"You are killing me, and you are keeping me from dying. That is love."
_
"The kids are coming with us." Jennie helps Jungkook in piling up baskets of food items in the rear deck of his car.
Jungkook accepts them. Organize them together so they stay still. One above the other. "Mhmm..." he replies. Doesn't really pay attention. Is busy working.
It's been two days. Two days of Jungkook being unavailable. He is out either working on some errand, or taking kids on a small drive, reading books, or spending time alone in the garden on a bench for hours, long gone in some thoughts.
Jennie is thankful something out of the ordinary has happened today and they're going out. She knows. It's for her sake. For her to recover. And honestly, right now more than her, her friends look likely more in need of a break.
She's glad the regular time loop of depression was breaking. Not just for her. For everyone. And it was not a want but a need.
But when she thought things would get better, it just kept getting worse.
You are also crammed up in your room. Skipping meals. But besides all that, you regularly came to her room. Slept with her. And Jennie was thankful for you.
First few days she knew she was not in her right mind. Things were unbearably hard. Everything just collapsed right in front of her. Her dad was her life. And imagining he's not here with her anymore seems so hard to cope with- but there were so many people here for her.
None could let her be sad.
And she acknowledges that it was only Jungkook who provided her with the warmth she longed for. She found solace in him. Perhaps it was because she grew attached to him? Don't know. But she's found someone who'd take care of her like her father did.
Jungkook. She fell right into his arms as if he were her safety net.
But it wasn't just about Jungkook. You weren't contributing any care less. She's seen you wrap your arms around her crying and shaking arms every night. Preparing all kinds of her favourite food items for her to eat. You were trying so hard, so so hard, and giving your best to make her happy.
Although you barely got time to do that.
She was almost occupied with Jungkook, but still, you played your part. Made your way in. Slept with her. Arms in arms. Empathizing with her. Even after being so exhausted. So tired. She loved you. You loved her. And she can never really compensate for what you have been doing for her.
She was more than lucky to have two of her favourite people to be there for her.
But like she said, since these two days things have gone halfway down.
Yes, two days ago she confessed to Jungkook. And she assumed he'd accept right away. But what she did not know was Jungkook hadn't really thought about it. She almost feels guilty about confessing that night. But she was genuine, and it was what it was.
She's never forced emotions on anyone and doesn't want to do it with Jungkook too. What she's done is tell how she feels about him and it's supposedly enough for her. Yet, she finds herself slightly astonished at the explanation.
Why has he rejected her?
Did he think she was irrationally being thankful to him? And they weren't just feelings, and she's misjudging herself?
She doesn't know. He didn't even bother to give her a proper explanation. He instead wanted to wrap up the conversation and run back to his room. Back to where he came from.
It's confusing to her. He's been nice. Was nicer than he is right now, before he left for London. He was open about his feelings. So expressive. So attractively engaged with her, but now — it's as if an enormous truck has hit her. Splitting her head open. As if what happened never happened.
He lifted her hopes. Led her on. Made her fall for him and now when it's coming to the commitment he's backing away. Why?
In these few days of being with him, she understands at least this much that Jungkook can never fall to such low standards. That he's not like anyone else. He was different. So easy to fall in love with. So easy to be with.
He sat listening to her rant about her dreams. Talking about her mom with her. Smiling at her. Bringing flowers to her. Encouraging her artistic creativity. Bringing food to her bed. Eating with her. Visiting her mom's grave with her. Laughing and talking nonstop. Making fun of each other. Picking out dresses for her. Clicking pictures with her. So much.
Everything when he arrived in Korea for just ten days. Just ten days and he'd left her with so much to feel.
Now? It's gone. Everything. Making her almost believe that it never even happened. As if she hallucinated the whole thing.
She was finding a home in him. One man she's been close to after her dad was Jungkook. Yes, she agrees everything was all about his looks at first. Trying to play a game of pretending to be the girl he mailed and stuff. Blah blah blah.
Jungkook never really mentioned emails. Jennie doesn't understand why you'd want to hide that from him. But of course, there was no harm. None of you mentioned it even once.
Instead, she was glad about it. In some ways, she got to spend time with Jungkook. Understand him. Get to know him on a deeper level. Ending up falling for him along the way.
She felt safe with him. In his arms. She can't fathom if it's genuine deep feelings, but she can say he's been a great friend to her. And she misses that part of him. So much. So much.
And if she could go back in the past, she would not repeat the same mistake as she did. Would email him. Become closer than she already is.
