Chapter 3
Jessica
I lay curled up against my little sister as Austin holds the two of us in his arms reading The Beauty And The Beast, Rose's favorite story she insists we read every time we see her. We always joke that we could read that story verbatim in our sleep. What's scary is that we probably could. I look up at Austin as he brings the story to life, and I wonder if this is what it would be like with Rose when we finally got settled down. But instead of a hospital we would be in our own house and Rose wouldn't be in a place like this. I shake my head, I'm jumping way ahead of myself, first off we need to get out of this town and settled. I wonder if we could move to California. Jeez why can't I live for today. We need to survive before we think of a permanet place to live. Austin looks down at me as my sister's breathing levels off and she snuggles into me. Austin cups my face brushing my bangs out of my face, and I feel myself start to get lost in his eyes. His lips meet mine in a soft but urgent kiss, I grip him closer trying not to move too much or be too loud so that I don't wake up Rose or any of the other kids.
"Jessica, can I speak with you?"Doctor Jacks asks and I turn my head towards her nodding, untangling myself from Austin I follow her to her office.
"I know you want to move Rose, but I think it's best if we finish her chemo treatment which is up in six months and that gives you enough time to get settled in, and we won't tell your parents, as soon as you turn eighteen you could adopt her you know."Doctor Jacks says and I nod waiting for her to continue, as I stare at my hands. That's a long time away from my little Rosebud.
"I think it would be really good for the both of you, these are going to be her last months if the tumour continues to shrink with the chemo like we think it will."Doctor Jacks adds trying to convince me but I had already made up my mind. I was going to let my Rosebud stay and get better, I don't know about adopting her just, I wonder if Austin would adopt her with me.
'Woah don't you you're getting ahead of yourself, you don't even know the definition of your relationship yet.' the little voice in the back of my head reprimands, and I sigh knowing it's true. I wish it wasn't but it is. I mean why would any guy want to be stuck with a kid who isn't even his, but his best-friend's little sister. But then again Austin isn't just any guy. Ugh I do not want to think about this anymore. Doctor Jacks looked rigid with worry as she watched me warily, knowing my silence usually meant a storm was brewing. She looked relieved and shocked when I said.
"I agree."And then I left her office blocking the tears that threatened to spill over. Rosebud was almost asleep so I kissed her forehead.
"I love you my little Rosebud."
"I love you too mommy."Her little voice croaked as she fell into a deep unconscious sleep. She hasn't called me that in forever. That one word had tears overflowing, the ones I had kept in barely restraining them with my eyelids bursted like a flood down my cheeks. I was so angry at my mother, how could she do this to me and to Rosebud, it was bad enough my father was an abusive drunk but what about her. I had to grow up at fifteen to basically raise my little sister. I never had anyone to go to for advice, I always felt awkward asking Austin's mom and I never could now knowing how they really feel about me. I feel Austin's arms encircling my waist holding my tightly hands stroking my waist as he let me cry on his chest.
"Come on, let's go."Austin says grabbing my hand leading me out of the hospital and into the cool Tallahasse summer air. School had just let out a few weeks ago but this is Flordia and it's hot and humid 99% of the year. Even this far north. Yep it's a curse and a blessing. We climb into his truck and start to drive getting on I 10 as we drive through the night the stars brightly shinning like I'd never seen before, I guess it's the lack of streetlights and the woods. But wow. It's so beautiful.
"Wow."I breathed, and Austin chuckled at my childish intake of the night sky. What can I say it just looks so innocent and that's something I wish I still had.
Innocence.
Living with my dad-correction-my parents for so long took that away from me at a young age. In a way I'm glad Rosebud has cancer. And not because I like seeing her in pain. But in that hospital, she doesn't have to experience what I did at her age. I wouldn't wish child abuse or cancer on anyone but if I had to pick between the two for Rose I'd pick cancer. At least that way she still has the innocent belief that the world is good and that fairy tales do come true. I never had that, I always saw the world for what it is, and it's made it hard for me to trust anyone especially myself. Finally I feel myself drift off to sleep. Sighing I let myself give into the blissful dreamless darkness.
