro. My eyes soaked up every inch of him. How was he even real? How was he so perfect?
"Why? I mean, I'm not complaining. I'll take it. But it's not like I've made much effort."
"I dunno, I think it's your facial hair. Your moustache looks more prominent. And your hair looks so good."
"I accidentally took too much off my beard when I was trimming it so it's a bit shorter than I normally have it." Pedro ran his long fingers over his face.
"I love it. It's giving Javier Peña and you know how I feel about him."
"So if I keep the moustache thick and healthy, you're happy?"
"Most definitely. It's making me wanna sit on your face."
"Eleanor! Such a pretty face with a dirty mouth!" I watched his pupils dilate. "I'd love for you to sit on my face."
"Wait till we get home then." I pouted before I sipped my water. A slow smile spread across his face, ear to ear.
"Let me get the bill!" Pedro pretended to call the waiter over, evidently eager to get home. "Promise? You'll do that when we get back."
"Promise." I leant across the table and pouted my lips, silently asking for a kiss. Pedro moaned as he leant into me, stopping just millimetres away from my face.
"I'm gonna fuck you so hard, baby." His words were dark and heavy and caused my stomach to somersault. I was trying to think of something to say back to him when Lux and Derek returned to the table. Pedro smirked at me, he felt the same.
"Thank you for tonight. It's been so great. I love you. I love you, Hermano ." Lux hugged her brother tightly, as he engulfed her in his arms.
"I love you, Hermana!"
"And my new Hermana, I love you!" Lux threw her arms around me. Tears peppered my eyes as she told me she loved me. Having a special bond with her meant so much to me. And I knew it meant more to Pedro.
"I love you, Hermana!" I hugged back, squeezing her as hard as I could. Pedro waited for his sister and her boyfriend to climb into a cab before calling one for us.
"I'm so excited to be alone with you." Pedro smacked my ass as we crossed the threshold of my apartment.
"Why's that?" I asked innocently, teasing him to get him riled up.
"You made a promise to me earlier and I've been thinking about it since. It's all I've been thinking about."
"I'm not sure I remember?" I teased as we headed for the bedroom. It was pretty late.
"I think you do." Pedro grabbed me by the wrists and pulled me into his. He snaked one arm around my waist and another cupped me. "It involved you, sitting on my face."
"Oh right that! Yeah I'm pretty tired now and I have to get up early for work. So can I owe you?" I spoke. Pedro's eyes scanned my face to see if I was serious.
"Sure, baby." He kissed me sweetly and let me go. "Go get ready for bed." He started to strip off himself.
I went into the bathroom, where I'd left the little red lace number for Pedro. He dressed up for Harry and mentioned me dressing up for him. In a little red lace number. I quickly got undressed and into the set; corset, stockings and garter belt. I brushed my hair lightly so it hung better around my face. I applied a lip balm to my lips and took a deep breath. This was the first time I'd ever done anything like this for anyone and I was nervous. I unlocked the door and stood against the doorframe, waiting for Pedro to notice. He was in bed, on his phone. He looked up and saw me.
"Fuck. Jesus fucking Christ." He threw the phone on the bed. "My god look at you!" Pedro was up and out the bed in seconds and stalking towards me. His eyes were bright, his face full of excitement. "I've never been so in love, or so hard, in my life. You're so fucking hot baby. Come 'ere, let me touch you." His hands were on me. Everywhere. "Fuck! Come on, I can't wait. Let's get you on my face. I need this, I need you." He guided me over to the bed. All the while his eyes glowed and his fingers touched me. "Lie down for me; let me see you." Pedro nudged at my knee so I'd open my legs for him. He stood in the gap he created. "Fuck, I'm so hard. I'm putty in your hands right now. I'll do whatever you ask me to." I'd never seen him so excited. It gave me a rush of confidence.
"Get on your knees then." I challenged, raising my brow at him. Pedro almost dropped to his knees, aligning his mouth with the centre of me. The last thing I saw was Pedro smirk and lick his lips, before his fingers and tongue made me throw my head back and squeeze my eyes shut.
Working from home was a lot harder when Pedro was around. He was a distraction for sure.
"I feel like your mom, needing to find things to occupy you whilst I work!" I was scrolling through my Netflix account, trying to find something for Pedro to watch whilst I finished a report. I needed to get ready soon but I couldn't do that till I'd sent this report out. Pedro giggled, aptly, like a child as he lay back on my sofa, legs up and arms behind his head.
"What do you enjoy watching?" He asked, watching me scroll through the app like I was more interesting than anything he'd ever watched.
"Black Mirror. Have you seen any of them?"
"Nope. Heard about it though. Stick to on, I'll give it a go." His feet wiggled as the intro sounded. I moved back to the breakfast bar where my laptop and documents lay. I was in a flow of editing and typing, occasionally stealing glances at the screen. Pedro was silent, the only sounds were him reacting to the scenes on screen. My Teams sounded and I saw Josh was calling me. Shit!
"Hey." I unwantedly switched the camera on, so he could see I was working and not lounging. Nerves flooded my body. Had I done something wrong?
