"Tujhse jo thi lipti wo chadar,
mere bister ke kone me padi hai,
Teri khusboo abhi bhi hai usme,
Mujhe lagta ki ab bhi tu yhi hai,
Wahi kaafi hai,
Kuch Baaki hai”
“Kiss me Manik”
The words escaped her before she could stop herself, her heated gaze dropping to his lips. She felt the grip of his hands tighten around her waist, her own hands going up to clench the lapels of his jacket. She could feel his hot breaths on her face, could feel the thumping of his chest beneath her hand. One of his hands reached up to loosen the knot in the back of her top, while the other found its way under the lace of her white crop top, earning a stifled gasp from her.
His eyes - glazed with fire, dropped to her lips as well, and before she knew he was kissing her and she was kissing him back. Her hands had climbed up into his hair instead and she tugged hard, the way she knew he liked it, and he moaned into her mouth, his hand falling down, kneading her arse, all this while walking backwards until his knees hit the bed and he fell on his back, Nandini above him.
She could feel his hands roaming over her back, completely opening the loosened knot in the back of her top. Her breath hitched when she felt his caress on her skin, the intensity of his eyes focused on her flushing her more. She leaned in, kissing one of his ear lobe, knowing it would drive him crazy. She could feel him hardening beneath her already. Nandini felt her lips curving up in a smirk but she started dropping feather kisses along his jaw, aware of his grip tightening on her back even though his eyes had fallen close. And then before she knew, Manik suddenly flipped her and she landed on her stomach, him over her.
She could feel her muscles clench when he he kissed the dip between her shoulder blades. A low moan escaped her throat when his hand fiddled with the zip in her skirt.
And then something crashed.
Nandini banged the back of her head repeatedly on the wall, sitting under the shower in the bathroom, hiding from everyone. What in the world was she thinking?
Right. She wasn't.
Nandini pulled her knees upto her chest and rested her head in the gap between them, wrapping her arms around her knees and started to softly sob.
She didn't know what was happening with her, but she hated it nonetheless. She had thrown this party out of pure impulsiveness and anger. She had meant to make it hard for Manik, and it had ended up being embarrassing for her instead. She had never been territorial and the last time she really felt possessive about Manik was around Inaya, years ago. She had never felt that around Alya, not in an almost decade. But today? The prospect of Manik kissing Alya even for a game had made her throw herself in front of Alya and almost instigate him to kiss her instead. And then she had savored the whole moment like rainfall after a long drought even if he had just kissed her on the forehead.
She hadn't told him, but that forehead kiss had also made her heart hurt like never before. It had brought all those emotions she kept pushing down to the surface - she had felt the burn under her skin, the itch so bad she had ended up in bed with him. It wasn't just the physical need overpowering her, it was also an intense emotional need to feel his love, feel something apart from this constant mind numbing pain she was living with. She had almost given in to that need, and she knew she would have slept with him if not for that loud noise jerking her out of that bubble.
The whole chain of events had now just left her drained though - not only was she physically aroused and hanging, she was also emotional strung so tight she had no clue how had she not collapsed yet. Her chest burned from all the feelings she wasn't ready for, but out of them all, there was one stark reminder that had brought her to her knees - it was the knowledge of how much she had missed Manik.
She could try and weave another hundred excuses, but doing what she did in the party and in their bedroom? There was only one real reason, and it was that she missed him. The worst part about missing him though? It wasn't about just the last six months, it was more. It was that one and half month before she left. It was needing him with a desperation of madness and him not being there for her to hold on in that moment. It was those nights she had spent sobbing in their glass house calling his name and his cell phone, but he had been in his studio instead. It was those evenings when she yearned for his touch, to feel the only other person who could share her Grief but coming up empty handed because he was signing new contracts instead.
Nandini Murthy had missed Manik Malhotra so much while they shared a home for so long, that she had eventually been forced to accept her loneliness in her grief. It was that acceptance that had made her take the decision to leave. She couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t miss him and cry for her baby. If she had to grieve the loss of both of them, it was better to actually loose him than cry while having him.
Outside, the party was still in full swing. She could hear the loud music but now that loud sound was messing with her, raising her heart beats. She was profusely sweating.
She was regretting throwing this party now. But a few hours ago, when she got to know that Manik had announced her name as one of the mentors of the upcoming musicana in SPACE without even asking her or mentioning it to her, it had made her angry. And then when she had found him by the staircase, he had thrown back something at her that had poked an unhealed wound.
“I am speaking from experience - sitting ideal all day at home makes you go crazy”
Was she going crazy? Was that what was wrong with her since all these months? Had she really lost her mind? Was that how people saw her now? Was that how Manik saw her? Was that why he left her in alone so much back then?
Nandini felt the sweat trickle down her spine and she straightened, raising her hand to turn the shower on. Cold water droplets sprinkled down on her, enveloping her in their embrace. She leaned back on the wall, letting the shower wash down her thoughts along with the sweat and her rapid breaths. The cold water also helped calm her aroused body, and she felt better than what she was feeling an hour ago.
