"Another, please." Came the drunken call from the end of the counter, followed by the bang of the whiskey glass hitting the bar. Yeji rolled her eyes and walked over to Aeri.
"I think you've had enough, and if you keep hitting the bar like that, you'll smash one of those glasses and I'll have to charge you for it."
Aeri snorted. "Fine."
"You should go home, Aeri. Do you want me to call Krystal?"
"No! What I want is another whiskey."
Yeji shook her head. "Sorry Aeri, but you've had way too much already. Drinking isn't the answer."
Aeri glared at her. "Who made you my mother?"
Yeji sighed. "Are you coming here every night in case she comes in?"
"Who?"
"Jimin, of course. She was the one who first brought you and your friends here. And since you've broken up, you've been in here every night. It's what it looks like to me."
Aeri grimaced. "I come here because people leave me alone, and the booze is cheap."
"Bartenders are usually a good outlet for figuring things out, you know. You can talk to me... if you want."
"Maybe another time," Aeri said. "I might as well call it a night, if you won't serve me any more."
"You have to look after yourself, Aeri."
"I know," Aeri said quietly.
Yeji watched Aeri for a few seconds, before she started wiping down the bar. Aeri caught a glimpse of a book sticking out of her apron. She pointed to it. "What is that?"
Yeji looked to where Aeri was pointing and pulled the book out. "I got it from the book exchange near the park. I've never really been a big reader but it's something to help me pass the time, and they have some pretty good books down there. It's all donations. You put a book in, you take a book out," she looked at Aeri. "Maybe you should try it, don't you pass it on your way home?"
Aeri shrugged. "Never noticed."
"Maybe you should pay more attention, you might find something you like in there. Something to distract your thoughts for a little while. It works for me."
"I might just do that. Thanks."
Aeri got up off of her bar stool and left the bar. She pulled up the collar of her leather jacket and zipped it up, surprised at how cold it'd gotten outside.
When she got nearer to the park, she paid more attention to her surroundings and noticed a red metal unit on the sidewalk near the park entrance. An amateur looking poster attached to it had "Book Exchange" scrawled in coloured pencil. She'd never paid much attention to it before and just thought it was some school project or something in the neighbourhood. But Yeji was right, inside it housed lots of books. It seemed like they just trusted you to donate and take one, returning it when you were finished.
Aeri noted the names of some of the covers, there seemed to be a wide range of genres.
Reluctant to go back to her empty apartment, she scanned the books, stopping at one. The surgeon by Tess Gerritsen. The UK edition, and on the cover was the back of a naked woman on a cold slab, her back looking unnatural somehow. He knows exactly where it hurts... said the text. And underneath the author and book name, introducing Detective Jane Rizzoli. Aeri knew that name. She'd watched that show, the combination of medicine and crime appealing to her, but she'd never read any of the books that it was based on. Now, here it was, right in front of her.
She read that this was the first of many books in the Rizzoli and Isles series. She flicked through the pages, noticing someone had highlighted some sentences. She stopped at one highlight, The most intimate feeling people can share is neither love nor hate, but pain. Aeri swallowed, glancing around her before returning to the book. Something made her want to read it, but she didn't have a book to replace it with.
Her mind started to fill with thoughts. Who had highlighted that sentence? Was someone else going through a breakup like she was? Did someone find solace in the pages of this book?
As she opened the cover and began to read, she felt as though the pages were sobering her up somewhat, supplying a little comfort somehow, despite the darkness illustrated on its cover. She moved slightly on the bench, settling into it as she became engrossed in the words, in the world away from her own, away from her thoughts and her pain.
Despite the clear indication of death on the cover, Aeri found herself lost inside the world of Boston homicide and forgot her thoughts for a while, the book providing her with some sort of comfort within her sea of pain.
-
Aeri was jolted from the book by someone talking to her.
"Excuse me, miss?"
Aeri looked up when she became aware that the lady was talking to her.
