I forgave myself -I would always try and forgive myself after letting him get the pleasure of seeing me on my knees before him because every single time the Viking man touched me every sensical thing lost it's sense. I didn't understand nor could I control it -I tried but I always failed. I didn't want him to see the euphoria he easily brought me -I did not want to give him the satisfaction.
Even after putting me through everything he wasn't touched in anyway. I remember breaking down in his arms after he had rearranged my insides as we were laying in bed my head on his chest his fingers gently glazing over his 'mark'. I had asked if he wasn't even going to somewhat apologise, he had simply chuckled asking me what was there to apologise for, he had clearly stated that if I continued to test him I would find myself in worse predicaments before gently kissing my forehead.
He doesn't deserve to be free- he deserved to be behind bars and spending the reminder of his life being haunted by the lives he has took. I'm sure if I was to tell him that he wouldn't be as affected as I wanted him to be- I didn't even want him dead I just wanted justice- I wanted to be free again, I don't think that was too much to ask for.
I looked at the rich soil before me feeling somewhat good -something I hadn't felt like in the past three days. I spent most of my time here -it helped me calm down in a way and I could not take comfort in Annie because all I wanted to do was cry in her arms and beg for a way out. I removed my gloves -I had only spent no less then fifteen minutes here just observing-I had put on the gloves just in case I needed to do anything.
I looked at the garden once more admiring it before deciding to head inside I paused on my tracks realising I would have to pass Irene and her henchwoman they have really shown me how much they hated me in the past two days. I wasn't in any shape to stand my ground I felt broken. I was still battling the panic attack I felt when I would see water in a bath. Irene recognised my fear and she ran them for me on purpose.
I was honestly using too much energy to not drop unconsciousness in front of the Viking man I didn't have any left for anything else. When I entered the room they first made remarks in Gaelic laughing and pointing but now it was in English they made sure I knew. Yesterday I broke down in front of her before excusing myself. I was disappointed in myself for allowing those tears to fall but what she said made everything worse my wound was still fresh.
You get drowned once and you act like Queen Elizabeth. He should have never let you fucking live.
I shouldn't have let her get to me but it stung - from running the baths I knew she knew and she enjoyed it but what I didn't understand was how she still was jealous that the Viking man kidnapped me. She knew he was a monster but she still was after him. It didn't make sense to me. I was emotionally weak. I took in a deep breath trying to prepare myself.
This -this was worse. I didn't mind doing majority of the things around the house which I do now -which she is supposed to be doing but emotionally I couldn't take it. As I passed them I could see the raw hatred in their eyes -they didn't hide it. I didn't care that they would call me out of my name so long as they didn't poke at the wounds concerning Lachlan because those wounds would never heal -they hurt the most.
As much I wanted to be far from Lachlan I contemplated on telling him but feared things turning out bad for me, I feared making him mad. I shut my eyes before heading inside needing a shower. I had been outside the entire day. I didn't waste anytime heading upstairs whilst trying to calm my mind. I would do their job I didn't mind so long as there is peace.
...
I looked at the stacks of dishes I had just washed. They were clean and dried. I ate dinner alone today the Viking man apologised for his absence, after dinner I had loads of dishes waiting for me. I was personally told to wash them and not just be a waste of space. She was being beyond bold, but I still didn't want to piss of anyone in a household where I had no one in my corner well aside from Annie, right now the fact that I was taking this even made me feel more pathetic.
I moved to the fireplace craving to read a good book, I had picked a few from the library earlier on and left them on the table so I would just pick one after I was done and read in front of the fireplace. This was one of my favourite places in this house. I looked at the burning flames before me reminding me of my sisters eyes and the fire that always brewed in them before I turned around looking at the books I had picked -laid out on the table.
It was hard to read dark romance because it hit too close to home but the other genres seemed to lack something to me -I was also demented I understood that, the only thing close enough to keep me interested was a fantasy at least for now. The hairs at the back of my neck suddenly stood as I stilled with my hand across a book I was about to reach for. His presence was like nothing I have ever felt ever before.
I took in a deep breath before turning around, my eyes trailed to the man who stood in the door way in one of his signature black suits that were well fitted around him. Lachlan was a neat man so I didn't expect any less from his appearance. From his dress shoes to his hair, he was always neat. His features sharp and madly deceiving. Green against brown. I could tell that I was the only one internally panicking as his eyes slowly looked me over.
Him standing beside the doorway just proved how much of a giant he was. Even if I was to fight him how in the world would I get around him- the thought of duelling with him made me gulp, one thing I have observed from being around him was that he didn't have the human element in his eyes as the rest of normal people.
