August 5th - 2002
I follow Dean through the dark hall with my gun held up, ready for anything to come at us.
"I just don't understand why he left. Wasn't he happy here?" Dean continues to complain about his baby brother that left for school seven days ago.
"We've already talked about this. He wanted to go to school." I rebutted, turning the corner. "And as his big brother, you should support things like that."
He went silent as I grabbed his arm, pulling him around to face me with the flashlight he held, illuminating the features I loved.
Dean and I have been going out behind John's back for five months now, and it's been five months that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
"He's still your brother Dean." I assured him, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek, feeling him lean into the touch as he always does. "Plus, it's Sam. He's just as hard-headed as the rest of you, but that doesn't mean he stopped loving you."
Dean closed his eyes and let out a sigh from his constant worry since Sam left. The older Winchester may try and hide it well, but I can see right through to the part of him that just misses his baby brother.
I leaned up to place a kiss on his soft lips but instead felt my body forced away from him before smacking into the far wall behind us, making my vision go blurry.
My ears hear Dean behind me as I try and stand but before I can regain clear vision the spirt grabs me again and throws me against the corner of a wooden table knocking the air right from my lungs as i fal to the ground smacking my head on the cold concrete.
"Evy!" I hear Dean shout as my conscience fights to stay awake.
I start to fade into black until I feel arms pull me up, and Dean's voice brings me back.
"You're bleeding like crazy. We have to get you to the hospital." He shakily says as I feel my body picked up from the cold floor and into Dean's arms, allowing me to rest my throbbing head on his warm chest.
"Dean, it hurts." I softly let out, feeling like I could go right to sleep in his arms.
"I know, sweetheart, just stay with me, I gotcha." He reassured me as his voice grew further, and I fell into the comfortable darkness.
August 6th - 2002
A shot of pain shoots through my body, forcing me awake to find that I wasn't with Dean anymore but alone in a cold, pristine hospital bed instead.
I try to swallow, but my dry throat makes it difficult as I look around for anyone.
After waiting for what felt like an eternity, I decided to do it my way as I ripped out the IV from my arm and swung my legs off the hospital bed.
To my surprise, they didn't seem to want to work as I stumbled back into the bed, holding on to the side.
I used as much force as I could to remain up until I saw Dean turn the corner into my room, looking at me with wide eyes.
"Thank God you're okay." He breathed out, rushing over to help me back up onto the bed.
"Thanks." I sheepishly smiled, looking back at the exhausted boy who held out his hoodie for me to put on trying to keep from the cold I felt. "What happened? why am I here?"
He took my hand in his as he drew circles around it. "We got jumped by Casper because you wanted to make out." He chuckled, making me smirk and playfully hit his chest.
"Shut up." I smiled up at the young boy who I cared for more than words could describe. "I mean, why am I in the hospital?" I press knowing that whatever happened to me must have been bad enough for him to bring me here.
His expression became more stiff. "I don't know what actually happened back there…but there was so much blood, Evy." He shook his head. "I thought you were gonna be dead by the time I got you here."
"Oh" was all I could think of when I saw how broken he was about it. I knew Dean cared about me, but this felt different somehow. "Did the doctors tell you what happened?"
He shook his head along with an eye roll. "They wouldn't tell me anything until you were awake cause I'm not your family or husband."
His annoyed tone made me giggle. "Well, go find a nurse. I wanna know what's going on."
He shook his head and brought his lips onto mine in a long kiss before pulling away with a wink and leaving the room.
A blush creeped up onto my cheeks at his actions, making me feel like I was the most important person in the world when I was with him.
I looked around the room with a shudder, hospitals always made me uneasy, especially when i was the one in them.
Not a moment later, Dean came back with a doctor and sat down next to me, taking my small hand in his large, called one, giving me a sense of familiarity in this cold place.
"Glad to see you up and awake, Miss Torres." The doctor smiled at me with a look of sorrow that made my stomach churn.
"So what did you figure out about me?" I asked, squeezing Dean's hand out of fear to find what the answer behind the doctor's bad demeanor could be.
His face seemed to stiffen as anxieties crept up into my mind, and the world shifted a bit slower.
"I deeply regret to inform you, Miss
Torres." The doctor paused like the words he was looking for had gotten stuck in transit. "...but it seems you've miscarried in the first trimester."
