Lashton AU One-Shots

The two were raving and ranting for close to two hours now. In less than half an hour it soon escalated to flying furniture – lamps, vases, glass cups, plates and plant pots were all over the place. The dispute began when Ashton, completely whacked and drunk out of his mind, stumbled home and through the doorway of their shared apartment. For months now, Luke has tried to help him, to help him through this problem and keep him clean and abandon his creeping demons.

"Ashton, I honestly tried. I really did. Do you even know what it's like for me to see you slowly killing yourself from the inside out?" Luke huffed, holding himself upright against the red lounge. The younger's knuckles were bruised in crimson, while the elder wore the same colour but along his cheek and nose. Tell anyone, but this was Luke's only possible way of getting Ashton to stop, recalibrate and pay the much-craved attention to the issue at hand.

"Did you think it was going to be easy?" the alcohol fuelled man answered after a couple of seconds. He was right about one thing, addiction was never an easy feat nor would it just disappear with holding onto any drop of hope and praying it would just leave forever and never return. Addiction is often described as a disease, like cancer, it spreads and first affects the individual. Soon enough it affect their friends, family and dearly loved ones, and like the victim it killed them to see them slowly, but quickly fade away into the hands of death. "Or do you still stupidly believe that miracles actually happen? This isn't fantasy, Luke, it's reality..."

"I never thought anything like that. All I did was put my trust, my faith... and my love for you into every single goddamn day that fucking passed! Don't you dare lie to me and say you deny that!" Luke cried, shuddering in a shaky breath from his emotional break down just minutes prior. He stared down with contempt at his soon to be former boyfriend, who was leaning on his elbow, lying on the floor and cradling his injured face with an expression Luke couldn't quite possibly read. Was he angry? Sad? Confused? Happy? Or was it all those things?

The two had refused to move since Luke threw the last couple of harsh blows forcing Ashton, who was already unbalanced, to stumble backwards and hit his head on the back of a wooden coffee table. Part of the smaller boy's conscience knew Ashton had this coming for a long, long time but he put all of his remaining strength into stopping himself from breaking under all the pressure. Now it felt like all those feelings suddenly have broken free from their cage and erupted into a vivid explosion of frustration, helplessness, disgust and despair. Luke had to keep reminding himself that love would always prevail and that they both made a promise that Ashton would make it through this. He had held onto this idea that Ashton loved him enough to break this addiction, clearly love wasn't strong enough and it was then that he realised that love only existed in fairy tales and that they would stop this evil and live happily ever after. What was this horrible place?... Oh it was just reality.

"You and I both knew this was never going to last... you know Luke, there's a difference between giving up and realising when you've had enough" the curly haired man coughed, wiping his cut lip. This made Luke chuckle with a mixture of pain and amusement. Did he actually say 'giving up'? Did he actually just stare him right in the eye and have the guts to say that?

"Give up!? Ha. I fucking gave up because you never ONCE fought for me!!" he screamed, fisting the floor before standing to his feet and stepping forward to Ashton. The looming silence between them was a powerful scream of agony. The pause felt much longer than anticipated. "You never ask how I feel. I feel drained, mentally exhausted. I feel hopeless, depressed, angry but most of all I'm frightened"

"Should it make a difference when somebody loves you? It's not anyone's fault though; it's human nature to believe that things happen to other people and not us, but when misfortune comes our way, I don't blame you for finding yourself surprised, scared, angry or sad" Ashton said, it was clever but oh so magnificently thought through. An unforgettable trait he possesses is his articulate way to say pretty words at the wrong time. Sickeningly influenced or not. For second, the simple phrase of this drunken poet had Luke at a complete loss for words. Bastard. He had to think of something, or otherwise he'd think Ash had got him under his thumb if he stands there any longer like an illiterate idiot.