"Hey Eleanor. You OK?" His deep voice made Pedro's head pop up over the sofa.
"Yeah good, just working on the Lake House report. Should be with you in the next 30 minutes."
"That's actually why I'm calling." Fuck! "Client still hasn't read the current draft so it's not needed till early next week. We're gonna meet earlier at the bar opposite work, you know the one we always go to. Log off and come meet us whenever you ready."
"Oh, OK great." Pedro was on the move. I watched him stalk towards me. He went into the fridge to grab a drink, even though he still had a drink on the table. He wanted Josh to know he was here.
"Is that Pedro?" Josh asked, trying to look over my shoulder. I nodded my head and looked at the beautiful man to my right, wondering what he was up to. Pedro slowly turned, acting innocent like every move he was making wasn't planned. "Hey Pedro."
"Hey." Pedro knew his name. He just didn't want to give Josh the satisfaction that he remembered him.
"Are you going to come for a drink with us?" His comment made me sharply turn my head to the screen. Pedro watched me, annoyed with my reaction. His lips pressed together before he spoke.
"Thanks for the invite. But I can't tonight. Have fun. Look after Eleanor." Pedro nodded his head and walked off camera and sat back down. He didn't lie back into his relaxed position. Instead, he sat down. His arms rested on his thighs. I could see the muscles in his back tense through his T-shirt.
"I'll let you go, Elle. Just let me know when you're on your way." I nodded and said goodbye before Josh hung up. I had a gut feeling that Pedro would have something to say. I saved my draft and shut my email. I sheepishly moved over to the living area, taking a seat on the arm of the chair. Pedro quickly looked at me and then back at the screen before bringing his drink to his lips. He slurped slowly and loudly, on purpose.
"Haven't you got to get ready?" He asked, staring at the screen.
"Shortly. Don't you want to come for a drink?"
"Nope. It was quite obvious you don't want me there." He looked at me momentarily and frowned.
"What? I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. Your head almost came off your shoulders with how quickly you reacted to him asking me."
"Because I was surprised he asked. No one else is bringing their partners. Not because I don't want you there. It's a bit out of his behaviour, that's all. But if you're going to be a dick about it, then no I don't want you there." I got up and stomped off to the bedroom to get ready. I got dressed into a beige vest, blue jeans, my Birkenstocks and grabbed a blazer for later. "Are you staying here or going home?" I asked Pedro when I went to grab my bag from the living room.
"Probably stay here if that's OK?"
"Yeah sure. I'm going to go now." I moved over to him, leaning down so I could steal a kiss from him.
"Do you want me to drop you off?" He asked before he smacked his lips onto mine.
"No, it's fine you're settled. I've ordered an Uber."
"I don't mind, it's only 5 minutes."
"It's OK, it'll be here in 1 minute."
"OK. Can you text me when you get there so I know you're alright?"
"Yeah sure. I've gotta go. It's downstairs. See you later. I won't be late."
"No rush. Have a good time." He stood up and kissed me. Short and sweet. There was a weird tension between us. There had been for days. I left, hoping things would be fine when I got home.
We were having a drink in the bar, post escape room. Matt had managed to get away early and come with us to the escape room. The theme was murder mystery and our team made it out with 18 minutes to spare. A new record for myself. It helped that me, Josh and Matt took it a little too seriously. I checked my phone. The time was 10:02pm and Pedro had text me.
Pedro: Have you got your key?
Me: yeah
Pedro: OK, I'm going to bed. Ring me if you need me. Phone is on loud. Enjoy your evening x
Me: I'll be home soon. Love you x
No reply. I gave it 10 more minutes before I decided to leave. I'd missed Pedro tonight in a way I hadn't before. I kept thinking of him and felt sad every time. Things between us hadn't be normal for a few days. I'd put it down to all the arguments we kept having. But I had no idea why they were happening. Tonight, I just wanted to be close to him. I didn't want to stay out anymore. I wanted to snuggle in bed with Pedro. So I booked an Uber and said goodbye to the team.
When I got home the apartment was in darkness. I locked the door and quietly made my way to the bedroom. I could hear a low humming coming from my bedroom, and when I opened the door, I saw Pedro in bed watching the TV. The sight of the fluffy haired, shirtless man, my man, in my bed, warmed my heart. This is what I wanted.
"You're home early." Pedro softly smiled at me as I shut the door behind me.
"I'd had enough. I wanted to come home to you. Have a cuddle. I missed you." I went to sit next to him on the bed, putting my arm over him and cuddling into him. Pedro lightly put his arm on my back and tapped twice before he took it away. The offish gesture made me look at him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He didn't look at me, he continued to watch the TV.
"You sure?"
"Yep." Again, cold. No eye contact.
"Pedro, what's wrong?" I had a gut feeling this was going to end up in another argument. "What have I done this time?"
"So you know you've done something?" Finally, he looked at me.
"I'm not aware I have but judging by your behaviour towards me, I must have."
"Why lie to me?"
"I haven't lied about anything." What the fuck?
"You said Matt wasn't going tonight. Then you share a team photo and he's there. I wasn't even bothered about him going. I'm bothered about you lying about it. Why lie? What are you hiding?"
