I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head 'til I don't want to sleep anymore
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart
Come on and tell me!
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
In this place, it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be
Come on, tell me!
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make it all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
-Something I Can Never Have-Nine Inch Nails-1989-
-ALICE-
"She's right," I tell Greg. "I should have been stronger.
"This has been hard for you," he reasons. "Wasn't it the same for her in Iraq?"
"Yes, but...she faced it head-on," I tell him. "And it's not the same. I asked the team to come here but they ended up in that place alone...Blackwood nearly killed one of them. I don't blame her for being angry. When she joined the Men of Letters, she told me that I didn't need to give her a new identity. She changed it herself when she ran away from home...she didn't have anyone aside from her unit. She's like a daughter to me, and I betrayed her trust. I should have told her that I'm having trouble with this, and we could have come up with something that kept Jason or anyone else out of harm's way!"
"...That's valid," Greg says, nodding slowly as he absorbs what I've told him. "Jayda's reaction makes sense now...look, we can't let this go on any longer than it has. Blackwood Mountain has been cursed for so long. People are still suffering from the effects of that asylum. We had to kill another horde of Wendigos. Members of your team are attached to this place, and it could affect them, too. We're not alone in this. Not anymore."
"You're right," I concede. "I can't let this come between us. It's a hard, thankless, and traumatic job, but we signed up for it. This is what we do, and we have innocent people to save."
"Where do you want to start?" Greg asks.
"I need to interview Sarah," I decided. "Is she still in the hospital?"
"Yeah, she is," he confirms. "Let's go."
*********************************
Because of the horrors of the original asylum, no one has dared to tear it down. The one crew that tried back in the 90s had all died in strange accidents. One by one. So a new hospital was built on the other side of town, as far from Blackwood Mountain as it could get, with a mental health facility attached to it.
Through the mayor, we've been permitted to interview Sarah, as the only other surviving ghost hunter was still in a coma. After speaking to the receptionist, we were led to the psychiatric ward.
Sarah was in her room, and the orderly informed us that while she was having better days, she was still a danger to the other patients. When the orderly closed the door, she regards us warily. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused. Probably whatever sedatives they put her on.
"Sarah," I began. "My name is Alice Langdon, and-"
"-Our blood is on your hands, Alice," Sarah cut me off.
"What do you mean?" Greg asks.
"He's been waiting for you," Sarah sighs, exhausted. "Both of you...we're just...playthings to him, and you two got away. But now...he wants more."
"Go on," I urge her.
"You sent them in like lambs to the slaughter," Sarah shook her head sadly. "They got away, too, and now he wants their descendants."
"We don't always get what we want," I shrugged.
Sarah lets out a hysterical giggle, and claws at her hair, like she's trying to pull something out of her head.
"Get them out," she pleads. "Please...they won't stop. They work for him now..."
"Adam Blackwood?" Greg frowns. "We know that already."
"No, he's stronger because of it," Sarah sighs dreamily. "You wanna know why? Azazel..."
"...What does Azazel have to do with Blackwood Mountain?" I asked, trying to keep myself under control.
"He's after the bloodline...they're our only hope," Sarah responds drowsily.
"Our only hope against what?" Greg takes over for me because I'm trying to figure this out.
"They're the only ones who can keep him in his cage," Sarah mumbles before she falls asleep.
My head is spinning on the ride back. Each member of the bloodlines in my team... look exactly like each other, and they've been thrown into situations with the paranormal...but they've died. They must have tried to stop Azazel before, but they failed. As far as I know, none of them knew about the Men of Letters.
They did their best to survive...but now, their current descendants are Marines and hunters. We can end this, once and for all. I get a text from Jayda, telling me that we needed to meet them at the cabin to talk. Looks like we have a lot to discuss.
-CLARICE-
I shouldn't have let what Billy said bother me, but I felt it. The shift between the three of us. Before we flew out here, Aerin told me how she felt about my relationship with Eric. I never thought anything of it, because he's been in pain for so long, even before Rachel had died. No one thought about it that way, because of his brusque manner with the team and the way that CENTCOM manipulated all of us-discrediting him in the process-doesn't help any.
