[no idea what this is its the most random thing ive ever written. on the bus while fighting off sleep (and losing terribly)
title comes from a song]
🜃
It always was a second nature to him.
Protectiveness, wariness… That's just how it always was with him. He expected danger to hide behind every corner and he did everything to keep those who mattered to him safe from it.
But maybe, as he surrounded himself with people of the same nature over the years, maybe he got a little rusty in certain fields.
But he was always willing to give up his life for them, that part was so ingrained in his being, it was so natural to him, just how breathing or blinking is.
“Watch out, Cole!”
A lot of the things that happened were distant. As if he was peeking through a curtain, through a milky glass into a room filled with vapour. He knew he was the one springing into action and yet he was the spectator.
At least until the moment he blocked the shot and the weird dark mist or cloud or whatever those things produced surrounded him. At first, he was able to see the particles, he was able to see his surroundings but the cloud grew and grew until there was nothing surrounding him but the neverending dark. Even the sounds from the battle that was just happening all around him drowned out.
Kai felt like falling. No. It was something similar but too vague. He felt like riding an elevator. It was for a short moment but he felt the odd pull, as if there was some hook wanting to lift him up but the person was too afraid to put all of their strength into it.
And then, as if his mind was being flushed, he felt memories and thoughts slip through his figurative fingers. He couldn't do anything, just stare at them disappear right in front of his eyes. Helpless.
But was this really all that bad? a voice whispered. Kai just couldn't say whether or not it was his own.
Why was he here in the first place? He recalls pushing Cole out of the way…
As if on cue, as if he had summoned him, Cole made his way into the darkness. An odd look on his face but there were no signs of any injury. Besides the huge scar across his eye that will forever serve as a reminder of how thin the line between life and death can be. Everyone is just a performer after all and it is so, so easy to lose balance, to misstep, to fall off the rope…
Were those his own thoughts? Kai couldn't say.
He was trying to protect him, was that right? So seeing him safe and sound is great news then! Let's go and hug him, just how you always do!
Kai ran towards Cole, feeling the smile on his face.
That's right. Be happy. He's safe.
However, Cole never hugged him back and Kai's smile was quick to turn into a frown. He pulled away, keeping the earth ninja at an arm's length.
“Is something wrong?” he asked, the expression on Cole's face making him want to go curl up somewhere and hide.
“Something wrong?” Cole echoed. He pushed him away and Kai stumbled, barely managing to stand on his legs. “Look what you've done! Look where you got yourself! Is that not wrong to you?”
“But you're safe…” Kai mumbled, clutching his side as he frowned at Cole. Doubts began to sprout in his heavy mind. Perhaps it wasn't him?
Just take a proper look, what's different? Nothing. Just good old Cole.
But he's…
You know, the one you're in love with? It's him. Why would I lie to you? You don't have to doubt me, I would never lie to you, you know that.
Cole threw his hands in the air and advanced towards Fire. “So that's how it is, huh? As long as I'm safe, why should anything else matter? It's like that with everybody else, right? Your sister, the green ninja, the others.” He poked his chest and Kai stumbled some more as he tried to back away.
“What are you on?”
“What if you're dead right now, what then? Who will protect your precious little family then?”
Kai shook his head, his eyes feeling oddly heavy. “I don't under–”
He never saw the punch coming. He doubled over as pain shot from his stomach like a volcano erupting. Another punch came just then, hitting his cheek and making him fall on the pitch black ground.
Everything felt so vivid and yet so hazy at the same time. The pain felt so real but not at the same time. He saw bubbles bursting in his mind, microscopic droplets of soap water flying off in every direction. Something was there, then it was gone, then it was there just partly. He was so confused about his situation but it was as if there was something blocking him from thinking about it further.
Before he could muster up any whined complaint, the most beautiful person in the universe held him up by the collar of his red gi, bringing their faces so close, Kai could feel the warm breath on his face and neck.
“Look how pathetic you are,” he hissed. “Is it worth the pain, Kai? Tell me – is it?”
The glow in his eyes made him shake his head. He had never seen Earth look at something – someone with so much fury and disgust. Especially not Kai himself.
