The next day Ram reminded Priya to reach Tara's clinic at 4pm before literally running to sit in his car so that he would not be late for an important meeting in office.
He never thought in his dreams that making Pihu have a small bowl of cereal would take more than an hour plus he would have to do plenty of cardio because his little munchkin made him run around the whole house 6 times. Pihu would take a spoonful of cereal and keep it at the side of her mouth and play with her dolls or run around the garden for 5-10 minutes before finally chewing her food while he followed her. Priya of course told him that he didn't have to do it and she even came to help him but Ram denied. He wanted to do his part as Pihu was their 'group project' and not her 'individual project'. But 30 minutes into it, Ram realised it's just not easy to handle Pihu and mentally worshipped Priya for having immense patience. At the last bite of cereal Ram felt like he was about to win an Olympic gold medal any moment. Well according to him, he won something better- a passionate kiss from his beautiful wife before going to office.
The whole day went by so quickly. And it was almost 3:55pm when Ram entered the lobby area of Tara's clinic and saw Priya waiting there, reading a magazine. Sensing Ram's presence, she looked up and a smile came onto her lips by just seeing him. Ram also smiled and sat beside her.
Ram: Ufff! Maine socha late ho jayunga.
Priya(taking a look at her watch): Well you're 5 mins early Mr. Kapoor!
Ram: Woh toh hai...I just wish aaj ek aur biology lesson na mile. Bilkul buddhu jaisa feel hota hai mujhe.
Priya smiled shaking her head.
Ram: Pihu Sara di ke paas hai?
Priya(nodding): Aur Brinda ne call kiya tha. Bola ke Pihu ka dhyaan rakh lenge saath toh aa rahe hain. Ab tak shayad aa bhi gayi hogi.
Ram: Okay. Achha hai nahi toh Sara di cafe dekhegi ya Pihu ko.
Priya: Haan woh bhi hai.
In the meantime, the receptionist told them that it's time for their appointment. So they stood up to go. Ram held Priya's hand before they entered Tara's chember.
Tara smiled at them and told them to sit. They looked pretty happy in her eyes.
Tara: You guys are looking very happy today.
Ram nodded, looking at their intertwined fingers and smiled. The twinkle in Priya's eyes was enough to tell that she was definitely feeling happy.
Tara: And how's Piku?
Ram: Piku nahi Tara, Pihu!
Tara: Oh sorry sorry. Pihu. How is she?
Priya: Pihu thik hai bilkul. She's happy.
Tara(nodding): And how are you both?
Ram(looking at Priya): We're also happy.
Priya gave a shy smile to him and looked at Tara.
Tara: Hmm...Priya you used to work as a professor right?
Priya nodded.
Tara: Which subject?
Priya: English Literature.
Tara(with a smile): Wow! That's wonderful.
Ram smiled proudly.
Tara: Toh books padhna pasand hoga tumhe.
Priya: Haan. Bohot pasand hai.
Tara: Kuch suna sakti ho hume? Any quote or poem or any piece of writing that you love?
Priya looked at her cluelessly for some seconds and then looked at Ram who gave her an assuring smile, encouraging her.
Priya(with a smile): There's a poem that I love. Umm... it's called 'The Brook'. I used to read it a lot when I was younger.
It's written by Alfred Lord Tennyson. It's about a brook or a small river and it's journey of flowing down a mountain, passing through several villages and valleys and ultimately immersing into a much bigger river. And it goes like,
"I come from haunts of coot and hern,
I make a sudden sally,
And sparkle out among the fern,
To bicker down a valley.
By thirty hills I hurry down,
Or slip between the ridges,
By twenty thorps, a little town,
And half a hundred bridges.
Till last by Philip's farm I flow
To join the brimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But I go on forever."
Priya: The poem talks about human life's impermanence while Nature is always evergreen beautiful and full of life. It depicts how human life starts with birth and ends with death, completing a circle of life.
Tara smiled listening to Priya and her eyes fell on Ram, who was looking at Priya, completely mesmerized as if he fell in love with her all over again. His dilated pupils screamed how much he admired her.
Priya looked at Tara and then at Ram and as their eyes met, that soft smile Ram adorned became wider, reaching his eyes. Priya couldn't stop looking at his face and she smiled sweetly.