"Are you okay? You look like you've been crying, and you must be freezing. It's so chilly tonight. Can I call someone to take you home?"
Aeri shook her head, wiping tears from her face that she never knew were there, noticing as she did so, how cold her hands were. She looked at the book and realized she'd read about 60 pages. She must have been sitting there for a while.
"Sorry," she muttered to the lady. "What time is it?"
The woman looked at her watch. "Almost midnight."
"Jesus," Aeri said, causing the lady to laugh and hold out a hand.
"I'm Yizhuo, but you can call me Ningning," she greeted.
Aeri took her hand and shook it. "Aeri."
"Your hands are freezing, Aeri. I have a blanket in my car, which is parked over there. Would you let me get it for you?"
She nodded and watched as Yizhuo walked to her car. She looked down at the book, folding the corner of the page over before closing it. That was when it struck her that she'd actually not thought about Jimin all that time she was reading.
She was interrupted from her thoughts by the warmth of a blanket being wrapped around her and the movement of the wooden slats as Yizhuo took a seat next to her. Her eyes were drawn to the closed book in Aeri's hands. She pointed to the cover. "So, how are you liking the book? It didn't make me cry when I read it."
Aeri let out a small laugh. "I don't know where those came from. Well, I do, but I don't know what the book did to bring them."
"I haven't seen you around here before. Do you use the book exchange much?"
Aeri put her book in her lap and pulled the blanket tighter around herself, the chill in her bones starting to diminish. "No. I didn't know that it was here. Someone told me about it tonight, and I guess I just got lost for a while."
"An escape from whoever made you cry?" Yizhuo asked softly, noticing as she did so, a slight change in Aeri's posture.
"What makes you assume that I'm crying over someone?"
"I don't know. I can usually read people pretty well and you look to me like you're hurting. I think you've maybe had a drink... or several going by the strong scent of bourbon I can smell when you talk..."
She was interrupted by Aeri scoffing, but she dismissed it and carried on.
"So, you sat in the bar until they stopped serving you or it closed, found out about this place, and tried to forget about the world you live in and replace it with another for a little while?"
Aeri let out a breath through her nose. "Wow. That's... concise."
"Am I close?"
"Scarily so," Aeri said.
"Would you like to talk about it? I'm a good listener."
Aeri shook her head. "Not really. It's late. I should probably head home and have a warm shower."
"That sounds like a good plan. Can I drive you home? Or can I call someone for you?"
"I can walk."
"No. I'm not gonna let you walk home. I want to make sure you get there."
"I'm perfectly capable of walking, Yizhuo. And you don't even know me."
"You seem like a nice person, Aeri. I'm just trying to help you out. I couldn't sleep at night if I knew I'd left someone outside to stagger back home in the freezing cold."
Aeri stood up from the bench and turned to face Yizhuo, raising the book that she was holding. "Look Yizhuo, I don't have a book to exchange for this, so I figured I couldn't take it with me. I either could read a bit of it or put it back. And once I had read a few pages, I was hooked. I didn't realize it'd be so addictive, and I lost track of time. That's all that you see happening here."
Yizhuo's eyes glinted in the street lights as she looked up at Aeri. "How about we do a deal? I brought a book here tonight to exchange for something else. So, let's say that book was an exchange for yours, and you can take Rizzoli home, where it's warmer. How does that sound?"
"It sounds unfair, because you don't get a book out of it."
Yizhuo shrugged. "It's okay. I couldn't sleep so I ended up reading and I finished the whole thing. I think you could use a book more than me tonight," she stood up. "I'm driving you home. I won't take no for answer."
"You're bossy, do you know that?"
"Oh yeah. It's one of my many qualities. Plus, you still have my blanket."
Aeri shrugged the blanket off of her shoulders and held it out. "Do you want it back right now?"
Yizhuo chuckled. "Of course not, I want you to wrap yourself in it until you're warm."
