Uncomfortable - Chase Atlantic
𝔚𝔚𝔚
Celina
I wake to a feeling.
It's an anxiousness that carries a fight strong enough to tear me apart. It haunts me through the night, seeps its way into my dreams and slowly eats at my sanity.
It all started last night...
The library was empty when I returned, the lights remained on, the space still clean. Everything was in its place, save for the lone figure curled into the corner of the leather couch.
Adrik was no where to be seen and I didn't know if it was a relief or a disappointment.
It felt like both.
Luckily, it vanished the moment I pulled Enzo into my arms. The weight of his head on my shoulder was an entirely new relief, while the warmth of his small body filled a void I ached for long ago.
I took him to Sitto's room, she was still awake when I entered, knitting what looked to be a disproportioned glove in the corner of the room, while fire sparked behind the large glass across the room.
"How'd you learn to turn that on." I asked. Sitto barely knew how to dial my number on her phone, she wouldn't be able to operate the control screen of a high tech fireplace.
She got up to move the covers of her bed, making space for Enzo. "Your husband does it. I told him it gets too cold at night."
She spoke as though it was an every night occurrence, as though Adrik Kozlov spared time in his night routine to come in here and check on her let alone turn on her fireplace.
There was no way.
I cleared my throat and sets the sleeping boy in my arms down onto her bed. It was big enough for her and I to sleep comfortably without each others flying limbs. It'd be more than enough space for him.
"This is Enzo." I whispered to her, pulling off his small shoes while she wrapped the comforter over him. "I already told him about you."
I debated shattering the wholesomeness of the moment. Spilling dark truth that'd break her heart and make her hate Silvio, but decided not and it had everything to do with the glimpse of her soft smile.
She pushed his hair out of his face and my gaze lingered on the strands so light they were nearly blonde before I turned to leave them. "He looks just like his father."
Her words stopped me in place. Shattering what peace came with knowing the people I cared most for were safe in this room. "What?"
Sitto hadn't realized what she'd just done, nor did I know just how far it'd push me. And when she returned to her chair, and resumed her gloved scarf, she continued. "I can already see he's going to be so handsome like your father."
My heart had dropped to my feet while betrayal soured my accusation. "You knew about his family all this time?"
"How did you not?" The look on my face had sucked the warmth in hers and replaced it with pure confusion, "Your grandfather wrote it all in his journals for you to read when he passed."
My ears had begun to ring, my eyes stung, "I don't have his journals." I stared at the older woman i'd through I was protecting all these years. A woman I thought knew nothing, yet there I stood, a complete clueless fool. "Tell me everything." My mind was spiralling into places so low, i'd dropped to my knees at her feet, pleading.
"I don't know much." Sitto sighed, setting her things aside and looking at me. Unshed tears began to form in her green eyes, while her voice shook with each word. "But know your grandfather had good reason for everything he's done. All he wanted was peace. He sent your father away for it. He even died for it." A tear fell from her eyes, and then another and by the time they fell to my hands in her lap, they'd balled into fists.
"I don't understand." I said, desperately trying to make sense of it all.
Pieces were missing, truths untold, yet somehow I knew there was truth to what she was saying.
"Without your grandfathers sacrifices there would be no peace between the Russians and Italians." She spoke of it all so casually, as if she hadn't realized she'd dropped a bomb that would do nothing but wreck havoc in my mind. "He created peace between them."
Peace? My Jido?
He'd died for it. While in a matter of days, I'd managed to derail most of what he'd worked for.
The realisation settles heavy on my chest, while I suddenly feel like a mess.
"Don't be sad, my love." Sitto had wiped the two lone tears gliding down my cheeks and smiled a smile so soft, I wanted to rip my heart out. "He may be gone, but you were able to fall in love with a Russian and marry him without causing a war. That was once unheard of. "
And that was when the feeling had creeped into my bones, settled in the pit of my stomach and simmered until I woke in complete discomfort.
My eyes find tacky wallpaper, my mind finds distraction in the dolls until finally, the figure curled next to me with her beady eyes on me capture my attention completely.
