I had woken up to find Vivienne asleep, her body intertwined with mine. The warmth of her skin against me. Her warm breath on my chest as she buried her face in my shirt. I gently brush a strand of hair away from her face, taking in the soft features.
My lips twitch into a smile, looking down at her in my arms. And then it hit me — the events of the previous night flooded back into my memory.
I had crumbled in front of her, my composure slipping away as I revealed the secret I had kept hidden for over a decade. In a mere five minutes, I bared my soul to her, confessing everything that had been weighing on me for years.
I couldn't seem to tuck it away anymore. I used to be the best at hiding it — and when it became too much for me, I'd distract myself with work, and unimportant things.
But I don't want to run away from Vivienne. I don't want to distract myself when all I want is right here. I find myself opening up to her in a way that I never thought possible. My guard comes down and my emotions spill out like a little kid. Like I would with my mom. It's both exhilarating and terrifying to be so vulnerable, but with her, it feels safe.
I never spoke about my feelings with my father. He believed crying was weak. I remember the day after she had died, he found me crying and yelled at me. He called me weak and disappointing.
'There's more important things to be dealing with.' he'd yell. 'Stop wasting tears.', 'Get a grip on reality.'
I was seven.
I didn't have anyone after my mother died, and he never wanted to speak of her, refusing to even mention her name.
It pisses me off to admit that I've become just like him, learning to bury my emotions deep down inside. I can still feel the weight of his words, the way they burrowed deep into my soul. He transformed me, moulding me into a reflection of himself. And that's all I know, that's what I thought I had to be, I thought it was right.
As I feel the emotions bubbling to the surface, I quickly reach for my phone, checking for any updates on my current situation. My spare hand still holding Vivienne against me tightly.
Various texts and missed calls from Vito, as well as links to articles of the event that took place nearly two years ago. I scoff, this is unbelievable. Who even was the woman-bashing cunt anyways, he couldn't have been that important. He had it coming.
Vivienne stirs in my arm, causing my eyes to look back down at her. My heart suddenly aches with regret for every decision and move I've made, until the moment I finally agreed to meet her.
Sleeping with random girls? Regret. Had I known of Vivienne's existence, I would've never touched anyone besides her.
Murdering someone? Regret. Now she's in trouble. This'll follow her everywhere she goes, and no matter how much she says she doesn't hate me, she'll probably never look at me the same.
My eyes return back to my phone, and I scroll past the links, not being interested in it this early in the morning. Only to find a text from my father, informing me on a charity dinner being held tonight. No doubt Vivienne's parents will be there.
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Before heading out to take care of some business, I had left a note for Vivienne while she was asleep in my bed, letting her know about the plans for tonight.
And when I had returned a few hours later, I had found her in her bedroom, my eyes falling upon her figure standing by the mirror. She was in the midst of getting ready, looking beautiful as always.
I don't know why I'm still shocked every time I see her. It's always the same reaction as the day I first saw her, as If I fall in love with her every time.
She's wearing the Alessandra Rich halter-neck fitted black dress, Saint Laurent rhinestone sandal pumps on her feet, with her long hair down, straightened to her waist.
As I stood at the doorway, I couldn't help but admire her. She was slightly bent over, carefully placing the Van Cleef black-diamond earrings in her ears. Lost in her own world, she seemed oblivious to my presence as I watched her through the mirror. Her beauty was captivating, I can't ever take my eyes off her.
Suddenly, she straightens herself up and her attention eventually turns to me. She gives me a warm smile. "How do I look?" She questions, giving me a little spin on the spot. "Honest thoughts." She adds, I give her a smile. I don't think my honest thoughts are very appropriate.
"Like you've cheated god." I retort, My lips curving up into a smirk, and my arms folding over my chest, as I lean against the doorframe. My eyes still roaming over her body.
"You don't even believe in god." She states with a frown, turning back towards the mirror. But I noticed the way her cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink, and a small smile playing on her lips as she touches up her hair.
She's right, I don't believe in god. But sometimes I find myself praying for her and her touch, and thanking him every time I remember I'm married to her. I've never believed in blessings before.
I preferred to have dressed casually tonight, but for the sake of my father, I opted for the Brunello Cucinelli white button-up, the sleeves rolled up to my elbows and the first few buttons undone, Black Emporio Armani slacks and paired with black Jimmy Choo leather shoes. I may be twenty, but my father still gets on my ass about my appearance.
Eventually, she announced that she was ready to go and we made our way there.
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It took us about half an hour to arrive, after being stuck in New yorks traffic, but we eventually made it.
I took Vivienne's hand and led her through the buzzing venue, weaving our way through the maze of white, rounded tables. The clinking of silverware and the murmur of conversation filling the air.
We eventually made it to our table, our parents already waiting for us, as well as Finn and his parents.
All gala charity dinners are the same, bottomless supply of cocktails, beer and wine, — that Finn has already seemed to have taken advantage of — And of course, there was the grand meal, a four-course feast.
I greeted the parents, with a polite nod towards my father, and a firm handshake with the rest of them. Vivienne, on the other hand, was greeted with affectionate pecks from her parents, and a hug from Finn before we eventually settled down in our chairs.
The night consisted of conversations, bidding, food and drinks. However, as the night progressed, a sense of restlessness began to set in. People leant back in their chairs, feeling stuffed and somewhat bored.
"Enjoying yourself, Finn?" I tease, watching as he lounges in his chair, bringing his hundredth glass of alcohol to his lips. Not caring that his parents will scold him for his lack of table etiquette. "It's for charity." he declares, throwing his hand in the air like it's obvious, or true in any way.
