"Ok. What the fuck am I looking at?" asked Ruv, squinting at the sight before him.
"Tada!" Boyfriend said. "You're looking at the brand new, one of a kind fun bus!"
"It looks like you took one of Daddy Dearest's tour busses and wrote "Fun" over his face." said Pico.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I did." said Boyfriend. "It's totally cool. Girlfriend said we could borrow it!"
"Borrow it for what exactly?" asked Aldryx.
"A road trip!" Boyfriend said. "And you're all going! Surprise!"
"Nope." said Ruv. He turned to leave.
"It might be fun." said Whitty, catching Ruv by his jacket before he could get too far.
"Don't tell me you're going along with this lunacy." Ruv groaned.
"If Whitty's in, then I'm in!" Agoti said. "And that means you two are too." he said to Aldryx and Tabi.
"We're taking Ruv prisoner so he's in too." said Whitty. Ruv looked at them with a mixed expression of anger and despair.
"This sounds so fun!" Hex said, clapping his clamps together. "I've never been on a road trip before!"
"I don't know if this is such a good idea." Tabi said slowly.
"Are we seriously agreeing to go on a spontaneous road trip?" Pico asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Pretty much." said Boyfriend. "Everyone's going, you're legally required to."
"I really don't think this is a good idea." Tabi said, more frantically this time. His voice was loud enough for only Agoti and Aldryx to hear.
"Technically we'd be getting away from the bitch that shall not be named. It might be good for you." Agoti said.
"With him?" Tabi asked, glancing at Boyfriend. "I still want to punch his smug little face in."
"It's gonna be ok, we'll be right there with you." Aldryx promised.
"Question, how long are we going to be gone for?" Pico asked.
"No idea. I didn't plan anything. That's part of the fun!" Boyfriend said.
"So you're telling me I'm being dragged on a road trip with no discenrable destination that could last years for all we know?" asked Ruv.
"Pretty much." Boyfriend said.
"I hate my life." said Ruv.
"Then a vacation might be good for you!" Hex said. "I think that this will be a lovely group bonding experience. I'll bring license plate bingo!"
"So I'm thinking maybe half an hour to pack, then we're on our way." Boyfriend said.
"Are we seriously doing this?!" Tabi protested.
"It's not like anyone else has anything to do." Boyfriend said.
"What about my little buddy? Where's him and Pump?" asked Whitty.
"Well, they have school, so I figured that they couldn't come." said Boyfriend. "That means we can do adult things!"
"We do adult things while they're there all the time." Agoti said.
"Please phrase that differently." Whitty groaned.
"So, half an hour, sound good?"
"I guess." Tabi said, still looking worried. Agoti patted his shoulder.
"Someone go with Ruv so we can make sure he actually comes back." said Boyfriend.
"God dammit." said Ruv.
"You're going!" Sarvente said sweetly. Hex had accompanied Ruv back to the church after packing his own things.
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are." Hex and Sarvente said together.
"Here, I already packed for you. Hex called me as soon as you made plans so we could make sure that you didn't get a chance to escape." Sarvente said, handing him a travel bag.
"The entire universe is conspiring against me." Ruv said.
"You're going to have fun, I can feel it!" Sarvente said. "You're going to have so much fun, it'll kill you!"
"That's what I'm worried about." said Ruv.
"How many pairs of socks should I pack?" asked Whitty.
"You can never have too many socks. Pack them all." said Hex.
"I literally could not care less." Ruv said grumpily.
"What are you guys doing?" Carol asked, poking her head into Whitty's room.
"Packing for a road trip!" said Hex. "It's very exciting." He and Ruv had decided to meet up with Whitty after getting Ruv's things.
"Exciting huh?" Carol said, taking in Ruv's depressed expression.
"Very." said Hex.
"How many bags of chips do I bring?" asked Whitty.
"I think you should pack more important things." Carol said, peeking into his bag which only contained a large amount of snacks. "Like clothes."
"Shit!" Whitty said, hiding his face so Carol couldn't see it burning. "I didn't plan that or anything! It's not like we're going to a nudists' colony or anything."
