Pov Samira
I didn't know what I was doing, I had just left my home, abandoned my nikkah, I was lost, I didn't know what I should do, all night I had convinced myself that I could marry Harshad but as the hour drew nearer, and I felt that endless ball of bad thoughts towards suicide, I'd told myself that my life would soon be an effort here, was there any difference that it would be the same in the afterlife, but when I heard Esan's angry voice shouting at me, I froze.
"Ya rabb, I beg you forgive me, forgive me" I thought, crying.
I had let this weakness affect me for a moment without fighting, I was stupid, an idiot, if Esan hadn't come, I would have made the worst mistake of all.
My Didi was gone, my parents couldn't bear to lose me too. I looked at Esan, his jaw tight as he drove, his eyes focused on the road, strangely by his side, I felt protected.
"Do you trust me?" he asked
Long before my body responded, my heart did. Yes, I trusted him.
Suddenly the car stopped, he had just parked, and I noticed that we were opposite the green mosque in my town, my favourite. I watched him get out while I sat in the car, totally baffled, and he must have noticed because he came and opened the door for me.
"Samira, come with me," he said softly.
"Why are we here, Esan?" I asked him, feeling stressed.
He gave me a comforting smile and without answering me, he led me inside the mosque, leaving me alone for a moment, telling me he'd be right back.
I stared at the ground, putting my dupatta from my lehenga on my head, people staring at me because of my outfit, but where was Esan? "In Ireland, you've just seen him leave, he said he was coming back, stop stressing," laughed my inner voice.
I rolled my eyes, always so kind to myself, I rushed towards Esan when I finally saw him coming back, and my eyes opened wide when I saw the imam coming up behind him. I asked him about the delay.
"Samira, I've thought it over, let's get married", he said frankly.
Euh.... Did i hear correctly ?
I think age was giving me hearing problems, did Esan just ask me to marry him ? No, impossible !
"You told me once that I would find the right person to marry and I told you that I wanted her to be a good mother to Rizwan first and foremost, you are an incredible person Samira, you are the only one capable of taking care of him, I will protect you, your weight will never be a burden for me" he said.
My heart melted at his words, I've always wanted to marry him, it's true, I've never stopped loving him, but was it halal, I mean he was Sonia's husband, I want to marry him, but was it halal ? I didn't want to do anything wrong.
"Esan, I'd be happy to do it and take care of Rizwan but how can we do that, I mean, you're my didi's husband, I'm her little sister" I reminded him.
"I spoke to the imam about our situation and he told me it was permissible and this situation you are going through it's my fault after all " he said with a little bit of sadness in his voice
I looked at him astonished, how was the fact that I had to marry Harshad his fault, yes normally I should have married him but was it his fault if he loved Sonia not me, the heart makes its choices.
"Marry me.. Samira..let me protect you... I can't live with guilt for the rest of my life..." he said, pained.
I looked at his sincere eyes, he was almost begging me, I finally agreed, even if I felt guilty towards Sonia, I at least wanted to be with Esan.
The imam began the wedding, "Samira Ibrahim Ghulam, daughter of Ibrahim Ghulam, do you give your consent to this nikkah and do you accept Esan Farooqi, son of Rashid Farooqi as your husband?"
I looked at Esan, thoughtful, but the serene expression he gave me reassured me. "qubool hai, qubool hai, qubool hai"
"Esan Farooqi, son of Rashid Farooqi, do you agree to this nikkah and do you accept Samira Ibrahim Ghulam, daughter of Ibrahim Ghulam as your wife? "asked the imam, looking at Esan.
"Qubool hai, Qubool hai, Qubool hai" he said calmly.
My heart was rocking up and down, right and left, it wanted to explode from my chest, the butterflies in my stomach that had died the day Esan broke off our alliance, woke up starting to make me euphoric, I was his wife, he was my husband, I was in his nikkah, I was...
"Samira Esan Farooqi" my mind breathed in disbelief.
It was like being in a dream when the imam had us sign the official nikkah papers, "I'll do the necessary formalities for the legal side, keep this document safe" he warned us.
We both acquiesced, and the imam left us alone. I looked at the ground, not daring to look him straight in the eye; it was as if I had become shy and reserved.
"Samira. Thank you" he said sincerely.
A silly smile came to my lips, it was he who had saved me and I was the one to thank.
"Ya Allah, no that's not possible" I heard a voice screaming in fright.
I raised my gaze and Esan followed mine, my mother was standing there with all the family, Harshad's family was standing last, his eyes turned black as he looked at Esan and then at me, he started to move towards me furiously, I was afraid he would do anything to me but Esan stood in front of me, protecting me.
"I've got to talk to my fiancée", he shouted, climbing back up.
I froze, clinging to Esan's back, not wanting him to come near me. I felt Esan's hand go to my back and press me against him.