"You really need to get a fucking life." I groan and rub at my tired eyes in hopes she'll use that delusional magic of hers and disappear.
She doesn't.
"I haven't seen you in so long." Natasha's voice is a whisper, almost soft, carrying longing as she cradles a doll dressed in a matching nightgown to hers against her chest. "We were hoping you died."
"I did die." Sleep completely vanishes until I get out of the bed, and make my way to the bathroom. "I just came back to haunt you."
I brush my teeth, splash cold water on my face until the puffiness beneath my eyes dulls. That is until the pouting white twig of a lunatic joins me in the bathroom, "It's not fair. We don't need crazy people like you in this world."
Natasha wasn't here last night when I left Enzo in Sitto's room to sleep. Since he took my sleeping spot, I decided against humiliation sleeping in Adriks room and instead came here.
I was half expecting him to come drag me back, while the other half of me held out hope for it.
He didn't come.
I finally work up the energy to speak to the nutcase. "If I'm crazy then what the fuck are you?"
"I'm happy!" She jumps up and down, her stringy white hair bounces in the air while her nightgown sways. "Petunia says you are divorced."
A laugh bubbles from my chest when I turn to look at her. Natasha's eyes reek of a good nights sleep while her voice carries a twinge of rasp as though she'd woken up not long ago. "Where'd you sleep last night?"
It wasn't with me, and as far as I knew, Dima kept her away in the tower away from everyone else.
A single eye roll is all I get out of her. "We sleep in Dima's room when the voices get too loud."
Fucking insane. I look at her, delighted by her unlikeable personality until I get enough and leave the bedroom, descending the spiral staircase with her in tow. "So, is it true? Are you and Adriko over?"
There's so much hope in her voice, I'd hate to disappoint.
Which is why I humor her when I get into the main house kitchen, "It's true. He's all yours." Pure joy. She's so happy at my words, she barely reacts when I pour a bowl of cereal and speak through my mouthful. "Besides, I now want someone else."
She hums distractedly and begins to skip around the island, "Who?"
I sigh a dreamy sigh and bite my lip. "Dima."
Natasha, who is softly humming a Russian tune under her breath comes to a stop at my words. "You don't mind do you?" What little color sits on her pale cheeks slowly drains away.
I scarf down the rest of my cereal and bask in her slow horror, "You can take Adrik and his glances, I want Dima now." The thought physically repulses me, but the look on her face is worth every last bit of it.
It's a happiness I don't think I have room for. An accomplishment I don't think is possible for shutting her up seemed nearly impossible. "Speaking of my new man to be," I glance around the empty room and frown at the lack of Russian minions around to fuck with, "Where is he?"
The clock reads one p.m and while I don't actually want her man, I do want to seek him out. If not for getting back at him for aiding in yesterday's kidnapping then to torture his beloved nutcase of a girl.
"No!" She finally finds her voice, it's frantic and panic filled, while her eyes spark a delightful crazy. "Dima is the worst. He is such a bad kisser. And...And-" She's spluttering, and when she frantically runs into the outside hallway and plants herself against the door that leads to the training rooms, I laugh. "You will hate him!"
Her frail body practically flies across the room when I yank the door open, and when I descend the stairs, she merely calls after me. She doesn't follow after me, and when I get down into the main gym, I realize why.
The place is over crowded with Russians, some lift weights, others spar, while most huddle around the weapon drawers.
I look for the twins in the crowd, but barely recognize anyone. When I don't find them, I seek out a familiar face and call to him."Buzzcut."
He abandons his weights and turns to me, "You know, I have a name, right?"
"I don't care, where are the twins?" I mumble.
"Dima's in the other room." nor do I stick around to listen to the rest of what he has to say. I leave them all there and push past the two large double doors that separate the main area from this one.
This room is far emptier than the previous one, only a few men and women stand around, while I find Dima stood along the far left wall, but it's the man stood across from him that my eyes stray to.
My steps slow at the sight of him, while he turns at the sight of me, the sudden weight of his attention telling me he's just tuned out what's being said to him.
