April 22nd 2023
Dallas, Texas
10:50 am
All morning, Amina had been feeling different variations of pain. She opened her eyes, secretly wishing that she didn't get the chance to. Figuring the pain would bruise less if she left with her baby. A single tear rolled down her face as yesterdays events came to mind. Sending a shock of pain to her heart. She tried to believe that maybe it was all a dream, but once she got scheduled for a D&C, she knew that this was no longer a dream, but a nightmare. The feeling of the mama necklace Rashad gifted her rested on her arm causing her to reach for it and look at it. Once her thumb swept over the gold words, her heart broke all over again.
"I'm sorry, baby." Amina spoke aloud, while staring out the window. Being pregnant one day and not the next had her mind wrecked. Knowing that she lost her child because of bullshit made it hurt even more. She began to blame herself, she was done with work for the day and figured none of this would've happened if she would've worked on her aunts bundles from home. The only thing motivating Amina to get out of bed, was filing a police report on Cass—she wanted her and her friends under the jail.
Amina grabbed the Hennessy bottle from her nightstand and took a swig from it, she was so numb, she didn't even flinch at the burning sensation that the liquor gave her once she swallowed. She hadn't felt this way since her mother passed, both situations flipped her world completely upside down.
Amina tapped her phone to see a Lock Screen full of notifications, once she unlocked it, the 10% battery message popped up. Which made sense, when Amina got back from her D&C. She changed out of her clothes and crashed into bed and eventually cried herself to sleep. Weakly, she pushed the charger in the phone and began to skim through her notifications.
Chalyn
Why y'all ain't reply to the TikTok I sent?
Ro
Saw it already
Chalyn
You can laugh again...it's still funny!
Ro
Why I just doordashed a cookie and some ice cream from yo shit and the cookie was harder than a damn rock.
You needa be in jail for that Cha
Chalyn
LMFAOOOOOOOOO, Ro pls. I don't even play bout the texture of my cookies
Ro
Well somebody needa be fired..you lucky I know you, I'd dispute ts so fast fam
Chalyn
Mimi? Wya
Suge
You good Mi?
Hello?
I'm just checking on you
Amina
Amina sat the phone back on her nightstand and continued to stare blankly out the window. "Shit." Amina kissed her teeth, realizing she had an appointment at 11. Prior to right now, Amina never canceled on her clients, no matter what challenges she faced. But this was different, she knew she wouldn't be able to show up and be the best stylist she could be after losing her child. She used the small amount of energy she had to let her 11 o clock appointment know that she needed to cancel and that she would issue her a refund. Amina went ahead and canceled the appointments she had for the rest of the week as well.
The service industry was tricky, so she wasn't sure if her clients would show her grace after inconveniencing them, but honestly—she didn't care about receiving grace right now. Amina went to Instagram and typed a message explaining to her clients that she was sorry for canceling, but it was for personal reasons. She added it to her story and sat her phone right back down.
Vigorous knocking on her door gave her body a brief shake, she kissed her teeth as she sat up for a second, listening to the knocking continue. Amina kissed her teeth before letting out a groan as she got up to answer the door. Amina stood on her toes to look through the peephole, through the small circle she saw Rashad standing there with his phone pressed against his ear.
Amina rolled her eyes as she unlocked the door and swung it open, "What." She greeted, full of attitude.
"Why the fuck you ain't been answering yo phone, son? We got a kid together, Amina. That petty shit ain't gon' fly." Rashad snapped. Amina grilled him in disgust, if she wasn't so weak, she probably would've resorted to violence.
"Well, I'm not pregnant anymore—so whatever this is, can be done. Leave me alone, Rashad. I want out of this shit show!" Amina fussed, stomping her foot on the last word like an irate child. Rashad's face dropped before he questioned, "Not pregnant?"
"D-did you abort him?" He questioned. Amina's bottom lip quivered as tears edged her water line. "God, please help me before I pull this man in my house and beat the shit out of him." Amina spoke aloud as rage filled her body. Right now, she couldn't decipher if that rage was coming from being face to face with Rashad, or the loss of her baby.