Waking up slightly as I'm rustled awake as Austin lifts my body out of his truck bridal style and into the motel room he must've gotten while I was still asleep.
"Where are we?"I ask groggily half-awake. My voice thick and raspy with sleep as I barely crack my heavy lidded eyes open into slits. Austin doesn't answer just lays me in the uncomfortabe bed of a lumpy mattress the motel provides for you to sleep on, shushing me.
"Don't worry about it baby girl, just go back to sleep."Austin says and I don't protest as I felt him mold his body to mine arms wrapped around me tight as we both drift off to sleep. I could've sworn that I heard him whisper.
"I love you so much, no matter what Jessica. I will always love you."But I must've heard wrong, A guy as amazingly perfect as Austin could never love a girl like me. He probably meant as a friend. I sighed in contempt as he lips gave my shoulder as soft kiss, the thought of him only loving me like a friend makes me upset. Upset at how much it hurts me, and upset at how much I let it hurt me. Oh well. I need sleep. Yes. Sleep.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Austin
Sitting up I watch Jessica sleep, my elbow pressing into my pillow as I use my other hand to move her bangs, that fell over her cheek, out of her face. God she's so beautiful, and so strong. But she doesn't see that, all she ever sees is her imperfections. The way her hair stays in her face, how her nose scrunches up when she laughs, the way her make up falls off so easy, how she isn't developed the way she wants to be. Her short temper, her stubborness, her tendency to hide how she feels. And most importantly her past. But I think her imperfections make her perfect. I don't want a barbie doll robot, they're no fun. I never thought she would see me like I've seen her since we met. I love that I can kiss her now, without quesetioning what she'll do cause I know she'll kiss me back. The feel of her lips on mine is something I can't describe, it's way better than what I thought it would be which is crazy cause it was beyond perfect I didn't know you could get better than that but I guess you can. I snuggle into her tempted to wake her up so I kiss that soft pink pair of kissable full lips again but she'd kill me if I did that. So instead I bury my head against her back andlet sleep over take me.
Waking up I look down at Jessica. I kiss her mouth softly trying to wake her up.
"Mmm what Austin."She says groggily her sexy morning voice enticing me to kiss her further. She pulls me on top of her and I grin against her kiss trying not to break the kiss while smiling like a loony kid who found out Christmas is coming six months early so that it lands on his birthday. Eventually she pulls out of the kiss moving her head back into the pillow to look at me her blond hair spread out around the top of her head like a halo. She's an angel. My angel. I pull her down my her hips encasing the sides of her waist with either of my knees on both her sides hovering over her as I lean my head into hers.
"What are you smiling for?"She asks her sweet melodic voice coming from her sleepy haze
"I just love that I can kiss you whenever I want."
"Mm I love you."She says without thinking about it obviously, I can tell by the shocked look on her face. The worry overtaking her expression when I don't answer back.
"Don't say that unless you mean it."I say sternly.
"I love you Austin."She says again without hesitation.
"I've always loved you Jessica."I say cupping her face bringing her body up with mine until she's straddling my waist with me laying back on the bed. My hands on her waist hers on my chest, the shivering chills that burn through me like frozen nitrogen electrocuting my already frazzled nerves. We pull out of the kiss breathless and I smile.
"We should probably get going."Jessica says. Getting off my lap she grabs a pair of cut off short-shorts, some underwear, a bra, and a cut of t-shirt.
"I need a shower too, we should share and save the planet."I wink and she blushes. Not disagreeing, Oh god.
"Cute, but I don't think so. Plus that motek shower isn't big enough for the two of us."She winks and leaves me standing there shell shocked. What is that supposed to mean? Why must women be so confusing. Oh well I can get a shower at the next motel for now I need to pack everything up into my truck I already paid for the one night so that's taken care of. Jessica should be out by the time I get done, hopefully. You never know with her. I mean she is a girl after all. I settle into the drivers seat and pull out my phone playing Angry Birds ignoring the texts from my parents while waiting on Jessica.