"I love these roads where the houses don't change (and I like you)" - 400 Lux
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"So, did you guys have fun on your little adventure?" Jasper asked when Kris and I returned to the table. I wouldn't really call it an adventure because adventures are supposed to be fun. Nothing that I do with Kris is fun.
"She tried to bring me to a dark room and have sex with me. So I left and went to the nurse to take my meds." Which haven't really set in yet, so my brain is a little woozy.
The table began to laugh, the twins and Zoë more loudly than Bella, who was trying to pass her little giggle off as a cough. I watched Kris's face explode red and I just shrugged, turning my attention back to my sandwich. I don't know why everyone was laughing so much. I could have an STD from sitting on that desk.
I noticed that half of the sandwich that I had only taken a bite out of was gone. I raised my eyebrows at the twins, who were now teasing Kris.
"Kris. We've told you that you cannot pick up straight girls, it doesn't work. That's where-"
"I'm not straight. Which one of you two ate my sandwich?" Cole made really good peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and now I only had half of one to eat.
The table went dead silent for a few moments, and I tapped my foot impatiently waiting for an answer.
The table erupted into laughs again, and this time Bella didn't even try to hide hers. Kris shot me a small glare, and I shot her one back. I wanted my sandwich.
"Kris has met her match." Some declared that I couldn't pinpoint because I was too busy mourning my sandwich. I laid my head on the table with a dejected sigh, realizing that no one was going to give me the answers that I wanted.
"So Kris, how does it feel knowing that you can't get every homosexual girl in the school to sleep with you?" Adam commented after his brother, holding an invisible microphone out to Kris. Zoë and Bella fell into another fit of giggles, and I rolled my eyes at the sound. I don't know why everyone here laughed so much. It was probably a side effect from hanging around Kris so much.
"Hey Jasper and Adam, how will it feel when I break your jaw for eating my sandwich so that you can never eat anyone else's food ever again," I interjected, holding out my invisible microphone the same way that Adam did. Adam and Jasper's faces fell into frowns and this time Kris was laughing. I would've turned my head around to glare at her because I didn't want to hear her voice either, but I was too lazy.
"We're sorry Adri." Adam started, and Jasper nodded behind him.
"Yeah, at first we only took a little bit. But it was really good, so we took some more." Jasper finished, scratching the back of his neck. I glared at both of them and sat up so that I could cross my arms over my chest.
"Well, now I have only half of my really good sandwich." This is why I didn't hang out with people. Because they eat my sandwiches. Also because I'm not good at interacting with anybody and I don't like the human race.
That's all.
"You should make them buy us more Sebastio's," Kris whispered from beside me, and I immediately leaned away from her. Did she forget that I was mad at her?
"For one, we just had Sebastio's last night. You can't have the same thing two nights in a row," Kris shot me a "said who" look, and I just rolled my eyes before continuing, "For two, who said that it would be for you. I'm still kind of mad at you for letting me sit on your STD desk." And besides, I would probably want to eat the whole box by myself anyway. It's pretty good pizza.
Kris sighed in defeat, before turning towards Bella. I shrugged and turned back to glaring at the twins while eating my sandwich. I stared at them for the rest of lunch so that they knew to never eat my sandwiches again.
The next time they did it I was going to stab them.
Δ,
"Who's going to take you home?" Anyone but you.
"Cole probably." Truthfully, I had no idea and would probably be here for a while before someone realized that I'm not at home.
"I could-"
"Kris I'm not getting in that car with you. You drive too fast and it scares me." I interrupted, cutting her off before she got too many ideas. I think that being a passenger in a vehicle that Kris is driving is something that you can only experience once and if you ever tried to experience it a second time, then you probably wouldn't make it out alive.
Kris chuckled quietly and then sat next to me on the bench. Well, she tried to anyway, I just moved to the other side.
"I'll wait with you, Adrianna." I rather you not.
"That won't be necessary Kris. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." I reassured her, only halfway lying. Physically, I could defend myself because my crazy puts me on a level of untouchable most can't reach. However, the probability of me wanting to defend myself is quite low. It's probably the whole me wanting to die thing.
"Yeah right. You probably-"
"Hey look. It's Nate." I commented, watching him walk out of the locker room. I saw his hair clinging to his face and he carried a duffle bag in his hand, so I was assuming that he played some sort of sport. That sucker, who played sports anymore? Exercising was for chumps.
"How do you know Nathaniel?" Kris's voice had gone cold and glanced over to see a hardened expression on her face.
"He accidentally knocked me over on the first day of school. He helped me find my Physics class, so I guess I see why you don't like him." Math was for chumps too.
"If he had known that you like girls, then it probably wouldn't have been an accident." Oh. He was that kind of person.