"I wouldn't be surprised if we did." Ruv said gloomily.
"That's my phone charger!"
"No it's not, it's mine."
"You got it from my room!" Aldryx exclaimed.
"It has my initial on it." said Agoti.
"BOTH OF OUR NAMES START WITH AN A, DIPSHIT!"
"What exactly is going on in here?" Solazar said, standing in the doorway.
"He took my phone charger." Aldryx said.
"It's mine!"
"If it's in my room, it's mine!"
"Oh yeah? If I threw my shoe into your room, it would still be mine!"
"We have more than one phone charger." Sol sighed.
"Well I like this one." said Agoti.
"Well you can't have it. It's mine!"
"Fight me bitch." Agoti said, sticking his tongue out at Aldryx.
"Bet."
"Oh shit." Agoti said, barely dodging in time as Aldryx lunged for him.
"Give me the phone charger." Sol ordered, holding out his hand. "It's mine now."
Agoti begrudgingly handed it over. "For the record I didn't start it."
"You ALWAYS start it!"
"Enough! Enough, World War three does not need to start over a phone charger. What's all this?" Sol asked, pointing at half packed bags.
"We're fleeing the state. See ya." Agoti said, grabbing his bag and heading for the exit. Sol dragged him back into the room before he passed.
"And no one was going to tell me about this?"
"We were gonna tell you after we left, so that way you couldn't stop us from going." Agoti said.
"Dude, just stop talking." Aldryx groaned.
"I'm a grown ass man! I should be allowed to go on spontaneous road trips whenever I want!" Agoti protested.
"You're a grown ass man who disappeared for over a year." Solazar countered.
"God dammit he has a point." Agoti muttered.
"Well, this time I'll be with him." Aldryx said. "I won't let him out of my sight."
"Also not an option I like!" Agoti protested.
"Tabi's going too. He's responsible." Aldryx offered.
"I have no freedom." Agoti grumbled.
"We could always implant him with a microchip or something." said Aldryx.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Agoti groaned.
Sol thought for a moment. "I would possibly be willing to let you go if you met a few terms."
"Go on." said Aldryx.
"Keep your phone gps on, call me every hour, tell me where you are and where you're going-"
"I feel like I'm under terrorist surveillance!" Agoti exclaimed.
"Every three hours." Aldryx said. "And I'll buy one of those child leashes to keep him on."
"I'M NOT A DOG!"
Sol had a feeling he was going to regret this later. "Alright, you have a deal."
"Yes! Thank you!" Aldryx said.
"Do I seriously have to wear a leash?" asked Agoti.
"You took the longest out of all of us." said Pico. The entire gang, minus Skid and Pump had assembled in Boyfriend's apartment.
"I'm going to go through your drawers." said Agoti.
"Like hell you are!" Boyfriend yelled.
"Why? What's in there?" Whitty snickered.
"It doesn't matter! Jesus Christ, I'm ready to go now. You all suck."
"You're the one dragging me on this trip." Ruv said, still looking miserable.
"It'll be fun." Hex reassured.
"This bus fits twenty people, so there should totally be enough room for all of us." said Boyfriend. "I'm driving first, so whatever I say goes."
"This is going to be a very short road trip." said Pico.
The gang piled into the bus. Ruv instantly moved to the very back, away from everyone else who stayed near the front.
"Let's get this party started!" Agoti said, turning off his phone.
"What are you doing?" asked Aldryx.
"Living my goddamn life. I don't want to be tracked."
Tabi turned his phone back on. "And how did that go last time?"
"Fuck." Agoti muttered.
"And, we're off!" Boyfriend said, pulling out of the parking lot. "The adventure has officially begun!"
"Yay!" Hex cheered.
"Where are we going?" Ruv mumbled.
"I don't know." Boyfriend said. "I brought a coin, so once we get outside the city limits, I'll flip it to see if we should turn left or right."
"We're all going to die." Ruv muttered.
"Should I go sit with him?" Hex whispered.