And just as he though that, those eyes melted into one of the soft looks he's gotten used to over the years of living with the ninja. He felt all of the pain and negative emotions wash away. Just how his thoughts did when he came here.
Something's wrong.
“You know I love you, right?” Cole asked. Kai looked down at Cole's hands, his knuckles were turning pale given the strength with which he clutched the blood-coloured fabric. The orange detailing on Cole's clothes went nicely along with it. Kai always liked the fact that their clothes went along well together, even if it may have been pure coincidence.
“I just don't like seeing you like this…” he muttered, shaking his head softly. Then, tender, as if handling a little duckling, Cole placed him down and stood up, offering his hand to help. Kai accepted it without hesitation, used to holding Cole's hands all the time.
But the black ninja had different intentions and instead of pulling him up, he sent him flying in the other direction. Kai hit the ground a few times, each with another grunt of pain. He whimpered as he tried to get up. Everything felt so much harder than usual, as if he was swimming in a jar of honey. Everything hurt several times more, as if his body was sore from some previous fight. But the only fight he could recall…
Can you hear me?
“Why?” he finally gasps. His head turned to the side, he watches Cole's feet get step by step closer to him, making no sound.
“My, my, you really got soft, didn't you, Firefly? That's what they call you now?” Kai swallowed. There was something very wrong about Cole's laugh.
Come on, please! Open your pretty eyes for me, will you?
“This is what happens when you fail to watch your back. Where did all that cautiousness go? Did you really think you were safe? Consider this an act of mercy. A little wake up to snap you back to reality.”
Reality…
“Please don't,” Kai begged when he sensed the other ninja move closer to him again. His mind was mostly blank, he just knew he was going through so much pain. That's what he was told.
“Oh, what's that?” Cole stopped, tilting his head to the side. The smirk hurt even more than everything else Kai was just going through. “I thought you liked this? That's why you do what you do, no? Do you not enjoy the pain? I thought it was for the greater good.”
“I didn't even do anything!” Kai snapped, his words echoing strangely across the space. It didn't sound as if he was in a tunnel or anything similar, his voice just kept talking again and again, slowly losing it's volume. As if there were more Kais saying the same thing, perfectly synchronised. He had no idea what was going on but he was fed up with the helpless, weak feeling that was spreading through his entire being. He was the master of fire, no one and definitely not Cole will make him feel small and fragile like that.
Cole clicked his tongue in distaste and before Kai knew it, he was hanging in the air, the collar of his gi once again in the possession of Cole's rough hands that would usually never touch or hold him like such. He wiggled his feet but there was no steady ground beneath him. The only good outcome from his current position was the fact that now it was Kai who was looking down at the other.
“Look at you.” The voice. It was wrong. Everything was so wrong.
This isn't not Cole. It's not Cole, it's not Cole.
Yes, Kai, it's me, I'm here!
“History never fails to repeat itself, does it? First Icarus, now you. Give them wings and they'll fly. Unless the sun's involved… You let your guard down and now you're nothing. Just a shell of something that used to be. Empty. Powerless. Useless. Weak. Was it worth it?”
His breath trembled, igniting an explosion of fury inside the red ninja. He kicked his stronger leg, hitting Cole somewhere under his knee. It was good enough, however, if Kai could see what he was doing, it would be more convenient. Nevertheless, he was free of Cole's grasp and as he landed on the ground he got up as quickly and backed away from whatever this Cole was.
Come on, Firefly, stay strong!
He panted as he watched a wicked smile crawl onto Cole's face. The black ninja was bent over, clutching his leg, trying to regain his composure. Soon enough, his laugh filled Kai's ears and despite there not being any weather, he shivered.
“Feisty as always,” he commented, standing back up. “I could never expect more from you.”
As much as he was filled with hatred and fear there was something magnetic about this Cole. Something that still made him want to come closer and let his strong arms embrace him. But at the same time, Kai wished to go as far as possible. He never wanted to see that wild look in those eyes. He felt his body shake, there were too many reasons for that to happen.
His expression softened all at once again. “Come on, Kai, you know I'm just messing with you,” he said, voice honey-sweet. “Of course, I, Cole, would never hurt you. That's what you believe, right? Because I'm so kind, that's why you fell in love with me, right?”