Ram loved it when Priya recited the poem. Her soft voice sounded like music to his ears, filling his heart with joy. It was like he saw a different Priya. He smiled thinking how she never seized to amaze him. Everyday he would discover something new about her that would make him fall for his Priya on a deeper level.
Ram(softly): You really should accept the offer Priya.
Priya kept looking at him, not knowing what to say. Ram then looked at Tara who was waiting for them to come out of their cute lil eyelock.
Ram(happily): Priya got an offer from The Sethia Institute where she used to work. They want her back.
Tara: That's an amazing news. Tumne kuch socha hai Priya ke accept karogi ya nahi?
Priya shook her head timidly.
Ram: Unhone time diya hai sochne ke liye.
Tara: Koi nahi. Abhi bhi socha nahi hai toh soch lena. By the way it's a great opportunity Priya. Congratulations. Also please don't get irritated if I want to hear something everytime you come to me for a session. You were amazing.
Priya(with a smile): Thank you.
Ram squeezed Priya's hand that he was holding, giving her a broad smile.
Tara(opening her notebook): So last session mein humne baat kiya tha ke actually hua kya tha 5 saal pehle. Right?
Both Ram and Priya nodded.
Tara: So how did you guys meet after 5 years?
And Ram's face became white, losing all it's colour, thinking about their first meet after 5 long years.
Priya started telling Tara why she again came to Mumbai.
Priya: Hum shopping mall pe mile the. Aur Pihu bhi. Par hum dono se alag alag mile the toh pata nahi tha inhe. Ummm...then Pihu meri didi ke engagement pe gayi thi aur wahan phir mile woh dono. Then at the park...jahan Pihu mere saath thi toh...yeah...aise mile hum.
Priya spared all the details of all of how he misbehaved with both Pihu and her and that shook Ram to the core.
Ram(lowering his head): Priya ne tumhe sach toh bataya par poora sach nahi bataya. Usne yeh nahi bataya maine kya badtameezi ki.
Priya closed her eyes feeling tired- tired of thinking about those memories yet again she would have to hear it. Tara gestured to Ram to continue.
Ram started telling how he met Priya at the shopping mall, how he was with Shweta(giving so much weight on "it was only a date" so that it doesn't hurt Priya that much), how he misbehaved with her, then how he met Pihu for the first time and how badly he behaved with her.
Tara listened to everything with the same blank expression and looked at Priya who couldn't even look up at her. Ram eyes also went to the floor feeling extremely embarrassed and guilty for his actions.
Tara: Ram will you please wait outside for sometime? Main bula lungi phir se.
Ram gently nodded, not meeting her eyes and stood up to go outside but he turned towards Priya whose eyes were still glued to the floor.
Tara: She'll be fine. Tum baitho bahar.
But Ram went closer to her. He pulled out two tissues from his pocket and kept them beside her.
Ram(softly): Zaroorat pad sakti hai.
Saying it Ram went out of the room.
Tara moved her chair closer to Priya and handed her a glass of water. Priya took a sip and kept it on table.
Priya(barely audible): Thank you.
Tara: Priya?
The tears which she tried to control so much, started flowing down Priya's eyes. Tara kept her hand over her shoulder to comfort her. Priya took a tissue that Ram had kept for her and wiped her tears. And then she gulped down some more water.
Tara: Thik lagg raha hai ab?
Priya slowly nodded.
Tara: Ek baat poonchu?
Priya nodded looking at her.
Tara: Tumne poora sach kyun nahi bataya mujhe? You know it was important.
Priya(looking into her eyes): Woh aise nahi hai Tara....jaisa tum soch rahi ho.
Tara: Hmm. Tumhe lagta hai ke main judge karungi usse isliye tum bolna nahi chah rahi thi.
Priya again lowered her gaze.
Priya: Mr. Kapoor bass gussa ho gaye the. Isiliye aisa ho gaya.
Tara sadly smiled seeing how she was justifying his actions.
Tara: How did you feel when you saw him that day? At the mall?
A deep frown came on Priya's forehead.
Priya: Ek button toot gaya tha jo suit woh dekh rahe the uska. His back was facing me aur maine thik se dekha bhi nahi tha ke kaun hai. Maine button dene ke liye bulaya toh dekha it was him. (With teary eyes) Alag lagg rahe the. Unke baal...kabhi waise nahi rehte the...uljhe huye, messy. Unki aankhon ki chamak, woh bhi nahi thi. They were cold and dark. Gussa tha unmein mere liye unmein aur dard tha. He looked thinner than you show him today. Aur woh hassi....bilkul bhi nahi thi. And the way he was looking at me and you know behaved with me....it was not normal....it was not him.