"Just let him sulk for now. It's safer for all of us. We'll make him socialize when he's a little less angry with the world." Whitty said. "Hey Boyfriend, turn some music on or something."
"You're seriously going to trust him with the music?" Agoti asked. "That's a shitty idea."
"My music is fine!"
"Bullshit."
"Ok you know what!" Boyfriend said angrily, turning to face Agoti.
"EYES ON THE ROAD!" shrieked Hex. The bus swerved back into its lane, Boyfriend clutching the wheel nervously.
"Whoops."
"We're all going to die." Ruv mumbled again.
The next few hours passed with an average amount of chaos. There was a short argument over general road safety laws, followed by another argument over what qualified as a banger.
"This is fun!" Hex said. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Look at all the cars!! There's a ford, and a honda, and another honda, and an audi-"
"Please tell me you're not going to do that the whole way." Pico groaned.
"And a Volkswagen beetle-Oh! Sorry, am I being annoying?" Hex asked sheepishly. "I will identify cars silently from now on."
"Volkswagen beetle huh?" Aldryx said, grinning.
"It looks like a clown car." said Pico. "Boyfriend, it's perfect for you."
"Ha fucking ha." Boyfriend muttered.
"Hey Agoti." Aldryx said, still grinning.
"The fuck do you want?" Agoti asked, attention currently on his phone.
"PUNCH BUGGY!" Aldryx yelled, punching Agoti in the arm as hard as he could.
"Here we go again." Tabi sighed.
"They do this often, huh?" said Whitty.
"OUCH!" Agoti yelled, shoving Aldryx. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME THAT HARD YOU FUCKING JERK!"
"I didn't hit you that hard, you're just a little bitch."
"FUCK YOU!"
"Awww, you gonna cry?"
Agoti responded by kicking Aldryx in the shin.
"OW! FUCK! ILLEGAL MOVE!"
"Well so is punching me!"
"I saw a buggy. So I punched you."
"Ok." Tabi said, moving to sit in between Aldryx and Agoti. "Intervention time."
"What's up bestie?" Aldryx said, still snickering.
"Oww..." Agoti mumbled, rubbing his shoulder.
"Chill the fuck out bestie." Tabi said, rolling his eyes.
Another Volkswagen drove by. Hex lightly tapped Whitty on the shoulder. "Punch buggy."
"God, he's so precious." Pico snorted.
"Ruv, are you done bitching?" Whitty called back. Ruv responded by raising his middle finger.
"Huh, I guess not." said Boyfriend. "Oh well, the rest of us are having a great time!"
"We're out of snacks." said Skid.
"You should fix that." said Pump.
"Jesus, already?!" Boyfriend asked. "How many did you e-WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"EYES ON THE ROAD!" Hex wailed as the bus swerved again.
"Skid?! Pump?! What are you doing here?!" Boyfriend asked, eyes wide.
"We're out of snacks?!" Whitty exclaimed, eyes equally wide.
"We are looking for more snacks." said Skid.
"Plus we got bored in the trunk." said Pump.
"Looks like we got a couple of stowaways." Pico said, patting them on the head.
"Pico don't encourage it!" Boyfriend protested. "Does anyone know where you are?! Shit, this is kidnapping!"
"It's ok, we give you our consent to kidnap us." said Pump.
"We're good at hiding from the police." said Skid.
"I missed you, little buddy." said Whitty.
"Guys! This is a problem!" Boyfriend said. "Guys, did you tell ANYONE where you were going?"
"We wrote a note." Pump said, holding up a note written in crayon.
"We left-Skid and Pump" Hex read.
"That doesn't help!" Boyfriend exclaimed.
"Wait, if you have the note, then how is someone supposed to get it?" asked Agoti.
"Oh. I forgot to leave the note." Pump said sadly.
"It's ok." Skid said, patting his shoulder. "You're still my best friend."
"Ok! That's it!" Boyfriend said, pulling over to the side of the road. "Everybody pause!"
"Maybe this will be interesting after all." said Ruv.
"Yes ma'am. Thank you ma'am." Boyfriend said into his phone.
"Pass the drugs!" Agoti yelled.
