tw - underage drinking and drug use, implied suicidal thoughts, mental breakdown
Nothing a little alcohol can't fix.
that's not how you should go about this, Jo.
THE BLONDE GIRL LOOKED down at the small present in her hand that was for Belly. It was a dainty silver necklace with a small pendant.
If you brought your eye up to it, it said 'I love you' in every language.
She had had this present since Belly's thirteenth birthday, but she never had given the girl the present. She always had a backup in case she chickened out. And it was always a good backup gift.
But this time she didn't have one because she knew that she wouldn't chicken out, unlike all the other times. Jo tucked her hair behind her ear, trying not to get lost in the memories.
"It's not for you!" Joanna laughed as she pulled the small bag away from Belly, "this is for a friend."
Belly wiggled her eyebrows, "a friend?"
Joanna rolled her eyes. "Yes. A friend. A very good friend."
Belly smiled and sat down on her bed, "c'mon. Who's the lucky guy?"
The Fisher girl froze as she tucked the necklace away. There wasn't a guy. "Uh, none of your business." She shot back while shaking her head.
Belly pouted, "whatever." Joanna watched as the girl left her room and guilt washed over it.
"It's you." She whispered, so low that not even a mouse could hear.
Joanna looked up at her vanity mirror and sucked up any feelings she was feeling at this moment and replaced them with fake happiness.
"You got this, Jo." She whispered, "suck it up."
•••
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY." EVERYONE SAID as Belly entered the kitchen. Belly laughed.
"There's the birthday girl," Susannah hugged Belly tightly.
Jere hugged her next, Joanna glared. "Wow, Belly Button's getting old finally," Steven said as he picked up bacon, "happy birthday."
Belly smiled, "thanks, everyone."
Laurel walked over to her daughter. "Your Mickey Mouse pancakes are ready." She placed the stack of pancakes in front of her.
Belly's eyes widened and she stopped her mom, "actually, I'm not really— uh— hungry." She said in an apologetic tone.
The room got quiet and awkward, and then her mom said what she had been dreading all day, "shall we open gifts?"
That made Jeremiah perk up. "You're gonna love mine."
Joanna looked away and back towards the green juice in her hand, feeling eyes burning into the side of her skull.
A hand touched her shoulder and she looked up to be greeted by Conrad who was putting his cereal bowl away.
"She'll love your gift." He said. Jo shook her head, capping her half-finished juice and opening the fridge, putting it away.
•••
BELLY UNWRAPPED A BOOK, looking up confused. "It's a first edition." Laurel spoke up, "I got it from a special book dealer."
Jo chuckled, "I got my gift from a special drug dealer." She said from the floor, without thinking. The group laughed and Susannah gave her a scolding look. "It was a joke, Mom."
As the laughter died down, Belly looked up at her mom, "Thanks, Mom." She said awkwardly, signaling it wasn't her favorite thing she had received.
"Turn to the bookmarked page," Laurel demanded.
Belly quickly did as she was told, "it's your favorite poem." Laurel whispered to the Fisher mother.
"Oh, yeah. I remember Susannah teaching us to recite this." Belly giggled.
"'For whatever we lose'..." Belly began,
"...'like a you or a me'," Jere, and Steven joined in.
"'It's always ourselves we find in the sea'." They all spoke the last part together.
Belly smiled even more, "I love it."
"You're welcome."
Susannah perked up, "okay, open mine now, Belly." Belly smiled and took the small square box, shaking it slightly before ripping it open to reveal a small, black, velvet box.
Belly glanced up at Susannah before popping it open. "Oh, wow." She said spoke when seeing what was inside.
Jo looked up curiously as her mom sat beside Belly, taking out the stand of pearls, "my mom gave me these pearls for my sweet sixteen." Joanna felt her heart burn, playing with the gift in her pocket.
Then her phone went off, she quickly picked it up.
Cute Book Guy
Hey, I'm outside. Ready?