"You aborted my fuckin kid?" Rashad yelled as he inched closer to her. "No, nigga! Cass and her friends jumped on me at my suite and made me miscarry! All because of you!" Amina screamed back as she pointed her acrylic nail in his face.
"Because of me?" Rashad questioned in disturbance, "Because of you!" Amina echoed, "Stay the fuck away from me Rashad! I hate you! You talk about having bad luck with relationships, nigga you are the bad luck! So take this fuckin necklace and take yo worrisome ass on!" She fussed less than an inch away from his face. She held the necklace by the pendant and used all of the force in her body to rip it off of her neck and cast it at Rashad.
"I fuckin hate you." Amina said above a whisper before she started to cry, Rashad pulled her into his arms before closing the door behind him. His embrace was firm, as if he was attempting to not allow her to break away.
"I'm sorry Mi—I'm so fuckin sorry." Rashad spoke, making Amina realize that he was crying as well. He held the back of her shirt as he cried onto the crook of her neck. Amina slightly put her personal feelings about Rashad to the side, this was a child that he lost as well. And every emotion that she went through within the last 12 hours, he would go through too.
"After they left, I rushed and went to the doctor...and they told me they couldn't hear a heartbeat...they tried but couldn't hear it at all each time they tried." Amina explained as she toyed with her fingers. She looked over and caught Rashad clenching his jaw. "I want them hoes in jail, Rashad." Amina sternly spoke as rage crammed her body, making her feel hot.
"I can do you one even better." Rashad mumbled as he ran his tongue over his top row of teeth. Amina knew that reply could've had many meanings, but right now she was too morose to dissect what Rashad was hinting toward. Both Amina and Rashad sat at the edge of her bed, in silence. With occasional sniffles. Without a word, Amina climbed back into the bed and stared out the window, allowing the tears to trickle down her face. Shortly, Rashad appeared next to her. They stared at each other before Amina turned away, now making her face the bathroom. Rashad forced his arm under hers and crossed his arm over her body, his thumb rested perfectly on her shoulder, allowing him to gently swipe it back and forth.
April 23rd 2023
Dallas, Texas
2:53 pm
Amina wrapped the large bath towel around her body before stepping out, and closing the glass door behind her. Once her body was about 75% dry, she walked over to her bed and sat down. She didn't really have the energy to complete her full after shower routine. Amina grabbed her phone to see the group chat questioning her whereabouts, she sighed as she went to her call log and clicked Chalyn's contact. Instead of pushing the phone up to her ear, she put it on speaker.
"Amina, where the hell have you been, loca?" Chalyn spoke, quoting the movie twilight. Causing Amina to break a small smile and light chuckle. "I umm...I lost the baby, Cha." Amina weakly announced, the small silence let her know that the tone of the call quickly changed.
"I'm so sorry MiMi...if there's anything that you need, you know I got you—are you alone right now?" Chalyn replied. "Yeah, you don't have to come console me, it's fine." Amina assured before sniffling.
"Cass and her friends came to my suite and jumped me and made me lose my fuckin baby." Amina voiced as she cried out. The more she said it, the more she relived it. This was an unfortunate way to lose a child, and sadly it was her reality. "Jump you!" Chalyn exclaimed.
"Fuck no, about Rashad's non committing ass? All three of them going to fuckin prison." Chalyn fussed. Amina took her eyes off of the window and placed it back on her phone, that was swamped with notifications. Amina slightly furrowed her eyebrows together as she took the phone into her hand. Her business page's DMs was filled with people sending her a live video. She joined the live and turned her volume up to hear the best way she could since Chalyn was on the line.
"These Dallas hairstylists are unprofessional as fuck! How do you cancel somebody's appointment 5 minutes before they supposed to come—this bitch literally wasted my time and gas!" Amina's client ranted in front of her 400 live viewers.
