[hopefully, the closure you asked for...]
.
"What are we even doing?"
"I don't know – but I know what we could be doing instead."
"No, Kai, you did this two times already. We've gotta talk. If we keep avoiding this forever it will only get one if not both of us hurt."
Kai groaned. "I hate talking about my feelings. Is it really necessary?"
"Trust me, we're in the same boat," Cole replied, sighing. They were both staring so intensely at the drawer by the wall he was surprised there weren't four holes burned into it already.
"Again. Do we really need to talk about this? I'm fine with how things are now..."
Cole turned to look at him, his eyebrow raised. It was quite a neutral look but Kai felt himself shrinking under the odd light in Cole's eyes. "Really? You can? Isn't making out in secret and then pretending nothing ever happened between us killing you on the inside? We act so neutral outside, we never talk about this, we pretend we're just friends that bicker all the time and then you barge into my room like that... And you're fine with it?" Kai remained silently staring at him. "Because I don't think I can do this anymore, Kai. Not like this. Not when I don't know where I'm standing. Where we're heading." He looked away from the red ninja, his gaze finding its way back to the drawer. To the picture of him and Kai. As if he didn't have his mind already full of those.
"What do– What do you mean by that?" Kai asked, his voice suddenly careful as if he was walking by a ledge, trying not to fall into the unknown dark.
Cole sighed again, putting his face into his hands for a few moments to give himself some courage. With a deep breath, he let go and turned to look at Kai, who immediately mirrored his sitting position. Each had a leg on the bed, both of them almost touching...
It felt as if Cole pushed himself off the ledge as he spoke the words he never dared to voice until now. "Kai, I... What I feel towards you..." He sighed, "I haven't felt towards anyone in ages and... maybe never like this, too. And I feel like if that gets ruined it would be really hard for me to recover." Kai was basically hanging on each of his words, not daring to speak. As if something would shatter if he dared interrupt.
"Which... I would understand if you didn't feel in some way similar because I know and understand that no one has any power over those things... But this, what we're doing, is just... I'm getting a taste of something I don't know if I can actually have and it's really hard for me, you know? How do I know this means something to you when we never talk about it? What if this is just some stupid fling to you and I'm digging myself a grave here? I don't want to get played because of some lack of communication..." His own eyes stung. He could see himself in Kai's.
"I don't want to be hopelessly in love with you if we don't want the same thing."
Kai looked down and Cole reached to hold both his hands. He leaned in, lowering his voice that was way too close to breaking and Cole hated everything about the fact. "Kai... What do you feel? Towards me? Is this just physical? Is it just something to fill your free time with?" Kai urgently shook his head, his eyes wide. Then he looked down and Cole decided to give him some space to collect his thoughts. That or he couldn't muster up any more words.
The brunet kept scanning their hands with his eyes: how their fingers intertwined, how they fit together like two puzzle pieces, how he wished the feeling could last forever; he could stay like that forever.
"No. No, I don't think so..." he breathed out eventually. Since looking directly at Cole turned out to be rather distracting, Kai focused his eyes on the wall behind him, the blurry face lingering in the corner of his eyes. It was only fair. So, he took a deep breath and tried to put his thoughts into something that will hopefully make some sense and won't make him regret everything instantly; won't make him want to bash his own head through that wall.
Each word a tender step. "You... you make me so happy, Cole. So much, in fact, my day doesn't start until you come into the dining room for breakfast and smile at me like you always do. The sun doesn't rise until I see your face. Every single time I see you, my day automatically gets so much better, it's ridiculous. Do you know how many times you made me feel better even if everything sucked? And you just came and touched me or smiled at me or just existed there with me and the weight was just... gone.
"I love spending time with you, I love talking with you about everything and nothing until our voices give out or we fall asleep, I love training with you because you make me want to improve. As a ninja and as a person. You make me see the good in me, you made me see I can still have some nice things in life and I don't understand how you managed that.
"You touch me and I feel like I could melt, like you're something supernatural I can't grasp and I need to hold you close, I need to feel you all the time and your touches and kisses feel like I'm standing in the rain and the sun is shining down at me and I feel like such a fool because you put me together and tear me apart with everything you do at the same time.
"No matter if we are together or not, you just seem to never leave my mind. I can't stop thinking about you, Cole. Not a single moment passes without you in my mind in some way."