"I gotta go." Jo suddenly spoke up as Jeremiah handed her his present. "I'm sorry, Belly..." she trailed off as she stood up from her spot on the floor.
"Joanna, what do you mean? You didn't tell us you have plans." Susannah asked.
Jo held back a yell, her mom was the last person she wanted to talk to. How was she going to give that gift to Belly and not her own daughter?
"I have a life outside of this house," she said, "I actually met a guy last night and he might be my escort to the ball."
Susannah's face lit up, "also I didn't get Belly a gift, it's pointless for me to be here anyway." Her face dropped again. She looked around the quiet room before nodding, "goodbye." Without a second thought, she turned around and left the living room, wiping a stray tear that fell down her face.
Second best friend, second best debutante, second best sibling, second best daughter.
Always second fucking best.
•••
"AND THEN SHE GAVE Belly a necklace that her mom gave to her when she turned sixteen. But I'm her real daughter and all I got for my sixteenth birthday was an Amazon gift card because she didn't know what I liked." Joanna rambled, leaning her head on the car window.
Ezra kept his eyes on the road as Joanna said this, "maybe she has something better for you?" He suggested.
"Okay, then why haven't I gotten it yet?" She turned to look at Ezra who casted a glance at her before turning to look back at the road in front of her
Ezra shrugged, "yes, okay, that's fucked up." He said, "but I don't think your mom would do something like that and not get you an important gift."
"But the thing is, I'm not the daughter she necessarily wanted." Joanna sat up straight, "I'm not girly enough to be dressed up like a doll and go shopping with her all the time, but I'm boy boyish enough to hang out with Conrad and Jeremiah at school." She expressed, voice wavering, "and I decided to do this stupid debutante ball so we could become closer, but if anything I feel like we were separated further from each other."
"Woah, you're doing the debutante thing?" He asked.
Joanna sighed and nodded her head, "yes, why?" She asked.
Ezra shrugged, "nothing." A small smile played on his lips, "I just didn't think you were the debutante type."
"Exactly, I'm not!" She yelled as the car came to a slow stop. "I've never done this, never wanted to, but I love my mom and I want her to love me the same way she loves Belly."
Ezra glanced at her as he put the car in park, "welp, c'mon, let's get your mind off of that."
She sighed and unbuckled her seat belt, as Ezra got out of the car, rounding it, and opening her door, "aren't you a gentleman." She teased as she got out.
"Of course." Ezra smiled.
"Where are we going?" She slipped her phone into her back pocket.
"Well, I thought that maybe we could go bowling." He suggested.
Joanna smiled as they walked towards the bowling alley. "That sounds amazing."
They walked into the alley and got their bowling shoes. "You know I'm a pro," Ezra spoke up.
"Are you, now?" She laughed, tying her bowling shoes up and heading over to the computer, beginning to type in names, "what do you want me to put for you?" She looked up at him as he walked towards her, leaning over her shoulder.
"My name?" He laughed.
Jo looked up at him, "don't be a buzzkill." She whispered. He smiled and leaned over, typing in a name for both of them.
Bowling Master
Sunshine Child
Joanna tried to push him aside to change her name, but he had already started the game. "What the hell?" She asked.
Ezra laughed and walked forwards, grabbing a green bowling ball, "come on Sunshine Child, I've got a game to win."
She glared at him, "how about, if you win I'll buy you nachos." The blonde girl proposed.
Ezra looked up from the bowling ball and raised an eyebrow, "and if you win?"
Jo thought for a moment, "you buy me two candies of my choice." She decided.
Ezra walked over and put his free hand out, "shake on it?"
She smiled. "Shake on it."
•••
"AND THAT'S A WIN." Ezra laughed as he hit a final strike. Jo sighed and looked away, "Sunshine Child, I say you owe me some nachos." He smirked.
The blonde girl put on her regular shoes once again. "Are you serious?" She asked as she tiredly pulled her hair back into a low messy bun.