"I'm not hiding anything." I pinched my nose, feeling angry and exasperated. This common theme was repetitive and frustrating. "He had a meeting, like I told you. He managed to get off early and came to meet us."
"Wonder what excuse he gave the client so he could sneak away earlier to come and see you."
"You're being ridiculous, you know that right?" I got up off the bed.
"I might be ridiculous, but at least I'm not a liar."
"Are you fucking serious?" His comments made me instantly angry. "Here you go!" I scrolled through our work group chat, showing the texts where Matt confirmed he'd got off earlier and Josh replying to tell him to come to meet us at the bar. "Read this. I didn't even acknowledge any of the messages." I threw my phone at him. It landed with a soft thud on the bed next to him. "Go through it if you need to. All my texts, my social media. Check it fucking all. Because I can't keep doing this." I stormed off to the bathroom to unwind and get ready for bed. I washed my face, allowing tears to fall as I washed away my make up. I felt emotionally drained. All I wanted was to come home and cuddle, and I'd got hostile Pedro again. Something was happening and I couldn't work out why. I just knew I wouldn't be able to continue like this. The thought of something having to change between us filled me with dread. Because Pedro was stubborn. He wouldn't listen when he was like this. It was impossible to get through to him. I feared it would end up in a place I didn't ever want it to go. I brushed my teeth and got changed into a vest and shorts. All the while tears streamed down my face. I applied my moisturiser, hyper aware of how red my eyes and cheeks were from my silent sobs. When I re entered the bedroom, my phone was in the same position on the bed. Either Pedro hadn't checked my messages, or he had and tried to cover his tracks. He was sat up in bed, with his head against the headboard. Eyes closed. He must have sensed my presence and opened his eyes, locking directly at me.
"Have you been crying?" He asked, as he pulled back the sheets for me. I didn't answer, I didn't need to. He knew I had. "Not talking to me?"
"Ever since I left you earlier, I missed you. Half way through the evening, I regretted going out. I was sat in the bar just know not talking, not socialising, not drinking. Just thinking about how I wanted to come home to you and cuddle and just be held by you. I just wanted you. Wanted affection from you. I come back and you're like this to me. For no reason." Pedro didn't know what to say to me, he just stared blankly. A few seconds passed.
"Why did you miss me?"
"Because you've been so weird lately. You keep starting arguments for no reason and I hate it. That's all I'm going to say because I'm scared you'll start on me again. Goodnight Pedro." My voice broke and I quickly turned over before he could see me starting crying again. I closed my eyes and made myself small. Pedro moved in the bed behind me and within seconds, he was spooning me. He pressed his body as closely as he could to mine.
"I love you. I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you." He kissed my head but I didn't move, hoping he thought I was asleep. A few minutes had past when I heard him whisper, "I'll do better. I promise. I can't lose you. You are the love of my life." My heart broke. Tears silently fell. This was too much.
"What are you doing today, then?" Pedro sipped his coffee as he took a seat at the breakfast bar. We hadn't spoke about what had happened, and the air was tense and awkward.
"Lux just text and asked me if I wanted to go with her to get our nails done and grab a coffee."
"That's cute." He smiled at me lovingly.
"What about you?"
"I need to go get fitted for a suit for next week. Maybe I can meet you after your appointment and grab a coffee? Unless, you know, you and Lux just want to have your time together."
"I'm sure she would love her brother tagging along and I have no problem with you being there either." I smiled at him as I sipped my coffee.
"I'm sorry, for how I've been."
"Let's just draw a line here and move on. I hate arguing with you." I put my coffee down and walked over to him. Pedro opened his arms for me and I stool between his legs, my arms wrapped around his neck. I grabbed his head and held it to my chest, enjoying the feel of him close and loving.
I was walking towards the nail salon to meet Lux. I'd stopped by the flower stand to grab some flowers for my nail lady, as usual. I also grabbed two extra bouquets, the same floral arrangements but in two different colours. One for my apartment, and one for Lux. I saw her on the pavement outside the shop, waving at me excitedly.
"Hey hey!" She hugged me, careful not to squish the flowers. "You are so cute!"
"One bunch is for you. Which colour would you prefer, lilac or yellow?" I held out the bunches for Lux to view.
"Lilac, please. It's one of my favourite colours! Oh my god, this is so cute." She hugged me again and linked her fingers through mine as we entered the shop.
Lux and I got matching nails, and they went straight on her instagram story.
It melted my heart when she called me her sister.
"P said he's about 2 minutes away." Lux said as she typed her reply to her brother. We were sat outside Starbucks, basking in the L.A heat.
"I'll go grab him a juice."
"A juice? Not coffee?" Lux looked at me so confused, knowing her brother depended on caffeine.
"He only has coffee in the mornings. He'll want whatever their green juice is." I stood up and stretched. Suddenly, my vision temporarily disappeared as two hands were placed over my eyes. I laughed and put my hands over the top, forcing them off me. "Hey Pedro." I smiled as I turned around, being greeted by the sight of the gorgeous man; all fluffy and dressed in his purple L.A lakers shirt.