"I won't allow you, you have absolutely nothing to say to each other, she's my wife," Esan told him in an intimidating tone.
Harshad looked at us both with an evil look, then laughed hysterically.
"I knew there were ambiguous things between you, but I didn't think you'd sink so low, Samira, as far as running off on your wedding day to marry your late sister's husband. You've got no shame, OK, your looks aren't great, but at least I thought your character would make up for it - that's why I wanted to marry you, but in the end you're just as hideous on the inside as you are on the outside," he told me hatefully.
His words, full of violence, shocked me, my tears were blocked, how could he say that when he himself was so unhealthy? However, before I could say anything, all I could see was Esan's fist slam brutally into Harshad's face.
He fell backwards and looked hatefully at Esan, who just smiled hypocritically.
"You're the one who says Samira is hideous, have you really seen yourself in a mirror, what kind of man of your word are you to try and touch her before the wedding, you're just a manipulator hiding behind your fine words, listen to me, I'm the one who brought Samira here to marry her, if anyone's to blame, it's me alone and not her, but I refuse to let anyone dare say a word against my wife, I have every right to protect her, that's clear ? he said with a stern look
Harshad swallowed as he stood up. His parents came towards him. "Don't think, Samira, that I'll let you live happily, I'll come back when you least expect it" he threatened before storming out of the mosque.
I lowered my head, trying not to be frightened by his words, no, he couldn't approach me, suddenly I felt a burn on my right cheek and opened my eyes, my mother looking at me, hurt, humiliated, betrayed.
"Ammi..." I began before being cut off by a second slap.
"Is this how I raised you, to run away on your wedding day? That's the reputation you're giving us, I trusted you Samira, you've completely destroyed it, the death of your didi is still difficult for us and you're inflicting it on us on top of that, you call me Ammi but did you really consider me as such? "she asks me furiously
I shook my head negatively, wanting to take her against me to soothe her, so that she'd let me explain, but she pushed me away just as furiously, Esan caught up with me.
"I thought of you as my own son Esan, how could you do this to us? Samira was destined for you but you decided to marry Sonia instead, but if you had wanted to marry Samira so much, you could have come to see us, told us, we wouldn't have refused? "she asks him
in tears
Esan lowered his head, I was a pain in the arse because of me, my mother was screaming at him." I understand Mrs Ghulam your anger, your pain, it is totally legitimate, but you also understand that Harshad was not the right person for your daughter , he acted disrespectful before the wedding, and at what point did you tell yourself that after the wedding, he will change, No, I preferred to protect Samira, and don't tell me I was wrong on that point, the only reason you didn't stop this alliance was because your daughter's weight would prevent her from finding a good suitor, that's unfair," he said severely.
My mother looked at him, her mouth agape, I was moved for the first time someone was taking my side. My mother soon left with the rest of my family, and I wanted to follow her when Mrs Farooqi stopped me.
"Samira, give her some time to think, she knows it was the right thing to do, but in her anger she can't see clearly", she said tenderly.
I looked at her with a slight smile, she didn't look angry, nor did Mr Farooqi.
"We're so happy to have you as a daughter-in-law, Samira, after all, you must be," Mr Farooqi said gently.
I smiled serenely, I heard Ameera's arms, Rizwan was crying, I went to take him in my arms, I smiled, a tear rolled down my cheek, how long it had been since I'd seen my little angel.
"I've missed you, my little darling, forgive me" I said to him gently, he stopped crying when he finally heard my voice.
I felt Esan's presence at my side, he looked at me with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry to have separated you two from each other," he said guiltily.
I smiled at him, I had to ask him some questions, I had some, but for the moment my angel was in my arms, I held him close to me, he'd grown slightly in a month.
"It doesn't matter, you've managed to erase the pain of the separation by giving me the greatest gift of all, to have become his mother, I loved him like my son but now he really is" I said to him with a light spirit.
Rizwan's laughter warmed my heart, but I was frozen by Esan's unexpected gesture; he had just placed a tender kiss on my forehead.
" Don't scream !" My mind said to me
"You really are a golden person, Samira" he said, stepping back.
I could still feel the sensation of his lips against my forehead and I looked at him shocked, our eyes locked, he didn't seem to be at all unsettled by his gesture, even rather proud and contant, I blushed like a tomato. "Ya rabb my heart" I wrote to myself inwardly.
"Hum, hum, the lovebirds here, this is a mosque not your room" said Ameera comically.
The laughter of Esan and Ameera's parents snapped me out of my thoughts. I ran over to Mrs Farooqi to hide, and heard Esan's amused giggles from a distance.
I smiled as I got into the car with Rizwan in my arms, Esan took the wheel and I looked at him with a smirk, admiring his figure.
"He was mine, he was my husband", I finally said to myself.
This sentence kept repeating itself in my head and I felt like an eleven-year-old who'd just received her Eid money.
"You were one!" my mind laughed.
Maybe