"Deadly." He said, looking down at her, "c'mon, I like mine loaded."
Ezra then paused, "unless you wanna change the bet."
She looked down at her shirt, pulling on the end of it, "depends on what it is."
He smiled, "let me be your date to the deb ball." Joanna's stomach dropped and she looked over to Ezra, trying to hide the horrified look on her face.
She took a deep breath and nervously gathered her composure, "I'll think about it." She decided, "so no nachos?"
Ezra shrugged, "I mean... if you're offering."
Joanna smiled and looked away, "c'mon, Blondie." She motioned towards the food stand. The boy smiled excitedly and followed after her like a child.
•••
"YOU'RE SURE YOU WANNA meet my mom?" Jo raised an eyebrow as she looked at Ezra nervously.
They sat in front of the summer house that the Fisher girl was staying in. He nodded, "I do, I really do." He told her, "I wish to see the woman you talk so highly about."
She tore her eyes from the boy and then aimed them towards the house, "okay..." she trailed off, getting out of the car.
"Oh, now?!" He asked.
Jo turned back towards him, "yes, now. Let's go." She urged. The dirty-blonde boy quickly got out of the car and ran a hand through his hair, as if trying to fix it, "c'mere." She motioned for the boy to come closer. She obliged and Jo reached up, moving strands of hair to make it less messy.
She paused as her gaze went from his hair to his eyes, then quickly to his lips. Ezra held his breath as Joanna subconsciously leaned in, before quickly turning around, "can't keep 'em waiting."
Ezra huffed, following after her.
"Mom?" Jo opened the door, glancing back at Ezra, "Laur?"
"Kitchen!"
She smiled at Ezra before walking towards the kitchen, the boy followed behind. "Hey, guys..." she put a hand out toward Ezra as if telling him to stop. "Uh, I've got someone for you to meet." She smiled nervously and giddy at the same time.
Susannah perked up, "really?" She already had an idea of who.
"Uh, yeah." She stepped aside and grabbed Ezra's arm, pulling him into the mom's view. "This is Ezra...." she trailed off, glancing at him, "my escort to the deb ball."
Ezra's head shot up at the newfound information, a smile flooding his face, and happiness coursed through his veins, "uh, yeah. Totally." He said, "sorry, yes. I'm Ezra," he stepped toward Susannah and put a hand out. "Nice to meet you..."
Susannah connected their hands, "Susannah, that lovely lady is Laurel." She pointed toward her best friend. Laurel quickly stepped forward and shook hands with the dirty-blonde boy.
"It's lovely to know my daughter is taking a kind boy to the dance. I know your mom," she smiled at the Collins boy.
Ezra laughed nervously as he stood next to Jo once again, "yes. Yes, it's amazing to be your daughter's escort." He smiled. Joanna felt her lips tug up as well.
"Well, we do have to head out," Laurel began, glancing at Susannah who quickly stood up.
"Yes. The rest of the kids are in the back, Taylor is here, and Nicole." She added.
Joanna nodded, connecting her hand with Ezra, "c'mon, you can meet everyone."
Ezra smiled down at the girl, "it was nice meeting you guys!" He said before they got out of sight.
The girl opened the back door and the two revealed themselves to the group outside. "Hey, guys." Jo made them known and eye turned, the small volleyball game pausing. Conrad turned, slightly disappointed at the sight in front of him.
"Guys, this is Ezra," Ezra smiled and waved, "my deb ball escort."
In the pool, Belly felt her stomach ache and her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her chest. Why? She didn't know. She hadn't felt this when she saw Conrad at the beach with Nicole. She hadn't felt this feeling ever. It felt horrible, like she was dying.
Jeremiah smiled, "Ezra!" He said excitedly from inside the pool. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, "he works at the club, a lifeguard with me." He clarified for everyone before turning back to look at the two, "c'mon man, you gotta get in here we're about to start a game." Joanna sighed and gave her twin a look as if to silently tell him to shut his mouth, but he didn't listen. "You can borrow a pair of my trunks."