I'd fallen for it, too, and it had been hell for me, thinking that he had sold us out. I couldn't defend him anymore, especially when some of the things he had done in the temple had come to light and he couldn't account for his whereabouts when CENTCOM still had him. I didn't know what to think. I barely remember the time after I'd been infected. I'm not even sure how I'm still alive. I never thought to ask, and we got swept up in fighting to take them down...
After Billy decided to look for Adam Blackwood's remains, he disappeared. Mai and Nick wanted some time alone so Aerin and I made up a reason to give that to them. Once Aerin and I left the room, I had the feeling that she would want to talk about what Billy told us about the Bennets.
"...That was weird, huh?" Aerin asks lightly.
"Yeah," I acknowledged. "It was...I thought Jason was the only one with a bloodline connection to whatever this is. I mean, I knew that I had a grandmother who worked in Canada, but she disappeared, too..."
"Did you know she was married?" Aerin asked.
"Yeah, but I never saw any photos of the two of them together," I recall. "Ironically, my uncle set the house on fire...he could never quit smoking..."
"Oh," Aerin says in a small voice, nodding.
"This...what we found out didn't help any, did it?" I question her point blank.
"No," she winced. "And I'm trying not to be that girl, it's just that we spoke about this hours ago, then this comes up."
"I get it," I answered back, and I do.
This is on me...I've been concerned about Eric, and I still felt guilty after the things we did when we held him accountable...the worst part is that he understood and forgave us...and he apologized to us. I don't feel like I deserved it. I stuck by him through Caelus and when he wanted to reconcile with Rachel-
"I think we need a break," Aerin says in a firm voice.
"Wait, what?" I shook myself out of my thoughts. "Why?"
"I need to work on my insecurity," Aerin admits. "I don't date much, so I never thought about it...but I don't like how I've been feeling. This isn't on you, literally, this has been my issue. It's not fair to you...not only that, I think you should use this time to figure things out."
"...I assume you mean Eric?" I ask in a gravelly voice, trying to clear my throat.
"Yeah," Aerin sniffles. "I just, uh, I want us to be sure about this, when and...if that time comes...whatever happens, I just want us both to be happy."
"Same here," I assure her.
"Okay, um, good," she nods, wiping a few tears from her eyes.
"Mmhm," was all I could manage.
She moved out of the room we were sharing. We didn't make an announcement or make it obvious. Even though I felt like shit, there are bigger things at stake right now. We had to get through this first. I decided to head downstairs when I smelled something good from the kitchen. I showed up just in time to see Jason grab the salt with telekinesis.
"Holy shit!" I spat. "How the hell did you do that?"
"-I don't know, Clarice," Jason shook his head vehemently, still holding the salt at arm's length. "I don't know how I just-"
"I could call Mai-"
"I tried," Salim informs me. "She's not answering her phone and neither is Nick."
"Oh," I nod. "We should let them be, then."
"We all probably need time away from the cabin before we go back to the asylum," Salim reasons.
"Probably," I mutter, not giving anything away.
Jayda comes back from setting the table, I assume. She froze for a moment, but she didn't comment on it.
"Jase?" Jayda frowns. "Did we get the wrong salt or something? I know you, you're particular-"
"No," Jason winced. "I, uh...I did what you do. With the salt. I thought you sent it to me, but you weren't in the room."
"Really?!" Jayda gasped.
The three of them huddle up to discuss it. I felt awkward so I left them to it because I need fresh air. Salim is right, but I'd be going out alone.
"Clarice?" Jayda called out before I made it out.
Shit. I froze, hoping she wouldn't ask me in front of her boyfriends.
"As soon as the others get here, we thought we could discuss the case over dinner as a group," she says instead.
Thank fuck that she's a psychic with tact.
"Got it," I respond without looking back.
As I pass Joey and Hunter, they had finished cleaning up the ritual.
"Hey, Stokes," Joey greets me. "We just-"
He knew that something was up, and it tripped him up. Joey is a sweetheart, and I can tell that he's torn between wanting to check on me and giving me my space. Hunter picked up on it, too.
"-Finished cleaning," Hunter concludes.
"Yeah, I see," I observe. "Well, Jayda and the guys are planning some tactical dinner. For now, I'm gonna take a walk."
I don't allow them to ask any questions. As I head out, I see Mai and Nick come back from wherever. Ah. Love is in the air, I guess. I maneuver around them to avoid any uncomfortable questions. and let them have their moment. I'm not the type to ruin shit for other people just because of something that happened in my personal life.