They were completely dark- at first I thought I was maybe comparing him to people and he was obviously insane so I held him in comparison to his siblings - as much as they also lacked in the light that was supposed to be there and that human element, they had a tiny speck -Lachlan on the other hand had nothing.
My eyes wondered to the flowers draped in his one hand. Even though he held them correctly one could tell that they didn't belong there they looked so foreign in his 'murder-y' hand. One of his hands were in his pants pockets. Just by his presence alone the whole atmosphere in this room has changed.
I couldn't stop thinking about how easily he could kill me after what he recently did to me. At a certain point I really thought I would die -as he tortured me his voice held no sympathy or concern whatsoever- as I tried to hang on to the last thread as I felt myself slip away. His intent was bringing me pain and torture. My throat would dry up whenever my mind would wonder to the painful memory.
"Mo Grá." It carried so much of weight. Such simple words yet they pierced through me each time.
Even the way that he looked at me scared me -it was in a way that my inner self assured me he would never let me go- I would have to die first. Instinctively I pressed myself against the table instead of moving back in fear -he didn't take much pleasure in me moving away from him and because I couldn't physically get myself to stop when he was approaching me -prey predator instincts. I just pressed myself against the table. I didn't want to make him mad.
I tried to control my steady breathing with my eyes shut -I could feel him in front of me. The man refused to spend a minute away from me if we were in the same room- another thing I have learned about him. As if on instinct I felt his hand around me, the only space between us was held by the flowers. My heart was already racing.
"Lachlan." It took everything in me to open my eyes and watch him this close. I still needed to get used to him after the first time he traumatised me he wasn't around as much I had time to recover but now he wasn't away enough.
His hand was suddenly on the back of my throat holding me in place as he kissed me making my running mind stop.
"I apologise for not coming back to you and missing dinner." He said -he did things as if I was the most important person in his life.
"It's-it's okay." My voice was small. Maybe because when it came to him I wanted to disappear from him, I didn't want to be seen by him in any way, I just wanted to shove myself in a box and hide there forever.
"I got these for you." He said handing me the flowers. My eyes looked over them just now realising how breathtaking taking they were- they were known as the skeleton flower -one of my favourites. Of course he would know.
"Thank you." Still in awe, they always had fascinated me- of all the flowers I adored. I wasn't a flower expert but I loved these. I gently placed them beside the books knowing he would not let me put them in a vase right now. I took one from the bunch and opened one of the books placing it inside. He just silently watched.
This didn't mean anything. He was still a monster but I wasn't about to toss out my flowers because of that. As I turned back to him looking into his eyes the fear set in as I tried to keep it at bay, I tried to think about anything else but instead my mind moved to my hurt. Lachlan didn't care for my emotions or my feelings so long as I knew who I belonged to. I was trapped between him and the table behind me. His hand never left my waist.
"You haven't spent time in your office, is it not to your liking?" He asked taking a glance at the books behind me before looking at me once more. The question was genuine -he didn't see anything wrong with what he did to me so he expected me to continue as if nothing was wrong because in his sick head nothing was wrong.
"N-no -" I cleared my throat still holding his gaze.
Green has become a colour I feared. I have never thought in my entire life I would fear a colour but every time I see the colour I am reminded of his bottomless, soulless, dark eyes.
"I mean-no I like it. I just- I have a little writers block." I said honestly -well partially. I was also very disturbed. I couldn't conjure up anything romantic or sweet because Lachlan has shown me another side of the world. The men I read about were nothing like him- he was far worse -a monster at birth.
"What would help?" He asked his thumb gently rubbing circles at the small of my back where he held me. It was terrifyingly soothing.
How his mind worked scared me because how was everything normal to him. How could this be normal when whenever he was close my eyes burned with tears and I tried to keep my heart rate normal. I knew he knew.
"I -I need inspiration- a break -maybe different scenery." I tried to get my mind away from him, I didn't know where I was going with this but I knew I didn't want to be under this roof anymore- I did need a break I was tired, physically and mentally. This was my prison.
"If it would please you we could take a little vacation." I immediately panicked at the word.
"No- what about your work?" I tried to be as subtle as possible I didn't want him to see the panic in my eyes.
"Everything else can wait when it concerns you Mo Grá. You know this." I didn't know whether to cry or scream. This is not what I wanted. The thought of being alone with him at a remote island shook my world. If it wasn't for his job Lachlan would always be inside of me. I gulped shivering at the thought, it would probably lead to my death.
"Not- not a vacation just I don't know a little change." He smirked at my answer. I knew for a fact his full attention would be on me and there was no way I would come out of it not pregnant-and I knew deep down I would kill it- whether I terminate it or we both die. I was not willing to take that chance. That was the only thing I had a right to -he has taken away so many of my rights I wouldn't allow him to take that away from me.