They walked to Yizhuo's car and Aeri got into the passenger side.
"Okay, where do you stay?"
Aeri told Yizhuo the address and looked out the window during the whole drive. However, as Yizhuo parked the car, Aeri felt a shift in herself. She didn't know if it was because of the drinks, or because Yizhuo seemed like someone she could talk to, but Aeri suddenly felt the need to share a bit of her pain with someone. And it seemed like right now, Yizhuo was that person.
"Her name was Jimin."
She'd spoken softly, almost to herself, just as Yizhuo was pulling the car key out of the ignition.
Yizhuo looked over, her face portraying a slight surprise at Aeri's sentence. "Ah, so you WERE crying over someone. I knew it." She smiled this small smile that just seemed to make her eyes shine and Aeri couldn't prevent herself from smiling back. It was in the moment that Yizhuo stepped out of the car and closed her door that Aeri realized she was beautiful.
"What happened?" She asked, after she'd walked around the car and opened the passenger door for Aeri.
Aeri froze momentarily, letting go of her previous thought and returning herself to the present. "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."
"And Jimin didn't?" Yizhuo asked.
Aeri shook her head sadly. They walked in silence into the building and into the elevator.
"I wanted to spend my every living second with her by my side. But she wanted to spend hers with Minjeong. And now there's just this empty space inside of me... and an empty apartment."
The lift door opened onto Aeri's floor, and Aeri walked over to her door. "This is me," she announced, folding up the blanket and handing it back to Yizhuo. "Thanks for the lift."
"No problem, but I want to make sure you get in safe."
"My door is right here," Aeri explained, pointing to her door.
I know. But you need to drink some water, and I don't know if you will do that if I leave."
Aeri sighed. "You're a hard person to get rid of."
"I won't stay long, I need to get back to my daughter," Yizhuo explained.
Aeri's eyes widened. "You have a daughter?"
Yizhuo nodded. "Yep. Eunchae. It's just me and her."
"Sorry," Aeri said awkwardly.
"Don't be. She's my world," Yizhuo said, walking over to the kitchen and trying the cupboards doors to find a large glass before filling it up with water, and taking it over to Aeri who was now sitting on her couch.
"Drink this," Yizhuo ordered, handing her the glass before sitting on the coffee table in front of Aeri.
"Make yourself at home, why don't you," Aeri stated.
Yizhuo huffed. "Are you sure that you don't want to talk about it? Sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers."
Aeri shook her head and took a sip of her water.
"I hate feeling like this," she said after a few minutes.
Yizhuo focused on Aeri but stayed quiet to see if she would say more. She was wary of the fact that Aeri wasn't looking at her, she was looking elsewhere, and Yizhuo was sure only part of her was truly here; the rest was lost in thoughts. It was best, she thought, to let Aeri talk without any interruptions.
"She was everything to me. I thought we were going to get married. But we wanted different things. What I felt for her, I've never felt that before. I don't know how to move on from this."
Yizhuo reached out and placed a hand on Aeri's knee, causing Aeri's eyes to look there, before she looked at her glass of water and reentered her thought space.
"She made me be true to myself, and now there's just this hole."
"It'll get easier," Yizhuo said.
"How?" Aeri asked, finally looking at Yizhuo. "When?"
"It just does. Eventually."
Aeri nodded, before looking away and sitting in silence.
"Thanks for bringing me home. I'll get another book for the exchange," she spoke quietly.
Yizhuo nodded, realizing the conversation was over. Aeri had shared all she was willing to. "Okay. That one's a good book," she said, standing up from the coffee table.
"Did you highlight it?" Aeri blurted out, looking up at Yizhuo.
Yizhuo shook her head, just as Aeri let out a yawn.
"I think someone needs some sleep, and that hot shower you mentioned. I'll get home to Eunchae. Take care, Aeri. Maybe I'll see you around."
Aeri nodded, before Yizhuo walked to the door and let herself out.
-