The voices are back and I've been bothered ever since, this time it was a woman's voice mix with children laughing. Sometimes I sit here and think about why I have to go through this I hate it, it makes me seem insane. In order for me to stop the voices I have to go into my safe space, I love my safe space it's so comforting and quiet and I don't have to worry about hearing anything.
I wanted to take some pain killers so badly, it helps stop them from talking to me and I can fall asleep so easily. Sometimes I just want to pop an edible, if I'm enable then they can't communicate cause I'm so incoherent I don't be understanding what's going on. I wanted the pain killers so badly they I got up and walked to the medicine cabinet. I stood there because so I feel like chocking on pills knowing it's hard for me to swallow now or do I want to feel that horrible effect it has on me now.
I decided to sit down and zone back out again, my safe space, the only thing that makes me feel safe and welcomed. I just want all of this to stop, I know it's never going to stop and it's never going to end till the day I die. I need to learn how to cope with it correctly before I end my life. I hate being by myself because that's when I'm most vulnerable, sometimes they knock on the door; hmmmm they getting smart cause as soon as I open the door I know they staring I feel it. I try to ignore them by becoming busy but that's starting not to work anymore. These bastards are getting stronger day by day and it pisses me off cause why am I so weak?.
I think ima go to sleep now, that's my best bet to block out the voices. If I block out the voices then the shadows won't come then I'll be able relax and have a normal day if not I guess I'll be up all night who knows.