"Is that all?" Jungkook shuts the deck and Jennie blinks twice and thrice and clears her throat. "Wh–what?" She's almost panicking as if she spilt words from her brain all aloud.
He stands straight. Eyes on her. "The baskets?"
She takes a sharp breath. "Oh—of course. The baskets." She rubs her forehead. Looks everywhere. "Right. Right."
Jungkook approaches her. Hands slowly raise to firmly hold her shoulders but she flinches at the touch. He retracts immediately. Worried. "Are you okay?"
She shuts her eyes and lowers her head. "Yes–yes. Don't worry." She lifts her face and Jungkook almost gets slapped with the hat she's wearing.
"Oh—I'm so-so sorry. Shit." She adjusts her hat. She's wearing a light shade of green dress reaching her knees. It's decent and pretty. Strapped sleeves. A pretty bracelet on her wrist. Simple sandals.
He hesitantly nods, "No, it's alright." Brushes hands through his long hair. He's growing his hair, and she's almost ogling. He looks back at her and her eyes avert instantly. Cheeks flushed.
Jungkook tightens his lips and Jennie looks at him staring, trying to say her something but honestly, she doesn't know if she wants to hear anything right now. So, she distracts the conversation.
Stares back. "Hope you're staring at me because I'm looking pretty or not weird or something." And he burst into a laugh. Like, genuine laugh. It looks like it's been days since he smiled or laughed. It oozes her.
"No, always been pretty." He compliments and Jennie openly smiles. Relaxes. Feel suddenly proud to make him smile. As if she's acquired a great treasure box.
"We should get in the car." Jennie suggests, "The kids might–oh, there they are." And Jungkook stops in his tracks. Sees you coming towards the car with little kids clutching their hands on your dress and dragging you along.
Jennie squints her eyes at your sight. "That's Y/n right?"
Jungkook puckers his lips. Says nothing.
"Oh, I'm surprised they love her." Jennie is laughing at such an odd sight. You and kids? It's not quite a match.
Jungkook knits his brows. Stands rigid. Hands in pockets. Chest heaving up. Looks at you picking up a kid pulling on your skirt and holding him up, pinching his cheeks and throwing him forward only to see him run back to you and have you slip down.
You didn't like nosy stuff and yes, naughty kids included in that category. You're struggling and kids are overpowering you.
It's as if a disaster has come upon you and you're drowning under the pile of kids. And Jungkook sighs. The kids are getting on you. There's one on your skirt. One playing with your cardigan. Another squeezing your face. One holding your palm and comparing them with theirs, finding no difference and making fun of you.
"Wow." Jennie is amazed and Jungkook is already on the move. She sees him immediately lifting kid after kid one by one as if he's picking up fallen chocolates from the ground. He drops them away, far away from you. Shoos them.
Jennie titters and immediately comes to help you get up. You're staring at the sky. Gone. Re-thinking life decisions. Almost traumatized. And she's fallen on her ass, laughing so hard.
You blink, blink, and blink and spare a glance at Jennie. She's got her eyes tight closed from that laughter. Hands clasped tight on the stomach. "I'm so so–so sorry." She's still laughing and apologizing for laughing at you. "I shouldn't be laughing, but oh God—"
And you're fighting back a laugh too. Shake your head and get up. She's giving you a hand helping herself up too. Still laughing.
You slap her arm and subconsciously glance at Jungkook, who's just staring towards you. Glancing at your ruined hair and then at your eyes and when he realizes you catch him doing so, he jerks his head away and picks the kids up on his shoulder. Few in his hands and the others running behind him as he drags them towards the car.
+++
Putting on your seat belt, you groan as the little children crawl up on your legs and arms.
"You guys need to settle down quietly for a few minutes, or no fun time." Jungkook from the front seat, lifts a little boy trying to crawl in his lap and flopping him in the backseat. And no, he does not spare you a single glance.
Jennie, who was sitting in the passenger seat, giggles digging in her purse to remove a few gummy bear jellies and pass them back to you, "Y/n, would you share this with them? I hope this will help them calm down."
And he's made Jennie sit in the front seat.
"Sure." You take the packet from her and start giving it to the children, ultimately watching them slowly settle down in their places and gobble them all up.
"Take a few for yourself, too." And you shake your head, hand over the packet to her. "Thanks, but I'm full. Had my breakfast at the table."
She hums. "Aight."
Jungkook is busy looking out the window. He's wearing a plain white shirt. Sleeves folded up till his elbows. Hair scrambled. Aloe fragrance hits the car at its peak. Oh, and you're so doomed.