"There is a wedding of a family member my mother hasn't stopped talking about. If you wish to go then we will go." He said, if I didn't know any better I would have thought him to be the most considerate person I have ever met but I knew better. The idea of a wedding suddenly filled me with a feeling of looking forward to something -I haven't had one of those in a long time.
"Yes please."
"We will leave tomorrow morning." This is why one should never wish for what others have because no one knows what happens behind closed doors. If I didn't know him my heart would have fluttered.
"Thank you." I said my mind on the wedding and the fact that I would leave this place tomorrow the smile on my face was for the break I would have from just him and these bullies. I missed Annie. She had left to visit her family and I wasn't sure when she would be back.
There was silence -the only sound was of the hungry flames burning away at the wood as he looked at me-watched me as if he was taking in my features yet again, there was a glint in his eyes I didn't understand. There was no conversation to help me take my mind off his darkness or suppress the urge to run from him. No longer smiling as I was pulled back to reality. My body started to feel like it was heating up in his arms. I needed space. I couldn't help but fidget. It was hard enough being in the same room with him but his touch was overwhelming me.
I held my breath -ringing in my ears the same ringing that had blurred through them as I coughed out loads of water from my mouth and nose. I strongly needed to see a therapist.
He suddenly moved from me making me feel cold, I was now frozen, I was afraid of what went on in his head. There was a small dark table close to the fire place. I watched him pour a dark brown liquid into his glass before placing his gaze at me.
"Isla." His voice pulled me out of my thoughts making me find it difficult to respire. It was an octave lower and his accent was thicker. I shamefully missed when he would refer to me as Mo Grá instead. I was grateful to him because if he hadn't pulled me out I would have lost consciousness. One of his hands were in his pockets the other held his liquor.
"Why were you crying yesterday?" His voice was levelled and calm, I watched him take his drink. I gulped holding onto the table behind me. I had only cried once yesterday and it was because of Irene. I couldn't help but feel like I was in the wrong. It hasn't even been three days and he would surely give me sleepless nights again. I felt tears leave my eyes to which he tilted his head watching me. I held my breath trying to stop myself from freaking out before releasing at broken sigh.
I could just say I was having a panic attack or that I had missed home but it was the way that he asked that made me suspect that he already knew and that he was just waiting for me to lie to him.
Irene was very smart she would never speak ill of me in front of people- in front of others she was the opposite she made sure she covered her tracks. So how did he know. I didn't know what to say, I was afraid of saying yes what if he blames me and I have face his wrath but then again he might just fire Irene and I would finally have some peace but that seemed far stretched there wasn't a scenario in my head of how this would end where I wouldn't be the one crying. I couldn't lie to him, he would definitely make it worse. I found it easier lying for Anele than any other thing because for Anele I would rather he kills me than her.
"I-I-" I didn't know what to say- my tongue felt twisted. Why was it so hard to just spit it out -because if I lie or tell the truth it felt like I would still end up in trouble.
"I-" There was a knock before someone entered the room I didn't even know or hear if the Viking man had said come in -my vision was blurry and my ears ringed all I could see now was that his glass was down on the table as he gave me his full attention.
I was terrified. Lachlan was unpredictable.
My eyes moved to the figure not too far from the door. For the first time since I have met her she cowered I didn't think she knew what was going on but it was just the demeanour of the man standing before me. I could see her form slightly tremble from where she was positioned. Fear.
"Let me make this easier for you Mo Grá, was she the reason behind your tears?" He asked. I somehow didn't want to be the cause of her losing her job even though she treated me the way that she did, I had a bad feeling at the pits of my stomach. Call it whatever but it was the honest truth. When I glanced at her, her eyes begged me- pure fear evident in them. It left an unsettling feeling in my stomach.
I wondered how he came to know, there was a maid that had helped me with my breakdown after Irene had left maybe she had told him.
I just hesitantly nodded. Even though I recalled perfectly all she had done to me I couldn't look her way when I nodded but I had no choice because Lachlan asked what he already knew, he was testing me. That's when it all started, he didn't even ask me to confirm immediately his eyes changed.
Before I could even blink Irene tried to run Lachlan took one of the sharp fireplace pokers and threw it in her direction -it pierced her leg making her fall to the ground, heavy wails leaving her mouth. I was too stunned to even think about what was going on. I could see the fear deepen in her eyes as he rolled up his sleeves taking his time. He moved towards her and dragged her by her hair I was dead silent and still as if I lost feeling through out my body as I watched I could hear the crunch of her skull as he slammed her head again the wall near the fire place- not long after there was another sound bone being broken as he broke her leg driving his foot on it and stopping her attempts of running. I held my hand against my mouth to keep myself from sobbing out loud. My mind was frantically running, the crimson blood now covering half of the woman's face.