"I doesn't matter what we say anymore. We both know how this ends. There's nothing else left to say, because now it seems we're like a broken record constantly repeating ourselves. It ends one way or another". It was then that Ashton sat himself up properly, he opened his mouth to speak but came out as deep exhale. He dropped his head, resting it on his crossed arms and lifted it back to look Luke dead into his fiery blue eyes. The difference was they were utterly distressed and even in the dark ambience of the room Luke could see shiny droplets of hot, fresh tears threatening to flow down his bruised cheeks. The sound of his heavy, laboured breaths became increasingly louder; a queue for Luke to leave him suffer in a pool of his own fear and embarrassment.

"Luke... please... don't leave me... I'm sorry... so... sorry..." Ashton whispered under his breath, leaning forward into a ball of eternal guilt and shame.

******

One Week Later...

The apartment looked so dead and bare and less like a warm home sweet home, perfectly fit for the delight of two happy, committed people. It looked more like sweet homestead for a serial killer, ripped wallpaper, shattered glass lying camouflaged within the shaggy rug waiting to stab it's unwilling victim, and the dried burgundy blood drops acting as a portrait of rapid violence and immense fury. Somehow this horrid sight concocted Luke to return here time and time again. This time it was to collect the rest of his things and be completely out of Ashton's life – for good. It was obvious that he didn't need Luke because all he need was at the end of a bottle. Any bottle as a matter of fact.

Luke had planned on moving back to his parents place, only for a while, until he found a suitable place (and maybe a suitable partner) to settle down in, just to get himself back on his feet again. He could see nothings changed with his former lover, even after a week, he still remained the same all but with one difference. You see Ashton only rarely wore long sleeved shirts or sweaters during the summertime. What was the deal with that? It was quite warm both inside and out. The younger boy gave him a narrow glance cocking his head to the side, as the other stared back in an identical fashion, it was only much worse. He didn't want to say anything further to provoke another repeat of the few nights before, it was not like could help himself.

Just make it nice and simple.

"I see you look better..." Luke lied, intentionally. "I bet it'll make you feel even better now that I've got no less than a few things to get before I leave. Permanently"

"As long as you're happy. What reason do I have to not feel like there's any more weight on my shoulders?" his voice sounded strained and very sickly. Was he screaming? Did he scream? Okay, it doesn't matter. The half drunken bottle of Jack Daniels (aka his life blood) he had swinging in his hand struck something strange in his heart. Why did he feel like this? He couldn't let him just do this to himself, now could he?

"You can still tell the truth you know. I don't want to be the one who took that away from-"

"That is the truth. I could not have felt more free than I ever have in my entire life!""Very well. You've already told me how you feel, so it doesn't really bother me to be honest" Luke shrugged, as his ex sneered and disappeared behind the bathroom door. Shit. He came here to get his goddamn toothbrush and his hairbrush. Oh brilliant. Now he had to talk to him either way. The door was locked which added to Luke's building irritation. Does this guy make life easy for anyone? Slamming his fist against it did not help much, and seemed like a perfect time for Ashton to further ignore him by turning on the shower. A faint sigh could be heard through the wood. Was he fucking relishing in this? That's it.

"Ashton! Open this door, now! I know you can hear me! Open up!" he yelled, banging relentlessly on the door and finishing it with a loud kick. Another sound echoed through the crack, this time it was the melody of a bottle of Jack Daniels clinking to the ground, "Ash?"

The blonde looked up for a second where he saw freshly bloody fingers wrapped around the doorframe. Something was wrong... seriously wrong. It was a split second that immediately hit Luke like a train. He spent no time trying to break down the door, anything to get to Ashton. Eventually he succeeded, and would remember that sight for the rest of his life. The skinny boy just stood there frozen in place as he watched his former lover cling onto dear life, in a bath underneath the running water, where he was slowly fading away. All he could think was a mantra of a million 'no's', and instant reaction which he thought might possibly work. Luke let out a voiceless cry of sheer heart wrenching agony as he crawled into the tub and positioned himself behind Ashton's cold body. His clothes were getting absolutely drenched, but he how could he notice when the only being in existence was barely conscious. He grabbed the other's burly body around the abdomen, wrapped his long legs under the elder's legs and buried his head into the crook of his neck so he could allow Ashton's head to fall back on his shoulder, allowing him to breathe.