Yet despite it, Adrik doesn't make a move to speak to me, nor do I him.
I look away and walk to my right, seeking out the less annoying twin wo stands atop a mat and kicks a soccer ball to the only person in this room that doesn't anger me.
Enzo kicks the ball back to Feo only to forget it at the sight of me. I wave to him, he runs to me, wrapping his small arms around my legs.
Despite his small frame, the warmth of a thick blanket washes over me and I don't know why I do it, but I pull out my phone and snap a picture of him, before sending it to Silvio.
He doesn't deserve the relief, but I suddenly don't want his retaliation. Especially not when I know that Jido worked hard to maintain peace.
I slip my phone back into the back pocket of my shorts and turn to Feo while Enzo runs to fetch the discarded ball. "What are they talking about?"
Feo narrows his eyes when he glances past my shoulder to the men, "They're planning the logistics for tonight," a dull note lowers his tone when he looks back to the little kid who kicks the soccer ball back to him. "While I babysit."
"What's happening tonight?" I play it casual, but i'm anything but. Especially when It suddenly makes sense why Adrik had kidnapped me. He was going to hit the Italians where it hurt, and he wanted me far away from it when he did.
"Did he not tell you?" Feo frowns, not falling victim to my casual nonchalance.
"He must have forgotten." I push.
He catches on and nods over my shoulder. "You should ask him yourself then."
Something like anxiousness pits itself into my stomach while the idea of facing the man who'd laughed in my face last night makes me sick.
I'd brought up the idea of a permanent truce and he'd laughed in my face.
Adrik Kozlov- a man i've never heard laugh, laughed so genuinely at my suggestion that it destroyed every ounce of dignity I had left.
It was more humiliating than anything. An embarrassment so deep, I cant believe I'd ever been dense enough to think he'd do anything so extreme for me, let alone abandon the one thing he came to America to do.
But as I feel him approach, I decide to let it go.
I play indifferent and turn to face him with a smile. "Morning, Kozlov."
He wears nothing but a crisp white button up, while a gun holster, one he doesn't wear on normal occasion fits to his frame, holding not one, three, but five guns. He glances down to his watch and frowns, "It's late afternoon, Kozlova."
His accent rings deep, rich and smooth in my ears and when he stops in front of me, I reach forward to drag him into me, until nothing but our clothes separates us. "Whatever."
I only have to tip my head up an inch before he takes the invitation and does the rest. He fists my hair in one hand and pulls me impossibly closer with. Kissing me with a hunger so desperate, he lets his guard down an inch, one I coax down further with my mouth.
I break away and manage an un-evened pant, "Where are you going?"
"Out." He breathes, only giving me a single second of air before his mouth finds mine once again and this time, it's his tongue that coaxes a hum from my lips.
I manage to free myself, but I don't get far. "Are you gonna tell me why?" tilting my head, I blink up at the man, who suddenly watches my face like its all he wants to do. "Or am I gonna have to figure it out the hard way?"
Sharp blue eyes turn inquisitive, while his lips tip to one side. "If I tell you, you stay here." Authority drips from his tone, while contemplation sits in his all knowing gaze. "You go nowhere until I come home."
His voice is nothing but a murmur, one I succumb to with an eye roll and soft smile. "Yes, sir."
"I mean it." He steals another kiss, this one chaste before he pulls away and nips at my bottom lip, before straightening out. "I've arranged a hostage exchange with Silvio and his men."
Pieces slowly begin to click, and I realize all those men out there are not just gearing up for a faux hostage exchange. "You're planning an ambush."
He doesn't deny it.
He merely hums in agreement, "Wait for me when I get home, D'yavolenok." Something dark sits in his gaze when he looks at me, before he turns and grabs his blazer from Dima. I watch him slip it on, his black gloves next. "I'll save Silvio for you."
At his departure, everyone else files out of the room, save for little Enzo, who stares after Adrik, before his eyes come back to mine.
He doesn't have to speak for me to understand the terror in his eyes, the unfiltered fear wracking through his small frame.
I know it all too well.