Tara: Priya maine poocha how did 'you' feel that day seeing him? Not how he looked.
Priya: Ohh...umm...mujhe nahi pata. Main pehle se hi bohot darri hui thi. Aur unhe waise dekhke...(remembering his angry eyes and clenched jaw)...darr sa laga tha.
Tara frowned slightly.
Tara: Aisa kabhi hua hai ke tumhe usse dekhke darr laga ho?
Priya(shaking her head with a frown): Nahi. Bilkul nahi. Haan kabhi kabhi gussa ho jaate the. I mean hamare saath jo jo hua hai gussa hona normal hai. Par nahi aisa kabhi nahi hua....
Her frown got deeper as she realised that Tara might have misinterpreted her words.
Priya: Ohhhh....no no no no no....no! Tara no! I think you misunderstood my words. I didn't mean I feared him. I meant the way he looked frightened me. Tara...Mr. Kapoor aise bilkul bhi nahi hain. He is very sweet to me and Pihu.
Tara(with a smile): Ohh...okay. Don't get me wrong Priya. It's my duty to ask you these things. Bohot baar aisa hota hai ke couples aate hain aur abuse ke cases hote hain. I hope you understand.
Priya(nodding): I do understand. Par aisi koi baat nahi hai. Mr. Kapoor aise nahi hain.
Tara: Hmm... I understood that seeing how you jumped to prove my inferences wrong. Waise tumhe gussa nahi aaya jab tumne usse kisi aur ke saath dekha?
To her surprise, Priya shook her head.
Tara: Gussa nahi aaya tumhe?
Priya(sadly): Nahi. Dukh hua bohot. Kaun chahega apne pyaar ko kisi aur ke saath dekhna?
Tara: Hmm. Tumne kuch kaha nahi?
Priya: Kya kehti main unse? Kuch kehne layak rakkha tha maine khudko? Kaise unse safayi maangti main? Par unhone khud hi mujhse maafi maanga baad mein aur mujhe pata tha kuch bhi ho woh mujhpe cheat nahi karenge. Main aur sochna nahi chahti iss baat ko leke.
Tara nodded.
Tara: Tumhe kya lagta hai main problem kya hai tum dono ki relationship mein?
Priya again looked at her, thinking deeply about the answer.
Tara: You can tell me Priya. Main kisiko nahi batayungi. Ram ko bhi nahi.
Priya nodded.
Priya: Hum dono khud. Unke liye main, mere liye woh.
Tara: Not a third person? Like your mother-in-law?
Priya shook her head sadly.
Priya: Jo hona tha woh toh Mrs. Kapoor ke aane se pehle hi ho chuka tha.
Tara: Matlab?
Priya: Tara Mr. Kapoor mujhe bilkul trust nahi karte. Maine nahi socha tha mere jhooth ko woh sach maan lenge. Agar trust karte mujhpe toh Paternity test ki baat hi woh kabhi nahi karte. Mrs. Kapoor ne manipulate toh unhe baad mein kiya. Pehle toh sirf hum dono baat kar rahe the. Teesra koi nahi tha wahan. Main jhooth nahi bolungi...unhone kaha tha baar baar ke main jhooth bol rahi hoon. But after a point, he did ask for a paternity test.
Tara: Aur tumhara bharosa toot gaya.
Priya pressed her lips together and then let out a sigh.
Priya: I don't want to hold it against him. Unhone Shivi ko khoya tha, apni beti jaise usse bada kiya tha. Unpe kiya beeti hai uss waqt woh hi jante hain.
Tara: Woh jitna sach hai, utna sach yeh bhi hai ke Ram bharosa nahi kar paya tum pe.
Priya nodded slightly.
Tara: Tumhe lagta hai ab bharosa karta hai woh tumpe?
Priya: Pata nahi mujhe Tara. Maine jab bataya unhe sab kuch jab hum mile tab unhone bharosa kiya mujhpe. Aur yeh bohot hai mere liye. Maine bhi toh bharosa nahi kiya na unpe. Unki beti ko 5 saal unse durr rakkha.
Tara: Tumne kya sochke yeh kiya? Kuch toh socha hoga.