"Hey babe." He kissed me on the lips then moved to hug his sister. "You girls got a drink?"
"Yeah, I'm just about to get you a juice."
"Do you not want a coffee?" Lux asked, using his hand to hide her eyes from the sun her brother was standing directly in.
"I only have coffees in the morning. Elle, can I get that green juice, please?"
"You know my brother so well." Lux started to chuckle, making Pedro look between us confusingly like he was part of some joke he wasn't aware of.
"I'll be right back." I headed inside and joined the queue for his drink. When I returned to the table, Pedro and Lux were hysterically laughing at something on Lux's phone, their laughter was joyous and infectious.
"Eleanor, watch this. I'll send it to you. It's dogs dancing. You'll love it." Lux tapped at her phone as I handed Pedro his drink. He slurped it and smiled at me.
"Thanks baby." He squeezed my hand as I sat next to him, and opposite Lux. We idly chatted and laughed for an hour, before Lux had to go. Pedro and I walked hand in hand down the street, soaking up the late afternoon sun.
"Well done, by the way." I praised as we headed home.
"For what?"
"Letting me buy you a juice without protesting to give me the money for it. Don't think I didn't notice." I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles.
"Its OK, I was thinking I could just buy you a Prada bag or something in exchange." Pedro shrugged.
"I really hope you're joking." I never knew with this man. He would buy me the world.
"I'm joking baby."
"What shall we do for dinner?" I asked as I noticed our footsteps were in time.
"I'm not sure. Some of my friends are out tonight, they're going for food and drinks."
"Are you going to meet them?"
"I'm not sure. I kinda wanna, I haven't seen them for a bit. But I also can't be bothered. I just wanna stay in."
"Just go. At least show your face. You can always leave early."
"Trying to get rid of me."
"Don't be silly. I'd spend all my time with you if I could. I'm just saying, you've spent a lot of time with me lately. You basically live with me. You should go and see your friends."
"Maybe I'll join them for a drink later. Shall we order pizza?" Pedro suggested.
"It's like you read my mind."
I'd finished all the pizza I could eat, whilst Pedro still ploughed through the remaining slices. I was in the kitchen, tidying up. We were having a good day, but I couldn't shake off the feeling from the last week. Pedro had noticed I'd been quieter than usual.
"What's wrong?" I looked up to see Pedro walking towards me, staring.
"Nothing, I'm fine." I smiled at him then continued to wipe down the counter.
"Is it us? We should talk about what's been happening, right?" He sat at the counter and put his arms on the countertop.
"I don't feel like talking about it."
"But we need to. I've decided I'm not going to go out tonight. I'm going to stay with you and we're going to talk about this, work it out."
"No, it's fine. Don't do that."
"No Eleanor, I've already text them. We're going to sort this." He stopped my hand and took the cloth off me. "I'm sorry for how I've been. I'm an asshole, I know. It's just, I don't see why you have to spend so much time with him."
"Pedro, come on. Not again. We're just friends."
"But I don't see my friends every day."
"So? Maybe I do. Lest we forget, I work with him. He sits next to me at work-"
"You sit next to each other?"
"Yes, since the day I started. That's how we got talking. And I'm on an end desk, so he's the only person I sit next to. I really don't see the problem. Nothing is going on between us."
"I'm not saying there is. But what about, if one day, you know when I'm working, he steals you away."
"You can't be serious?"
"He's going to be there for you when I'm not around. What about if he can see you, be there for you when I can't and you realise you wanna be with him and not me?"
"That might just be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." I laughed as I ran my hand over my forehead.
"Excuse me?"
"I knew him before I met you. If I wanted him, I'd be with him. If he wanted me, he'd had made a move before now. There has never and will never be feelings there. I'm sick of repeating myself now. I might go for a run. I can't do this again."
"Gonna go and call your running buddy?" He teased as his mouth twisted bitterly.
"Grow fucking up, Pedro!" I shouted, finally losing it.
"I cancelled my plans to spend tonight with you. And you're just moaning at me!"
"Just go out then. You clearly want to! I didn't tell you you needed to stay with me."
"I wanted to stay in and have a nice night with you. But looks like we can't even do that anymore."
"Because you're being unbearable to be around!" I screamed. "I'm going in the shower. Do whatever the fuck you want."
Over an hour had passed and neither of us said anything to each other. You could cut the air with a knife. I was scrolling through my Instagram, flicking between that and TikTok to occupy myself. Then I noticed a picture of Pedro I'd never seen before. Dressed in the same outfit he wore on Tuesday. With Robin. My blood ran cold.
"Where did you go on Tuesday?" I asked, hoping he'd tell me the truth.
"Tuesday?" He replied, but didn't look at me. He was sat with his arm resting on the arm of the sofa, his head resting on his hand and his finger resting on his moustache. Even though I was furious with him, he looked handsome.
"You went out with a friend? Where did you go?" Was he stalling? Trying to avoid the conversation? My heart started to pound in my chest.
"I told you I went with a friend for food." A friend?
"Where did you go?"
"Just some place near the boulevard, I can't remember the name. Why are you asking?"
"Who did you go with?"