His words stopped my world completely as I tried to look back on his words like I've missed another section that went along with it.
"What?" Dean let out as the only thing I could focus on was his hand in mine, keeping me aware of the world around me.
"Were you aware of the pregnancy?" The doctor asked as I forced myself to shake my head with tears stinging my eyes.
"I'm very sorry for your loss…I'll leave you two to have some privacy." He gave a look of compassion before exiting the room, leaving an unbearable silence behind.
Dean pulled his hands from mine to stand up and pace the room along with running a hand down his face.
Tears fell down my cheeks but I couldn't be bothered to hide them as I let the reality wash over me realizing that this was real and not some bad dream I'd wake up and be relieved none of it was real.
But it all was real. Dean and I had a baby. A baby that we will never get to meet, and there is nothing anyone can do about it now. A baby that I had one job to protect and keep safe, but I couldn't even do that much for them.
"Evy?" Dean called out to me as I looked down to my hands to see they were turning white from gripping the cold sheets beside me.
"I-" my mouth tried to speak, but nothing was allowed to come out as the burn in the back of my throat got worse from holding sobs down.
His tight expression fell into one of grief the same as my own as he walked back over to the bed coming to lay beside me as the sob came out while Dean's arm pulled me close to him, both of us feeling the overwhelming heartbreak of it all.
"This is all my fault." I choked out, burying my hot tear filled face into his shirt.
Dean pulled away from my body to bring his free hand up to my face, making me notice his glossed over eyes. "Hey," he firmly but gently pulled my attention to his words. "This is not your fault, sweetheart."
"Yes, it is Dean." I got out over small sobs. "If I had listened to myself when I had a feeling and just taken the damn test I wouldn't have been hunting…I was just so scared of the result and now look-" the tears continued as Dean pulled me against him again, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.
"No, it's not." He said softly under his breath before the silence came over us again as my sobs drew back, leaving tear streaks to dry on my face.
"I don't wanna be here anymore, i wanna go home." I softly said as Dean placed a kiss on my head.
"Let's go then."
August 7th - 2002
Dean's arms are wrapped around me as we lay tangled together like we have been for the past twenty-four hours since we found out the news and left the hospital.
Although the seedy motel wasn't the most glamorous place to be, it beat the harsh fluorescent lights of a hospital room any day of the week.
But even in a place that felt like a home to be, it couldn't cure the sadness that filled the small room.
In my mind, I knew that I didn't even know about the pregnancy, but that baby was still my baby -our baby- and now they're gone.
The Winchester I laid on had gone quiet over the minutes, drawing mindless patterns on my stomach, making me wonder what was on his mind he wasn't sharing with me.
"Thinking about something important." I ask, looking up at him with a soft smile as his eyes meet mine with a somber look.
"Nothing." He said, but I could see right through his easy lie.
"Dean, you don't have to deal with anything alone. Let me be here for you." I smiled as I laid my hand on his cheek, rubbing my thumb back and forth as our eyes stayed together like magnets.
"I think we should get married." He said suddenly, making me stare blankly before letting out a laugh stopping as I saw the serious look he held.
"Oh, you're not kidding." I blinked, trying to understand his words as I sat up in the bed we shared.
"Of course I'm not kidding. Why not?" He asked, offended at my laughter with a raised tone as I stood up to put some distance between us.
"Dean, we've only been dating each other for four months." I started in an obvious voice as he stood up as well, forcing me to cross the room that felt suddenly cramped.
"So?" He asked in disbelief "I've known you for the better part of my whole life and I know how I feel about you Evelyn Mae and I'm pretty damn sure if I had to guess you'd feel that same way."
"Of course I care about you, Dean!" I exclaimed. "But we can't just get married because we had a baby together!" My words were harsher than I intended as anger replaced my grief-stricken heart.
"You don't think that's cause enough?" He said back in a tone similar to mine. "We could have another baby –hell we could have seven– buy a house, settle
down. " his eyes were filled with life. "You're the only girl I'd ever think to do it with." He finished as I shook my head with tears building back up.
"No, Dean." I spoke as he flinched from my words. "I know you! and settling down with an apple pie life, isn't you. Plus, John would have your head if he knew you wanted to run off and marry me." I softened my eyes to make him understand. I meant no harm by my words.
"You don't know that! I can change his mind and I want this! I want us. And no matter what comes our way, I promise that I'll make it all happen because I love you, " He argued as his words made me flinch.