The earth ninja blinked at him just as Kai dared to face his eyes. And the silence resonated deep within his soul, he felt like the sound was going to make him explode... It kept on increasing volume until everything could just crash and explode into millions of bits.
"Woah, Kai, you... Well... I don't– You just stole all my thoughts..." Cole stuttered. He shifted in his seat and steadied his grip on Kai's hands, looking so intensely into his eyes Kai thought the gaze might tear them all apart. "I'm not gonna lie, I was infatuated by you probably ever since we met but... if I wasn't thinking about you constantly already, that night in the park really secured it... Made all those feelings worse... You really feel like this too?"
Kai rolled his eyes. "No, Cole, I read that speech in some book, I totally didn't just spill my soul here right in front of you like some fool."
"So, where does that put us?"
"What do I know..."
They both sighed at once. "We're such helpless romantics, aren't we?"
Kai raised a brow. "You mean hopeless?"
"Nah, man, we're just helpless." They both chuckled but it didn't help the tense air that swirled around them. It was like trying to swat away a painfully stubborn fly. "Maybe we could try asking someone... Zane, Jay and Nya... for all we know, maybe Wu could have some word of advice."
"Yeah, but that would mean telling them and I don't feel like doing that just yet." Cole didn't even have to ask any questions; Kai only needed that brief look to know he was wondering. "I mean, we don't even know what this is but also... making out in secret like this is quite exciting. in a way."
Cole nodded. "Well, I can't disagree with that..."
"It's the rush..." Kai muttered.
"The rush..." Cole echoed, his voice even lower than Kai's. His eyes fluttered but he quickly shook his head before he lost himself again. "No. No, not yet." Pathetic how his mind could get erased so easily. So weak. So fragile. So easily cornered like a lost bunny out in the field. He pushed Kai gently away.
"Kai, this isn't just a one-time thing, right?"
"Not counting the first mission, this has been going on for almost two months, do you consider that a one-time thing?" Kai retorted and Cole had to scoff.
"I mean what do you want from this?"
"Like...?"
"I would... I would love to have a relationship with you. To have you as my partner... It's sorta been on my mind for a long time... even before..." His heart skipped a beat when Kai's eyes widened, his entire face seemingly lighting up.
"I don't really have the best experience in that field but if you're up to it..."
A beat. He needed to catch his breath.
"Will you be my partner?"
"What about the magic word?"
Cole rolled his eyes but the corners of his lips were betraying him. "Will you be my partner, love?"
"I will if you will." It felt like an entire sun erupted inside of him and Cole had to grin, Kai's mouth mirroring his own immediately. He brought Kai's hands closer.
"Hey, would you look at that? I think we did it. For now at least."
Kai's grin turned into a smirk as he playfully squinted his eyes. "Jay and Nya can suck it!"
On one hand, it was getting exhausting how fast the mood kept shifting.
"Do you still want to keep this a secret?" Cole asked, his face and voice softening as he watched Kai.
"Maybe for a while? Just so... you know... we know how things are. And have some more fun. It's like being a part of some conspiracy."
"Adrenaline junkie," Cole teased. Kai's smirk only deepened as he tilted his head.
"Don't act like you're any better, Brookstone."
"Surnames, again? Really, Smith?" Cole bowed his head just a little...
"Yes. Really." Kai brought his head even closer, neither of them ever breaking eye contact. Cole waited for his partner's next move as if they were in the middle of an intricate chess match. Except they didn't need to be three steps ahead to see the outcome clear as day. "How about some reward for spilling our deepest desires here? That only seems fair." Kai whispered into his lips.
"You think you deserve a reward?" Cole replied, tilting his head a little to the side.
"If not me, then at least you deserve a little something, no?" Cole tilted his head to the other side to dodge Kia's lips and hummed.
"Intriguing proposal. May I know what you have in mind?" Kai advanced once again and Cole moved backwards on the bed, supporting himself with his arms, still dodging the lips that were so dangerously close.
"You may, if you ask nicely, that is." If he wasn't fighting for his dear life to keep his mind stay aware in the moment for a little bit longer he would've rolled his eyes again. Kai and that word... It was an interesting power he held and Cole found himself using it to his advantage several times before. Now that was some elemental power. Just useful in a completely different field.