"My friend. I told you this. Why are you questioning me?" 'My friend' again? Why was he lying?
"What friend, Pedro?"
"One of my friends from a job I did years and years ago. Why is it relevant?" Prick.
"Male or female?"
"Male."
"Why are you lying to me?" I felt sick. My skin prickled.
"I'm not." He quickly stole a side glance at me and looked back at the TV. I watched him swallow hard. He knew I'd found out. "Why are you about to make this a big deal?"
"Because it is a fucking big deal! I cannot believe you!"
"You're making this something it's not, Eleanor!"
"If it's nothing, then why did you lie to me twice about it?"
"Eleanor, I think you need to-"
"Don't fucking gaslight me!" I showed him the picture of him and Robin leaving the Mexican restaurant he took me on our first date. I wanted to cry. "Isn't this where you took me on our first date?"
He looked at the photo and looked at me. He couldn't say anything because he knew he'd fucked up.
"I just, she likes that restaurant." He sighed as he nervously scratched his forehead.
"Fuck! Pedro! Is that why you took me there on our first date? Because it reminds you of her?"
"What? No! That's crazy!"
"Is it? Out of all the places you could have taken me, you took me there! A place your ex loves to eat at!"
"I took you there because I like it and it has nice food!"
"You could have taken me ANYWHERE! There's so many great restaurants round here." I pinched my eyes to try and stop the tears. "You've been having a go at me about Matt for weeks and you've been seeing Robin behind my back?"
"I saw her once. And we're just friends!"
"YOU USED TO DATE HER, PEDRO!"
"It wasn't anything serious."
"Me and Matt are fucking friends and I've had you picking everything I do with him apart when you were lying to me and seeing your EX! This is so fucked up."
"You're reading into this too much-"
"YOU HAD A GO AT ME FOR A PICTURE SOME PAPARAZZI TOOK OF ME AND MATT! My friend! Now they've got you and your EX! Don't you think this is going to blow up on the internet now? You were worried people would think we're not together but you've just added fuel to the fire."
"Eleanor, I-" Pedro moved forward, reaching his arm out to touch me. I took a step back, creating enough distance so he couldn't reach me.
"Don't, Pedro. I don't want you to touch me. I can't even look at you right now."
"Eleanor, please."
"Maybe we rushed into this." The unwelcome thought had had crossed my mind a few times lately finally got spoken out loud. "I love you, Pedro. I really do. But maybe..." My heart started to beat faster and I felt like I was going to be sick. I tried to steady my breathing. "Maybe this is all too much too soon." Pedro stared at me. I could tell he was scared. His body was shaking. His fingers wiggled, not knowing what to do with himself.
"Don't say what I think you're going to say." I saw his eyes start to water. My heart was breaking. "Please don't say it."
"I just feel, I feel. Fuck Pedro, ugh this is so fucked up!" I shouted as I covered my face with my hands and threw my head back. "If I'm honest, I just feel...shit." I chickened out of saying what I really wanted to. I just feel like we should take a break. I feel like I can't do this. I stopped myself because I wasn't sure if that was what I really wanted. I stopped because I was scared what those words might do to Pedro.
"It's shit. I'm shit. I'm sorry. But don't do this, please." Pedro took a step closer to me and I took a step back. I wanted, I needed all the distance between us. "Eleanor."
"Fuck!" I thought about Tuesday night. "Fuck! I sat here crying over you on Tuesday and you were out with her. And you lied to me about it. You took ages to reply to me. Because you were too invested in her?"
"Absolutely not! Eleanor, let me ex-"
"Do you still like her? Do you have feelings for her?" I cut in, needed to know all the answers as quickly as possible. I didn't want to spend the night thinking about what happened. I needed the truth.
"What? Of course not! Elean-"
"Did you kiss her?"
"Eleanor STOP! JUST FUCKING STOP!" He shouted at me. He'd never shouted at me. And I'd never seen him shout. I'd never seen him this angry. I was scared. But I couldn't stop myself.
"Do you even love me, Pedro? Cos I don't think you do. Clearly you don't fucking love me!" I felt the tears that I tried to desperately to keep in slide down my face.
BANG. SMASH. The sound of broken glass echoed through the apartment.
"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT, ELEANOR! DO YOU HEAR ME! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?" Pedro was in my face. His own face was bright red, almost as red at his eyes. They were dark and dangerous. My whole body went numb. I could feel the hairs over my skin prickle as I shook on the spot. Pedro looked at the floor where the broken glass was, and back at me. "I need to clear my head." He grabbed his coat from by the door and slammed the door on the way out. I tried to take a deep breath, needing to calm myself down. But as soon as I inhaled, the tears started to flood my face. Fuckkkkkk.
I sat on the floor, head on my knees and let myself cry. One thing therapy had taught me was to allow myself to feel. Feel all the emotions and let them out. Ground myself. Feel things around me but allow to feel what I felt in side and never feel guilty for it. When I felt all cried out, I lifted my head and saw the damage Pedro had done. When he smacked his hand off the kitchen counter, he accidentally knocked over my vase and it fell to the ground. The vase was a gift from my dad. The first week I moved here, he sent me flowers and this vase with the note:
Always so proud of you. Hope the US of A knows just how lucky it is to have you.