Priya: Maine pehle socha tha ke main nahi darungi sab kuch sach sach bata dungi unhe. Par jitna maine socha darr badhta gaya mera ke meri nafrat mein sach mein agar Mrs. Kapoor ne kuch kar diya toh? Mr. Kapoor koshish karte Pihu ko protect karne ki mujhe pata hai. Par itni choti bachhi uss ghar mein....(her voice started breaking). Tara pehle hi toh Mr. Kapoor ko Sautela bulake unko bohot thes pohochate the woh log aur unhi hi wife ki wajah se Shivi ki jaan chali gayi...yeh...har waqt toh woh Pihu ke saath nahi reh paate.
Tara nodded.
Priya: Mujhe pata hai maine bohot galat kiya hai. Mr. Kapoor ke saath, Pihu ke saath...par mujhe kuch samajh nahi aaya main kya karoon tab...
Tara: Ram se baat ki hai iss baare mein? Ke usne tumpe pehle hi bharosa nahi kiya?
Priya shook her head.
Tara: Usse bura lagega isliye?
Priya didn't answer.
Tara: Hmm. Thik hai tum bahar jaake baitho thoda. Mujhe Ram se baat karni hai.
Priya: Please batana mat unhe kuch.
Tara: Main nahi batayungi. Tumne yahan jo bhi kaha abhi they're safe with me Priya.
Priya nodded and stood up.
Priya: Ek baat poonchu?
Tara nodded.
Priya: How do you trust someone again after they've broken your trust?
Tara: Hmmm...this can be interpreted in a lot of ways. Not always we can again trust that person nor we should. But of course there are exceptions. Someone you love, someone who's really important to you...they become those exceptions. Agar tumhe lagta hai ke woh sach mein guilty feel karte hain aur woh sudharna chahte hain, khudko ek better person banana chahte hain then isn't it worth taking a chance? But haan I do believe in one thing, actions speak louder than words. If their behaviour tells me that they're changing into a better person, I think I would trust the process. Nahi toh I prefer cutting them out of my life.
Answer mila?
Priya nodded and wiped her tears before going out of the room.
Ram was pacing back and forth in the waiting room when he saw Priya coming out of Tara's chamber. He walked towards her and saw her eyes that definitely told him that she was crying.
Ram(softly): Tum thik ho?
Priya nodded with a smile.
Ram(gently holding her hand): Ro rahi thi. Kaise thik ho sakti ho?
Priya: Main thik hoon. Sach mein. Tara wants to talk to you....alone.
Ram(starting to get panicky): Mu...mu...mujhse...akele?
Priya nodded. She walked him towards the door but saw Ram's reluctance to go inside.
Priya: Mr. Kapoor! Jaiye.
Ram: Mujhe darr lagg raha hai. Tum chalo na please. Main baat kar lunga aao. Jo bhi janna hai usse tumhare saamne hi pooch le. Mujhe koi problem nahi.
Priya: Par ...
But Ram didn't listen and entered with Priya. Tara frowned seeing Priya.
Ram(with a puppy face): Can Priya stay? Please.
Tara: No she can't.
Ram looked at Priya who saw fear written on his face.
Priya(whispering): It's okay. Kha nahi jayegi aap ko. You can do this! Go.
Priya patted his shoulder and gave him a gentle push. Ram swallowed hard and slowly walked inside before taking a glance at Priya who smiled at him and closed the door.
Tara: Sit. Sit. Darro mat. Sit.
Ram: Humne toh Couples Therapy ke liye appointment liya tha.
Tara smiled and offered him the bowl of chocolates. Ram took one chocolate and then kept looking at the bowl.
Tara: You can take some more. Main Priya ko nahi batayungi.
Ram smiled and dipping his whole hand in the bowl, grabbed a handful of chocolates making Tara smile. He opened a chocolate and put it in his mouth.
Tara: Yes you took the appointment for couples therapy. I know. But there are things that we should talk about one on one.
Ram: Oh...
Tara: Tumhe darr lagta hai mujhse?
Ram didn't say anything but the side-eye he gave Tara was enough for an answer to her question.
Tara: I don't know tumhe mujhse kyun darr lagta hai. Is it because I gave you a biology lesson in our last session?
Ram(letting out an awkward laugh): Hahahh no! Nahi.
