The relic of his vehement kisses was vibrant on her lips and neck, leaving tingles each time she thought about their interaction in the campus bathroom. Her troubled heartbeat fluttered all throughout her body, heat rising on her cheeks as a natural response to his militant lips, and the what-ifs that appeared in her mind if they had continued their act of frustration.
She found her nails between her teeth, blankly staring at Jeongguk as he quickly reviewed the topic they had learned that day in class.
It was difficult trying to listen when her mind was fluffy and fogged with reflections that shouldn't have been appropriate during a study session.
She crossed her legs, forcing herself to get out of such a nebulous reverie.
As Jeongguk continued forth with a lecture, she decided she needed to escape her current mindset. To truly focus on the course and not waste any more of Jeongguk's time.
"So, we had learned fluid dynamics a few weeks ago," Jeongguk continued, clearing his throat. "And this time, we are learning quantum mechanics, which is just a shorter version of a theory that provides descriptions of the many physical properties of nature at the scale of atoms and subatomic particles." He flawlessly defined the topic by pure memory.
"Yeah, something like that." Hanni muttered, receiving a laugh from the man beside her.
"And he assigned homework, did you get around to doing that?" Jeongguk questioned, looking over at her.
"I did, actually." Hanni said, flipping the pages over to the list of five questions she had already answered.
Which was a rather big surprise for even herself. She couldn't even focus properly in class, and she was still able to answer all the complex questions Jin had assigned as homework.
"Great," Jeongguk applauded her diligence. "I can check them and see if they're correct, now." He insisted.
Hanni moved her notebook closer to him. "But, if some are wrong, cut me some slack." She began, "It was a difficult concept to understand... that and it was hard to focus."
"Oh, I know." Jeongguk placed his glasses up closer to his nose, taking a close look at her work.
Hanni suddenly became antsy, chewing her lower lip as she watched Jeongguk go through her answers at such a meticulous pace. It was strange, she invariably became so worried each time he had to grade her papers, but this time, it was worse.
She would hate to make a fool of herself in front of him. Especially now that their relationship was in such a gray area, friends but also not friends.
Because, what two friends find themselves in a situation where they both end up in a bathroom and spend a pleasing four minutes alone, simply sharing an intimate moment?
It seemed wrong, and likely harmful to the relationship they had spent months building to trust one another, but once she felt his lips roam her body, holding her close to his stern figure, she didn't want it to end. She wanted more. More of him. More of the gentle love, and admiration he had to offer. More of those conversations that would lead her closer to his delicate heart.
She tapped the heel of her foot against the floor, desperately trying to distract herself from the fact that she was being graded by Jeongguk.
"Good." Jeongguk spoke suddenly. "You got the first one correct." He looked over at her with a smile, praising her hard work.
First one. Barely.
She smiled, burning up at the thought of how humbled she would be to hear him say half of the answers on her page were incorrect.
"Hanni, I'm positive your answers are correct," he somehow read her mind. "There's no need to worry."
She stopped her fidgeting behavior — an open window that presented her doubts to the world around her. "I know... I just always seem to get nervous each time you grade my answers." Hanni laughed, sounding completely asinine.
He smirked, setting the paper down. "I think you downplay yourself a lot. You are really intelligent."
"Says the intelligent one." Hanni muttered, turning away from him out of embarrassment.
"Which is how I know you're smart." Jeongguk persisted, searching for her lost eyes.
He looked over at her fingers that drummed against the table with great impatience and apprehension. He pinched his lips, thinking to himself in silence about what could possibly calm her nerves.
"Why don't I finish grading this, and we could be done with studying," he proposed. "But, why don't we make it interesting?"
Hanni paused, her breathing faltering. "What do you mean... interesting?"
"Like a reward system." He proposed with a grin. A grin that maintained an impish undertone that remained unseen to the naked human eye. "Each time you get an answer right, you'll get something in return."
"What is it that I'll get in return?" Her curiosity got the best of her, all her anxious worries were put aside.
He hummed, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Pleasure."
Her heart thumped against her chest, nearly shaking her entire body awake from his choice of words.
Her throat went completely dry. "W-What kind of pleasure-"
"That stays a surprise." He interrupted her before she was able to finish. "And you can't say no... well, you can." Jeongguk corrected himself, shaking his head. "I just mean that I want to please you. Take your mind off the things that worry you."
If anything, this new reward system was leaving her with a new subject to worry about. Anxious to know what he meant by surprise. What form of pleasure he would use on her? Would they need privacy for such actions?
