"Lulla?"
"You look the same- oh gods, you grew up so much," Loki speaks with tears in his eyes.
"What?" I ask, completely confused at this point. I honestly think Loki may be going insane.
"I- I thought you were d-dead?" he stutters out.
"Loki, I don't know what is going on, but I am pretty sure that I am not dead."
Still desperately holding my face in his hands, he leans back slightly to look at me. His eyes, which were previously swirling with so many emotions that it was impossible to pick just one, are suddenly overtaken with confusion and concern.
"You- you don't remember? Wait, why don't you remember?"
"Remember what exactly? What should I be remembering?"
"Uhh, you, um..." He takes a deep shuddering breath. "Uhh, I-I am your father."
I stare at him for another whole several seconds, unblinking. "What?" I ask in a monotone and emotionless voice.
A/n - This is actually just a video of this scene, it's canon. /j
"No no no- what kind of Star Wars Darth Vader stupid ass shit is this? You're not- What?!"
"Wha-" Loki starts to ask, clearly thrown off guard for a moment until he brings himself back from his confusion, giving up on understanding anything that I just said.
"If that's true, then why don't I remember that? I feel like that is something I would remember. If my father was a god I would definitely remember that." I say, still thoroughly confused and overwhelmed.
"I don't know." Loki basically whispers.
Suddenly, he snaps his head up towards me, an idea in his eyes. "Do you trust me?"
"Well by the fact that you are currently claiming to be my dad, I don't know if-"
"Just please, let me try something, it might work, it might not, either way, it will give us answers. Please trust me." He asks practically begging.
I stare back at him into his pleading eyes for a long moment before I slowly nod. "Ok, I trust you."
I watch as he essentially melts at my words, seeming almost surprised by them. He then nods determinedly and scoots slightly closer to me. He slowly lifts his hands up and places his fingers on my temples. I give him an odd look, questioning what he is doing.
"I am going to go into your mind and see if I can find any gaps in your memory, or if any are locked away."
I hesitantly nod. "Ok, just don't go snooping around too much."
"I promise I will not." He gives me a warm smile.
A moment later I feel an odd tingling sensation in my head. The best way that I can explain it is that it is like someone replaced my brain with a bunch of orbeez and then just stuck their hand in there, moving them all around and squishing them so that they crumble into those little pieces that stick to everything.
I expected to pass out, zone out, or something since he is literally messing around in my brain, but I felt completely normal, besides the weird orbeez sensation. I just continued to look around the room, occasionally looking back to him where he sat with his eyes closed and a look of concentration on his face, patiently waiting for him to be finished.
I started wondering if I would even notice when he was done, but that question was answered a few seconds later, and oh my did I know. Suddenly, one moment I was simply staring at and counting the titles on the ceiling, and the next, it felt like an entire dam had broken in my head. It is like I could physically feel so many things click back into place as everything rushed back to its correct places in my head, and it gave me a killer headache.
Loki quickly broke the connection as we both doubled over onto the floor, breathing heavily like we just ran a marathon and were trying to catch our breath.
I am clutching my head, trying to soothe the throbbing in it. When I can finally hear my thoughts over the pounding headache I instantly freeze and go stiff.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Loki quickly looks up, eyes fearful, but also hopeful that it worked. "What?! What's wrong?"
"Mother visited me in my dreams every night and she never said a damn thing!!"
His eyes go even wider and his brows furrow. "Wait, Sigyn? She-"
I interrupt him, outraged. "Yeah! And she never said anything about this! Never even hinted at it! I thought she was just some random lady that showed up in my dreams!"
A massive grin breaks out on Dad's face. "So you remember?"
I look at him and smile slightly as I nod. Although, when I try to shift through the dam that broke, there is not much that I can place, definitely not enough to cover the 26 years worth from before I got to the orphanage and my memories start, which at the time I only appeared to be about 14 since Asgardian aging works differently. All that I can seem to make out are a few small distinct memories. However, even though there are just a handful of moments that I can remember, it is enough to see that Loki is most definitely not lying. I had a life before this, and it was one filled with love and family, something I always longed for but thought I would never have, now it turns out that I always did have it, I just didn't know it.
The few memories that I am able to remember cause happy tears to begin pooling in my eyes. They are small moments, whether it was me, father, and mother sitting at the dining table, on one of our morning walks that I knew was a regular occurrence, all of us messing around outside when we were supposed to be training, or when father would simply hide away with me in a dark corner where he would read to me for hours on end.
I smile, overjoyed, but I want to remember more, I want to remember more of the life that I had before, the one that I now know I miss so much. I try to dig through all the chaos in my mind, but I can't grasp onto anything else, it all slips through my fingers, seeming blank and forgotten. I search harder, but my head only pounds more.
