♬ BATTLE OF THE LARYNX - Melanie Martinez
☆彡
"How do you get your hair so soft?"
I say drunkenly, Caden is sitting in front of me on the couch and I'm fascinated by how good his hair feels.
I try reaching for them again and he tilts his head back, "Go to sleep, Celestine." He mutters with heavy eyes, grabbing both of my hands and laying them on the couch.
I pause for a moment, the silence almost drowning me. "Am I really a coward?"
A beat goes by, and then another one.
And then I get ignored. Fun.
He gets up and before I can ask him where he was going, he's already out the room. I frown, "Where'd you go?" I look at the door, expecting him to come back, and he does.
He has a plastic bottle in his hands I'm squinting at it to see what it is, in his other hand he has a glass of water.
"Take this, it'll reduce your hangover tomorrow." He places one of the pills in my hand and holds the water in his. I shake my head, "I don't like pills."
"Too bad." His eyes narrow and I decide to take them. Not because he said so, though.
After taking the medicine I lean back on the couch and feel a soft blanket drape over me before Caden sits down next to me.
"Caden?"
"Hm?"
"This is all just a dream, right?"
He doesn't answer. "If this wasn't a dream, there's no way you would do all of this just to take care of me," My eyes slowly close as I watch his chest rise and fall, "—never, ever."
He stays silent, watching me with soft eyes as i try my best to stay awake. "You know, my father was super mean to me today," I yawn. "That's why I drank so much, I don't even like alcohol. I just like the numbing that comes with it."
He responds with a low hum as he stares at the floor. "What did he say to you?" He turns his head to me, his expression unknown. I dodge the question.
"Maybe I am a coward. The only reason I started disobeying him is because of you. I would've never even dared utter a word back before, when there was no one to defend me." I stare down at my hands, feeling ashamed.
"It's not me. I don't talk back. I'm not a fighter. I take the fucking hits because it's all I've ever known. If that makes me a coward, then so be it."
My eyes meet his, the jade pools in front of me filling with so many unsaid things, and the last thing I see is him staring at the wall, seeming distracted by something else before I drift off.
★★★
Caden has been acting off.
I don't remember what happened last night because of how drunk I was, but it must've pissed him off.
Maybe I insulted him, or broke something of his?
That can't be it, I would've remembered that.
He's been more distant than usual, I mean- I'm not complaining, for all I care he can jump off a cliff. Maybe even do a flip.
I'm sitting at the kitchen island, eating my cereal and scrolling on my social media feeds while Caden is in his office doing god knows what. I'm just trying to remember what the hell I did that must've pissed him off last night.
God, I hate drinking.
The reason I even drank so much was because I tried calling my dad to make amends and put all of the drama behind us, but he wasn't having it.
Instead of talking to me, he sent me videos of some of my childhood toys and pictures with me and him in the fireplace, burning until there was nothing but crisps and flames left.
Fucking immature, but it still hurt. So instead of crying, I decided to drink my sorrows away.
Every time I think of it I feel like sobbing for the rest of my life. Which is when the alcohol comes in handy.
I watch as Caden walks out of his office and towards me, I thought he might talk to me or even look at me, but instead, he just grabs a stack of files on the table and goes back into his office.
I freeze when I see my former friend, Nico, pop up on my phone. I don't even follow him, I don't get how he got on there.
I used to like him, a lot even. We were inseparable for a long time before my stupid ass decided to confess to him and things went downhill. It wasn't my fault though, he said some hurtful stuff.
I look at his Instagram page and start mindlessly scrolling through the pictures, noticing that most of his posts are with a woman, who I'm assuming is his girlfriend.
"Shit!" I whisper yell when I accidentally like one of his photos. It's a new one so it doesn't seem like I'm stalking him but still, I don't want any contact with him.
I might just kill myself.
I immediately put my phone face down on the table, mortified. "You're fine, it's totally fine, he probably didn't even see it." I mutter to myself, trying not to pick up my phone.
I cant help it, I turn on my phone and groan when I see two messages awaiting me.
Nico: "Long time no see."
I don't want to put up with him, he's acting like nothing happened and he didn't crush my heart.
We aren't exes, which actually makes it worse, I liked him, and he rejected me in the most painful way possible.
But, I still sigh before typing away.
★★★
I hate myself sometimes.
Nico asked me to meet up, and my people-pleasing ass agreed. I could've made up anything, but no, I had to agree.
Im standing outside of the cafe me and Nico agreed on meeting at, but I feel nervous for some reason.
I don't have feelings for him at all, I just can't bring myself to talk to him again.