Maybe it's just because Kris is Kris; I'd probably purposely trip Kris in the hallway. Really Adrianna; Are you really going to try and tell yourself that? Which part; I probably would trip Kris in the hallway. When Nate trips you again, don't come crying to Kris or I. Fine, I still have Lily; have you seen her lately. Nope, but I hope that she is dead.
People like Nate are the reason that I am at School #4. My sexuality is the one thing in my life that I have loved about myself. I'm able to say "I am lesbian." without cringing or having a nervous breakdown. It was the one thing that I didn't try to hide about myself, which got me in a lot of trouble. The number of names that I got called, plus my already unstable condition was slightly problematic. I had heard Cole mention a few times to our parents about taking me permanently out of school and keeping in the psych ward. He would never do that though because he doesn't want me to kill him.
I am never going back there.
"I'm not going to tell you who to hang out with, but I do not advise you, a not so stable, homosexual female, to hang out with him." Kris sounded like a normal human being for once and I did not like it. It was actually kind of scaring me.
"Don't worry Kris. I already have a group of losers to hang out with." Bella and Zoë weren't losers and Jasper and Adam are only losers because they ate half of my sandwich. Kris on the other hand.
She was a definite loser.
Kris laughed and I rolled my eyes. She laughed way too much for me. My phone rang in my back pocket, and I groaned, taking it out and putting it on speaker.
"Hey, Adrianna." Cole's voice sounded a little scared, and I sighed quietly. Here comes the bad news.
"Yes, Cole?" I questioned, and I saw Kris raise her eyebrow in the corner of my eye. I waved her off and stared down at my phone waiting for his answer.
"So I forgot that Ellie had dance practice today. And you know that the studio-"
"Is halfway across town, so you need me to find another ride home. If I die, it's your fault." I hung up the phone, and let out a quiet scream in frustration. Now I have to get into a car with someone who was probably going to break a thousand traffic laws in 30 minutes. Well, my house was supposed to be a 30-minute drive away, but Kris is probably going to make it a ten-minute drive. I guess that was one good thing.
I'll probably be dead, but at least I'll be home.
"Don't pout Adri. I'll drive extra slow." Extra slow for you was probably still over the speed limit.
"I just want to make it home alive so that I can take a nap, Kris. That's all I want." School is extremely exhausting and by the end of the day, I'm ready to collapse.
She shot me a funny look, as she opened my car door for me.
"I can do that driving at my normal speed, and get you home faster." And I will probably be in a casket. But she's right. I'll be sleeping and home faster.
I rather she drives as slow as possible. That's right; because you're attracted to the crazy person. Adrianna, she's not crazy; you're crazy. At least I admit that I'm crazy; she's in denial.
"Just get me home Kris." Preferably alive. Dying is bad.
Dying is bad. Dying is bad. Dying is bad.
"So would you really never...give me a chance?" Kris asked slowly, as she pulled out of her parking spot and began driving away from the school.
I sighed quietly and turned my head toward the window. I didn't want to have this conversation right now, or ever really, but especially right now. I know that if I open my mouth, then it won't be me talking right now.
Ignoring people is rude Adrianna. Asking people invasive questions is also rud. It's not an invasive question; It's a yes or no question. You've been banned from telling me what to do since whenever I decide to reject your advice, you decide to do it anyway. Because you're a wuss. Because you're invasive.
"You're having another internal debate Adri," Kris commented quietly, and I shot her a look. I know that I'm having another internal debate, Kristina. I didn't need you to tell me that.
"I don't like it when you ignore me, Adrianna. You don't have to answer my question, I just-"
"Why are you even alive?! You're frustrating and you give me a headache and I don't want you to talk to me. I just want you to shut up and take me home. Alive. I want to be alive when I get home. That's all I want." My head throbbed, and my chest began to cave in on itself.
I'm confused and at a complete loss for words because I don't know what to do or say to her. I don't know if what I say to her will be right or if she'll hear me, and for some reason, I desperately need her to hear me. I've only known this girl for two days and she makes me feel worse than a week in the psych ward.
I hated that psych ward.
Kris stayed unresponsive until her hand moved from her steering wheel to my knee. I shot her a wild look and threw my arms in the air.
"What is wrong with you? Did you not just hear me yelling at you? If you didn't, just FYI, I said: "I just want you to shut up". So if I don't want you talking to me, what makes you think that-"
"You didn't mean it," Kris spoke up, and I gaped at her in disbelief. She is touching me and she interrupted me. And I'm the one who needs to be in the psych ward.
"If you had meant it, then you would've moved my hand by now. But you didn't. You're just scared because you don't know what's going on in that little head of yours, but if it makes you feel any better, I don't know what's going on in mine either."
My mind went blank, other than for the thought telling my hand to push her hand away.
You know she's kind of right. I don't know what to say to you. You only get shaky and scared whenever you don't know why you feel a certain way. I don't know what to say to you. That's okay. I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what to say to anybody.