"What do you have in mind, love?" At last, he let Kai connect their lips, not dodging anymore. In fact, he leaned into it just as Kai took ahold of his chin. Leaving the messy emotional rollercoaster behind them, Kai pushed onto Cole until they were both laying back on the bed, their lips entwined in some dance they didn't even need to practice (but they did it constantly).
Maybe it was thanks to his powers, but with every touch, Cole felt like a part of Kai was being burned into him, into his soul. The red ninja left marks all over his mind until he was the only thing there until all Cole could feel were Kai's hands and his torso and his lips and his breath and his eternal burning fire.
He slowly turned them both around, smirking into the many kisses upon feeling Kai squirm underneath him as he ran a hand over his stomach, caressing the muscles that could not hide behind some cloth anymore. Right after he felt Kai return the favour but Cole was too high up in the air on cloud nine to even realise it tickled.
He just kissed Kai deeper, savouring each and every moment as if he was dying of thirst, as if the next kiss could chase it away but he only ended up craving more and more, never getting enough.
And Kai kissed him back with the same vigour, fighting for his lips as if they would disappear if they weren't touching for more than a split second and Cole felt that maybe he was actually flying.
But the only person that actually was flying was Kai. Off Cole's bed. For there was a crash and the earth ninja's door burst open. Cole remained laying on his bed, his back turned to the intruder.
"What do you want?" he called out, his hand resting on the spot that was just moments ago warm with Kai's presence. Along with his own skin, along with–
"Have you seen Kai?" Jay asked, panting. He must've been running around the monastery like a madman again.
Cole turned to face him and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. "No, I haven't. Why?"
"He was supposed to be on dish duty but it's like he disappeared! And now because he's nowhere to be found I have to do the work for him!"
Cole stood up and walked over, hoping to have all of Jay's attention on himself and not anywhere else. Especially not behind him, whatever was going on there. "Have you tried looking into his room?"
"Have I tried– of course I tried looking into his room, that's the first place I've been to! Do you think I'm a complete idiot? Maybe you've been spending too much time with him!"
He could swear his heart skipped a beat. Crossing his arms, he replied off-handedly, "Just speaking from experience..."
"It was once and it was because he wasn't even supposed to be there! I was checking the training room first, obviously," Jay ranted. Thank the First Spinjitzu Master it was so easy to distract the blue ninja. "Whatever, that doesn't even matter now! So you really haven't seen him? I checked everywhere already!"
Cole shook his head. "I guess I can't help you, buddy." Cole found himself holding his breath several times during the conversation. He had no idea how the situation behind him looked and he didn't dare turn because at least Jay only scowled at the ground, which meant that if there was anything suspicious going on, he couldn't see it if he kept his head low like that. But then the lightning ninja looked up at him again. At least his eyes were glued to him.
"Well, if you see that skunk, let me know."
"Of course. Best friend solidarity and all."
"This is about justice!" Jay paused and Cole wished to disappear from his gaze. But he just stared back into his blue eyes and tried to keep his ground. Tried not to let his mask falter. "Are you all right? You have kind of a... really wild look going on..."
Cole frowned in his act. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you kind of look like you were trying to go for Kai's hairstyle but forgot you need a ton of hair gel for that. And you're kind of breathless now that I think of it..." Jay leaned his head to the side. "What were y–"
"I was working out, dumbass, and you disrupted me just when I was about to get some rest! Could you leave now?"
Jay stared at him some more, his eyebrows furrowed in something Cole could consider scepticism and he had to use all his will not to avoid the curious look. Not to let the fear show anywhere.
"Oh, I get it," Jay finally said, wiggling his finger in the air and Cole felt his heart drop. "You're in that weird solitary mood of yours again. Fine, I'll leave you alone." And the air got rid of the majority of the tension when the blue ninja turned to walk out the door. Cole followed him, almost bumping into him when he turned around once more. He was starting to get rather impatient, he wanted the redhead out of his room immediately. Not only for his nerves' sake and also because he was still burning in the heat of the moment and wished to go back, to resume what they were doing, as soon as possible. All of his senses were so high on alert and he felt himself become more and more antsy with all the feelings he was trying to contain inside. He was like a ticking bomb waiting to explode and with every second Jay spent in his room, he felt the countdown drop.