"Shut the fuck up!" Boyfriend hissed. "What? Nothing ma'am. Yeah. Sure thing. I'll get them home safe. No dessert before dinner. Got it. Thank you ma'am."
"Tell her we say hi!" Skid and Pump said together.
"Skid and Pump say hi." Boyfriend sighed. "Ok, you too ma'am. Bye." He hung up the phone and sighed. "She said hi back. You're lucky your mom is so chill. Jeez. And Agoti, I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK!"
"That was the intention." Agoti said smugly.
"Do you both have enough things packed? Did you pack at all?" Hex asked, looking concerned.
"How did you even get in here?" Aldryx asked.
"Don't worry, we packed." said Skid.
"And we snuck into the trunk and hid while Boyfriend was taking forever packing." said Pump.
"And here we are!" the two said together.
"So technically this is your fault." said Pico.
"Shut up!" Boyfriend snapped.
"Aw! Look who finally decided to join us!" Agoti said. Ruv had moved several rows up to watch the chaos.
"Don't make me hit you."
"Yeah! Now the gang's all here!" Whitty said. "I'd say it's time to party, but we have a more pressing issue. WE'RE OUT OF SNACKS!"
"That's a good point." said Boyfriend. "Let's make a snack run at the next gas station."
"Sounds good." said Pico.
"I've had a thought." Hex said, suddenly looking worried. "Ruv, do you intend to eat anything at all?"
"No."
"But...We might be gone for a week!"
"Mhm."
"You can't go a week without eating!"
"Watch me."
Hex continued to (unsuccessfully) beg Ruv to eat for the next hour. He was still trying when they pulled into the gas station parking lot.
"Alright, everyone out. Shopping time." Boyfriend. "Bathroom break, whatever else you need."
"Hold it." Aldryx said, grabbing Agoti by the hood before he could exit the bus. "You're staying in my sight."
"Are you kidding me?!" Agoti protested.
"Sorry, those are the rules."
"What if I need to go to the bathroom?"
"I go with you."
"What?! No!"
Tabi decided to leave the bus before he was trapped in the argument. Everyone else followed suit.
"Question, who's paying for this road trip?" Whitty asked.
"Oh." Boyfriend said. "Um, Hex, I was hoping you would..."
"Say no more!" Hex said. "It would be my pleasure!"
"Alright candy gremlins." said Pico. He was kneeling down by Skid and Pump. "Grab as much as you can. It's trick or treat time for the next fifteen minutes. Go nuts."
"Yes sir!" Skid and Pump said together as they dashed into the gas station.
Whitty carefully scanned the snack isle, searching for the perfect selection. Snacks were very important, he knew that all too well. "Hey, should I just grab some of everything to share?"
"Sure, I don't care." Aldryx said. Agoti was standing next to him arms crossed. Aldryx was still holding onto his hood.
"Alright, everything it is." said Whitty. He piled as many snacks into his arms and pockets as he could. "Hey Hex, can you ring this up? I'm gonna use the bathroom."
"Of course!" Hex said. "Is this all? Are you sure you don't want more?"
Whitty looked down at what he had gathered, what was safely a quarter of the food in the gas station. "Hmm. You're right, maybe a little more."
The gas station attendant watched Whitty grab a few more snacks with wide eyes. He glanced back and forth from Whitty, to Hex, to Agoti and Aldryx, and back again. His eyes looked like they were ready to pop out of his skull when he saw Tabi.
"Good afternoon." Hex said pleasantly. "We'd like all of this please."
When Whitty returned from the bathroom, the clerk was still checking everything out.
"Here." Skid said, as he and Pump each deposited an armload of candy. "This too."
"Atta boys." Pico laughed.
"Um..." the clerk said slowly. "What are you people?"
"We're on a road trip!" Hex said happily.
The clerk finally finished ringing up all of the food. "Um...Cash or credit?"
"Credit is just fine." Hex said. "Lovely day, isn't it?"
"Stop giving me that look! I'm doing it for your own good!" Aldryx said.
"I feel like a toddler or a pet!