Amina kissed her teeth, "My client on live talking shit about me." She slightly shook her head in disbelief. "I refunded her and everything—I swear to God, people don't give a fuck about all the good shit you did after you fuck up." Amina stressed. The representation of her brand was everything to her, she organically built it from the ground up. No friends with connections, no rapper boyfriend, or rich parents. In the service industry, specifically hair—your reputation could make or break you.
But given Amina's current circumstances and mix of emotions, she found herself not caring about any of that. "I'm bout to cuss this bitch out." Amina announced.
"No, Mimi—" is all Chalyn managed to get out before Amina mentally blocked her out as she typed.
Justamina: bitch fuck you! I refunded you and told you that you can be squeezed in whenever you want once I start working again. What the fuck else do you want from me? My soul? I have a life outside of hair, I'm not a robot that glues down wigs all day.
"It's so fucked up because I'm the most relaxed stylist in the city. I don't do all those bullshit extra fees or nothing—the one time I need the grace reciprocated, these hoes shit on me." Amina rioted.
"Was she a frequent client?" Chalyn questioned, Amina lightly sniffled before answering, "No—she only came like 2 other times."
"Then fuck her, none of your faithful clients did all that. You're never supposed to questioned it when the real and fake divide themselves." Chalyn lectured, meanwhile Amina swiped left to her dms and was faced with a plethora of messages of people sending her prayers and words of light, without not even knowing the situation. A delicate smile crossed her face as she scrolled through the messages. Chalyn was right, some of her most loyal clients weren't giving her a hard time, instead penning her sweet messages.
"And what about Rashad, what's he saying?" Chalyn questioned, causing Amina to kiss her teeth. "I hate him." She spoke.
Chalyn sighed, "You don't mean that." Hearing her say that made Amina emotional all over again. "Yes I do—I had to suffer the consequences of his bullshit, the same bullshit he did to me matter fact." Amina vented.
"He did me just how he did them Cha...I wasn't special at all." She added, facing the harsh truth. "I just hate to think about me possibly building him up for the next woman...and him committing to her instead of me." Amina thought out loud.
"So, you still wanna be with him?" Chalyn questioned, Amina sighed as she ran her fingers through her silk press. "No." She sniffled, "It's just a thought. Imagine building a nigga up, and he give somebody else everything you wanted." Amina explained.
"I honestly can't imagine Rashad being with anybody else but you...but I can say, if that's what ends up happening, I'm sure you'll find somebody else who gives you everything you want without the fear of you leaving—somebody who's ready and not afraid." Chalyn reasoned.
After prolonging it, Amina got up and started her after shower routine. She applied her deodorant before moisturizing her body with cocoa butter body oil gel. She threw on some pajamas and dived back into the bed, her short feeling of serene came to a halt once she realize she needed to wrap her silk press back up.
"Soon as I close the bakery for the day, I'm coming to see you." Chalyn announced, causing a weak smile for form on Amina's umber face as she toyed with the button of her silk pajama top. "I told you that you didn't have to." Amina replied.
"But I want to—we can sit in silence or whatever you're comfortable with." Chalyn spoke, making Amina's smile grow wider.
April 23rd 2023
Dallas, Texas
11:45 pm
Screams filled the room once Rashad yanked back the shower curtain, revealing an afraid and naked Cass. It was evident that she wasn't expecting to see him, the trepidation was painted all over her face. "What the fuck is wrong with you—and why are you here?" She questioned in fear, Rashad's chest moved up and down as he eyed her. Angrily, he grabbed her by her wet neck and pushed her up against the shower wall. "Nah, what the fuck is wrong with you!" He questioned back, using his free hand to turn the water off.
"You jumped on my girl cause I ain't want you? You mad pussy!" Rashad fussed, tightening his grip around Cass' neck. She held onto his arm, attempting to subside the pressure as she coughed and heaved. "Rashad." She managed to get out in the process.
"You and your bum ass friends killed my fuckin baby! For what? Cause I ain't wanna fuck ya bum ass no more? " Rashad spoke between his teeth, he used his free hand to pull the gun from his waistband and rest it on her forehead. Terror flushed her face as she attempted to move. Tears began to fall from her eyes, but Rashad wasn't moved at all.