Forever in awe of you, my jellynor.
Love you millions,
Your bestie and biggest fan
Paps x
I still had the note on my dressing table. Even at the age of almost 28, my one-of-many-nicknames dad gave me made me laugh. Jellynor, because when I was little, jelly was one of my first words. Because I loved jelly so much. As an adult, I couldn't stand it. But that never stopped dad calling it me. What I'd give to hug dad right now. And Oli. They'd know what to do. How to make me feel better. Then I thought about mom. What she'd make of all this. What she'd think of me right now. Dad and Oli were the other side of the world. Mom wasn't here at all.
"I just fucking miss you mom." I curled into a ball on the floor and wept. It was the first time in a long time I broke down over mom. It never got easier to be without her, but I found ways to cope. Right now, all I could think of was her. Hugging me. The smell of her sweet rose perfume that I'd only ever known mom to smell like. I hadn't smelt the same sweet fragrance since she left. How she always knew the right thing to say. How she instantly made me feel safe. How she'd moan at dad for always trying to make me laugh, even when I was upset and she was trying to give me advice or help me out. How they loved each other. And how they loved me and Oli. She loved me so much. Within a blink, my mind had gone to the place I hated. Seeing in her the hospital and begging her, telling her I'd love her more if she pulled through. If I loved her enough in the first place, she wouldn't have been there! I was about to spiral again. Thinking about all the thoughts and feelings I was still learning to process. I needed to ground myself. Bring myself back to now. I looked back over at the broken pieces on the floor and set about tidying them up. Through my teary blurred eyes, I hadn't seen a piece of the floor and cut my finger. "Shit!" Blood instantly ran down my hand. I ran to the sink and blasted the cold water over the wound. After a few seconds, I pulled away and saw a small but deep cut. I needed a plaster. I went into the drawer and grabbed a thin plaster and wrapped it around my index finger. I tided the glass up more cautiously and disposed of it. I made a mental note to go out tomorrow to replace the vase, to find a blue one. It was my dads favourite colour. And to treat myself to some nice flowers. My head started to hurt from all the crying. I dragged my body over to the sofa and grabbed the throw from the back. I checked my phone to see if Pedro had messaged me. Nothing. It was 9:23pm. Maybe he's gone to meet Robin? The thought hurt my whole body and I started to cry again. I curled myself into a little ball on the sofa and fell asleep.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.
I peeled open my eyes to see the empty apartment. There was silence and darkness. Then.
Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.
It was my phone against the table. I stretched out my limbs, seeing Pedro's name flash on the screen and 2 missed calls from him. I watched the call end and sighed. I didn't want to talk to him. Then.
Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.
He wasn't going to stop till I answered.
"Hi?" My voice was quiet.
"Eleanor, are you alright?" Pedro slurred his words. He was drunk.
"What do you want?"
"I'm sorry."
"You're drunk."
"I'm upset. I'm really fucking upset."
"You need to go home Pedro."
"You are my home, Eleanor." His tender words hit me hard. "But I've fucked up real bad this time. Haven't I?"
"It's not good, Pedro. You should go home and sleep it off."
"I'm just, I can't, I feel sick."
"Where are you?"
"In some shitty bar. And I'm drunk and sad and I love you."
"Who are you with? Are you by yourself?" Please don't be with her. There was silence on the end of the phone. "Pedro?"
"One second." I heard him pull the phone away from his mouth but could just about hear him talk in the background. I turned my volume all the way up. "No it's Eleanor. I know I fucking know, man. Just leave me alone please. I need to talk to my Eleanor. Eleanor are you still there?"
"Yes."
"I said get off me."
"Eleanor?" A deep voice came onto the line.
"Yeah?"
"Eleanor, it's Oscar. I'm sorry for this, Pedro has got himself in a real state." I heard Pedro shout at Oscar in the background, "Just give me back my phone."
"I'm sorry." Why was I apologising?
"Don't be! He's a grown man, he did this to himself. I'll make sure he gets home OK. I'm sorry for him calling you."
"Shall I come and get him?" I ran my hand over my forehead, trying to relieve some tension. I felt awful. My head hurt, my eyes hurt, my back hurt. Everything hurt.
"No don't worry. You don't need to come and get him. I'll get him in a cab. I'll go back with him."
"I want Eleanor. Get Eleanor here." Pedro was fighting with Oscar for the phone.
"It's fine. I'll come and get him. I don't want you to cut your night short because of it."
"It's no bother, Eleanor. It's late." I quickly pulled my phone from my ear to see it was 1:03am.
"It's fine. I'm awake. I'd rather get him myself, I know he's safe then."
"Only if you're sure. I'm sorry Eleanor." Why was Oscar apologising? The only person who needed to apologise was Pedro.
"It's OK it's not your fault. Where are you?"
"Estella, on the corner of Main Street."
"Give me 10 minutes to get changed and I'll leave. Should be with you in the next 30 minutes."