Tara: Did you not like your biology teacher when you were in school?
Ram straightened himself looking at her with pure shock.
Ram: How do you know? Uffff! Mrs. Bilimoria! Don't even ask Tara! I hated Biology and her too. You know I was a good student. I loved Maths, Physics...Chemistry also. But Biology sar dard tha poora! Har question mein diagram kaun draw karna hai? Aur woh bhi itne intricate hote hain! I still remember when I had to draw that heart in the final exam WITHOUT the book. One of the worst days in my life! She checked the paper and gave only 1 mark for the diagram! Only 1!!!! Socho! Meri yeh haalat thi ke main apna dil nikalke paper pe rakh doon wahan inn madam ne 1 mark diya mujhe! Khadoos!
Ram made a face and sat there with a little pout.
Tara: Isiliye shayad tum mujhse darrte ho. Familiarity feel hoti hai.
Ram frowned deeply as he tried to think about the whole thing.
Ram(realising it): Oooooooo...oooo... isiliye shayad main Priya se bhi darta hoon. (Letting out a laugh)Woh bhi toh waisi hi hai khadoos! Aur tum...(starting to fumble) nahi mera matlab....tum...tum nahi...nahi ho. Aur Priya bhi khadoos nahi hai. Please usse batana mat Tara. Kal raat ko bhi gussa thi woh mujhpe. Mat batana....please!
Tara(with a smile): Relax. Nahi batayungi.
Ram smiled and rested his back on the couch, a little more relaxed than before.
Tara: How are you Ram? As in you just came to know you have a daughter who's I think 4 years ki hai.
And Tara saw a genuine smile adoring his face. He nodded.
Ram: Haan she's 4. I don't know how to express my feelings to be honest. Koi mujhse bolta ke 3 weeks pehle yeh hoga tumhare saath toh I don't know how I would have reacted. She's the best part of Priya and my life Tara.
Tara: Problem nahi hui tumhe? I mean you didn't get to spend that much time with her. Pihu choti bhi hai bohot. How are you two bonding?
Ram(with a smile): Yeh bohot logon ke bohot tareeke se pooncha hai mujhe you know and everytime I have one and only answer...meri bachhi aisi hi hai. She accepted me with open arms and I fell for her in a fraction of second. Maine sach mein nahi socha tha ke itna kam waqt mein hamari bonding aisi strong hogi. Priya ne bhi shayad socha nahi hoga. But you know it's like I've got a bestfriend for life. We love our little fights. We love that we love each other. Kahin na kahin Pihu ko apne Papa ki zaroorat aur mujhe Pihu ki. You know when I first got to know about her mujhe laga tha Priya aur Pihu ka rishta itna mazboot hai, mere saath kabhi waisa nahi hoga. Par ab lagta why even compare...I mean jo unn dono ka hai woh unka hai aur jo hamara hai woh hamara. Aur jo bhi hamare beech hai woh special hai hum dono ke liye aur yeh hi matter karta hai mere liye. Jab Pihu mujhe Papa kehke bulati hai I get goosebumps, everytime and I can't tell you how special that feeling is for me.
Tara didn't expect Ram to describe his daughter and the relationship he shared with her so beautifully that even she could feel how pure it was.
Tara: I'm really happy that it worked out between you two.
Ram gave her a pleasant smile.
Tara: But I do have a question you know.
Ram: Hmm.
Tara: Why did you behave the way you did the first time you met Pihu?
The smile on his lips, the glint in his eyes vanished in a moment, replaced by guilt.
Tara: Ram you said you are good at maths. So when you solve a problem if you don't know the basics you can't really solve a lot of problems. If your base is strong you'll be able to figure out solutions to a lot of problems with just one formula. Am I right?
Ram nodded, agreeing with her.
Tara: Just like that in life if we don't know or don't acknowledge some root causes of our problems, ultimately they prevent us to solve other kind of problems also. Samajh rahe ho meri baat? I'm saying if you don't talk about these things and don't figure out what caused it, they can show up in a different form and you won't be able to solve it.
Ram: Hmm...I understand now.
Tara: So can we talk about that incident and figure out why you behaved that way? Together?
Ram nodded.
Tara: Okay so tell me what really happened?
Ram: Jaisa maine tumhe bataya ke maine Priya ko dekha.