I roll my eyes before turning my attention to Vivienne beside me. She's got her head in her phone, aimlessly scrolling through her feed.
I reach over, my palms brushing over the top of her thighs, before gripping the side of the chair and pulling it closer towards me. She lifts her head from her phone, looking at me, confused.
I lean down, my lips almost touching her ear. "You alright?" I ask quietly, looking over her shoulder at her phone. "I'd rather not be here," she whispers back, her eyes scanning the room, "I hate these kinds of things," she adds.
That's kinda a shock to me, I had always imagined that she'd be the type to enjoy events and fancy social gatherings. But she never fails to surprise me.
"There's not long left, we'll leave soon." I reassure her, whispering into her ear again before straightening myself up on the chair when the use of my name brings me back to the table.
I participated in the conversation between my father and Vivienne, keeping my hand on her thigh, running my fingers up and down her leg underneath the table.
After a long, dull conversation, I had offered to take a walk with Vivienne to look at the auction items. Though, It was an only excuse for a break from the table, I didn't really intend on bidding on anything that I was interested in. A few thousand dollars here and there, I usually don't even bother to look at what I'm buying. I do it for the charity, the people in need.
We're walking along the tables, and while Vivienne's browsing, and inspecting, my eyes remain on her. The way her eyes light up, and the way she points to things to show me.
I follow her around like a puppy, until she abruptly stops in front of a massive painting.
I don't know anything about paintings or their value, and I didn't think Vivienne did either, but with the pure excitement and joy in her eyes, it's obvious something about this painting means something to her.
I take a look down at the bids beneath it, and with the high prices offered, I can only assume it's an expensive and valuable piece.
She pauses for a moment to look at it again before going on her way without saying much, only filling me in that it's rare for the artist to sell their pieces, and it's rarely available in local countries.
I pick up the pen next to the sheet of paper and scribble the highest possible price, more than anyone would pay for a work of art anyways, before casually catching up to her.
After I auctioned off a few more unrelated items, We've returned back to the table. And now they're announcing the winners. I've lounged back on the chair, casually waiting for the moment her name gets called out.
And while I haven't said anything to Finn, he seems to have picked up on it, from the looks he's been giving me from across the table. When they mention the painting, I feel a twitch in the corner of my mouth, and then I hear Vivienne's name ring out through the venue.
"What?" Her confused voice comes from beside me, I turn my head in her direction, giving her a smile as applause fill the room. I could see the confusion etched across her face. She studied my face intently, as if searching for some sort of explanation or understanding. Finally, she comes to the realisation.
"What?" She repeats, her words sounding more enthusiastic, her voice brimming with excitement. Before I could respond, she's leapt out of her seat and thrown her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.
"What did you do." She mumbles the words into my neck with a giggle, I smile, holding her against me with a hand on the back of her head, feeling her warm breath running against my neck before she pulls away.
Her smile is beaming, the happiest I've ever seen her. It's the most beautiful brightest smile I've ever seen on Vivienne, and if I had to spend a million dollars more to see it again, I wouldn't hesitate to do so.
She turns and shares her excitement with her mother beside her while her father sends me a proud smile from across the table.
Finn gives me a peculiar look, a teasing 'you're in love' look, as if he's rubbing it in and laughing at me.
I haven't told him my exact feelings for Vivienne, but I wouldn't deny that I'm madly in love with her, I'd admit that till the day I lie in my grave, and even then, I'd love her.
Hell, I'll have it engraved on my tombstone, too.
It was only $3,500,000, which is around the limit, I'd go high if I could. I'd buy ten of the paintings if she wanted them. she shoots me another appreciative, excited smile again.
Anything and everything for her.
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I hate the idea of her sleeping in another bed than me. I've been lying in my empty bed in the dark for hours, staring at the ceiling.
She was quick to disappear into her room once we got home, but I assumed she was tired and maybe drank a little much tonight, so I didn't disturb her. But now I regret it. I desperately want her in here.
Suddenly, I hear commotion come from her bedroom. Without a second thought, I leap to my feet and head down the hallway towards her bedroom.
I swing the door open, finding her in the same position I find her in most nights. Struggling to breathe, and curled up in a ball in her bed.
The room was silent, save for the sound of her laboured breathing. I approached her with a gentle stride, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. My fingers found their way to her hair, stroking it with a soothing touch. I spoke softly, guiding her through the moment as I always did. Until I eventually just take the chance, scooping her up in my arms and heading back down to my room.
I make it back to my bed, gently lying her down on the pillow. Her breaths came in ragged gasps as she looked up at me with weary eyes. "Are you sure?" she asks, her voice hesitant, barely above a whisper.
I responded with a knowing look. She's the one and only person I'd die to have in my bed, to feel her body next to mine, to breathe in her scent.
As her eyes fluttered shut from exhaustion, I lay down beside her, drawing her small body into my arms. My fingers gently ran through her long lengths of hair, soothing her as she drifted back off to sleep.
I feel her head nestle against my chest, her breaths gradually slowing until they match the steady rhythm of her heart, returning to its normal pace. The pace that I've got memorised in my brain.
I lie here awake for another hour, taking in everything about her as she peacefully sleeps on top of me. It's rare that I get to have her this close to me, given the little prick of a boyfriend who always seems to be clinging to her.
I should probably feel a little guilty for the guy, but I don't. she's mine.
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AN/word count - 2533