Y/N'S POV
"Come on, sit down" she orders once the door is closed
"I'll talk to the coach and try not to get you expelled but you have to apologize to him" she tells me
"I've apologize to him? Are you fucking kidding me?" i get nervous
"No y/n i'm very serious, you exaggerated" she folds her arms
"But did you see him? He was just waiting to fuck yo-"
"Oh God y/n stop, you almost hit him, do you understand that it's serious?" she says getting nervous too
"I had every reason to, he was touching you too much!" i say in my defense
"Yeah well thanks i could have managed by myself but instead you always have to magnify everything" she rolls her eyes.
Ok she's probably really angry.
"What about your apology? I'm still waiting for it" I comment
"Sorry, what?" she asks widen her eyes
"Well about this morning and then you broke your promise" i explain
"Are you kidding me y/n? Really? After all the shit you just made! You got fucking drunk and you were about to hit someone! Do you understand how uncomfortable you made me?" she yells, waving her arms and pacing around the locker room
"Well it's your fault so don't fuck with me Lizzie" i mumble, she tilts her head.
"But do you hear how you talk? You keep mumbling only swear words and you act like a child.
Don't try to blame me. This is your choice, you chose to drink, you chose to act like this, okay? You can't always blame everyone for how you behave" she points her finger at me raising her voice and i think I've never seen her so angry but above all disappointed in me.
"Well i don't know what to do about it okay? I've always solved my problems like this and i don't know any other way!" i try to get up to go to my locker but i lose my balance, but she runs in time grabbing me and makes me sit back on the bench.
Then she walks away from me shaking her head.
"Look at you y/n, you can't even stand up" she whispers with her voice now broken by tears, i can't even lift my head to look at her, because even if i'm trying to keep a wall between me and her it fucking hurts me to know that i'm letting her down right now.
"You should help me not accuse me, i don't need to be told how shit i am, i already know thanks" i reply trying not to cry, bringing out my cold side so as not to be destroyed further.
"I didn't mean that y/n and you know it well" she sighs approaching me and sitting next to me i keep my head down avoiding her gaze.
"But i don't know what to do, you understand? I thought i was enough, that i was enough to defeat your demons" she tries to take my hand but i push it away
"Don't touch me" i yell turning to the other side.
I sense her guilt, but not as much as mine which blinds me.
I hear her sigh heavily
"Please don't do that, don't make things harder" she whispers
"I'm just a problem for you huh? A burden you can't handle. Well you should have thought of that first Elizabeth, because i am who i am and I don't know what to do about it!" I scream and meanwhile the tears slide down my face burning it.
"Don't even say that, you-you're not a burden it's just-"
"What? Say it come on, say it that you don't-" Something awakens in my stomach, which twists more and more until it becomes unbearable.
I jumped up and ran to the bathroom ending up throwing up.
Moments later i feel Lizzie kneel behind me, gently gathering my hair in her hand and rubbing my back with the other.
"Don't worry, throw it all out" she whispers to me
After a while i let myself go leaning against the wall, she does the same leaning against the bathroom door, facing each other.
I bring my knees up to my face, hiding it between them, i don't want Lizzie to see me cry.
"You know you don't have to hide from me right?" she says gently crossing her legs.
I don't answer, nor do i want to look at her.
Instead, she stares at me sadly.
"Maybe we should take a break" she says out of the blue and there a searing pain in my chest pervades me.
"Are you trying to break up with me?" i ask her, finally raising my head to look at her, when she sees my face something breaks inside her too.
"No, absolutely not, don't even say that as a joke y/n" she says
"It seems to me that you're trying to do it" i wipe away the tears.
She approaches me, tries to dry my tears but i push her away.
"Go away" i yell at her
"Come here" she tries to hug me but i squirm
"Let me go! Let me go i don't want you! I don't want you, i don't-" i scream trying to push her away but she insists and grabs me hugging me tightly and i sink into her arms bursting into tears.
"I would never let you understand? Never.
I fucking love you and i could never do this to you, to us. It hurts to see you like this, the alcohol is speaking for you right now. I just think we should take a break, it'll be good for both of us.
I will stay in New York for a few days and you will be able to clarify your ideas.
I want you to ask for help y/n, to keep the promises you made me before leaving the hospital.
I want you to start treating yourself the way you deserve and if you really want to start this journey i'll be proud to be by your side, but you really have to want it honey. I love you and you know it but i can't save you alone" she whispers to me but her words just sound like bullshit to me, she wants to get rid of me but she's too nice to do it directly.
If she doesn't do it then i will.
I push her away and she feels bad.
"Go away Elizabeth" i reply coldly.
Yes, i would like her to stay here with me, i would like her to hug me, but right now i hate her.