Ezra glanced at Joanna and shook his head, "I'll just watch with the Sunshine Child here." He said with a small smile, "maybe another time though."
Jere sighed but nodded. "Whatever you say, dude."
The couple took a seat beside Conrad and Nicole, Jo sitting next to her brother while Ezra sat next to her. Jo leaned her head on Ezra's shoulder, watching as Jeremiah started the volleyball game once again.
"So, you pick out your dress for the ball?" Nicole leaned forwards to look at Jo.
Joanna quickly took her head off of Ezra's shoulder and looked at Nicole. "More like my mom chose it for me." She jokingly said.
Nicole furrowed her eyebrows, "you didn't get the one you wanted?"
No shook her head. "Uh, nah. But, as long as my mom likes me in it." She shrugged, smiling at Nicole as if everything was okay. "I got to pick my shoes and stuff anyway,"
Conrad put a hand on his sister's shoulder. "You okay?" He whispered.
Jo shrugged his hand off, "what do you mean, I'm perfectly fine—"
A volleyball slammed into the side of Joanna's head. The girl instantly dropped her head into her hands. "What the fuck?!" She asked loudly, almost yelling out of frustration.
"Taylor." She heard Belly scold.
"It was an accident," Taylor said, standing up for herself.
Jo shook her hand, bringing her head up again, "I'm fine. It's fine, Taylor." She whispered, cussing under her breath.
"Let's go inside and get you some ice," Conrad suggested, standing up and helping his sister. Ezra and Nicole followed behind.
"I'm sorry, Jo," Belly said from the pool.
"Belly, I already said it's okay," Joanna replied, her tone much harsher than had been intended.
"Come on, Belly. Jo can take care of herself," Taylor spoke up, "we can just go fuck ourselves."
Joanna stopped in her tracks and turned, it went quiet. "Okay, whatever..." she whispered, storming off inside of the house.
When they entered she turned and faced Ezra, "I think you should go." She said.
Ezra looked at the girl, who was going to get an ice pack from the fridge, with a confused look on his face. "What?"
"Please." She begged.
He sighed, "okay. I'll... see you later." He waved at Conrad and Nicole before looking at Jo one last time. She tried to muster up the best smile for him, dropping it as soon as she heard the front door close.
"Do you need anythin—"
"I'm fine." She shoved the ice pack into his hands and exited the kitchen, making a beeline for her room.
•••
LAUGHTER AND LOBSTER CRACKING filled the room as conversations passed between people and food was shared.
Jo picked at the food in front of her, sitting quietly in her chair as she watched Belly and Cam laugh with each other.
"So, Cam." Jere spoke up, "can I call you Cam Cameron?" He asked.
Cam laughed but nodded, "yeah, sure. It's funny." He nodded.
Susannah then spoke up, "I'm glad you're here, Cameron." She said before glancing at her daughter who was down at the other end of the table between Steven and Jere, "I wish Ezra could've joined us as well,"
"Ezra?" Cam laughed.
"Jo's escort," Jere explained to him.
Susannah smiled, "I know both your moms from the club. I've heard a lot about him," her eyes went back to Cam, "and you."
Cameron smiled again. "Thank you so much for having me, Susannah. My mom says hi."
"Cam, have you ever had miyeok-guk before?" Laurel passed him a bowl, "it's a Korean birthday tradition."
He took the small bowl. "No. It looks so good. Thank you." He smiled up at Laurel.
Laurel put the lid on the pot, "Belly told me you're vegetarian, so I didn't put any meat in it." She explained, which lead to Cameron saying thank you again.
Jeremiah looked up at Cam again. "Why don't you eat meat, Cam Cameron?" He questioned.
"Uh, the meat industry is, like, the number one contributor to global warming." He explained, "and I just, I like animals."
"How cute," Joanna muttered, giving him a fake smile.