"How the fuck you think Amina felt when you had two other bitches on her?" Rashad questioned. It wasn't in him to physically hurt women, but Cass struck a nerve. It would've been one thing to lose the baby from natural causes, but to lose a child because Amina was jumped sent him hot. His finger slowly began to press down on the trigger, until his phone started to ring, interrupting the process. Although he was busy, he felt drawn to the call. He removed his hand from around Cass' neck and grabbed his phone from the pocket of his hoodie.
Rashad was stunned to see Amina calling, not only was she calling him, but she was FaceTiming him. Hesitantly, he swiped the bar over to answer the call. Before he could greet Amina, she began to talk. "What you doing?" She questioned once she noticed the background.
Rashad fixed the phone in a way that both him and Cass could be seen in the camera. "I should bring you to her and let her fuck you up." He spoke to Cass before looking back into the camera at Amina, "Let me know what you want me to do." He spoke as he rested his finger on the trigger. Amina held a perplexed look on her face, most likely battling between which route to take. Meanwhile, Rashad's trigger finger was itching. Time moved in slow motion for all parties involved. heart rates increased, palms grew sweaty, and lumps formed in throats.
"Don't shoot her." Amina instructed, causing Rashad to crease his eyebrows together. "You sure?" He questioned. Rashad had a feeling this would be her verdict, since she was so against him killing people. He just thought maybe this time it would be different since he wouldn't be killing Cass in vain.
"I'm sure...killing her is too easy—I want that bitch to slowly rot in jail, while she think about what she did to my baby— and her friends too." Amina devilishly spoke. "Tell her you sorry." Rashad demanded as he moved the barrel of the gun from the middle of her forehead to the side of her head.
"I'm sorry Amina." Cass cried as she took deep pant like breaths. "Bitch, sorry don't fix shit! You getting yours soon. I hope you get to fuck Rashad again before you rot in jail" Amina replied before ending the call. Finally, Rashad let her go, resulting in her stumbling back. With brief thought, he aimed the gun at her. He was prepared to shoot until Amina's voice echoed through his mind. "Don't shoot her."
Rashad ran his tongue over his top row of teeth as he stuck the gun back in his waistband. He eyed her with a grimace on his face, watching as she cried out of fear for her life. "Bitch, you lucky." Rashad spoke between his teeth. He turned on his heels and walked away, slamming the front door to the apartment before lightly jogging down the stairs and heading back to his burner car.
April 27th 2023
Dallas, Texas
2:24 pm
Amina's windy journey up the grass hill was a major depiction of her life right now. Shit was hard, but she was still treading forward. After crying for days on end, she decided to do something she hadn't done in a while, visit her mother. She arrived, bearing all of her mother's favorite things as well as a change of flowers.
"Hey girl." Amina greeted as she reached her mother's tombstone, "I brought you some stuff." She announced. Her first order of business was changing out the flowers, Amina knew Travis visited her frequently, so the fairly new roses weren't much of a surprise to her. She exchanged them with some daisies before sitting down and rummaging through the bag. Tears edged her water line, causing her to look up, giving her a glimpse of her mother's picture. She removed closer and gently swiped her thumb over her face.
"I need you so bad, mommy." Amina spoke as she wiped her eyes, her shoulders moved up and down as she bawled out. She cried for about 2 consecutive minutes before she slowly got herself together. "I'm sorry for crying in your face like that girl." She spoke with a slight chuckle.
"But I'm sure you wouldn't mind...you'd always let me feel my emotions completely—you never shamed me for them, you explained that every emotion was a natural part of life and it was our human right to feel them." Amina voiced as she pulled out a pack of now and laters, her mother's favorite Candy. They were never too far from her. Amina ripped open the package from the side and placed a few on top of her mother, and kept one for herself. She unwrapped the small fruit flavored candy and dropped it in her mouth.