"See you soon. Pedro, man. Come on!" Then the phone cut off. I went to grab a hoodie, instantly going for my new Harry tour one and grabbed my car keys. As I got into the car, I took a look at myself in the mirror. My face and eyes were still red and blotchy. My head hurt from crying and lack of sleep. I pulled off to collect a drunk Pedro, feeling as awful as I looked.
I walked into the bar and felt instantly underdressed. So many beautiful girls in pretty outfits and handsome guys well dressed. And me in leggings, a Harry hoodie and trainers. My hair scrapped back, my face red. I'd never felt less ugly or cool. I scanned the bar, trying to find Oscar and Pedro, then I noticed them in the corner. Sat at a table. Pedro had his head in his hands, his shoulders shook as Oscar rubbed his back. Oscar looked up and noticed me and called me over.
"Hey." My voice was light and small. I didn't know what to say, or how to behave. Pedro's head shot up as soon as he heard me.
"Hey. What are you doing here?" He moved back in his chair and rubbed his palms down his thighs.
"She's come to collect you, Ped." Oscar said, watching his best friend stare at me. "He's thrown up. So hopefully you'll make it back to home without any more vomiting."
"Thanks for looking after him Oscar."
"This is so fucked up." Pedro sighed as he sunk into the chair. "I'm sorry, both."
"Let's just get you home." I crossed my arms and made myself small. I wanted to reach out my hand and hug him. But I couldn't shake off the feelings from tonight. From the past few weeks.
"Let me just go to the bathroom." Pedro got up and left. He stopped for a second as he got to me, and stared. Wanting to know how I'd be with him. I gave him a small smile and looked down. Knowing those eyes could make me do anything if I looked at them for too long. Even if they were bloodshot.
"Did he tell you what's happened?" I asked Oscar as I played with my keys.
"Yeah. He's fucked up. He knows it though. I've not seen him drink that much in a while. I think he's thrown it all back up, though." Oscar shyly laughed. "I get it, I totally get why you're mad. So don't feel guilty. He's just, he's never had to do this. Yeah him and Robin had a thing, but it wasn't anything serious. They were friends for a while before anything happened. And even then it was more of a couple of hook ups. I think they both realised it wasn't going to go anywhere. They stayed friends."
"Yeah I understand. It's just, hard for me because he lied about it. Right to the last minute. And he's been going on at me for weeks for a guy at work. I've never once lied to him about it."
"That's why we both know and he definitely knows he's been an asshole." He both tenderly giggled. "Pedro, adult Pedro, has never had a girlfriend. It's a learning curve for him. He's so scared of losing you." He went to continue but the man himself came walking towards us.
"Ready to go?" I asked, watching him. He nodded his head and pushed his hands into his pockets nervously. I was already apprehensive about getting in the car with him. I sensed Pedro felt the same when he picked up his beer bottle and took a swig. "Really?" He didn't reply, just took another sip and carried his beer towards to exit.
"Take my number, Eleanor. Please let me know how things are when you get in." Oscar rolled his eyes at his friend and handed me his phone. I quickly tapped in my digits and handed him his phone back. "See you Eleanor. Thanks for coming to get him."
"Thanks for looking after him." I left and tried to weave through the crowds to find Pedro. He was standing by the door, out on the street. We quickly looked at each other but no words were exchanged. Pedro let me go in front and followed loosely behind me. I'd parked down the road. I could hear our footsteps move in harmony on the concrete. Ahead was a group of guys outside a bar, loud and messy. I kept my head down to avoid any attention from them. But soon Pedro was at my side, ready to protect me. Whilst I was annoyed at him, my heart swelled at the need for him to always protect me. When we got to the car, I expected him to lose the beer. He didn't. I pulled off, purposely not looking at him even though I could feel him stare at me. His eyes burnt into me. Watching every move I made.
At a traffic light, I turned on the radio and tapped along to the song.
"What did you do to your finger?" Pedro asked. I stayed silent. I didn't want to talk to him. Childish, I know, but I wasn't in the mood. I felt shit. I wanted to be in bed. Not in a car with the boyfriend who lied to me. "Eleanor?"
"What?"
"What did you do to your finger?" He pointed to the plaster on my finger.
"Cut it obviously."
"Did I do that?" He asked. I stayed silent. "Jesus, just fucking answer me."
"Not really. I did it picking up the vase you broke." I didn't look at him as I spoke. Thankfully the lights changed and I hoped he'd stay silent the rest of the journey. I saw him stare at me, then sigh as he looked away and sipped his beer. I wanted to make a comment to him, ask him if it was really a good idea to continue to drink after how much he'd consumed tonight. But I wasn't in the mood for another argument.
A couple minutes from his apartment, he went to touch my leg and I pulled it away. I heard him sigh, and out of my side view, I saw him run his hand over his face.
"Thank you for coming to get me." His voice was soft and quiet. Again, I didn't answer. I wanted to scream at him. Tell him I shouldn't have. That we wouldn't even be in this situation if he didn't lie to me. But I chose to stay silent. "You're not going to talk to me?" Silence. "This is fuckin- nevermind."