"Did I tell you that you look pretty today?" Your stomach churns when Jennie looks behind her shoulder to compliment you after keeping the gummies in her bag.
It lets you glance down at yourself and lift your brows. "Oh? Do I?" You look back at her for an assurance. She nods stiffly. "Why didn't you wear this until now?"
"Oh. Mom took it out for me. I don't even remember I had something like this."
"I've never seen you wear a skin fit," Her eyes smile. "It compliments your figure way too well."
The car speeds up a little, and you latch into your seatbelt with the kids. "Oh, thanks." You smile and blink. "Coming from the model herself. I'm pleased." You genuinely compliment her in return, and Jennie presses her lips tight with a smile and a little blush covering her cheeks.
You notice she's wearing a very pretty bracelet. "This looks so cool." You reach out for it and Jennie extends it forwards towards you. "Right?" Her eyes smile. "Jungkook gifted me this." Her words spill and you feel a sudden fall in your heart.
Jungkook gifted her what?
Wait, did they decide to date?
Your heart stops.
But again, why did it shock you? You had to be prepared for this. You broke up with him. He had every right to be with another person. You pushed him away yourself, so why hold grudges or get hurt in the first place? Right.
But you said you'd figure things out. Even asked him to wait until you figure a way out, but he...
"That's very sweet of him." You hesitantly smile at Jennie, and she smiles heartfully, turning away, admiring the little bracelet. "Really."
Shutting your eyes, you try to sleep your anxiousness, but neither sleep nor your mind wants to relax. Through the mirror, you watch Jungkook's doe-focused eyes on the road. He was so beautiful. He only deserved beautiful things in his life. Positive energy and a suitable partner, but he told you he wanted nobody but only you.
But you weren't that person right now. You're so broken. So pessimistic and full of negativity. Hate it. And you want to change. The question was how.
After half an hour, the car comes to a halt. You couldn't sleep a wink. The little children snoring in their sleep. Few of them lying on your lap. One, holding one of your fingers in their sleep, looking all cute.
Well, they weren't that bad.
The door on your side opens. Sunlight sparkles its way through your face. You squint your eyes to see Jungkook's silhouette.
He leans, reaches for your seatbelt and unbuckles it. A click of sound feigns against the silence. Jungkook has his palms resting against the seat, next to your head. He spares you a glance. His eyes fluttered down at your lips.
He parts his lips. Bends down and firmly tugs on the back of your hair. His breath feigning on your lips. Tilts his jaw, and lifts your face with a small nudge against your nose. Lips now meeting yours.
Eyes shut, his lips kissing your upper lip and your lower lip. Tender longing kisses as if he can't let go. As if this is the only chance he can give them. His lips are locked with yours. Ain't letting go.
Your head is pressed against the seat. Have your hands clasp his jaw. Skin covering in goosebumps. Deep breaths against your chest. Your toes are curling. His hands roaming everywhere on your body. His heart quickening against yours and you're dying and coming back to life. Again.
The kisses are so slicked and so intense that you're losing it. His eyes are furrowed close as he kisses you passionately. He's leaning forward and you're falling back.
"No way!" You suddenly realize Jennie standing right in front of you and watching you and Jungkook in heat. You're skipping a heartbeat. And Jungkook is dipping kisses down your throat.
Jennie is staring, and he is kissing you hard. You're trying to rip him away, "Jungkook—please. We shouldn't—stop. Please—" And he's caressing you. Calming you. Moaning against the touch of your skin. Loving you. Jennie is shedding tears and you're shaking your head. Devastated. Losing breath.
Your eyes open immediately and you're gasping for air. Jennie is calling for you. And you're so dreaded in horror. "Are you alright?" She's worrying about you. Face pale. "Did you have a nightmare?"
Your forehead is wet with sweat. And heart quickening. Jungkook. Where was he? You turn, look behind and he's holding boxes, paused. Looking at you all anxious. There are baskets piled up. He is staring at you and you are staring back.
Jennie pulls your attention back to her. "Drink this damn water." She gives you a bottle and you're coming back to reality.
You just had a nightmare. Oh god.
"I'll get them off." After you get to drink, Jennie gets the kids off sleeping around you and carrying them out.
You close the bottle and Jungkook comes in the front. Don't look in your eyes. But his jaw is clenched. Eyes focused on the kids. He came to take them. And you're staring. He is not.
His hands reach for the seatbelt held in your seat. He was so near to you that you held your breath. Just like how it happened in your dream. But this time the belt unbuckles and suddenly everything slows down. His big veiny hands press themselves on the seat behind you. His hair grazed your face, giving off a fresh bathed aloe fragrance.
Oh, lord.
His hands reach for a kid lying in your lap you didn't know you even had slept there. His fingers touch your skin midway. The fire in you burning you to hell. He lifts him and goes for another one holding your hand. How many kids were even holding you?
Slowly unwrapping the fingers from yours, Jungkook lifts them and takes them away.
A big thud brings you back to reality again.
It was Jennie, opening the door of the car. "I'll help with these, too." She lifts the other two kids who were peacefully sleeping, leaving you with only one.
"You can carry him, right?" She asks, and you look down at the innocent baby sleeping with his thumb in his mouth. "Yeah, I guess."
She smiles, "Alright, come over to the penthouse. I'm waiting inside." And she starts to walk away.
Lifting the sleeping baby, you make sure to not wake him up. Enveloping him carefully around your chest and resting his head on your shoulders. He was three years old at least.
And to your astonishment, the seatbelt was also unbuckled. If not, that could be a problem. Jungkook. He knew. Eventually helped you without your knowledge. Why was the world so cruel to you? Why weren't things easier? Why you of all? Why someone you loved so dearly?
You get out of the car. Close the doors and turn to see Jungkook running towards the car. The sky was too blue and bright. Sunrays falling right over the skin and burning you. It was that hot. In time you hide the baby in your cardigan and walk to the penthouse as Jungkook locks his car and picks out the remaining backpacks from the back of his car.
As you walk, you can feel Jungkook walking right behind you. Neither of you initiating a conversation. You slow your pace and Jungkook slows down with you. He is standing behind you. Looking out for you.
The silence saying is saying so much.
You hug the baby close and walk ahead.
It isn't as easy as it sounds. Staying away from Jungkook. It took you a lot of courage to take this step, but you didn't want to leave him. You only wish Jennie to get better and let her know about the damn truth.
Looking from Jungkook's point of view, you can't deny the fact that the pampering given to her would only lead her on. Only for her to hurt herself more than she would by the truth.
The only major factor was time. Only time would decide how things would turn out. But what if time runs out? You don't want to give up. Find a third solution.
Your love for Jungkook wasn't weak. No, it wasn't. It was true that you didn't want to be the next one to hurt Jennie. But that didn't mean you had the free pass to hurt Jungkook and push him into doing something he didn't want.
You had to do something. Your future with Jungkook was in your hands and you know only you can solve it.
The moment you reach the penthouse, one of your aunts takes the baby from your arms and leads you towards the changing rooms where the traditional kimonos are kept for each of the family friends.
Since this was a trip everyone is going all out. Getting ready. Wearing traditional clothing. And no idea why.
As soon as you get into the dressing room, you find a beautiful white silk kimono lying on the hanger designed in red chrysanthemums. A crimson red belt tugging around the waist. It was beautiful. Dying to get on you. And you're so mesmerized.
You put it on, get ready and look at yourself in the mirror, liking how it brings out a charm to your dim face. White suited you. The belt is hanging off from the back. And you're out for help. In searching for Jennie or your mom to help you out.
Dragging your feet bare on the cold porcelain, you look around until you find your mom preparing something in the kitchen. Your eyes sparkle finding her.
"Mom, could you help me with this?" While walking towards her with the ribbon, you unexpectedly spot Jungkook sitting and eating something you're mom's cooking.
You stop in your tracks, and he looks up from his plate to find you. Something shifts in his eyes. His jaw releases and his hands lose grip on the spoon. You take a sharp breath and avert your eyes to your mom.
She's placing another sandwich on Jungkook's plate before noticing your presence too and stopping midway.
"Oh—Goodness." She's slapping her mouth. Eyes all wide. Amusement filling in. "My dear daughter." She's smiling so widely. Already on her way to you. Hands cupping her cheeks as she checks you out from head to toe.
"You look gorgeous." She slowly circles you only to catch you grabbing onto the ribbon behind the Kimono and struggling with it.
She stops on your back, holds back a smile and she takes it away from your grip as you retreat and tuck back the long bangs behind your ears. Suddenly, too embarrassed.
You don't look up yet. You're realizing Jungkook is watching you and the mere thought of him checking you out is spiralling.
"Done." Your mom comes to the front admiring you, clasping her hands together under her chin and smiling. You try to leave, coming up with an excuse until your mom pulls you to the table to eat something.