I grew up worrying for Silvio's safety, the unknown had eaten me alive. Only now, Silvio was less of an importance.
Jido died for peace.
Adrik was going to single handedly cross the line and undo it all.
Did I want a war? I thought I did. Now, the idea threatens everything I thought I knew of myself. There weren't many people I loved wholeheartedly, but my grandfather was arguably the sole reason for everything that made me, me.
He was my only friend, the only one who understood my interests instead of insisting I change them like my mother and grandmother did. He gave me happiness in's world of hurt.
Adrik wants war. Jido wanted peace. I... I don't know what I want now.
I couldn't stand around and watch what he worked for burn. But Adrik also wouldn't understand.
A choice sits heavy on my shoulders.
His death would be for nothing.
It's a simple choice, a split second decision, sealed in the tears in Enzo's eyes.
"Don't worry." I drop to my haunches and smile at my little half brother, hoping he doesn't realise it doesn't reach my eyes. "I have a plan."
. . .
I wait for Adrik.
He doesn't return for hours.
I spend those hours pacing, stress eating, and when I can't take the anxiousness anymore, I cook.
I mean, I don't actually cook.
I plate Sitto's Koshri and place it on his desk, having ate my serving, and two others in the stress, and put on a skimpy dress while I wait.
Guilt sits on my conscience the entire time.
I'd sent one lone text. Seemingly innocent, letting Silvio know that Enzo and I were in fact, safe at Adrik's manor. However, I'd sent it far after Adrik left, at a time when Silvio was under the assumption we were with Adrik on our way to the exchange location. An abandoned air field two hours outside the city.
Adrik wasn't just planning an ambush. He was planning to slaughter them and do it where no one would hear.
It wasn't necessarily a betrayal. But I don't know how Adrik will react when he finds out I'd technically, yet
un-technically, been the rat.
But I didn't do it for Silvio, I did it for Jido.
I did the right thing. Only it feels wrong. It feels against my nature.
I'm not sentimental, I'm not even the type that cares for legacy, but I find myself looking up to the skylight, and seeking out the lone star in the sky. "Of all the things in the world, you had to choose peace to die for?"
Jido's interrupted from responding to me when the library door suddenly flies open.
Adrik slows at the sight of me, I smile and set my phone down on the desk, before stepping towards him. "It's about time you got back."
He doesn't speak, his silence however, carries far louder than a response. It screams danger, settles over the ease that once was and blankets us in tension.
I don't let it bother me when I approach him. "I was starting to think you forgot about me." When I get close enough to examine the sharp angels of his face and the emptiness in his gaze, my brows furrow. "What happened?"
He pulls off his blazer and drapes it across the sofa, his guns follow soon after, while his movements take on a mechanical edge. "Silvio showed up with more men than expected." He looks fine, sounds far from it though. "They immediately opened fire." Even in loosening his tie, Adrik's words tighten with a tension I know he won't shake. "Someone tipped them off."
Not when he's stumped, rattled.
Someone had just managed to undermine him and he wouldn't stop until he figured out who was responsible.
Doubt and regret burn my hands, yet despite it, I ignore how wrong it feels and pull him towards the desk, "I left you some food." He barely even looks at me nor does he acknowledge anything around him. I push him into the chair and walk across the room to the bar."I'll get you a drink."
I pour vodka in a glass, drink it, and then refill it for him, only when I turn and approach do I realize I suddenly have the entirety of his gaze.
It's unsettling, yet the calmness in his demeanour and the intensity of his gaze offer me the assurance I need to continue.
I set his glass down next to his untouched plate. He doesn't reach for it, but he does tilt his head and watch me from his seat. His eyes are calculative while his body remains tense. "Dima was shot."
I hesitate.
Even sat, his power is palpable but in an attempt to rid myself of anxiousness, I walk forward and drop myself into his lap, "I'm sure he'll survive."
Wood creaks when he leans back in his chair, it's a soft sound, tortuously slow while the silence oozing off him begins to slowly suffocate. "He will."
His hands don't touch me, despite planting myself in his lap, he doesn't fall victim to temptation, and in a desperate plea for assurance, I reach back for my phone, only for smooth wood to take its place.