"You do know Belly eats meat." Steven then spoke up, "so, you let her kiss you with those lips?"
Cam laughed and Belly gave the boys an annoyed look, laughter traveled between them. "Stop." She ordered.
Cameron shook his head, "no, I don't judge people for eating meat. It's just, like, a personal choice. I don't care." He shrugged.
"So you don't mind if, uh, like, her lips touch a dead animal, and then those dead animal lips touch your lips, right?" Belly kicked Jeremiah from under the table, making him stop.
Cam chuckled. "I don't mind at all," he then craned his head towards Belly. "In fact..." he leaned towards her and kissed the girl on the lips.
Joanna threw up in her mouth, and then the two boys oh either side of her began to fake throwing up.
"All right, all right, Belly's allowed to kiss," Laurel turned to Cam, "but that's it." She tried to joke.
Belly didn't even find it the least bit funny, "Mom, please. No. You're so not funny. No more wine for you, okay?"
"I'm sorry, I just don't understand why anybody would want to kiss somebody who once fully shat in the bathtub." Steven exposed his sister who pointed a finger at her.
"I was two years old."
"Two? More like six."
"Shut up, Steven."
Joanna sunk deeper into her chair.
"Aw, I remember that." Susannah smiled, "God, that feels like a lifetime ago."
Taylor then spoke up, "I remember when I visited last summer," she brought her hand up, pointing at Jere, "and you," her finger then moved to Conrad, "and you, dared him," her finger went to Steven before dropping her hand in her lap again, "to pee in the fireplace and you stuck up the entire house for days. Do you remember that?"
The whole table, excluding Joanna, laughed at the exposed boy.
"We were drunk. We were drunk."
"On, like, half a White Claw."
Jeremiah looked past Jo, "she got you there." He teased Steven.
The laughter then quieted down and Belly perked up. "You know, I'm thinking, maybe we should go to Nicole's party."
Taylor perked up, "yes!"
Joanna fully melted into her seat, wanting to cry. The eyes of Conrad on her went unnoticed by her. She let out a deep breath and sat back up straight again, taking off the flower crown on her head and throwing it on the table in front of her.
•••
MUSIC AND LAUGHTER COULD be heard from outside of the house. Joanna tried to hurry inside, but Conrad grabbed her by the hand,
"Jo? What's going on?" He asked in a quiet tone.
"What do you mean? I'm fine." She lied, yanking her hand from her brother's grasp. "Nothing a little alcohol can't fix." She muttered.
Conrad shook his head, "that's not how you should go about this, Jo." He advised and she scoffed.
"Like you have any say in this?" She asked, "I wasn't the one chugging wine a night ago because my girlfriend was stressing me out. I wasn't the one who got so drunk on the beach I was about to have a fistfight over a beer." She called him out.
"But at least I don't just hook up with people like Jere, fuck, I haven't even had my first kiss!" Conrad stayed quiet, surprised by his younger sister's words. "I'm trying, Conrad," she pinched the bridge of her nose, "to not want to kill myself and this whole 'trying to be a big brother for once' thing isn't working." She said in a serious tone, "I could've used this whole speech three years ago when I got so high I couldn't fucking see."
And without another word she turned around and stormed into the house, leaving her older brother standing shocked in the front yard.
The party was even louder inside and she instantly made her way towards the table, pouring a drink into a cup.
Taylor walked up next to her, taking some punch as well. "Sorry for the volleyball." She spoke up.
"I don't care." Jo replied, glancing at her sibling who was flirting with a random guy on the couch.
Taylor rolled his eyes, "I'm trying to apologize, Jo. We used to be close. Me, you, Belly."
Joanna took in a deep breath, "I didn't get a concussion, I wasn't severely hurt, I'm fine and I told you I don't care." Joanna said sternly before leaving the drink table and walking towards the living room where people were dancing.
"Sunshine Child!" She turned around, coming face to face with Ezra.
"Blondie." She sighed, leaning against a doorframe.