He was getting close again and all Kai could do was stand, as if frozen in place. He stared at him, mind blank as if somebody kept erasing his thoughts. He wanted to break free of the chains whatever they were. Somewhere deep in his gut he felt that everything was wrong, that he needed to get out, that this Cole wasn't his Cole. Yet there were his soft hands, tenderly, carefully caressing his entire body. Their noses brushed against each other. Cole brushed some strands of hair out of Kai's face, his hand hovering there, his fingers brushing against his skin like the gentle spring breeze.
Hair that he messed up when he—
“Shh, calm down, Spark, it's all right. You don't have to hide your feelings here. You know I love you.” Kai found himself closing his eyes, listening to each (venomously) soft-spoken word, soaking them all up like dry ground after a long-overdue rain. He felt Cole's lips brush against his as the black ninja spoke and it felt so vivid.
Just the same way the pain did when Cole pushed him on the ground once more. Kai struggled to stay on all-fours.
“Get up,” he demanded.
“I can't!” Kai wailed. His arms shook and his vision became blurry as he stared at them. Anger and defeat fought inside of him for the throne.
Please. Please.
I'm here, dearest, I'm here. I'm right here.
Invisible yet warm fingers intertwined with his. It felt like two puzzle pieces clasping together.
You're so strong. So brave. So—
“So pathetic.” He grabs his hair, pulling his head backwards. Kai stares sideways into the darkest eyes he's ever seen. The wild look was back in them again. A strange gleam that terrified Kai just by the mere sight of it.
“Look at you, letting your emotions get the best out of yourself again. First it was your short temper, now you have another weakness. Isn't that just adorably pathetic? How a few chemicals and mere attractiveness can make you more vulnerable than a little duck without its mother? Have you learnt nothing? Come on, Kai, you're better than this. If you die, who will be there to do your job? Isn't that selfish? Leave your work to others? That's not very nice, is it?”
“Who… are you?” he panted, never tearing his eyes away from those two black holes.
Several voices warped together, as if somebody was trying to blend two kinds of dough together. For a second he thought he was looking into a mirror, then he saw his sister turn to a blond in green gi, then a serpentine was raising her staff with an excited twinkle in her eyes but before she could do anything, Cole was grinning at him again and he let go of his hair, making Kai collide with the ground again. He was quick to clench his ears as the voices got louder and louder, each morphing on its own accord. He saw the feet next to his head change colour and shapes, probably as the person kept changing into various people. Kai sobbed in pain, unable to block out the gradually rising noise. He kicked his legs but there was no point, he was too consumed by the incredible pain to get up from the ground.
You said you'll protect me! That I was safe!
You're so selfish, did you know that? Everything is always about you, isn't it?
Kai.
You're not good enough to be the green ninja. You're lucky you can still be on the team.
He doesn't love you.
Kai!
She doesn't care about you. She has somebody else to take care of her now.
You're just a burden to them. Always so reckless, always so hot-headed. And where did that get you?
“What? Do you not recognise me?”
Kai's breath shook. He managed to turn on his back, which probably wasn't much of a good progress. Cole kneeled, hovering above him. Kai stared at his morphing face through the unshed tears, his grip on his ears loosening as Cole reached out to caress his cheek.
Come back to me, Firefly.
He leaned close to his ears pulling Kai's hand away. His breath and lips tickled him and Kai squirmed underneath his body, unable to break free, never able to break free. His cells were on fire, Cole knew exactly what to do, which buttons to push, which places to touch, which to tease.
Kai may have been lost in the darkness but he was falling rather into it with each moment that passed looking into his eyes. “You can never run away,” he murmured and Kai heard and understood every word clear as day. “We'll always be there. Because that's how good of friends we are.”
Something you can't say about yourself.
When Kai blinked, everything seemed way brighter than before he closed his eyes. He had to blink several more times to get used to the light but it seemed that was the only thing different.
Cole's face was hovering over him, a kind smile crowning his lips. Kai's head was cradled by his hands in his lap.
“How are you doing? That was one nasty trip. I'm sorry you took it for me, I should've been more careful.”
The evil gleam flashed through Cole's eyes and Cole felt like falling down with the elevator.
“You know I'll protect you.”