"It's to keep you safe!"
"You think I'm not capable of defending myself on my own?!"
"I mean...You're kind of a twig."
"EXCUSE ME?!"
"There we go." Hex said, returning his card to his wallet. "Can I have some help carrying all of this?"
"I don't know, am I able to stay in Aldryx's sight?" Agoti asked sarcastically.
"Damn, are we sure we got enough food?" Boyfriend asked sarcastically.
"For now." Whitty said. "Are we ready to hit the road again?"
Boyfriend did a quick head count. "Wait, where's Ruv?"
"Dammit, I think he's trying to make a run for it!" Whitty exclaimed. "Spread out and find him!"
"He couldn't have gotten too far. It's a pretty small area, not many places to hide." said Pico.
"This is Ruv we're talking about!" Boyfriend protested. The gang searched the surrounding area for fifteen minutes with no luck.
"Shit, did he really dip out on us?" Aldryx asked.
"I feel a little insulted." Whitty said. "I mean, he really didn't want to hang with us that much?" The gang returned to the bus, somewhat disappointed.
"Are you done running around like headless chickens?" asked Ruv.
"What the-Where have you been?!" Boyfriend exclaimed.
"I've been here the whole time. You just didn't see me." Ruv had returned to his back row, and was indeed somewhat difficult to see.
"You could have said something!" Agoti argued.
"I could have." Ruv shrugged. "I wanted to see how long you'd look for."
"I was hoping to start driving to look." said Whitty. "Dammit man! You scared me!"
"Sorry." Ruv said bluntly.
"Now we're ready to get back on the road." Boyfriend said, shaking his head.
"Seriously Ruv, I was afraid that you were seriously willing to ditch us." Whitty said. "I thought you hated me!" Ruv raised an eyebrow in response. "I think about people hating me a lot." Whitty admitted.
"We could never hate you." said Hex.
"Aw, thanks buddy." They had been driving for at least ten minutes before Ruv spoke.
"For the record, I wouldn't try to escape or leave you all."
"Really?" Boyfriend asked, eyes wide.
"Yeah." said Ruv. "I don't hate you all that much."
"Ruv, that made my day." Whitty said tearfully. Ruv only rolled his eyes.
"Alright, my hands are cramping, someone else drive." said Aldryx.
"Maybe we should stop somewhere." said Hex. "You all look like you need some rest. Or I can drive while you can all sleep."
"I vote stop. I'm too tall to sleep comfortably in this bus." Whitty said, rubbing his eyes. "Jesus, what time is it?"
"Three am." Hex said. "On the dot!"
"We have been driving for...Eighteen hours!" Pump announced.
"Yeah, that's right, good job!" Pico said, high fiving him. "Way to make math your bitch."
Pump grinned. "I made math my bitch."
"I am already searching up hotels nearby." Hex reported. "If you'd like, I can at least drive us there."
"I'm definitely a fan of that." Aldryx said. He pulled over to the side of the road so he could switch with Hex.
"I've never been able to sleep in cars." said Boyfriend. "I hate it. I want to stab anyone who can sleep well in the car."
"There's your first victim." Whitty snickered, pointing to Agoti who had been out cold for the last four hours. He had his hood pulled over his head and was curled up against the car window, back to the others.
"Seriously! How do people do that?!" Boyfriend asked.
"I gave him my headphones." Tabi said. "The noise canceling ones."
"You're too nice to him." Aldryx said, rolling his eyes.
"You guys should be in bed at least." Whitty said, glancing at Skid and Pump.
"I think we are starting to become nocturnal!" Skid reported.
"Here we are!" Hex said. "Is Ruv still alive? He's quiet."
"I'm always quiet." said Ruv.
Hex parked the bus and went to go check in at the front desk. Everyone else stayed behind to organize their things.
"I think we should only take what we need for tomorrow morning." said Pico. "So grab your shit and let's get going. I'm fucking tired."
"Is someone gonna wake up sleeping beauty?" Boyfriend asked.
"We could just leave him." said Ruv.
"No!" Hex protested, jogging back over. "I knew something like this would happen!"