I felt him stare at me for a good minute. When I finally plucked up the courage to look at him, I saw his eyes were watery. He was holding back tears. Shit. I bit my lip, trying my best to not let the vision of Pedro in my passenger seat crying burn into my memory, because I'd start crying too.
"Do you really think I don't love you?"
The pain in his voice broke me. I couldn't do this.
"Eleanor," His voice broke saying my name, "I know you don't want to talk to me right now but I need to know." He took a breath and I stayed silent. "I hope I've never done anything to make you question my love for you. I couldn't fucking love you more if I tried. You're my favourite person in the fucking world. I adore you. My heart hurts with how much I love you. Everything I do is for you, Eleanor. So I can make you happy. Nothing makes me happier than you. Do you know that?"
"Please don't do this right now, Pedro."
"No Eleanor I need to because I feel like I'm losing you. I need you to talk to me. To tell me you know I love you. Please."
"Can we do this in the morning?"
"Eleanor, please. Please just say you know I love you. And say you love me. Please." His hand was on my thigh, then on my wrist. Luckily I'd pulled into the parking at Pedro's apartment.
"It's not that I think you don't love me. I just don't know what's happened lately. Why you'd lie to me about her." I felt the tears bubble in my eyes. When I blinked, they rolled down my cheeks. I turned my head so Pedro couldn't see me crying.
"Do you still love me?" He begged. I hated that I was making him feel like this. I knew how much I meant to Pedro. How hard he worked to get to this point with me, how he'd let everything go for me. I couldn't hurt him.
"Of course I do."
"Thank you." He leant his head again the head rest. "Fuck. I was so worried."
"Come. I'll see you to your apartment."
"Aren't you going to stay?" Pedro defiantly stayed by the car. He could barely stand and used the door to prop himself up.
"I don't think that's a good idea tonight."
"You're not driving back to yours at this time. It's too late."
"I've just drove you here, I'm sure another 10 minutes won't hurt."
"Not up for discussion, Eleanor. Please just stay. You don't have to sleep with me. You can have the bed, I'll go on the couch."
"How much have you drank tonight?" We were walking to his apartment, neither of us touching. But Pedro wasn't walking in a straight line.
"A lot. Too much. Seeing you has sobered me up though. And throwing up helped."
"I'd say you're still very drunk." I watched him take longer than usual to hit the button in the lift to his floor.
"I feel like shit. Because of all this, and because of the alcohol."
"Yep, I don't feel great either." I bit my lip. We stood in two opposite corners of the lift, watching the numbers ascend. Finally, we were on his floor and at his door. Pedro couldn't get his key in the hole; so I had to do it. "You need to get into bed."
"I need to throw up." He staggered on the spot. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the bathroom just in time for him to throw up.
"Jesus, you did get yourself into a state." I rubbed circles on his back as he continued to vomit.
"I'm sorry for getting myself into this mess. And for everything."
"Have you finished throwing up?"
"I think so." He sat back and leant against the wall. "I'm sorry, Eleanor."
"Let's get you to bed." I purposely avoided his apology again. I didn't want to hear it.
"Eleanor. I'm sorry." I offered my hand out to him, almost falling over when he put all his weight on me. "Do you forgive me?"
"Nope. I can't forgive you that easily. Now brush your teeth. I'll go get you some water." Once he was stable on his feet, I went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and some paracetamol from the drawer. When I returned to Pedro's bedroom, he was lying on his back on the bed, eyes closed. "Pedro. Wake up." I shouted as I approached him. "Come on, wake up."
"I'm fine here baby."
"Get up, Pedro. Come on. I can't let you lie like this. You already complain about your back, this will make it worst." I pulled him up by his sleeves so he was perched on the end of the bed. Before I had chance to react, his arms were around my waist, his head cuddled against my stomach.
"I love you so much. So much. I wish you knew how much I love you." He squeezed me tight as his shut his eyes again.
"Get undressed and into bed please."
"Do you still love me?" He put his chin on my stomach and looked up at me. "You hate me now, don't you?"
"Will you get undressed please?" My hands were on his shoulders, trying to pull him off me so he could undress.
"I knew it. I knew you hated me." He moved so his forehead was pushed against my stomach, his arms still like a vice around my waist.
"I obviously don't hate you. I don't like you very much right now, but I still love you. I'm getting more annoyed with you because you won't get undressed and into bed. I want to sleep."
"Sorry, baby." Once he realised that he was keeping me awake, he moved quicker to undress. Soon, he was in boxers and his T-shirt, with one sock on.
"That'll do. Drink this and take these." I handed him the paracetamol and water and supervised him taking the tablets, making sure he didn't vomit or choke. Once I was satisfied that he'd consumed enough water, I pulled the blanket to his chin. "Good night."
"Are you not staying with me?" He looked up at me over the blanket.
"I don't think-"
"Please stay with me." His voice was childlike and heartbreaking. I lay on top of the bed, still fully dressed. "Thank you. I promise I'll make it all up to you. Just please don't leave me." Pedros voice was airy and sparse and I knew he was seconds away from falling asleep. I waited till he was fast asleep and snoring before I left the bedroom. I grabbed the throw from the back of the sofa and lay down. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing. This fucking hurt.