I wanted until I'd hit the cliff that the Washington sisters had fallen off of. There's...something wrong with this place. Even if Aerin hadn't made her decision, it's still true. People die or disappear here. Either you become a Wendigo, or your spirit is trapped here after you die.
I still don't understand how the good Doc became what he's become or how another ghost managed to protect Jason from the worst of it... Even now, I felt like someone or something was watching me. I felt a sharp shiver up my spine and I could have sworn that I saw something across the valley at the asylum. That's not what freaked me out, though. The apparitions are trapped there. It can't cross the-
"ANNA!" someone shouted.
Okay, what the fuck was that? That voice didn't come from the asylum, that was in the woods behind me. I turned to face it, only to see nothing but trees and snow. Of course. I pull out my recorder and EMF reader. Whoever this was...they think I'm Anna.
"ANNA! WE HAVE TO GO! WE HAVE TO RUN!"
I don't know why, but I listen to it. I start running. I can hear. Something behind me. Snarling and clawing through the snow to get to me. I don't have a single godamn weapon on me. How could I have been so stupid? I take off. Towards that voice, because it's trying to save me. He's trying to save me-
I reach what looks to be a clearing, and-he looks like Eric, but he's not, he's still telling me to hurry, that we can escape through the mines and it's like I can't control my body because I do what he asked.
"Anna, thank God!" he whispered with such love and tenderness that tears sprung to my eyes. "Get behind me!"
As I do, I see several Wendigos approach the mine, and he-Gordon-tossed a flare at them and they run away, screeching.
"That should hold them off for a bit," he assures me. "Are you alright? You haven't said anything, are you injured?"
I looked down, and I see that my jeans and hiking boots are gone. Whatever the hell is going on here, he thinks I'm his wife. If I hadn't grown out my hair, he might have noticed the difference. Is this similar to what Jason went through? I should play along, then.
"I'm okay," I assure him. "They didn't get me."
"Good," he murmured, resting his forehead on mine.
I thought I'd be freaked out by it. I mean. Aside from the dark brown hair, he's the spitting image of Eric! But I wasn't. I felt safe and reassured.
"We should keep moving," I found myself saying.
"Yeah, we should," he murmured against my lips.
Once he kissed me, the spell was broken when we broke apart, because-
"Clarice...how did we end up here?" Eric asks.
Oh, God...the modern world shifted into sharp focus and I see a bewildered Eric with touseled hair and a blush that I know I had on my face, too.
"I-I was Anna, so you must have been Gordon because he was calling for me and I ran-" I stammered.
"I went looking for you, but then I saw you as Anna, and there were Wendigos after you," he explained in a husky voice.
"They must have run through the mines from the asylum," I guessed.
"Clare, you know we have to tell Aerin about this, past lives or not," Eric sighs.
Oh, no...he looks so stressed out. I get it...he's thinking about what happened with Nick and Rachel. I'm going to have to tell him the truth.
"No, we don't," I confess. "She wanted to take a break."
"Wh-I'm sorry to hear that," he laments. "If I did anything to-"
"-You didn't," I assure him. "It was me...I've spent more time worrying about you, and while she understood that, she didn't like feeling insecure about it."
A range of conflicting emotions played over Eric's face. Trust me, I'm as confused as he is.
"Let's just head back to the cabin," I suggested. "We're supposed to meet with the others."
"Yeah," he nods, clearing his throat.
I need my fucking heart rate to calm down. My head is a mess. Was Aerin right, or am I channeling Anna, as Jason had felt Billy?
-JOEY-
Dinner is awkward. Clarice and Aerin weren't sitting together and Eric was in the middle. Jayda and Alice were on either side of Greg, while Jason and Salim were sitting across from them. Nick and Mai were huddled closer than usual. Good for them!
"Um," I cleared my throat. "So there are some things to discuss? Right, Jayda?"
"Yeah," she puts her fork down. "We need a plan to end this shit before anyone else gets hurt."
"Before we do that," Alice interjects. "I met with Sarah, and I found out why he's so strong, and why the connections between the past lives of some of you are important."
"...What is it?" Jason asks.
"I'm not sure why," Alice began. "But your bloodlines are meant to keep Lucifer caged. I guess that the situations leading to their deaths were premeditated. Now that I think about it before any agents from the Men of Letters could contact them, they had died or disappeared!"