His eyes lazily follow the movement. "Looking for something?" Alarm bells blare but I'm already in too deep, he's already got his sights set on me, while my phone dangles from his hand. The screen unlocked, and open to my text messages.
My heart stops a moment.
He knows.
No, he doesn't.
I reach for it, my voice hardening. "You have no right to go through my phone."
"What have you got to hide." A low taunt sits in his dangerous tease. He doesn't let me have the phone, not when he suddenly throws it across the room so hard, I startle in his lap. "What have you done?" He's too calm, the note in his tone one I haven't heard in a long time.
I swallow thickly and make a move to get up and off him. "Nothing,"
Hands plant themselves on my hips, and when he squeezes, he forces me to my place in warning.
I don't succumb to weariness. "Let go of me." I grit, my features tight, closed off as I refuse to show him my fear.
"Tell me what you did." It starts with the vein in his neck, then the tick of his jaw before he completely looses it and stands with me in his arms. "I want to hear it from you."
My silence only makes his anger than much more apparent. With a harsh breath, the man drops me onto the desk, "What was your plan?"
He cages me in, my back to the uncomfortable desk, where vodka now wets the material. While the look on his face is far from soft, or desire filled.
It's one of disgust and anger. One so degrading I feel small and trapped beneath him. "Stab me in the back and then distract me by spreading your legs?"
My hands find his chest and when he pushes my legs open and steps between them, I'm suddenly done with this game. "Pathetic." He spits down at me.
"Get off me." I snap, and when he finally listens, pulling away like the thought of touching me disgusts him, I jump off the desk and pull my dress down, feeling far too exposed beneath his scrutiny. "I can explain."
He doesn't let me. "Did I not tell you that you stand on my side." His tone is menacing, while his eyes shine so dark I have the urge to step back.
I've seen him angry. This was something far worse. Something I don't feel like there's any going back from.
"I can handle a lot, but a traitor is not one of them." He somehow manages to remain cool, it makes his accusations all the more worse.
"I...I just wanted peace." I counter, "Not for Silvio's sake, but for my grandfathers." I try to explain, but saying it aloud sounds silly. Embarrassing even.
What have I done?
He won't understand. "Somehow-I don't understand it entirely- but he died for whatever alliance the Russians and Italians had..." I don't know why I did it, it was a split second decision, one that felt so unlike me. "You were going to undo all he worked for. I... can't have my grandfathers death be all for nothing." Despite the hardness of my voice, my eyes please with his for an ounce of understanding.
I find none.
"That's not your decision to make." He slams his fist atop his desk, while Sitto's Koshri spills across its surface, onto the floor. When he speaks next, Adrik raises his voice and it booms so loud I nearly jump. "It's mine!"
I don't respond, I merely bask in his angry breaths and worked up responses. He shakes his head with a scoff and looks at me with so much disdain I want to puke. "You've gone soft, Ademaro."
"Don't call me that." His words begin to hurt, and I don't know how much more of it I can take. "I'm not an Ademaro."
"Then don't act like one." It's as though he can't believe his eyes when he looks at me. "You lied to me."
"As if you haven't done the same to me." Hurt, his words begin to anger me. "Get over yourself."
"I paid for my lies." He rounds the desk and with each step, my heart beats faster. "You punished me for them." He shakes his head one last time. "I can't believe I cared enough to let you."
"I can handle this tantrum of yours," I stand my ground, even when he towers over me. "But you better watch your mouth before you say something there's no going back from."
Betrayal burns in his gaze while contempt drips from his lips. He's silent for a moment before he speaks in a low whisper. "Get out."
Broad shoulders flex beneath white material when he turns back to his desk, and I catch glimpse of his jaw so tight, I know it'll be sore. "I can't stand to look at you."
Yes, I may have fucked up. Yes, this may have been my fault, and yes, his reaction was valid. But so is mine.
I scoff and step back to get a better look at him, while I wonder if I've heard him correctly. "Seriously?"