Tara: Hmm...and how did you feel about that? You know seeing her after 5 years. Like were you surprised, or happy, or sad, or angry. Kaisa feel kar rahe the?
Ram thought about it for a bit.
Ram: I think I was shocked to see Priya there at first. Like you know she was the least expected person there. Also I think for maybe a couple of seconds mujhe Priya different lagi. There's this different kind of softness in her eyes, her face, her body language. Now that I think of it, it's her motherly aura.
Tara: Hmm...and then?
Ram: Then suddenly everything started coming back to me. Woh paanch saal pehle ke dard bhare yaadein....woh...(voice starting to break) achanak se wapas aane lage and I lost it. Phir woh sab hua jo maine bataya kuch der pehle.
Tara: Hmm...then how did you meet Pihu?
Ram: Woh na bakery thi wahan mall mein. Pihu wahan thi cupcake khaana chahti thi. Priya nahi thi uske saath actually tab koi nahi tha jab main mila usse.
Tara: Akeli thi woh?
Ram: Nahi. Actually she was with Maitri, Priya's sister. Woh washroom gayi thi shayad aur Pihu being Pihu started to roam around.
He told her how Pihu offered to help him in exchange of that cupcake.
Tara: And how did you feel about that?
Ram: Honestly Tara mujhe Pihu bohot cute lagi. Pehle hi. Bohot patar patar karti hai but it's kinda cute. Bilkul no nonsense attitude hai apni Mumma ki tarah. Then she wanted me to do a "pinky promise" with her jo ke Priya aur mere liye bohot special hai. It was our thing. Then Pihu ne toh bhaga diya Shweta ko and then demanded the cupcake I promised her. Main dene bhi wala tha usse but then I don't know mujhe kya hua...and...and...I behaved like that.
His heart pained thinking how much his actions would've hurted his lil Pihu, his lifeline.
Tara: Did her pinky promise reminded you of Priya?
Ram nodded lowering his head.
Ram: Pihu ne Shweta ko bhagane ke liye Papa bulaya mujhe and it...it...matlab (touching his chest) yahan aake lagi.
Tara: Maybe you displaced the anger you felt for Priya. Hamare bohot tareeke ke coping mechanisms hote hain that we use on a daily basis to cope with stress. Our stress causes anxiety in us and to lower that anxious feeling we do certain things or behave in a certain way. When you use Displacement as a coping mechanism, you transfer your negative feelings from one person to another, preferably to a less threatening one. Maybe you could not express your anger fully to Priya and when you found Pihu similar to Priya, it triggered your anxiety and you did what you did. Also when she called you Papa, those painful memories might have surfaced and reminded you that you lost your chance at fatherhood.
With a deep frown on his forehead, Ram listened to the whole thing and tried to understand Tara's point of view.
Tara: Do you feel that you don't have any control when you get really angry? Pehle kabhi hua hai aisa ke you got so angry that you behaved in a different way than you would've normally?
Ram again started thinking about all the incidents when he lost control of his anger and burst out and unfortunately in most on them he was angry with Priya.
Ram(nodding): Hua hai. Hamari shaadi ke din jo hua tha. I think bataya hai tumhe.
Tara: Hmm...
Ram(looking at the floor while talking): Phir I think Shivi ki shaadi ko lekar bhi hua tha. Haan hua tha. Main chillaya tha uss par....hua hai.
Tara: Hmm. Do you think that you react rather than respond?
Ram looked up at her questionningly.
Tara: Ram anger hamara bohot important emotion hai. Uske bina hum, hum nahi hote. It's very normal to be angry when the situation calls for it. Par haan anger ek aisa emotion bhi hai jismein hum aapa kho baithte hain. And in this process we hurt ourselves and those around us. Kuch galat hone se gussa toh aayega hi but uss gusse ko kaise thik tareeke se hum express kar sakte hain yeh dekhna hota hai hume.
Hum jab ek situation ko thik se janke pehchan ke interact karte hain kisi insaan se toh woh respond karna hota hai. But hum sab bina soche samjhe impulsive behaviour show karte hain usse react karna bolte hain.
From what you've told and what I've observed learning about your response patterns, I do think you react rather than respond.
Ram our uncontrollable anger can destroy everything around us personally and professionally. Look whatever happened with you it's normal to feel angry, it's valid. Mere saath hota toh main bhi hoti. But the way you reacted to Pihu that day or to Priya on your wedding day is not okay. Dekho 5 years pehle jo tha, aaj bhi waisa hi hai. Tum gusse mein impulsive ho jaate ho. Samajha paa rahi hoon main?