I fight off my thoughts before walking inside and spotting Nico almost immediately. He waves over at me like we're some old friends and I walk towards him before taking a seat in front of him and giving him a smile.
"Hi, how are you?" I say calmly, crossing my leg over the other, "Good, actually starting to open my own company." I somehow cringe when he says that.
"Good—that's, good." I nod, "How's everything with you?" He looks at my wedding ring and raises his eyebrows.
"Good, I'm married now." I raise my hand lazily, "So, who's the lucky guy?" Lucky?
"He's the eldest son of the Alamanni family. Caden." I answer. He must know them, considering his family is pretty high-profile too.
"Really?" He says, more shocked than I'd like him to be.
"Wooww," He picks up his drink and shoots me a smile.
After a while of talking, we stray off to how things ended between us.
"If I had known how beautiful you are now, I would have never rejected you." He says smoothly, eyeing me down as I suddenly feel uncomfortable.
I knew it was a bad idea coming here.
"Excuse me?" I say, keeping my voice leveled as I narrow my eyes.
"Oh come on. You have to admit we'd make a great couple." Disgust blinds my vision as I hold on to my composure by a thread.
"What are you trying to say with this? That I was ugly in my teens?" And suddenly I wish I had never come here in the first place.
"I'm saying that if you're still up for it, we could try again." I want to crush his pathetic confidence in the palm of my hand.
"I'm married." I say flatly, pushing my chair back.
"Yeah well so am I." He raises his hand, revealing a wedding band on his ring finger.
Men like him are absolutely nothing but pigs, and will stay that way for the time being.
"I can't believe I thought you had changed." I blink twice, feeling horrible for the poor woman he married.
"You were one of the people that made me absolutely hate myself, and I thought you changed." I say, disbelief wrecking through me.
Guilt flashes in his eyes and he opens his mouth to speak. "No need. This isn't a pity party, don't act like you even remember saying those things to me." I let out a disbelieving scoff as he readjusts in his seat.
"I'm sorry, I just wasn't into you like that." He tries justifying his actions. I shake my head, dismissing his stupidity.
"You were into looks. If I was prettier according to you, then you would've reciprocated my feelings within an instant. Don't bore me with excuses." I offer him a tight smile as he swallows, his eyes straying to the side.
I take a sharp breath before standing up from the table and watch as he sits there frozen. "If I knew you were still the absolute ass from years ago, I wouldn't even consider coming here. And condolences to your wife, by the way." I turn around and leave, already knowing he's gonna get the check— even when I ordered the most expensive item on the menu.
I slam my car door shut before turning on the engine, I tried putting my past insecurities behind me, but I just can't, it keeps coming back to me no matter what I do or try.
I groan into my hands as I realize the time I had just wasted on someone that incompetent.
I sigh and start driving, typing the address of the penthouse in on the navigation system.
When I get home, I try knocking but there's no answer, On the second time of ringing the bell is when the door finally opens.
Caden looks at me confused, like he's searching for answers on my face and body language. "Where were you?" He furrows his eyebrows as I brush past him before he closes the door, running a hand through his hair.
"Don't get your panties in a twist, I was just seeing an old friend." I sit down on the couch and watch him sitting on the other side of the couch.
I don't know why I'm feeling this, I don't like him, I have no reason to anyways.
"What is wrong with you exactly?" I cross my arms and narrow my eyes at him.
"Excuse me?"
"Your acting weird, like, super weird. I know things have been tense these days, but still, you still gave me the courtesy of conversation. Did I do something wrong?." I blurt out and watch as his expression doesn't change a bit.
"I don't see why I should be nice to you at all," He gets up, "After all, this is nothing but a contract."
"Why are you being like this, what is your problem?" A disbelieving scoff leaves my throat as I rise from the couch, staring at him.
"You." He replies, almost immediately, as he also stands up.
I raise my eyebrows, making a slight "O" shape with my mouth as I move my eyes to the side.
"You're insufferable, you don't even have the decency to treat me like a human being. Contrary to what you might think— I'm not one of your pawns you can disrespect, you absolute dunce." I near him, growing angry now. I'm already on edge and he isn't exactly helping.
He cocks his head, his eyes narrowing as slight amusement crosses his features before its wiped away. "Watch it."
"Don't tell me to fucking watch it, you asshole."
"Are you naturally this much of a pain, or do you try?" He says as nears me, and I step back, feeling so fucking agitated— I could actually kill him.
"Fuck you." I snap back immediately, turning away from him, "I don't like you."
I freeze when I see the medicine bottle and empty glass on the coffee table, I take a sharp breath before walking to my room.
It wasn't a dream.
🝮
-𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝.