"Call me if you need anything?" Amelia gives me one last long hug at the door. Angel that she is, brought me back to the hotel and took me for massages, and most importantly shared her and Charles own story of loss that almost divided them forever.
Until it didn't.
She's a true gem of a friend.
Most of all I'm shocked she skipped the race for me, she's never done that before. Granted as she did Charles is worried to shit, thus her leaving. She's off to met him and explain the reason... I trust her to tell him.
Frankly I trust them both with my life at this point. And now that Daniel knows, what's the harm?
I so appreciate her being there.
But now it's time to face my own demons.
I'm in no hurry to do so, so I give Daniel time.
But he doesn't reach out.
The sun sets, and still nothing.
Lovely.
The silence speaks volumes.
It's near eleven when my phone rings again, but it's not Daniel.
It's Amelia.
"Hello?"
"Hey, you alright?"
"As I can be."
"Good. Daniel just left here." Daniel was at the club instead of talking to me? Didn't see that coming. Maybe I should text him after all... "He's in his cups E. Charles talked to him and he fucking exploded."
Well this day is going from worse to worser, if that's even a word.
"Where is he going?" I should go to him then.
"I don't know -" Amelia answers as my phone buzzes again.
Daniel, finally.
"I gotta go, he's calling. Sending love." I hang up before she can say a word in edgewise. He's the one I'm dying to talk to.
"Daniel?" My voice is small.
"Where are you?" He gets right to the point, a slight slur giving away that he is in fact deep into his cups.
That certainly isn't going to make this any easier.
"My hotel."
"See you soon." He says, hanging up immediately after.
And if my stomach wasn't already swirling with nerves it sure is now. I can't just sit here and await his arrival or I'm going to lose it.
A joint!
Yes, that'll do. Anything to take this edge off.
I'm halfway into my second before he arrives. Never in my life have I gone back to back like this but in the same beat never in my life have I been this anxiety ridden.
I want this to go well.
I can't lose him.
The mere thought makes me feel physically sick. What have I done?
A bang at the door tells me the dreaded conversation has arrived. The fact that the banging doesn't stop until I open the door tells me this isn't going to be a smooth one either.
The moment I lay eyes on him I know he's pissed.
Understandably so.
Daniel looks disheveled, still in team gear and the muscles above his jaw tightened. If this moment wasn't so tense he'd look hot. Hell, he looks hot either way.
"Hi, how are you?" The moment the words leave my lips I want to kick myself. How is he? Not well obviously. Nice job bringing that up Elsa.
"Do you have something to tell me?" He skips to the elephant in the room. Striding into the room and moving right to my bar.
"Lots of things." I snort, and his glare tells me that isn't what he wanted to hear. Fair point. He pours himself a whiskey as I hover nervously.
"Want one?" He asks, and I decide to take this as a good sign.
"Please." Their truly aren't enough vices in the world to take this edge off... but that won't stop me from trying.
He replies by handing me a glass, and taking a seat . Following his lead I take the opposite seat and nervously sip my drink.
For a moment we both sip silently, neither of us sure how to proceed. The air feels fragile. My heart feels it too. But all hope isn't lost yet. Daniel looks angry sure but he is handling himself quite calmly all things considered.
He won't meet my eye but he breaks the silence first "So..." Setting his now empty glass down with a clink "I talked to Christian. He told me he saw you several months pregnant in December. He thought I would have known."
And he should have.
But there's no take backs now.
"I'm sorry." Whispering as I stare at the carpet, suddenly scared shitless.
Terrified to lose him.
"That's not enough. You need to explain." His tone is biting with annoyance, the quiet calm before fading in an instant. And he's right. He deserves an explaination.
It feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders, crushing and making it so hard to breath. "You're right," I slid my shaking hands under my legs and force myself to at the man that holds the key to my heart "I was pregnant last year..."
My voice shakes as the pain of the memories come back again. Daniel looks at me watching as if his entire world hinges on my words. "But I lost the baby."
He looks as if the winds been knocked out of him. "And whose baby was it?"
I try to gulp but there's nothing but sawdust in my throat. Anxiety I'd tried to force down climbing up within me at an unstoppable pace. "I'm really sorry Daniel - I, I... I didn't know how to tell you."
He stands to his feet, pacing with impatience as everything unravels. Daniel runs his hands through his hair, tugging the curls. "Damn it Elsa, whose baby was it!" His voice is raised now.
My heart pounds so hard I'm sure it'll give out.
"Yours." I admit, and with the confession feel some of the weight lifted. I hadn't realized how much it'd been pulling on me until the moment I let it out.
Daniel looks at me the same as if I'd taken a knife to his gut. My heart cracks at the sight. "I know, it's a lot to process-" I start but he raises a hand to cut me off like a scolding school teacher.
I fall silent as requested and he grips the chair so hard I can see the whites of his knuckles. This is a lot. Feels like our the world is fucking spinning. He picks up the chair just enough to smash it back down. I'm not threatened, I know the look in a man's eye who will hurt you physically far too well. This isn't that look. This is the look of pain. Heartbreak.
This is going terribly.
What have I done?
"Where you ever going to tell me?" He asks, and tears fill my eyes. I beg my brain to open my mouth but nothing happens. No words come out. I'll frozen at the heartbreak. I don't want to tell him the truth, but I gather all my willpower and force myself to tell another painful truth "I don't know."
In a flash he picks his glass up and throws it into the wall with rage I've never seen from him before, letting out a frustrated groan filled with such deep pain I almost expect him to fall to his knees. So much pain my own heart shatters from the sound.
"DAMN IT!" He howls.
And then I know.
We won't survive this.
A sharp knock at the door startles me so badly I jump in my seat. Daniel looks at the door, then at me and immediately strides towards it.
Who the hell could it be? The only person I can guess is Amelia. If so she has shit timing... Rising to my feet behind him, the stress has me physically weak in the knees.
Daniel opens the door to Max, who looks positively stunned.
What is he doing here?
"Everything okay here?" He asks as if he was just checking in on any other hotel guest, as if he does this all the time.
Is everything okay here?
No. Feels like my whole world is falling out from under my feet.
Neither of us speak, but Daniel turns back to look at me with one last look and I see the words in his cold eyes before he ever says them "We're done." He snarls and all but shoves Max aside to tear away from the hotel room.
I drop to my knees like I've been shot and sob.
It's all I can manage.
Everything hurts.
I let Daniel break my heart again. Or maybe I broke his. I don't even know at this point, but I do know we've left a mountain of chaos and pain behind us we can never climb back up.
I hate myself for letting this happen.
Max shuffles over and wraps his arm around me, rubbing my back as I cry. We sit like that for what feels like hours and he never speaks. Allowing me to grieve at my own pace. It's already tomorrow by the time I lift my head and finally meet his blue eyes.
Instead of questioning me, he explains "My room is next door. I heard the commotion... I didn't know it was you guys."
Of course he didn't. Sweet, wise max. I don't know what I did to get lucky enough to have his opposite room but I'm thankful it worked out. If left alone tonight I don't think I'd be capable of peeling myself off the floor. Max stands, and pulls me to my feet as well. "Thank you." I'm barely whispering, all the strength cried out of me today.
There's nothing left. It's all I can do to pull myself onto the bed.