She could feel her eyes dropping, she was tired, but it wasn't the kind sleep could help her recover from. It was the bone deep kind, where she felt constantly exhausted all twenty four hours, and if she could sleep and not wake up, she would choose it in a heartbeat.
With a shaking hand, she turned the shower knob off, but she didn't have it in her to stand up and walk out of the washroom. Her limbs felt heavy, her eyes refusing to stay awake. Eventually, she passed out on the cold washroom floor, letting the drowsiness get better of her.
Who knew what the next morning would bring after all?
------
Manik signalled the DJ to stop the music and clapped his hands to garner attention from the audience, raising a brow and gesturing to the door, signaling the wrapping up of the party in his signature style. The crowd murmured, a little surprised. Manik Malhotra's parties had a reputation, these used to go on until the crack of dawn if not later, but it was hardly after 2 in the night.
But tonight, Manik's patience was up. He hadn't seen Nandini even once since she walked out of their bedroom after their moment, and he was getting increasingly worried.
He wasn't sure what was going on with her. One minute she would cut him with her sharp words, and another minute wrap him in her arms and ask him to kiss her. Her actions weren't consistent, but he now knew that probably she didn't understand what was happening with her either. Sighing, he saw the last of the crowd walk out and locked the door. The whole house was a mess - beer bottles lying everywhere, chips spilled here and there, the floor looked muddy somehow. Nandini was going to have a field day tomorrow when she saw the after effects of the mayhem.
The thought of her had his lips curving up, and the same time made his heart hurt. She had gone to the lengths of throwing this party to piss him off and yet, had gotten worked up herself enough during that game to bring her possessive side for display.
One week ago, there had been a certain hopelessness inside him but in this span of one week, something had shifted. For six months there had been this inherent thought that she maybe didn't love him anymore, maybe she was exhausted of him, maybe she didn't care about him.
The months after the miscarriage had somehow watered this little seed of doubt inside his mind. How could Nandini not understand him and his actions? She was the one person who saw through every facade he had ever put between them without fail. She had always seen through him, into his soul and never what was on his face. But this time, she didn't bother.
Or so he had thought until they met again, because now he couldn't believe what he was thinking for so long. She cared. She loved him and she had missed him, he could see it in her little actions. He had seen it stark clear in the way she had thrown herself in front of Alia, and demanded that he should kiss Nandini instead. Their physical chemistry hadn't fizzled out either, there still were fire works if they were together.
Another thing bothering him was his conversation with Rishabh.
“You missed me? Why, was your Di that annoying without me?”
"she was”
Nandini was the kind of sister who would turn her world upside down if it meant being able to save Rishabh any misery. The fact that Rishabh had more than noticed that she wasn't okay meant she wasn't herself at all.
Exhaling loudly, Manik ran up the stairs, trying to find Nandini. The bedroom was empty, the room Alia was staying in was empty too, and so was the rooftop. He had just come from downstairs, he was sure she wasn't down, nor was she at the poolside. Where could this woman go?
Huffing he threw open the washroom door out of some unexplainable idea, and stopped short in his tracks to find her beneath the shower stall.....asleep.
He walked closer and sat on his knees, brushing the wet hair strand away from her face. Nandini moved a little and he realized she was just leaning into his touch. It made him smile, his eyes softening as he stared at the girl who had shifted his entire world since the day she had walked in.
Gently, he pulled her up into a sitting position and loosened the knots of her top and unzipped her skirt. The deja vu hit him strongly, but he continued to undress her, dried her body and then wrapped her in his bathrobe hanging in the stall. Picking her up in his arms, he brought her to the bed, and made her lie down. Then he walked to the cupboard, found one of her satin towels he knew she used to dry her hair and came back to the bed, carefully trying to pat dry her hair.
Nandini slowly opened her eyes and her unfocused gaze landed on Manik, who stopped for a minute, noticing her awake. But a sleep dazed Nandini hardly was enough conscious to remember her defenses, she gave him a lazy grin and then gestured him closer. Manik even though confused to see her smiling at him, leaned closer.
Nandini wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his down, so that he was almost lying on her, but it was her words that landed like a punch in his gut, "I miss you Manik”, she sighed into his neck, nuzzling in, “Don't leave me like you left me then, okay?”
Frozen with the weight of her words, Manik couldn't move, but after a while he realized Nandini had fallen asleep again. He carefully untangled her from him and covered her with a duvet, dazed.
What did she mean?
When did he leave her?
Was she talking about back in college? But it had been so long, it didn't make sense. Then, when else could she be referring to?
She left him. She chose to go away. She was reluctant to give them another chance. She was putting this distance and pushing him away.
Right?
He took a shower, changed and came to bed, still confused with her words. Almost a decade later and Nandini Murthy was still the epicenter of his universe - every time he thought one way, she changed the entire orbit of their existence.