"Buzzkill." Whitty teased.
"I wouldn't want him to get cold, or wake up alone." Hex said, gently shaking Agoti awake.
"Mm...What?"
"We're at a hotel now. Come on, there will be more comfortable places to sleep there." Hex said.
"Catch." Aldryx said, tossing a bag at Agoti. It whacked him directly in the face.
"...Why would you do that?"
"His reaction times are so slow when he's tired. Try throwing something at him."
Pump picked up a rock.
"Put that down!" Hex exclaimed.
Somehow, everyone made it inside without someone getting injured.
"Ok, I got two rooms." said Hex. "I was thinking we split the group in half and each take a room. They're right next to each other so if someone needs anything, we're close."
"Who's staying where?" asked Aldryx.
"I thought that this might lead to conflict! Thankfully, I prepared." Hex said, holding out several folded up pieces of paper. "Everyone pick one. Once you have one, open it."
"Oh wow, a red streak." Agoti said. "Amazing."
"I got blue." Aldryx said.
"This will be the blue room." said Hex, pointing to one door. "And this is the red one."
"Oh no, Aldryx, I'm going out of your sight." Agoti said teasingly.
"You're not going out of mine." Tabi said, holding up a red streak.
"It feels like I'm on fucking crime watch!" Agoti groaned.
After saying goodnight, the gang separated into their rooms. Boyfriend ended up in the red room along with Agoti, Tabi, Whitty and Ruv.
"Uh oh." Boyfriend said as he looked into the room. "This can't be right."
"I think they got the room size wrong." Ruv said, taking in the tiny hotel room with two beds and a couch.
"Should we go ask for a change?" asked Boyfriend.
"Yeah, I'll go get Hex." said Whitty. The rest of the red group stood awkwardly for a moment until Whitty returned. "He's not answering. I think they're already asleep."
"Shit." Boyfriend said. "What do we do?"
"Fight for it." Agoti said.
"Let's think logically." Whitty said. "There are three places to sleep. There are five of us."
"Oh god." Boyfriend said. "Are we going to have to double up?"
"That would work." Whitty said thoughtfully. "Two in each bed and one on the couch. Oh no." The group looked at each other awkwardly. Ruv grabbed a pillow off of the bed and started walking away.
"Where are you going?" asked Tabi.
"To sleep in the bathtub."
"Ok, that works. If Ruv sleeps in the bathtub, and some one else sleeps on the floor, no one has to share." Boyfriend said.
"I'm sure as hell not sleeping on the floor. The floor's gross!" Agoti said.
"Well I'm not sleeping on the floor!" Boyfriend said.
"Then who the fuck is gonna sleep on the floor?" Whitty exclaimed.
"Well, goodnight." said Ruv as he walked into the bathroom.
"Wait, he can't have the bathroom all night!" Boyfriend said. "Get back out here!"
"So we're back to where we started." Whitty groaned. "So if no one's sleeping on the floor, and no one's sleeping in the bathroom, we're back to doubling up on the couch." the group looked at each other for a moment.
"DIBS ON THE COUCH!" Whitty, Agoti, Tabi and Boyfriend yelled at the same time.
"I think I should get the couch." said Ruv. "I'm the tallest. So it would be uncomfortable for both me and someone else to share a bed."
"He makes a good point. Dammit." said Boyfriend.
"How about this?" Whitty said. "Everyone give me your paper." Once he had the papers, Whitty ripped them in half. "Ok, now there's two blank pieces, and two pieces with a red mark on them. Red marks share a bed, blanks share a bed. As for the couch..." He tore off another piece of paper and drew a smiley face on it with a nearby pen. "This will work."
"Here." Agoti said, handing him a coffee tin. "Mix them up so no one has an advantage."
Finally, everyone drew a strip of paper.
"Aha. Destiny." said Ruv. He held up his piece of paper with a smiley face on it, an exact opposite of his facial expression.
"I'm scared." Agoti said, slowly opening his paper. "Red again."
"Blank." Whitty and Boyfriend said together.