He said something inaudible in Gaelic chuckling. My hearing had come back and her screams bounced of the walls her crying clawing at my soul, tears continuously ran down my face. No matter how many times I tried to understand I could not. I couldn't watch this but I was too afraid to close my eyes.
Lachlan was terrifyingly quiet. He was something else, what I thought I feared in his eyes had multiplied I have never seen anything like it I was paralysed in fear, praying in my heart asking God to forgive me for what ever I had done to end up here and praying for protection. She continued to scream right before my eyes I watched him as he place his hands inside her mouth holding it apart on her upper and lower jaw, I couldn't close my eyes fast enough as he ripped her mouth apart -I watched the side of her cheeks get covered in blood- her lower jaw dangling. I have never seen such atrocity. There was so much of blood and wailing. My throat burned as I tried to swallow the sobs down it. I felt like I was in a nightmare.
He pulled out her tongue and sliced it off clean before shoving it down her throat and making her swallow it. The screams had immediately stopped. I was the one crying. He wasn't rushing anything he took his time- he was enjoying himself.
He reached for a handkerchief and wiped his blood filled hands, he did it so flawlessly as if it was a practice that he was used to. I was a trembling mess and I thank God I was bad at drinking water otherwise I would have peed myself. No one deserved this but I couldn't speak -I wanted to beg on her behalf. I closed my eyes in fear never seizing to pray. I have never met such evil. I have never been so petrified of something as I am of him.
"Mo Grá open your eyes for me." I didn't even realise that I had closed them. His voice softer directed at me but also with warning I opened them. Nodding my head I didn't even know why I was nodding so hard but what I did know was that I just didn't want to piss him off.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked as if the woman before him wasn't still begging for her life slowly holding on to what was left of it. The thick smell of blood was slowly suffocating me- it always made me panic.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-please."
"Come here." He said making me almost lose feeling in my knees. I was breathing out loud -heavily, tears across my face and snot at the back of my throat. I was out of touch with reality as I moved towards him- my lips trembled unable to release words.
He simply just watched me breakdown before him as I tried not to collapse on the floor there was so much of blood. I still couldn't stop hearing and seeing what he had just done.
"No one has the right to make you cry, I will personally cut them open and present their organs to you on a silver platter." He said affectionally brushing my cheeks as I trembled as if the room was below zero degrees. His hands had been covered in blood just a few minutes ago- Irene's blood.
"I understand. I'm sorry-I'm sorry. I won't do it again." I rushed out shaking my head.
"Let's make sure you don't." He said before going back to Irene and removing the metal rod that was deep in her leg. I watched as he used it to gouge her eyes out with it, my stomach turned. He held her eyes in his hands. He was so unaffected by this, he couldn't be human. He gestured for me to take them, at this point I was sobbing and begging him. Profusely apologising.
"Feed them to her and make sure she chews them." He said the slight softness he had shown me a second ago now gone, as if it was never there. I took the eyeballs from his hands almost dropping them they were slimy and warm and before I knew I turned aside and puked my guts out. When I looked back at him he had no sympathy whatsoever and expected me to go on.
I don't know how long it took me to get to her my legs trembled with every step, I bent down my hands no longer my own as I pushed the eyes
in her bleeding mouth. I begged Lachlan as I held her chin trying to help her. She was co-operating maybe she thought he would let her live or she was afraid he would do worse. I was scarred for life. The scent of blood thick in the air and the sound of her eye balls being crushed by her teeth as the holes she now had for eyes faced me with blood oozing from the sockets-this would forever haunt me.
"Swallow." His voice boomed giving the command. And she did holding onto me now begging me for her life. I moved away from her and Lachlan. His fingers quickly found their way to the new found holes that once held her eyes as he dragged her with them. I couldn't stop sobbing.
"Lachlan. Please. Please. No more. Please. I don't think -I -I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart. I can't take anymore of this." With his fingers still holding up the half dead woman he looked at me for a second before dropping her as if she was nothing.
"For you I will show her mercy." Before I could blink I watched him coldly drive his foot through her throat making the whimpers stop. He looked at her unsatisfied as he wiped his hands. I watched him make a whistle noise before I knew it his two man eating large dogs came running in. I didn't even have the life to be afraid of them I was more afraid of him then them.
And even as I watched the dogs cruelly and mercilessly rip her apart while feasting on her flesh I still stood still in trembling fear for him and only him, praying to wake up at any second.
...
Tell me what y'all think.