"That's the kinda mama I planned to be." Amina announced as she sat the pack of eyelashes next to the candy. "You were talking about you." Amina spoke above a whisper, she was having an epiphany. The last dream she had about her mother, she remembered her saying something about being lonely. For the longest time, Amina couldn't remember if she was talking about her or Amina—but today it finally settled for her.
"Damn mama...you ain't even ask me if I could handle that." Amina spoke after letting out a sigh, "I know he in good hands but..damn." She added.
"I'm sure you know about Rashad." Amina spoke as she stretched her legs out, "I love that man so much that it makes me hate him." Amina lightly chuckled as she shook her head.
"I love him so much that I almost settled for being a baby mama—I told him I was pregnant and he still ain't try to make shit official...Bitch ass nigga." Amina fussed.
"I can't discredit him for all that he's done though mama—I never told anybody this, but he killed somebody for me...before a month ago, he kinda been my Angel on earth. Which is why I was so conflicted...he ain't a bad nigga mama." Amina vented, once she realized she was talking to herself she paused and chuckled. "I wish you could say something back—or maybe not...that would scare the shit outta me." Amina chuckled as she sat the Brittany spears perfume down after spraying a bit.
Suddenly, the wind picked up, knocking over the perfume. Amina reached over and sat it back up. She paused and slightly furrowed her eyebrows together, "I hear you girl." She chuckled. She propped herself up by placing her hands behind her, she eyed the tombstone with a leer on her face. "Oh!—I almost forgot." Amina announced, digging in her Dior crossbody bag. Soon, Amina retrieved a picture of herself at Blue's and tucked it into her mother's flowers.
"I love you mommy." Amina voiced before kissing her mother's photo.
April 27th 2023
Dallas, Texas
4:58 pm
Amina unlocked her front door before letting herself in and closing the door behind her. She raised her feet one by one to pull off her Ugg boots, leaving her feet in her socks. She sat her shoes neatly by the door, and headed to the kitchen but stopped once her foot came down on something. "Shit!" She hissed in pain as she bent over to pick up the culprit. Shortly, she was brought face to face with the necklace Rashad got her.
She briefly eyed the necklace, impressed that although she ripped it off of her neck, it was still in pristine condition. The only visible flaw was the piece that the clasps was connected to was a tad bit bent from Amina ripping it off. She sat the necklace on her counter top along with her food before walking over to the couch. Once Amina was sat, she let out a long dramatic sigh. Her face slightly scrunched from the pain of her post D&C cramps that she'd been experiencing for the past few days. The pain was a constant reminder of the loss of her baby, which made it even more unbearable.
Amina was starting to regret clearing her schedule for the week, sitting around wasn't her thing, she was ready to throw herself back into work. Not even her favorite hobbies could pull her out of this funk, she knew this was one that she'd have to let ride out on its own. Her stomach began to growl, reminding her of the food she picked up on her way home. She walked over to the kitchen and popped the food in the microwave to warm it up for a bit. In the meantime, she grabbed a glass cup and straw and filled the cup with ice before pouring some water into the cup. She faintly decorated the cup with a slice of lime and a few mint leaves. She sat the cup at the island and went to grab her food out of the microwave.
After visiting her mother, she was in the mood to continue to indulge in her mother's favorite things. This lead Amina to crave William's chicken—a Dallas staple. She got everything her mother used to get. A leg and thigh, French fries, and two peppers. She bit the top of the first pepper and squeezed the juice over her chicken leg before taking a bite. While eating her food, her mind drifted to Rashad and their last face to face interaction.
She was slowly realizing that now since she wasn't pregnant, there wasn't much of a reason to be around Rashad. Although she knew what she had to do, the thought of never speaking to Rashad again scared her. He became such a major part of her life, Amina never expected them to end on these terms, or at all for that matter. She was sure of one thing, she was in the same boat as Cass and the girl from New York but she wasn't going to act like them. What was said was said and what done was done, she didn't plan on lingering around and begging for closure to further stroke his ego.