"Y/n please try to understand-"
"I told you to go away, i want to be alone" I interrupt her
"I don't want to see you like this, it hurts me-"
"Then move your fucking ass and get out of here! I don't want you understand? And I don't want to pity you! Get out the fuck! Get out!" i scream at her so much that she seems to get scared.
She remains standing, frozen looking at me.
A little later i see Cassie arrive with a worried expression on her face.
"What the hell is going on? I heard screaming and- y/n what-what's going on?" she looks at me and then at Lizzie who is still standing staring at me.
"Isn't that clear to you? I told you to get out of here!" i scream at her again, she visibly tries to hold back the tears and that's when she grabs her bag and starts to leave, but she turns back to me
"Just think about what i told you okay? I love you y/n, and i will always love you" she whispers in a voice broken by tears and then disappears.
When i hear the door close, i finally burst into tears.
My friend runs up to me and hugs me tightly and i hold on to her arms.
"She's gone Cassie, she's really gone. She doesn't want me" i sob i pushed her away but i thought she would fight for me after everything we've been through and instead she walked away.
I lost her.
——————————————-
I don't know how long I've been here.
I look out the window at the world go on, but i've stood still in that day.
Everything is different having the constant fear of having really lost her.
She left me at my lowest.
I threw my body carelessly on an armchair, like if it belonged to another person.
I left it still in bed, while it begged me to live.
Cassie says my eyes are so blank, so lost.
She tells me that I almost don't exist.
I lost everything
I lost her.
I made some mistakes, but i didn't think she would really go away.
She said she loved me, but then why isn't she here with me?
I fucking miss her, i miss her so much.
How stupid i was, maybe i should have fought more for her too.
Why did i do it? Why did i let her go?
"You have to do something y/n, you can't stay like this, you can't sit here waiting for her, she won't come back unless you do something" i hear Cassie talking to me.
"Are you agree with her?" i ask her, without turning towards her.
I look at myself in the window reflection and look unrecognizable.
God what am i becoming?
"You know i love you and i know how much she loves you too so yes, I agree with her.
It hurts to see you hurt you y/n. Just because she's gone doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore. But she needs to make sure you want to fight. You know it's not easy loving someone who could- well you know what"
"I don't want to kill myself Cas" i say
"Yeah but you're slowly destroying yourself which is the same thing and she's watching you do it and she feels helpless and that hurts" she explains.
"Do you feel the same with me?" I ask her
"Yeah, that doesn't mean you're a problem for me y/n, i just want you to take your life back, finally kill your demons. You have people who love you around you y/n, you have the support of you need, please fight. Step by step" she begs me, her voice breaking from tears.
I hear her footsteps approaching, from the reflection in the window i see her approaching me and hugging me from behind.
I close my eyes, imagining for a moment that her arms are someone else's, that the warmth of her body is someone else's, that her perfume is someone else's.
"I will never leave you y/n, i'm here with you until the end" she whispers leaving a kiss on my back.
I open my eyes and the dream vanishes, reality is disappointing.
"Don't let your demons drown you" says my friend, remaining hugging me, a helpless and cold body.
____________________________________
LIZZIE'S POV
I'm sitting on the bed in my apartment in New York wondering what the fuck i'm doing here.
Why am i not with her?
Why did i leave?
I promised her that i would stay with her and now i live these days with the persistent feeling of emptiness next to me.
I panicked and feared.
I'm scared of losing her, she's literally consuming in front of my eyes and i'm helpless, unable to do anything really useful.
"Thanks Cassie, please keep me updated" i reply before hanging up the phone
Maybe i shouldn't have left her, maybe i should have stayed with her, but i can't help her if she really doesn't want to fight.
I'd like to run to her, it's an unbearable pain knowing she's feel so bad and i've to stay away from her.
But i have to be strong, i can't go back to her or our sacrifice would lose meaning.
If she wants to fight for me then she'll have to do it with her demons too.
I really hope she comes back to me, i want to believe that she wants to fight for us, she won't let go of everything beautiful that we have built together.
Please come back to me Y/n, i keep repeating in my head.
A confused head, in which words get confused and intertwined creating a big mess.
In all these days i have thought about Scarlett's words and for a moment i was afraid of having followed what she had told me, but then i understood that my heart stays and will always stay with y/n, regardless of everything.
I would never really walk away from her, i love her and want to be happy with her, but to be happy we have to work out our issues.
And that's why i'm really here.
I have to defeat my demons if i want to stay with the person i love.
"Please sit, i think we need to talk"
....................................................................................
A/N:
Hiii guys how are you?
So did you expect it to go this way?
It's very brutal i know, but there are always ups and downs in life, right?
Maybe Scarlett was right, until they both defeat their demons they can never be truly happy together, what do you think?
Or do you believe that in the end love can conquer all?
I'm curious to know what you think and what you believe could happen in the next chapters.
Tell me about it in the comments
See you in the next chapter
(and don't worry there will still be fluffy and smut things, give it time 😉)
Love y'll🤍