Her apartment was empty, but that didn't mean Yasu or Jen couldn't unlock the front door with their own keys at any given moment. This was their apartment, too, after all.
"I- I'm okay with that." Hanni ultimately agreed, realizing that Jeongguk was waiting on her response.
He said nothing, simply adjusting his glasses as he brought his attention back to the paper in his hand. "Consider an experiment in which a beam of electrons is directed at a plate containing two slits, labeled A and B. Beyond the plate is a screen equipped with an array of detectors which enables one to determine where the electrons hit the screen. For each of the following cases draw a rough graph of the relative number of incident electrons as a function of position along the screen." He instantly read the question, not wasting any time, or giving Hanni any time to prepare herself.
"There are four options, and it seems you drew each draft down over here," He glanced down at her sketch, pure diplomacy teeming in his taut eyes. His deep voice nearly made her bones quiver, waiting to hear if her answer was correct. Waiting to see what form of pleasure he would use on her if it was correct.
"They are each corect." He smirked, toying with the pen between his fingers.
He reached for her hand, testing out the waters before he completely engulfed her with his charm. Though there was no point, she was already completely enchanted. And when his lips traced themselves above the back of her hand, she felt the knots in her stomach compress against her walls, watching as he left slow kisses above her hand, tracing them down towards her ring finger.
Before she was able to truly indulge in his kisses and form of pleasure, he was already moving on to the next question.
"For this particular question, you answered c, which was the Photoelectric Effect." He kept his hand in hers while his body remained facing hers, reading the paper off the table with no pen in his hand this time. "It's correct." He smiled, looking over at her with warm eyes.
"Aren't you smart?" He marveled, the distance between their bodies dissipated quickly as he leaned over toward her. He began to plant small kisses on her jaw, leading up to the side of her neck.
They left her with butterflies invading her body, completely in awe of the way his lips innately moved against her skin.
"You're doing so good, Hanni." He whispered against her skin, sending chills up and down her spine.
She enclosed her arms around his back, wanting him to stay there, and keep showering her with all his sweet words of encouragement.
But, as soon as she made contact with him, he was already leaving, getting right back to the questions on the paper.
If anything it frustrated her more, she didn't care to hear if she got the last two questions right or wrong. She just wanted him.
As he read the fourth question back to her, the longing to kiss him overcame her overwhelmed body, conquering her, and propelling her toward him.
"Looks like you answered d," He examined, squinting at the paper. "Which is right. The answer is letter d."
This time, Hanni closed the aggravating gap that kept them from one another, their lips naturally restoring together in harmony and destruction, gently clashing as one. She grabbed hold of his biceps, pulling him onto his feet with her, tugging him toward the couch that waited for them.
He allowed her to steer him to whatever destination she desired, sitting beside her on the couch, but when he kissed her, he played for transcendence, biting at her lower lip in a teasing manner. She wept in response, removing herself from his fatal kiss.
Again, he continued to kiss her, peppering her neck with warm kisses that only seemed to fog her vision by tenfold, unable to see anything past him. She held him by his nape, bringing him close, wanting to really feel the contour of his strong figure against hers. To savor every inch of him touching her.
She got the deep and genuine urge to please him instead.
Someone wanting and willing to please her almost seemed strange, unnatural.
"Jeongguk," She found the strength to speak through her fluster.
He hummed against her skin, sucking and licking part of her collarbone.
"A-are you sure you want to... please me?" She asked, releasing the tight grip she had on his body. "You don't have to."
He removed himself from her chest, one hand on her thigh and one on her waist. "Of course I do. I want to. You deserve it."
"I-I don't know," she breathed out, embarrassed under his scrutiny. "It feels weird."
"This feels weird?" He asked, removing his hands from her body in an attempt to respect her boundaries.
"No, no." She grabbed his hands, pulling him close. "It feels great. It's an amazing feeling. I just feel weird like this... I was never really the receiver, I was the one that always gave. And, usually, when I was the receiver, I didn't want it."
He sucked in his lips. "Does this have to do with... Namjoon?"
She hesitated, almost wishing she didn't have to bring up former relationships.
But, Jeongguk deserved to know.
"Yes," Hanni dropped her head, still holding his hands. "Is it bad that I feel this way?"
"No, of course it's not." Jeongguk whispered, picking up her fallen chin. "It's normal. I wish you would have told me, I feel this is a rather important topic to discuss... now I feel like a jerk for touching you in the bathrooms like that."