"Oh shit."
"What's wrong?!" Loki asks while quickly rushing to my side, clearly, his parental instincts came back very quickly.
"I'm fine, I just have a killer headache now. I- I can't remember a lot though, only a little bit. Why can't I remember everything? I really want to." I say while clutching my head.
"It seems... that someone must have placed some type of spell to block your memories and make you appear more human, but it was very rushed. Everything was barely holding itself together. It is most likely struggling to all come back because it was so hurried. Do not try to remember everything all at once. It will hopefully come eventually, just take your time."
I nod while still cradling my head. After several moments of silence, I look back up toward Father. A big grin spreads across my face, but it also hold a sadness behind it.
"I really missed you." My eyes are slightly glassy as tears threaten to pool. "I mean for most of that time I was busy not remembering that you even existed- but even then I really missed you, even without knowing it."
Father reflects the same sad smile towards me and a few of the tears that were pooling in his eyes escape, rolling down his cheek. He quickly pulls me into a desperate hug, one that has been very long overdue.
"I missed you too Lulla. I missed you so much, more than you can ever imagine." He whispers into my hair that his face is buried in.
I hold him even tighter, I never want to let go.
Still in each other's arms, I mumble into his chest. "You really thought that I was dead this whole time?"
With my head lying against his chest, I can easily hear the shaky sigh that rocks through him. "When I heard that the Dark Elves attacked, I came back to Alfheim from my trip to Asgard the fastest I could... and I found it in ruins. I-" He sighs heavily again, trying to form his words. "I found Sigyn... dead... and I found your room completely ransacked. I looked for you everywhere, but I couldn't- I just assumed the worst."
We are both quiet for several seconds. "Well as far as excuses go of why you didn't find me sooner, that is a pretty good excuse," I say sadly, but still trying to make light of something extremely dark, it is just how I cope.
He pulls back from our hug slightly so that he can look me in the eyes, his hands still resting on my shoulders.
"I am so sorry my dear. I am so sorry, I should have kept searching, I should have never stopped."
I shake my head, "You already must have been going through so much. I-I'm sorry I couldn't stop it, that I couldn't help Mother." A few tears fall down my cheeks, even if I don't clearly remember that night, the feelings are still there, and so much of those feelings are of regret.
Small bits of that night play in my mind, short flashes of scenes. It is chaos, and fire, a lot of fire. There are also flashes of a very young version of me crouching over a body, when my mind is able to focus a little more, I realize that it is my mother's body. My breath catches as I try to push the images out of my mind, there are some things that I do not want to remember.
Loki very quickly and sternly shakes his head. "No, no Lulla, you were just a kid. Do not blame yourself. Do you understand me? Never blame yourself." His grip on my shoulders increases as he speaks sternly, making his words very clear.
I weakly nod, the tears coming out of my eyes faster. He quickly pulls me back into his arms, gently stroking my hair. "I am so sorry you had to go through that."
There are several minutes where we just continue to hold each other while we both calm down, all the while Father whispers sweet words into my hair. After those several minutes, he eventually pauses his brushing of my hair and seems to be trying to piece together some words that he seems hesitant to ask.
Knowing this, I prompt him. "What is it?"
"Do... do you remember at all what happened? How you got here?"
I pause for a second, trying to place together the small pieces, trying to make any sense of it. Although there isn't much, barely even flashes to get an idea of what happened, besides one thing.
"I- I don't remember, I don't know... There is one thing though, it's more just a face... Astrid- that was her name... She was a light elf, I think she got me out of Alfheim. I think- I think she is the one that did this, it's some type of spell." I say gesturing to my head. "She saved me- she was trying to save me- she... She has to be the reason I am here, but I don't know why. I'm sorry, I can't remember."
Father nods, trying to make sense of it just like I am trying to do. He wears a sad smile as he speaks softly when I finish. "Do not be sorry, it is alright, we will figure this out." He pauses before he speaks again with a thoughtful look. "You said before that your mother visited you in your dreams the entire time?"
"Yeah, every night. But she never says anything, she only sings. Why would she never say anything about this?" I ask, confused.
He wears a fond, but pained look as he continues. "Those in Valhalla are allowed to visit their loved ones in dreams to check up on them, but they are not allowed to say anything. But it seems that your clever mother found a slight loophole."
Father holds me even tighter, remaining like that for a moment until he whispers in my ear. "I am so sorry I did not find you earlier, but I am so grateful that I have found you now. I will never lose you again, Lulla."
There is a calming silence for a long while until I break it. "Just so you know, you are so much better than the expectations I had in my head."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
A/n - FAMILY REUNION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fucking finally... it only took 20 chapters, 40,430 words, and over 100 pages...