"That's..." Eric couldn't finish his sentence.
"But my cousins were the ones on the Medan," Nick counters. "And they survived."
"They share your blood, but whatever is on that ship must have let them go for a reason," Alice counters.
"It was waiting for you," Mai realized. "Just as Blackwood has been waiting."
"So what does this all mean?" Hunter asks.
"It means that everything we have gone through is by design," Salim spoke up angrily. "Azazel has been wiping out your bloodlines to clear the way for the Devil! And if that son of a bitch thinks he's going to get away with this-"
He led off into a colorful diatribe in Arabic. Yeah, he's pissed. I decided to steer the subject out of those waters as Jason calmed him down.
"That's what went wrong before," I realized. "We prepared for spirits...not demons. We need to do both, and we need a way to keep him from harming anyone else. Speaking of, has anyone else had any contact with their past selves?"
Clarice and Eric shift in their seats, and I saw that Jayda caught on. She fixed her shocked expression as fast as she could.
"Oh-kay," I let out a deep breath. "I don't know what's going on here, but we need to get our shit together. It's possible that the asylum could be a seal. We get rid of this asshole and it sets Azazel back. That's what's important!"
"Now that I have a better idea of the situation, I have some ideas," Mai spoke up.
"I don't think the entire team needs to go," Greg adds. "It puts more people at risk, and...there should be a team on the outside just in case."
"We've got Billy, too," Jason adds.
"Where has he been, anyway?" Aerin asks.
She looks like she's been crying, but her face was pale and determined. When this is over, I need to check in with my friends.
"He's been looking for Doc's remains," Jason explains. "No dice so far."
"How do you know that?" Hunter asks.
Jason taps his temple. "I just do."
"Jase-"
"It's alright, darlin'," Jason assures Jayda. "It's not like it was before. I just know what he's thinkin'..."
"You were good at that before all of this," Nick observes.
"Oh, no jokes about my lack of intelligence?" Jason smirks. "Right, Billy kicked yer ass, last I heard-"
"-Billy. Not you," Nick volleys back with a grin. "But we can settle that anytime."
"I'm sure the ladies on base would love that," Clarice jokes, but the smile she gave doesn't reach her eyes.
"I feel like I've missed something," Eric comments.
Everyone began to talk at once, filling him in on what he's missed. The tension eased a bit, but it was still there. I caught pieces of conversation where Alice and Jayda finally spoke. But Clarice and Aerin were oddly formal...and every once in a while I'd see Clarice and Eric glance at one another with confusion. Oh, man...what the hell is going on with the team?
************************************
Because of the materials that were needed, we weren't going to go back to the asylum right away. Fine by me, I think we need to get on the same page again. After dinner and cleaning up, people went off in their groups: Jayda, Salim, and Jason went out, as Jason had been inside while he had recovered. Mai, Nick, and Clarice went to do some research into demons, so that left Hunter and me with Eric. Alice and Greg were called into the Mayor's office.
"I'm going to get straight to the point," I decided. "What the hell is going on with you and Clarice?"
"We met our past selves earlier today," Eric confessed. "As you know, they were married...on my end, it was like...I was taking a walk in the woods around the cabin and I thought I heard Clarice. I started running after her, but it was Anna. After a while, I didn't quite feel like myself, but at the same time, I was still me. She was being chased by Wendigos and we end up in the mines after I throw a flare at them. Clare was in the same predicament, she thought she heard me, as I'd heard her. I-they-we...whatever it was, there was a kiss involved-"
"Oh, shit..." Hunter swore.
"That explains a lot," I winced.
"I told her that we should talk to Aerin about it, even if it was our past selves," Eric went on. "Uh, she said we didn't because they took a break."
"I...damn, I'm sorry, Eric," I sympathized.
"I don't know what to do," he admits. "If we go in there with all of this, we'll be vulnerable."
"...How did you feel about what happened?" Hunter asks.
"I'm not sure," Eric admits. "I mean...did this happen because of who we were before, or because of who we are now?"
"Good question..." was all I could come up with.
During dinner, Jason described what it felt like when he "met" Billy. Eric described something similar tonight. I haven't met David Miller yet, but I hope to. He was an orderly in the 50s...as I pored over the research we needed for tomorrow, I wondered what he would have to tell me.