"Jeongguk, there's no reason to feel that way." She said. "The only reason I said no was because we were... in a public bathroom." She laughed at the thought, reddening.
"I don't mean to bring up the past," He began, his eyes doused with curiosity. "But, what exactly did Namjoon do? Tell me all the bad things, I want to help you heal, in a healthy way."
Her heart became weak, touched that Jeongguk was so mannerly and compliant when it came to her concerns and past blunders.
"Well... there was a lot of bad." She began, taking a deep breath in. "Usually, he would check my phone to make sure I wasn't being unfaithful. He would hate any and all men that were in my life, and he only ever trusted Jimin, just for a short period of time until we came to college, for whatever reason."
"He was over protective, even with his friends, Yoongi and Hoseok. I couldn't have a good conversation with them without Namjoon coming in, and taking me away, or staying in the conversation just to keep me acting right, I guess?" Hanni continued, trying to remember all the negative traits Namjoon had.
"Arguments were all my fault, I was the one that caused problems in our relationship. Any time it was his fault, he never admitted it, nor did he ever apologize. He never apologized. He manipulated me into doing things I didn't want to do, feeling things I didn't want to feel." She shook her head, recalling all the moments when he made her feel like an immoral person, while he was the poor innocent saint.
"If he was angry, he would give me the silent treatment until I would beg something out of him." She laid back on the cushions, feeling the weight of everything finally hit her. "When we exchanged phone numbers a few months ago, he saw, and he searched through my phone when we were together to make sure I wasn't cheating on him with you."
Jeongguk shook his head, the feelings of rue eating away at his morals. "I'm sorry. I feel like that's my fault."
"It's not, though. You didn't know Namjoon was like that. You were only trying to help me." Hanni repudiated his unnecessary apology. "He would also guilt trip me into doing things... regarding our sex life, that was almost nonexistent by the way. If he was upset, the only way I could make him happy was by giving him what he wanted." Hanni cringed, remembering all the things she had to do in order to keep their relationship and keep him from leaving her.
"But, I think the worst thing he ever did was make me feel like I was helpless without him. That I would be losing something if he left me. When it's the opposite. He needed me." Hanni closed her eyes, receiving a headache from the overwhelming feelings that were still present and fresh in her memory.
Jeongguk squeezed her hand, prompting her to open her eyes. "I'm happy you say that. That you've realized your self-worth and got out of such a toxic environment. I promise to let nobody treat you that way again."
"You don't have to make sure nobody-"
"I want to." He insisted, inching closer to her. "I want you to finally explore the freedom you have, I'll stay behind, and I'll make sure you won't ever have to deal with something like that." He began to leave a trail of kisses on her hand.
"Just stay by my side. I don't want you behind me, I want you beside me." Hanni muttered, cupping his soft cheek as he kissed her wrist, maintaining eye contact with those deathly eyes of his that inebriated her further.
"I'll do whatever you want me to do." He complied without a second thought.
Hanni found herself lost in his stare. Lost in his maze. His eyelids were low, and his look was docile, but also alarmingly demanding somehow as he looked up at her through his fine lashes.
He grabbed her hand, placing it against his heart that thrashed against his chest like an untamed beast that waited for its freedom. "Will you let me please you now, Hanni?"
She nodded, not daring to blink which may cause her to miss the moment right in front of her eyes. "Yes. Please."
⁑
FIRST KISS OMGG this was sooo exciting for me to write!! I swear I love writing first kiss scenes, again I'm literally a hopeless romantic it makes me so happy to give my fiction characters a love life hahaha ☺️
I feel like I hyped this up big in last weeks note, and I hope it was up to everyone's expectations. Maybe you all thought it would be more romantic than passionate and fervent??? I don't know, but I just hope that regardless you still enjoyed it. I also included a heartfelt conversation in the end of this chapter because I just love when the oc and a love interest share deep and healing conversations together to deepen their relationship. 🙏🏼
I feel like this book is coming to a close end pretty soon, but I don't want to eat my words because I swear my books are always so prolonged because I could never just get to the point!! Lol I hateeee making my books seem rushed and I'm so sorry if this book seems that way! I want things to get moving, at a fast but also realistic pace ???
Anyway!!! I hope you all enjoyed! Again these chapters were so fun to write, and also soo hard because kiss scenes can be very tricky! I always try to fluff it up with emotions and elaborate details.
As always, enjoy your weekend! I hope you all had an amazing week 🫶🏼
Take care everybody! Thank you so much for reading 🤍