"Please, please, please! Stay with me, Ashton, please! You are stronger than this! You can fight this! I'll stay with you! I promise, I promise I won't ever let you go! Just... just stay awake. Stay awake..." Luke chanted sobbing even louder as he went on shaking the older boy to get a response. Nothing. Looking down he saw streams of thick carmine coloured blood rushing down the plughole like a waterfall, and a single rusted blade covered in the same red. He could've sworn his eyes have never been so wide in his life. Pulling up Ashton's sleeves, gasping so suddenly he nearly choked himself then and there. What he saw were countless, deep gashes of blood spurting out from his veins.

"ASHTON! WAKE UP! YOU CAN HEAR ME! I KNOW YOU CAN! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! PLEASE JUST LET ME KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!!!... Ash, I love you, please, don't leave me..." he wailed, repeatedly brushing his golden hair back from his face. The weak body's breathing was getting much heavier and much gradual as time went on, his lips and face were lightly stain with an unnatural purple hue, and it was now that he decided to speak.

"Luke... it takes strength to hold onto the one's you love, but it takes even more strength to let them go..." Ashton muttered. "I wanted you to know something... I wanted to tell you something, I just never got the time to get around to it..."

"What? What is it? Please, tell me"

"You know how you know that you truly love somebody? It is when you are stupid enough to destroy yourself because you can't bear to live without the one you love," Ashton said quietly, but loud enough so Luke could hear. Each passing minute was even more agonizing than the last. Luke could feel Ashton's body becoming lifeless and much colder as time went on. "And I could not bear it... this relationship was the only light I had ever had in my life because the rest of it was... just darkness"

"And through all that bitterness and neglect, you forget the ones who were always there to have your back... but even the most patient people have their limits" Luke sniffled holding his lovers hand in his, at least when he goes the last thing that he remains to hold dear were the warmth of his hands."You never told me what you were going to ask? What was it?"

"It's of no help now... I only wished I had said it sooner..." he paused suddenly to take in a painful breath of air, shaking when he exhaled again. Ashton managed to move his free hand to clasp onto the top of Luke's hand, where in return Luke pressed a tender kiss on his neck, cheek and corner of his lips, crying even harder with each soft touch. "I wanted you to... be my future... my forever... my husband... I wanted to ask you to marry me..."

The younger boy's eyes shot open and looked at what remained of his significant other. A sheepish grin plastered on his face, before an expression and a howl of torment and anguish became the replacement. It was Ashton's depression that had gotten in the way of finding his true path of happiness, just tore it away like mother from her child. What was to be the dying man's last words were a fading trail of 'I love you... i love you... i. love. you...' and he wanted Luke to promise to 'never, ever forget me...'. No longer could he promise to hold on. There he was his lover, he was the moon and he was the sun, he was his most precious treasure and there lay dead in his arms his most greatest adventure.

The last thing that ever survived that moment was the ear-splitting screams and regretful laments of Luke, when the immediate realization that Ashton would never open his eyes ever again. The water was still running, his white shirt permanently stained with the slashes of blood, warm lips and the feeling of helplessness and anxiety replacing the fluids running through his body.

******

Depression is the worst kind of killer.

It corners you at night -

Or when you're all alone,

And slowly eats away at any shred of happiness it can find.

Until there's nothing left,

But pain,

And eventually... death...

******

So did you manage to survive or did you cry before you even finished? Cause I cried through the whole thing as I wrote it.

I also wanted to point out, if you know someone who has, or is suffering from mental illness such as depression, urge them to seek help and try your best to support them through this adversity.

In an additional note I honestly do apologise if anyone feels objectionable or offended in someway. I agree it's a sensitive topic, but I really wanted others to be aware of this. Hopefully you guys can understand.

~ Chelsea xx