Ram(slowly nodding his head): Hmm.
Tara: Do you like yourself when you're calm and collected or do you like yourself when you're angry?
Ram: Yeh kaisi baat hui bhala...of course I like myself when I'm calm.
Tara: Hmmm....I'll you some strategies which will help you control your anger.
Ram: Hmm.
Tara: 1) When you start feeling angry or you feel the situation is getting heated, Start taking deep breaths. It's like reducing anxiety. When you take deep breaths, it makes you calmer and more rational.
2) Try to recognise if at that situation your anger is a friend or an enemy. If you're witnessing something wrong happening- like maybe kisi ke saath kuch galat ho raha hai jo hona nahi chahiye as in abuse or office mein kuch galat ho raha hai and you feel your anger rising then it's a friend. Tab tumhe yeh lagega ke yeh situation main kaise change karoon- that should be your main focus. Socho agar tumne dekha ke office mein koi employee galat tareeke se information use kar raha hai, gussa aana normal hai. Toh tum situation ko handle karne ki koshish karoge.
But if you see that the situation is going to hamper your personal relationships, or it is distressing for you, then it's an enemy. Tab tumhara main focus yeh hona chahiye ke tum apne gusse se kaise control karoge. Gusse mein hum bohot kuch kar dete hain or bol dete hain jo hum baad mein regret karte hain. This is why in those situations, it's better to control your emotions.
Samajh aa raha hai?
Ram again nodded.
Tara: 3) Try to recognise what is triggering those emotions in you. In that case, Pihu being similar to Priya acted as a trigger. Aise hi shayad kisi situation ko dekhke, ya kisi insaan ko dekhke tumhe gussa aaye. Jab aise gussa aaye toh pehchan ne ki koshish Karo ke okay these are my triggers, inse mujhe gussa aata hai. When you recognise these triggers better, it'll help your brain to think how to handle situation.
4) Now what'll you do when you feel something is triggering you or tumhe bohot gussa aa raha hai- best way to handle this is to distance yourself from that person or situation. Thodi der ke liye bahar chale jao. It'll give you time to think also it'll make to calmer to handle the situation in a better way.
5) But if that situation has to be handled right away, close your eyes and think about that Ram who is happy and calm. Think that I can handle this situation without making it difficult for myself or the person you are angry with.
6) You can go talk to someond you trust- maybe a friend. But keep in mind that it's not only venting your anger but also a result should come out of it. If you are only venting and that friend is also venting with you, it'll only make things worse. It's a myth that venting always helps with anger. Make sure you are developing a solution together.
7) You can also go for a run, or maybe a walk it'll help to take your mind off that situation. I would not suggest riding a bike or driving a car at that point as it can cause accidents.
I know it's a lot. Therapy isn't easy Ram. The process of healing is tough and it'll require a lot of effort from your side and also from mine. And reducing your anger issues overnight isn't possible. It takes time to show results.
She saw Ram taking a deep breath and holding his head in between his hands. So she poured some water in a glass and forwarded it to him.
Ram took some sips of water and looked up at her.
Ram: Do you think I can do this?
Tara(with a smile): Yes I do think you can do this. I'm sure you can do this. I just need some efforts from your side nahi toh sirf mere bolne se toh betterment possible nahi hai.
(Handing him out a paper) Ismein likkha hai maine jo jo steps bole tumko. Take a look at it every morning. It's like memorizing mathematical formulas.
Ram(giving a quick look at the paper): Hmm...I understand. I'll try my best. I need to be a better person for my family, for my friends (seeing Tara's frown)...also for myself.
Tara smiled at him while nodding her head.
Ram: For you also. Tumhare bhi toh kuch expectations honge mujhse.
Tara's smile widened.
Tara: You are sweet. I agree with your wife.
Ram's eyes widened in surprise.
Ram(with a blushed face): Priya...ne...tumse kaha...ke...ma...main sweet...hoon?
Tara nodded with a smile.
Ram felt like he's seeing a thousand stars in front of his eyes at that moment. His Priya thought he's "sweet". Nothing could be better than that. He felt his heart flutter like humming bird's wings and cheeks burning on fire. He felt like running to her and kissing her softly to show her how sweet he can be.