Kai's touches were just so unbelievably addictive, he already felt like he was having a withdrawal.
"As soon as you spot that bastard–"
Cole interrupted him, "I'll let you know. Sure. Bye, Jay." Pushing him out, he closed the door behind him just as Jay yelled Kai's name with some threat about telling Lloyd about his stash of candy. Cole sighed and leaned his forehead against the door, the smell of wood filling his nose as a click announced that it's been locked now. He could finally feel his lungs fill up with air properly. No more suffocating squeeze.
"Seriously? You didn't lock the door?" Kai said from behind, his voice way lighter than how Cole felt.
He turned around to see him apparently still sitting on the ground. His head, which was almost the only part of him Cole was able to see, was propped up by his hand, whose sharp elbow was digging into the mattress. As soon as he looked into his eyes, it was as if Jay had never burst in. He could drown in those dilated pupils surrounded b fire and he would even thank them too. Everything else was fading. As if he entered some other dimension, one that was just for the two of them.
"Seriously? You're using me to get away from washing the dishes?" Cole shot back as he walked back to the bed, Kai's eyes steadily following his every move. Like a predator watching his prey. Always alert, always ready to strike, always ready to pin him down...
"To be honest with you, I totally forgot about that."
"Lloyd's gonna know where you hide all your candy now." Cole lay down on his side, his head supported by his hand just like Kai's. He caressed the empty spot next to him, the sheets softening and wrinkling again underneath his circling touch.
"No, he won't. That's just a ruse. I'm several steps ahead. Jay thinks he's so smart but jokes on him!" Kai finally joined him on the bed, laying down right where Cole was beckoning him.
"Hm, I didn't know you think things through like that. Didn't take you up to be the guy that plans ahead instead of working on an impulse."
"There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me yet," Kai mused, playing with the hem of Cole's gi. Cole watched his fingers caress the fabric. Those magical fingers whose prints surely must've been burned into his skin over the course of the two months they fought with the odd tension they couldn't really contain or comprehend.
And now they were there. Two partners lying on a bed.
"Like what?" Cole asked as Kai's fingers moved to his hair. Their eyes – fireworks in the skies.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Why so secretive, love?"
Kai tilted his head back, closing his eyes like a cat when you find the perfect spot to touch. "Ugh, I love the way that word rolls off your tongue."
"Yeah, I've noticed."
"You're using it against me."
"I'm using it to my advantage, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm using it against you." Kai hummed, twirling a strand of Cole's hair on his finger, then setting it free. "Love, love, love... But how would you feel about 'boyfriend', sweetheart?"
"Bad. 'Cause now you have more power in your hands. And I don't think that's fair."
"Not fair? I don't think so..."
"Of course you don't," Kai responded. "But there's gotta be some way to even the power imbalance out," Kai muttered, nuzzling his body closer, holding Cole's chin in the hand that was just in his hair. The Sun holding the World. Their cheeks were squished together, Kai's lips so close to his that when he spoke, they brushed against each other. "I can't be the only one with weak spots, right, Brookstone?"
"It's more about being good at finding them than having them," Cole replied, mad at his own breath for betraying him in such a situation. With a smirk, Kai pushed Cole to fall on his back. However, the earth ninja wasn't going to let Kai have it. He grabbed his gi and brought him down in another kiss, stealing the perfect opportunity from the fireball.
"You're so impatient..." Kai murmured, pulling away from Cole. He wasn't going to have it. Not now that there was a steady ground underneath their relationship and he could finally breathe freely (as far as Kai's body pressed onto his allowed him). Not now that the door was locked, hiding them from the rest of the world that didn't matter at the moment in the slightest anyway.
"You're the worst," Cole groaned when Kai pulled away again. On one hand, he hated that damned smirk, on the other, it made him yearn for Kai's lips more.
"I remember you saying something entirely different not that long ago..." Kai breathed, then squeaked when Cole suddenly flipped them. It was his turn to hover above and he savoured those eyes looking up at him. Tiny lights glistened in them like stars' reflections on the sea at night. Surely he was going to lose his mind. He could never put into words how wonderful it all felt.
"I take that back."
"You sure?" It was Kai who connected their lips that time. His fingers brushed through Cole's hair as his legs wrapped around his body, pushing him even closer.