The next couple of months went by so fast.
Yeji was able to appoint a trusted person to look after the business closely while she's away. She visited her favorite places and bought an enormous amount of gifts for the people she'll come home to in Korea. Aeri has been a lot more constant with her calls, too – enjoying Japan much more than she imagined, sending Yeji postcards, and making sure that she has saved the cat-eye's Korea address for when she's already moved.
It was a slow Thursday and she's been staring at her bicycle for an hour. She had it cleaned earlier in the day and brought it up to her unit.
"I don't know if it's smart to keep it, though."
"It might rust-off if you leave it there, though. You can just buy a new one but you like that one too much." Chaeryeong noted on the other line.
"Hmmm. I might ride it for the last time today and decide then."
Yeji planned out her last week in New York to visit all the old places that served as her safe spaces at some point while she was trying to make a life in the city –
The mid-size oak tree at the far end of central park where she used to spend her afternoons reading;
The balcony seat at the small vintage coffee shop in 16th avenue where she spent hours "people watching";
Her favorite vinyl shop;
and, of course, her spot on the small hill where she did most of the thinking whenever she's about to do something big.
Today, she's there for the same reason.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the earthy scent of the grass and the soil. It rained earlier that day, and miraculously stopped when she was about to go out.
This city has been her hometown for almost a decade. For some time, she dreaded staying here - itching to find corners where she can let her guard down because leaving hasn't been an option. Until, after a while, she learned how to coexist with it.
The city.
She found new things to love, places to leave pieces of herself in, routines to enjoy.
She opened her eyes and glanced towards the view of the buildings. It's getting dark so the lights have begun to appear one by one from a distance.
"Such a beautiful city. Too bad my heart's not in it."
She muttered to herself.
She hasn't heard from Ryujin since her departure from Seoul, and neither did she reach out to her, as well. At least not directly.
She would sometimes ask Chaeryeong how she's doing. And a couple of times, Ryujin asked to send her regards, too, through the redhead.
They didn't promise to talk. There was a slight agreement from both parties to try. Yeji liked to think that she did - recalling the many times she tried to type messages and deleted them before sending.
It felt wrong. Knowing that, despite it being very minimal and fading, Ryujin still has that effect on her. She was the only woman she has ever loved, after all. Romantically, at least. Added to the fact that she hasn't felt anything towards anyone since the brunette, it made it a little harder not to feel something when she saw her again – picking up someone that's not her. Holding that endearing sign that says I miss you.
And Yeji isn't one to meddle with situations like that.
Someday, though. Someday she might just take that offer and be her friend again.
*
Chaeryeong just got off a call when Ryujin and Lia arrived at the coffee shop.
It's their first hang out in three weeks as the earlier was a little busy helping out a certain cat eye process all the needed documents for her move.
In one week, she'll be here again.
"The usual?" Lia asked Chaeryeong as she dropped her bag to the seat next to her and walked towards the counter.
"So you'll pick her up next week?" Ryujin tried to sound casual.
She did not miss the way Chaeryeong's eyebrows lifted slightly upon hearing the question. She always had these subtle reactions whenever the brunette strikes up or joins a conversation involving Yeji.
She's being careful, nonetheless.
"Yeah. She'll arrive on Thursday and I took time off work."
"Who's arriving? Yeji?"
Contrary to the redhead, though, Lia hasn't been subtle at all. She has always been the most straightforward out of all of them.
The other girl nods in answer.
"Good. I've still yet to beat her ass up for leaving and not saying anything, and then showing up to rui- I mean... to surprise us."
She looked sheepishly towards Ryujin and grinned.
"She didn't ruin anything. We've already talked about this."
The other two silently agreed.
A couple of days after Yeji left to take care of some things in the US, the three of them had a sleepover at Ryujin's house.
They talked about everything that happened - from the airport encounter, to Ryujin being an ass towards Isa, to the conversation they had after the brunette accidentally saw Yeji with her date, to the other conversation about breaking up before Isa left for the UK after just staying in Seoul for less than a month.
They agreed to call everything off and figure things out on their own.
It was pretty obvious that Ryujin was shaken up upon seeing Yeji again after 8 years. Even after trying her best to be present and give her full attention to Isa, she couldn't take her mind off of the cat eye. Everyone noticed it, too.
And so Ryujin had to be honest and admit to herself that it would be unfair to be half-present while she's trying to make sense of what's happening.
For one, she's sure that what she felt about Yeji when they dated isn't in any way the same with how she's feeling at the present. She doesn't... love her. Not like that. But there is something - and that's what she has been trying to figure out.
But this feeling, as insane it is to admit, outweighs the love that she thought she felt for Isa.
When she admitted that to herself, all the other realizations started coming to her.
It's not that she didn't love Isa. She did, she cared about her a lot.
But the key to making their relationship last has sailed away a long time ago. All the fights, the weird discomfort in her stomach, the silence and feeling of defeat whenever she feels like she has a lot more to say but couldn't, because Isa has always been the talker. And she isn't supposed to cross that road.
She has been delaying the inevitable, expecting that the glimmer of hope that she felt when Isa taught her that she could actually love another person again would return.
It didn't.
Eventually, she became someone who Ryujin waits for and spends the required time with. She was, for the longest time, a safe zone. A comfort that she has been used to.
And she didn't see anything wrong with that.
At least until Yeji returned.
"I guess it wasn't for the long run." She remembered telling Lia and Chaeryeong while they were lying side by side on the floor.
"But you were happy." Her best friend remarked in a low voice.
"I was."
"But not as happy as you were before. Did it fade away?" Chaeryeong was the one asking this time.
"I guess so. I got lost in all the tug of war. And went with whatever she prefers, for the most part."
She sighed.
The other two sighed simultaneously after her.
"Well how was your talk with Isa? You met with her last week, right?" Lia brought her out of her thoughts.
"Yeah." Ryujin answered, calculating her next statements.
"She's moving to the UK."
Her company's eyes widened. "For good?" Chaeryeong asked this time.
"Yeah. We-"
She paused.
"We affirmed that it's really a dead end for us here. No more getting back together."
"That must've been rough."
"Yeah."
They finished off the afternoon catching up and ordering another batch of iced drinks. Lia has been having troubles at work for the past two weeks, and Chaeryeong has been busy, too. So it was a nice afternoon full of chatters.
It was weird but also freeing – starting over.
She was a little lost before Isa. It got confusing when she gave up trying to find the things, she couldn't point out what exactly, but the things that would make her feel... alive. Because she was too focused on agreeing with whatever the other girl liked, or planned.
She had art, after all. That's something that she kept for herself.
The next day, Ryujin drove towards a place she hadn't visited in a long time. It looked different but the feeling she felt when she stepped inside the lobby was the same.
She looked over the counter and took a deep breath.
"Hi good morning! How can we help today?" An unfamiliar girl in her early 20s greeted.
Her gaze glided towards the small sketch plastered on the wall behind her and automatically smiled.
The girl followed her gaze and saw what she's looking at.
"It looks nice, right? The owner says it's a sketch of a group that used to go here a lot. Grew up and grew old in the studio, she would always say."
She nodded. "Yes, it looks very nice."
She paused and a quick recollection came to her.
We did grew up here. A lot has happened since then. She thought to herself.
"Do you have a vacant studio? I'd like to rent one for a couple of hours, please."