-----
Manik had been in a very frustrated mood all morning, Nandini could tell. She had woken up in the bed, in his bathrobe but the other side of the bed was still warm, the indent of his head on the pillow still there. Manik had been in front of the cupboard, rummaging through his clothes, but before she could ask anything, he had walked into the washroom and shut the door with a bang.
The years they have been together had helped Nandini read his nervous tells very clearly which was why she didn't need him to tell her that he was feeling overwhelmed. She could tell that herself from observing his actions. But what she couldn't decipher was why?
And then, it struck her that Musicana auditions were beginning today. Nandini hadn't seen Manik touching his guitar even once, nor had he even spared it one glance. And it unsettled her to see him shying away from the one thing that was so important to his core. Her hunch had been confirmed when he had reacted badly to her finding his song book, he had been so effasive with his answers and so dismissive of the topic, it had ended up cementing her doubts. Their conversation from the morning had been running in her ears on loop.
“But Manik, you stopped singing. I haven't seen you touching the guitar even once ever since I came back here. Whatever happened on the inauguration night, you blamed the alcohol. But last night you were having soda? Why Manik?”
"What do you mean why? Now you have an issue that I am not getting drunk? Or high?”
“My issue is you are not singing these days Manik -”
"Oh come on yaar. It's just stories you are cooking in your head”
“Manik, there was a time you won't let your guitar sit idle even for a second. It was so difficult for me to make you do anything. Used to irritate the hell out of me for it, but you don't do it now. Why?”
“What do you mean I am not irritating you? Everything irritates you. If I sing you have an issue. If I don't sing you have an issue. What do you want me to do? Listen, I already have a lot on my plate, I am too busy”
“Busy doing what Manik? Taking care of Malhotra industries? Being into management? Mentoring Muiscana? This is not you Manik. I know this is all a cover up because you haven't been able to sing -”
“Common Nandini, just stop it. What do you wanna know? Why am I not singing? Why I am back here? Because I can't let Nyonika win. Until dad comes back, I have to protect my company from that God damn vulture, get it!!!”
Every answer was him trying to distract her, she didn't believe his excuses. There was something nagging her about the entire thing, as if the answer was right there but she wasn't able to reach it, which was why she was here. Attending the auditions live.
She knew exactly which button to push and how to get him to react. So she did. Called him out in front of the audience, knowing it would trigger him exactly the way she wanted. She needed him to tell her what was going on, even if she couldn't explain the why to herself.
Manik turned to look at Nandini, his eyes spitting fire. He was already frustrated, and Nandini was just adding to his misery by stepping on his throbbing nerve. He hadn't been able to shut her words from last night out, and now she was here, challenging him about his singing. He dismissed the crowd for a break and pulled Nandini with him to backstage.
“What do you want Nandini?”, he questioned, throwing his hands in the air. His frustration was quickly turning into resignation with respect to the situation.
"I want you to tell me what's happening Manik. I want to know the truth”, Nandini pestered, looking at him, feeling the frustration rolling out of him.
“The truth? You want to know why I am not singing now? The truth is Nandini, that it's not recent, it's not about these days. I haven't been able to sing since the day you walked out of my life”, he sighed, letting that burden out in the open, too done with the situation to hold back, “You took my music away from me Nandini”
Nandini stared at him stunned. She couldn’t even say she was surprised, because she wasn't. In her heart, she knew it was deeper than what Manik was letting on. She had this feeling she was involved. She just didn't want to accept it. Her eyes immediately filled with tears, "I didn't think -”
“You didn't think what Nandini? Weren't we supposed to be together? Weren't we supposed to share a forever Nandini?”, Manik bit out, unable to reign it in, “You thought you would walk out and nothing would change? That my life would continue to be what it was?”
"I didn't leave without a reason Manik. We weren't together, even though we stayed together. We were just -”, Nandini staggered back, the full force of his words hitting her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as the stark realization of the consequences of her actions dwelled on her.
Even in her anger, even in the moment of her extreme emotions, she had never wished to take away his music from him. She knew what it meant to feel like the sole reason of your comfort have been snatched away from you. Music was the one thing that had kept him whole for years. Taking that away from him meant killing his soul.
"Nandini -”
She didn't hear him. Her thoughts were too loud in her head. She walked past him, unaware of where she was going but knowing she needed to get away asap. She walked out of the college building and managed to find the car she had rented in the morning. Her tears won't stop falling, but she somehow sat inside and leaned back on the seat.
Five minutes turned to ten, but she finally found a grip on herself. Then she paused to take the little white card out of her purse that was lying on the passenger seat.
Dr. Jaya Shrivastava's card.
Taking a deep breath, she put the key into the ignition and turned the car on the road.
A road not taken before.
P.s :It would be a Great help if you all could try and drop a comment about how you feel the story is going. If it's making sense to you. Because I need to know if my point is coming across or if the story is too slow, too detailed? Thank you ❤️