"I'd kill anyone else for pulling what you just did." I hope he doesn't see the hurt he's causing on my face. But with each sharp word out of his mouth, I fear he's getting off on it.
I roll my eyes.
That pisses him off. "You've clearly gotten too comfortable under my protection-"
"Your protection?" I repeat.
His sharp words boom in my ear, so strong they reek of a patient man who's just lost what was left of his patience. "Get out, Ademaro."
He scares me. For a split second, I don't recognize him and I can do nothing but slowly retreat towards the door, while I bid him one last goodbye.
My features pull into disgust, one that resembles the one on his face as I glance at the man I'd so willingly lost myself in. "I hope this little power trip is worth what you're about to loose."
He doesn't seem to care. His eyes remain empty, unforgivingly so as he leans over his desk and utters the words I won't forget. "You need me more than I'll ever need you."
It takes everything in me to remain calm while I open the door and shoot him one last pitiful glance. "Go fuck yourself."
I slam the door behind me. He turns the locks a moment later.
The silence that settles soon after becomes so painful, I wander aimlessly through the dark hallways of the manor to fill the void.
Nothing helps. I want to cry but refuse to give him my tears. I want to forget this happened but refuse to do it under his roof.
And so, I settle for the space outside on the front steps. The breeze sends a shiver through me, but I bask in the distraction. My hands shake from anger, while his words ring in my ears.
That is until footsteps sound from behind me.
In a moment of pathetic wishful thinking, I hope it's him. Disappointment soon comes when I glance over my shoulder and realise it's not.
"Bad night?" Buzzcut glances down at me with a raised brow.
"It's worse now." I stare straight ahead in the dark night and massage my temples. "Leave me alone."
He drops to the steps feet away from me and sighs, "I'm afraid I cant." Alarmed, I I look up towards him, while he merely sends me a crooked smile. "I'm working the night shift out here, so unless you want to mope elsewhere, I can't leave."
The fight slowly drains from my body, and slump into the uncountable concrete beneath my ass, while the wind dries the vodka spilled on my dress. I groan in annoyance, "If I knew your real name, I'd have you fired."
He laughs softly to himself until metal clanks and I side eye him as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a flask.
He begins to silently sip on it, catching my gaze and offering the small tin towards me.
Rock bottom.
That's what this looks like.
Yet despite the embarrassment, I swipe his flash and chug it down, only to cough at the taste. "What the fuck is in there?"
"Cough syrup and vodka." He shrugs. "It helps me stay awake."
I take another swing, the taste sours my mouth but I bask in my misery of it, until he speaks again.
"It's Kai."
"What?" I cough and splutter, trying to swallow back the taste in my mouth, while he sighs and turns his body towards mine.
"My name, it's Kai." He clarifies.
I blink at him slowly. "Is that suppose to mean something?"
Buzzcut shakes his head at me, before he stares into the distance thoughtfully. "Not to you."
A retort sits on the tip of my tongue, but it dries when I turn to examine him and replay his sentence in my mind, more so the way he'd delivered it. "What the fuck happened to your accent?"
"I got tired of it." His admission slowly my pulse and when he glances down at the flask in my hand, I suddenly realise why. "And that's not cough syrup."
When his eyes meet mine, they're hazy, while the world around him burns, as the unpleasantly familiar buzz filters through my body.
It starts at the tips of my toes, moves to my fingertips until it slowly works its way in, plaguing every bone in my body, every thought in my brain, until finally it takes the light with it.
Ah shit, not again.
𓆩❤︎𓆪
For those of you who read runaway, do you finally get why Kai was kinda just forgotten?
If u haven't read it, it literally means nothing important lol. Just closes a kinda irrelevant plot line from Runaway.
But it finally feels so good to share it bc I've had to keep it a secret for SO LONG.
-
Guys I realised my irrational fear is cruise ships.
Like they freak me the fuck out.
I can't explain it. It's my worst nightmare. The same people, the same food, being surrounded by water. Literally trapped on a boat in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of random people.
It's so fucking terrifying I hate it.
Anyways hope you liked the chapter ty for reading ❤️ I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE DRAMA TO COME 🤸