Tara cleared her throat to get him out of his La La Land. And he lowered his head feeling a little shy.
Tara: Agar mann ho toh tumhare daydreams pe thoda break lagayein?
Ram let out an awkward laugh, scratching the back of his head.
Tara: Mujhe kuch aur baatein janni thi.
Ram: Haan bolo bolo.
Tara: Do you feel angry with Priya because she hid Pihu all these years?
Ram nodded, lowering his head.
Ram: Haan. Bohot gussa aata hai. Par iss baat pe nahi ke usne Pihu ko protect karne ke liye yeh sab kiya, mujhse jhooth bola.
Tara: Toh?
Ram: Gussa mujhe iss baat pe hai ke jab usse blackmail kiya gaya, jab usse yeh laga ke Pihu ki jaan ko khatra hai aur mujhpe woh trust nahi karti...why didn't she choose to speak the truth? Why Ishaan was still her priority? Agar usse aur Pihu ko kuch ho jaata toh? She could've easily told the police that she's not the reason for Shivi's death.
Thik hai main trust karne ke layak nahi tha. Thik hai agar usse mere saath nahi rehna tha toh. Par woh toh sach police ko batake jail se nikal sakti thi na? She could've lived a better life, Pihu could've lived a better life, usse uski Mumma se durr nahi rehna padta, usse itni si umar mein itne hardships nahi sehne padte. Kya haalat banake rakkhi hai Priya ne apni! Panic attacks aate hain, postpartum depression! Kya nahi hua hai yeh batao tum mujhe Tara!
I know meri galti hai. Mujhe jaana chahiye tha. Mujhe khabar leni chahiye thi.
Par usne yeh kyun kiya? Koi option nahi tha uske paas sivay jail mein rehne ke? Meri baat chorho. At least Pihu ke baare mein toh sochti!
Ram felt a heavy weight lift off his chest as he said all the things that he told anyone.
Tara: Priya se kaha hai yeh sab tumne?
Ram(shaking his head): Nahi. Usse bohot bura lagega. Aur dukh nahi dena chahta main usse. Bohot dard de chuka hoon usse.
Tara took a deep breath.
Tara: Kya naam hai uss insaan ka, Priya ka dost? Jisko lekar itni problem?
Ram: Krish.
Tara: Hmm Krish. Have you ever noticed Priya showing any interest in Krish? Matlab tumhe laga ho ke unke beech kuch hai?
Ram felt his temper rising. How could she think of his Priya like that?
Ram(a little angrily): Tum kehna kya chahti ho?
Tara(calmly): Ram take a deep breath. It's time to control your anger. I'm not accusing Priya.
Remembering what Tara said to him some minutes ago, he took some deep breaths.
Ram: I'm sorry.
Tara: It's okay.
Ram: No Priya never showed any interest in him. She said that she had a crush on him in college and there's nothing else.
Tara: Then how could you believe her so easily when she said she loved him and she cheated on you? Soch ke dekho kuch aisa hua tha ke tumhe laga ho ke nahi kuch tha jo tumne ignore kar diya ho.
Ram's mind went to those days when they met Krish and they got to know each other. He remembered how Priya always said there's nothing between them and they're just friends.
Ram(shaking his head): No there's nothing.
Tara: Kuch toh hoga. Something that increased your suspicion to grow and make you feel insecure when Priya told you that she cheated on you. We need to find that out.
Ram started to think what happened in jail.
Ram(mumbling to himself): Maine baat ki Priya se...usne woh sab bola...Mrs. Kapoor aayi...she said all those things jisse mujhe lagne laga ke Priya aur mere beech aur kuch nahi raha...she started dragging me out of jail...main bol raha tha meri Priya aisi nahi hai but woh chup nahi hui...par...
And it struck him. Yes there's something. Something that Nandini Kapoor said. Something so nasty and so disrespectful. Something he would never associate anyone with let alone his Priya but at that point he believed it....
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I hope you guys already know what's going to happen next. It was something I felt was important to talk about. I don't know how the two writer(who are women in fact) can do such a thing and never bring it up again and say it was wrong.
Brace yourself. Tough days ahead.
Also I don't know what happened with this story today. Might be a glitch or something else I don't know. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience and the flood of notifications. Hope you all understand.
Thank you for always being so supportive and showering so much love here 🥹🫰