"How'd you end up here?" He asked.
"Belly's birthday wish." She whispered, looking away from him and drinking her, hopefully, spiked punch. Thankfully the small burn in her throat confirmed her suspicion. She heard Jeremiah singing from the room behind her and she smiled. "God, I want to go home." She whispered to herself.
Ezra didn't hear this and looked around, "wanna dance?" He asked.
Jo shook her head, "uh... I'm gonna head over and get another drink. Enjoy yourself, though." Without letting him say bye, she quickly left his side.
She did in fact go to the drink table and chug a couple more cups of the intoxicated drink before leaving the house and walking down the street towards the beach.
Joanna took off her shoes, the sand getting caught in between her toes. She threw her shoes on a random rock before walking out into the ocean, going knee-deep into the water.
She played with the water, trying to distract herself from other thoughts, but it didn't work.
She felt her insides bubbling up, anger taking over her body. "Why can't you just breathe." She whispered, feeling her chest tighten as she tried to take in a deep breath. "God, just breathe you idiot." Joanna wheezed and a wave hit her chest, her shorts and tank top getting soaked.
The Fisher girl stumbled out of the ocean and collapsed onto the sandy ground, her eyes watering as tears that had been held in for years came out. Her body shook. The wind hit her making her shiver. Her body felt weak, she couldn't move from the sand.
Her senses were clouded and she couldn't hear the pinging of her phone as it went off like crazy.
Conrad
Jo, where are you?
Are you okay?
Are you safe? Do you have your phone?
Jere Bear
We're all looking for you, are you okay Jo?
Jelly Belly <3
Jo? Ezra was asking for you, where are you?
Did you go home?
I'm assuming you did.
See you back at the house.
And in that moment she had felt more worn out than she ever has before.
•••
A KNOCK AT HER door made Jo put her phone down and flip over, "It's open."
Then Conrad walked in. She sighed and flipped back over, covering her body with her blanket.
"It's not open." She muttered, picking up her phone again.
Conrad closed her door and sat on the edge of the bed, "you wanna tell me why I found you having a mental breakdown on the beach last night?" He asked.
Jo sat up, her back against her bed frame with her blanket covering her lap. "Not really."
The older boy gave her a sarcastic smile, "too bad, you're required to."
"Says who?"
"Says me."
Joanna held eye contact with her brother, having a staring contest as if that would decide who would give in and give the other what they wanted.
"Fine, whatever." She whispered, looking away from her brother. "I don't know why, okay? It just happened." She explained, "one moment I was drunk and forgetting about everything, and the next it all hit me at once." Conrad stayed quiet, listening intensely.
"And what I said to you last night was fucked and you didn't deserve it and I'm sorry." Jo apologized, "I know we aren't the best of siblings, but you didn't deserve that."
"Thank you for that apology." Conrad smirked before turning serious, "and I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you..." he said, referring back to the things Jo had spilled when she was flooded with frustration, "you deserved anything but that at... thirteen."
Joanna shrugged, "it was actually when I was eleven," she wiped a single tear from her eye, "give or take." She shrugged, and Conrad's heart slightly dropped.
He felt like a failure for not helping her, a horrible big brother who couldn't be there for her.
Conrad put his hand on Jo's knee. She looked up at him and weakly smiled, "but what can you do? Life's a bitch and then you die." She shrugged, throwing her blanket off of her, "I'm done stressing out about whatever I was freaking out over last night." She assured the boy.
The older Fisher boy gave her a worried and scared look as she walked over to her closet, "don't look at me like I'm a fragile piece of China." She whispered to Conrad, grabbing out a set of clothes, "because I'm not."
Jo then turned around and made her way toward the bathroom.
She had lied. She was a fragile piece of China. One wrong move and she'd shatter.
marley speaks !
jo is js like me fr.
also i really hate this chapter, BUT IT'LL GET BETTER NEXT ONE I PROMISE !!!
pls vote, share, and comment my loves <3