If it just hadn't been next to Jungkook.
You take a deep, anxious breath and try not to be too nervous. Pull an empty plate towards yourself. You wait for your mom to give you the egg toast she was preparing just for you. You want to eat and hurry to leave.
"Jungkook, would you like one too?" Adding an omelette to the pan, your mom questions Jungkook as he shifts a little in his seat and leans forward at the table slap, folding his arms, "Yes please." He wipes his lips off the bread crumbs and you watch him through the rear view of the mirror placed in your eyesight.
He tucks his long hair behind his ear and you notice something new. He got his ears pierced. As if your mom heard your thoughts, she raises her eyebrows at Jungkook while flipping the egg toast. "You've got your ears pierced, huh?"
Jungkook touches his earlobe and fidgets with his earring, "Yeah," The answer is quite plain, with no enthusiasm or surprise in his tone. Your mom hums staring at him. "You got yourself a girlfriend or something?"
You choke on your breath and Jungkook sits up straight, taken aback. Your mom is watching him react. He blinks and takes a pause. "Why would you think that?" He asks, clearing his throat and not expecting to sit so bare, having your mom be the one questioning him of all.
She shrugs, switching off the stove. "It's obvious something happened." Serving hot egg toast on both of your plates, your mom gives him a knowing smile. "At least one of you guys got a partner." She wipes her hands with a kerchief and you bury your head lower to dig up, a little ashamed.
Your mom was a little pokey today. You wonder what made her like that.
"Y/n is not at all interested in dating, let alone seeing them." She sighs, taking tons of your single life worries on her head as if it were an urgent need. How much ever you try to avoid the topic she brings it up that much.
Jungkook quietly chews, taking another bite until your mom chooses her next words that none of you are ready to hear.
She sits on the whirling chair and rests her chin on her palms, looking at you with a grin. "Well, it's solved since she's meeting a man today."
You stare bewildered as Jungkook pauses. "She looks super pretty, too." She adds, wiggling her fingertips towards you, "And he is quite handsome himself."
The room turns dead silent and your eyes dart lower, seeing Jungkook who had his head hung low, his fingers trailing the fork on the plate. Most probably wondering how you were to jump to another guy so soon.
"Anyway, Y/n could you call for Jennie? She might be in the changing room. Let's eat together until everyone gets ready for the preparations." She turns away, changing the subject as soon as she can so you can give no excuse.
Should you leave? Or explain to Jungkook how it is a misunderstanding? But again, your mom was right in front of you. "Hurry," your mom urges you to leave and you decide to have a talk with him in private. You wanted to talk to him. The fight you had two days ago was a huge one, and you didn't wish it to end like that. It was a need. So many things to say.
Having the last bite of the meal, you dust your hands and chew the toast on your way heading towards the changing rooms.
You didn't think your mom was quite serious when she said she would find a guy if you didn't bring one yourself. Like, why was she so persistent about marrying you?
You didn't want to meet any guy. NO ONE. Even if he's ten times more attractive than Jungkook–which might not be true since you only found Jungkook attractive as a man and no one else.
No one was on par with him. With his personality. With the love, he has for you. That man was a chaos of sparkles and magic, enchanting you with his charm and making you his bandit.
It was hard to fall out of his love. You could relate to Jennie, but she had to get better. For herself. For you and Jungkook.
You reach the changing rooms and look for her. You had to be there for her and if you couldn't help her, what kind of friend were you even?
You open the door of the changing room only to hear faint voices of Jennie coming from outside. And before you can turn, you suddenly get pushed inside the changing room with a hand clasped around your mouth to prevent you from screaming.
Getting frightened as you are about to scream, you notice it's none other than Jungkook who flips your back against the wall. Click the door shut behind him and face you.
Bringing his index to his lips, he asks you to shush, slowly retrieving his palms away from your lips.
It takes quite a few seconds for you to comprehend what just occurred. Jungkook - who was not on talking terms with you right now, shut you close with him inside this closed space with Jennie arriving next door. And if you're right, it happened because your mom chose to raise his impulse to this point of taking this step.
Oh, this was going to go so wrong.
♡♡♡
A/N
Yooo how's everyone doinggg???
We're finally moving forward and yes you're right there are going to be longer chapters and there's so much going to happen eeeee.
Also, Golden is about to releaseseee letsss stream that hardddddd
And Let's be healthy and happy.
Pray for those in need.
And that's all it is. Hope you liked the chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment. Thank youuu<3
See you next time :)
Muahhh
Amxnx