7/19/22
Friday
2:45 am
Dear, whoever might read this,
Hi, I'm not sure what I will be writing about but I know it will be dark. Also, I'm Cheyenne but everyone calls me Chey. Also, I'm 17 years old, my birthday is 12/02/2004. I'm probably going to trauma dump on here a lot and I don't know if I'm going to keep writing on this or an actual Jornanl I just know but it might add this I don't think anyone will ever read this and I kind of hope no one reads this because I'm going to share every secret every lie everything I've ever said in my life and I'm not sure if I can handle that because I'm not sure if I can I never spoke about my pain out loud nor wrote it down and maybe I should have maybe I could have I don't know be maybe I would be okay and maybe I'm not going to be holding this pain anymore if I wrote it down I'm hoping the pain will be gone I have so much anger inside of me I don't know how I'm angry at the world I'm angry how everyone even though they did nothing wrong. I don't trust I never trust why should I everyone eventually leaves everyone has told lies to me and I don't think I'm ready for that I don't think I ever will be ready for that because then I have to admit it that was hurting after all. and will this make sense probably not because I don't have the best grammar I don't pay attention in school I don't like school but I'm doing this because I want to prove I can do this. That there something good is inside of me I'm not sure if there is. I've lost so many people and I don't know how I'm dealing with it I don't think I'm dealing with it at all. I just push it aside and just focus on a new thing may be why I have so many crafts. I don't know why I barely can speak about it. I want to find a new life someone who I want to be but I don't know how to be that person because I'm scared to be that person I'm writing this because I'd never say these words out loud I never even spoke about this to my therapist I see twice a month and some days I don't even go because I don't know what to say I don't know how to put the feelings into words. Some day I'm scared that I'm going to lose my life with my own hands.
Till next time
Chey