Neither of us had told each other how we felt, but hearing the words made it all feel like too much, too soon.
"Don't make promises you can't keep." I moved across the room to my duffle, layed out as I moved to pack my things.
"What are you doing?" Dean asked with panic, lacing his voice.
I picked up more and stuffed it in. "Leaving." I bluntly responded, zipping up the bag and throwing on one of Dean's hoodies i had taken for my own.
"You can't just run away when things get hard, Evy!" He shouted, losing his temper as I held back tears.
"I truly am sorry, Dean." I looked into his green eyes, full of pain. "But I think leaving is for the best, for both of us." I nodded and clicked open the motel door.
"Evelyn, please don't do this. Don't leave like this." He pleaded, but everything inside of me was saying to leave.
"Goodbye, Dean, be safe." I said without looking into those green eyes I was abandoning before walking out into the warm August air without another glance back to the boy I had just left heartbroken.
Present day - 2006
I wiped the tears from my face with the sleeve of the hoodie I left with that same day.
The memories of a time not so long ago filled my brain, leaving me to feel the same as the day it all happened.
After I left Dean my funds quickly ran out and I came back to live with Bobby for a while until I had made enough money to make it on my own and left this heartache reminder here in a drawer.
I've still never forgiven myself for leaving that day.
When he needed nothing more than for me to stay and be there for him, I left. Even though getting married sounded like the most horrible insane idea, there's not a thing I could think of now that sounds better.
But I think it's obvious Dean hasn't forgiven me either. I know I wouldn't.
I sniffled against the rusty door of an old car I've decided was far enough away from the house that no one would be able to find me.
That was until I heard heavy boots against the dirt quickly coming towards me.
Before I could run and hide, Dean rounded the corner, looking like he was about to burst into a fit of panic or maybe even tears.
He cleared his throat, whipping the look from his face. "I thought you left again."
You would think that I've punished myself enough for leaving years ago but no self depreciation could compare to the damage in front of me that I've done to the man that did nothing but love me with everything he had.
I shook my head, looking down to the tear covered sleeves. "I told you I wasn't going anywhere this time." I tried to smile, but nothing came out. "Have you come to tell me off again."
He shook his head and leaned up against the car, sliding down it beside me, leaving us hip to hip.
"Listen, Evy," he started with a pause, gathering his thoughts. "What I said back there…well it was wrong of me, really wrong. I understand why you left."
"You do?" I asked and wiped the tears from my eyes, looking at him through glassy vision.
He nodded his head as his eyes trailed the ground beneath us. "Yeah, I do. I wish to hell that you never left, but I get it…we were just kids after all." He reluctantly added as my gaze kept onto him.
"Yeah, we were." I spoke softly as I let the words sink between us around the silence we held.
I stifle a laugh, causing Dean to look over at me with narrowed eyes.
"Did you ever tell John…you know about everything?" I asked with a smirk as Dean rubbed the back of his neck.
"I don't know how the old man did it but he figured it out for himself about two weeks after you left, I've seen Dad angry but this–" he stopped with a haunted look swimming his eyes. "Well, let's just say he didn't let me off easy." He finished as I laid my hand over his own resting on the top of his knee.
His deep green eyes met mine, allowing me to fully take them in letting his gaze wash over me in a sense of familiarity that I haven't felt in years.
"I'm sorry, Dean."
The blacks of his eyes dilated, leaving behind a stone cold feel to them as he pulled his hand out from under mine and stood up from where we sat, taking a step back from me.
"Look, I said I understood, but I didn't say things were better." He sternly said. "I don't know if we'll ever get to that point."
My mind raced from the sudden change of mood but before I could figure out the words to use he was already making his way away from me leaving me alone again in the not so hidden space I could now call my own again.
I brought my knees up to my chest and laid my head on them taking a deep breath and trying to evaluate what a mess my life has become again and it's all thanks to the man I wish I could hate but can never seem to figure out how.
No matter how hard I try to escape it, as long as there is Dean Winchester around, there will always be me circling back to him.
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A.N//
How are we feeling about the update???
This feels a bit rushed but I wanted to get an easy chaper out to Kickstart it off.
Hopefully I can get on a schedule and have weekly updates for you guys.
Love you all sm and please vote and comment:)🫶