Alex took a few seconds before she continued.
"What happened to us the past few days, or weeks... It was, umm... It was really great..."
I'd do anything for her to stop, really!
"I did not expect for it to happen, I didn't plan it and I don't mean to lead you on..."
Ha! At least she knows that she was leading me on!
I looked down again as I felt the punching on my chest become stronger and stronger.
Keep yourself together, Cara!
"I've hurt you. I know that, I just, I needed time to figure things out and..."
This is it!
"I'm sorry, we cannot happen. I'm not, I'm not gay, I'm not even Bi so, I don't know what had happened the past few weeks between us. I just... I'm sorry, is what I wanted to tell you and I... We cannot..."
"I get it, Ms. Williams. We cannot happen, believe me! I get it." I can't help but interrupt her. She's obviously trying to find the right words that won't hurt me, well, even if she finds the polite words to use, I'm still damn hurt!
The pain was slicing through my being but I cannot show it to her. She'd seen me cry already once, I think that's enough.
I cannot show her more of my vulnerability.
I wanted so badly to run to the bathroom or just away from her but I have to force myself to act fine. I can go a little bit later maybe, but not now.
Alex is staring at me like she was wondering or something, she must be wondering why I am showing no emotion at her. She may be expecting tears to flow down my cheeks as she shoots me down. Well, she's not gonna get it! Not today!
"Is that all, Ms. Williams?" I asked her in a firm voice. I even made sure that I held my face up.
"Uhh, y-yeah. Yeah, that's, that's all." Alex seems to swallow a lump in her throat.
You're not gonna see me cry today, Alex!
She shifted to her chair and took another sip of her coffee while she averted her eyes.
I took that chance to look at something else too. I opened my laptop and started typing, what was I typing? No idea. I just need to do something, busy myself maybe.
Where are those damn documents?
Alex as well started typing at her computer, pretending also? No idea.
Another 10 minutes had passed before we both heard a knock on her door.
"Come on in." Alex shouted.
Three guys came in with 2 flat trolleys full of folders. My eyes fell looking at them, it's not gonna be just 2 weeks, it's gonna take me forever to finish all those!
"There are two more trolleys Ma'am." One of the guys said.
I stood up and have my mouth hung open.
There's more?
"You can keep them on the side please." Alex gestured to them where to keep the folders. The guys started stacking them up properly.
"Are they arranged by country?" Alex asked them.
"I believe not, Ma'am."
OMG!
I sat up again, just looking at the guys as they unload and stacked the files.
Alex went back to her computer.
"I sent you the sheet for you to follow, but first, you have to categorize them by country before you proceed."
I opened her email and the sheet that was attached to it.
There are 12 to 15 columns I think that were on the sheet. I have to get the country, city, company name, address, registered number, contract start date, expiry etc.
Again, OMG!
I should be the one punishing her, not her punishing me!
Once the guys finished unloading the files from the trolleys, another two guys came in with another 2 trolleys full of folders.
"Can I run quickly to the bathroom? I'll go to the pantry as well to get myself a coffee." I told Alex but didn't wait for her to answer me.
I walked out of her office and was greeted by curious looks from my colleagues.
"What?" I asked them.
"What did you do?" David asked me.
"What? I didn't do nothing, Dave." I almost scolded him.
I walk towards the bathroom ignoring the looks I was getting.
The tears I was holding earlier burst out as soon as I entered the cubicle. I cried in silence as any minute somebody may come in and hear me, or worst, it would be Alex like the last time.
I stayed for five more minutes before I started composing myself, I can continue crying at home, here, I'm fine. Everything is fine here!
I am fine working closely with Alex.
I am fine being near her, breathing the same air.
I am fine without touching her.
I am fine sharing my meal with her every day for, I don't know, a month maybe, till I finish all the works she had given me.
I am fine!
So Fine!
Yeah, I think I needed that pep talk.
After I fixed myself, I went straight to the pantry and made myself a coffee. I didn't leave the pantry without sipping a couple of times from it.
That feels so good!
"Hey, I heard Alex is burying you alive in her office." Brian greeted me as soon as I stepped out of the pantry.
"Who told you that?" I asked him.
"The whole 9th floor is talking about it."
"Right. Umm, she needed help with some documents..."
"Some? It's a mountain of documents, Cara! That is not right, I'm gonna talk to her!" Before Brian could make another step, I grabbed his arm and pull him back.
"Brian, no! It's fine. I'm an intern, I can do it." He looked at me, disbelief written across his eyes.
"Whatever you two are going through, this is not the right thing to do, she's mixing her personal life to her business!" I could hear from his voice that he is really pissed.
"Believe me, Brian, it is not personal. She made it very clear just now. Whatever we have, I mean had, it's over. Ok? So just, let it go. I can handle it." I assured him.
His eyes soften along with his other features. I know he is concerned and worried about me and to be honest, I am worried about me too.
Imagine, I will be with Alex for weeks. I know I said I'm fine, but who am I kidding? Of course, I am not fine, but I need to be.
"Okay, but Cara, you let me know please if she tries something..."
"Bry, I'm a grown woman, I can handle the work and Alex." I smiled at him, convincing him that he doesn't need to worry.
"Fine! I'll pick you up later at lunch from her office."
"Ohh, yeah. Umm, she said we'll have lunch at her office every day. Those documents seem to be urgent so I think, she's making sure I will be focused on those."
"You're kidding me!"
"Brian, please, just let it go."
Don't make it worst. I wanted to add.
I saw Brian's jaw clenched, probably to stop himself from saying anything more.
"I'm gonna go back there, I'll see you later?" I caressed his arm, trying to reassure him that everything is fine.
He nodded in defeat.