"Whew, this is the best possible outcome." Agoti said. "Well, night. Tabi I'm keeping your headphones."
"At this point, I'm too tired to care." said Tabi. He was just relieved that he didn't have to share a bed with Boyfriend.
The next fifteen minutes passed in awkward silence as everyone prepared for bed. Finally, the group stood in front of their respective beds, waiting for someone to make a move. Ruv smugly laid down on the couch.
"Bastard." Whitty muttered.
"Fuck this, you guys can be awkward without me." Agoti said, climbing into bed. "See you losers tomorrow."
Tabi shrugged and laid down on the opposite side of the bed.
"If you keep your backs to each other, it's less weird." Boyfriend said.
"Silence." Agoti said.
Whitty and Boyfriend looked at each other and then back at the bed.
"Um, do you want the left side or the right?" Boyfriend asked awkwardly.
"Right side is fine." Whitty said, equally awkward. "Um...After you."
"Thanks." Boyfriend said, awkwardly laying down on his side of the bed. "Um. Come on over I guess."
"Should we make a wall of pillows or something?" asked Whitty.
"Yes! That's a great idea." Boyfriend said. "Wait, we only have three pillows! Aren't we supposed to have four?"
"I took one from them." Ruv said. "And Agoti took one from you."
"So he has three pillows?! That's illegal!" Whitty exclaimed.
"Go the fuck to sleep or I stab you." Tabi groaned.
"Fine. One pillow wall." Boyfriend said, propping it up between them. "Touching the pillow is also illegal."
"Right." Whitty agreed. "And no going on each other's sides."
"Definitely not."
"Just shut the fuck up!" Agoti exclaimed. "People are trying to sleep!"
"Well. Goodnight." Boyfriend said awkwardly.
"Goodnight." Whitty said, equally awkwardly. The lights flicked off.
Tabi sighed in relief. He was just about at his bullshit limit. Hopefully now he could just relax and sleep...
Agoti nudged him. "Hey."
"What?" Tabi asked.
"The only time the word "incorrectly" isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled "incorrectly." Get it?"
"I'm going to kill you." said Tabi.
"If two people on opposite ends of the world each drop a piece of bread, the world becomes a sandwich."
"Agoti. I. Will. Kill. You."
"The sinking of the titanic must have been a miracle for the lobsters on board."
"I forgot you ramble when you're half awake." Tabi sighed. "Just go to sleep."
"What the hell was the person who discovered milk thinking? Ooh, wow look at those cow titties. Ooh I'm gonna go touch them. Ooh I'm gonna drink whatever comes out of them."
Tabi was about ready to sleep in the bathtub himself.
"Everything in the universe is either pizza, or not pizza."
Tabi thought about shoving him out of bed.
"If your job is taking care of chickens, you're technically a chicken tender."
Yeah, he was going to shove him out of bed.
"Being alone is worse than death."
"What?" Tabi asked. But finally, Agoti seemed to be asleep, not offering any follow up or explanation to what he meant. Tabi sat there for a moment, pondering it. It was a matter of perspective really. If he was left alone long enough, he would probably start to go a little crazy...Well, crazier. He'd already gone crazy. That much was clear.
What was he even doing here?! Sleeping in the same room as his replacement?! It hurt just being around him. Tabi had never thought about that fact. He regretted asking when Boyfriend had gotten together with Girlfriend. He thought he'd wanted the answer. It turned out he really didn't.
Girlfriend had still been with him when they started dating.
That was the nail in the fucking coffin. Boyfriend probably knew. He was probably mocking him. This was all a big show to him. To her. He was done being the fool, the victim, the replacement. He should just go over there right now, take revenge, make her feel what it was like to lose everything.
He felt his fists clench. It would be so easy...
"Chicken nuggets." Agoti mumbled, rolling over and stealing all the blankets. That broke Tabi free from his thoughts. Had he actually been about to do that? Was he really that far gone.
He wrestled the blankets back, muscles still tense. But they weren't tensed with anger, they were tensed with fear. He'd already snapped once, and what happened wasn't pretty.
How long would it be before he snapped again?