To my mother, to my father
It's your son, or it's your daughter
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere way too fast
The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere way too fast
All your insults and your curses
Make me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing
But you made me, so do something
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give
'Cause I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere way too fast
I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere way too fast
-Staind-For You-2001-
-JAYDA-
"Again," I insisted, out of breath.
"You sure?" Mai asks, a little hesitant.
"Yeah," I replied. "Just one more time."
"Jayda, you already look like you're gonna pass out," she comments. "Maybe we should call it a night so Jason doesn't bite my head off again?"
"Okay...yeah, that's fair," I sighed. "We'll stop."
"You've been doing a lot better," Mai remarks. "Synthesizing the demon blood has helped a bit, but it still weakens you after a while."
"Yeah," I murmured. "We'll have to figure something out...I can't let that happen again."
"I know," Mai sighed, handing me a water bottle. "I'm sorry it happened, and I'm glad you're okay...But for now, let's take a break. Once we start this case, we have to focus on that."
"That's true," I murmur after taking a drink and pulling up the files that Joey sent us. "Dr.Blackwood would use that against me in the sanitorium. He's on another level of evil."
"We've faced worse," Mai assures me. "You're right, though. While you, Jason, and Salim hunt him down, Nick and I will free his trapped souls."
"This is Alice's origin story case," I marveled. "For as long as we've known her, we never thought to ask how she got into all this."
"What fascinates me is how the haunting has progressed over the years," Mai mused, looking over the information we have.
"Right," I agree. "Usually, spirits repeat themselves, trying to deal with their unfinished business. This entity has gotten stronger somehow..."
"Joey is sure it's taunting Alice and Greg," Mai responds. "They're the only ones to escape without losing their minds somehow or getting killed."
"Considering the long list of victims over the last couple of centuries, I'm impressed," I tell her.
"She's our CO for a reason," Mai chuckles. "Where did she go, anyway?"
"She went to see her family, and then she said she was having dinner with Greg," I respond.
"Am I the only one who saw the chemistry between those two?" Mai asks. "I know she's married, and Daniel is amazing, but I caught that."
"They're childhood sweethearts," I inform her. "And Alice and Daniel separated, remember?"
"I should have known to ask the psychic," Mai chuckles. "And...Shit, really? I didn't know!"
"I didn't mean to pry," I sighed, stretching out on the bed. "It was so intense and obvious that I picked up on it."
"Damn," Mai swore.
"So, speaking of chemistry, how is that going?" I wonder. "You and Nick?"
"It's going well, I think," Mai shrugs. "He's been handling his stuff better than I have."
"You need closure with Garrett," I reasoned. "One way or the other. In a way, I got mine with Damian."
"He's still out there, somewhere," Mai muttered.
"We'll find him," I promised her. "And then you can stop feeling guilty for wanting to move on with Nick."
"Is it weird that I'm having issues with it?" she frowned. "I mean, I-I know Garrett set me up. He left me to die, and I don't want him back. I'm just wondering if he can be saved or is as far gone as Damian was?"
"It's not," I assure her. "We live in a world where shit isn't black and white. We try to save people before we condemn them."
"Thanks," she says with a smile.
"...None of this changes the blatant sexual tension between you two, though," I tease her.
Mai groans, pulling one of the pillows over her face, having been embarrassed into mumbling in Japanese. I pull the pillow from her, and she sighs.
"I know," she sighs. "Trust me, I know."
The door opens as Nick, Salim, and Jason pile in with takeout.
"Hey," Jason greets us. "We're back with dinner."
"There are so many choices in America; it took me a while," Salim explains.
"That's okay," I smile at him as I kiss him and Jason. "What did you end up with?"
We pulled out the food containers as Nick and Mai grabbed their food and sat down.
"What were you ladies up to?" Jason asks as he sits down, too.
"We got in a little more practice," I explained.
"How's that going?" he continues.
"Hm. Better, but I still shouldn't push it before we head to the sanitorium," I admit with a sigh.
"You'll get there," Salim assures me as he inspects his food.
"Thanks," I reply with a smile as he pulls something out of his container with a speculative expression.
"What is it?" Nick asks.
"Must Americans deep-fry everything?" Salim asks.
"Yes," we all said in unison.
"You only took him to get fried food?" I asked Jason shrewdly.
"I-listen," Jason defends himself. "My fried chicken is much better, but this is a close second. Highly recommended."
I level him with a look. Salim eats differently from the rest of us, not just because of his faith. He prefers healthy choices, and I make damn sure that his faith and diet are respected. The results speak for themselves...
"It's alright, Jayda," Salim assures me. "It was only a question. The restaurant had halal options for me. Jason did his research."
"See," Jason chuckles with a crooked grin. "No harm meant. I got this, darlin'."
"You're lucky you're cute," I warn him.
His grin widened when he knew I'd forgiven him. The past six months after we left Iraq have been good for all of us. I had a rough time after I killed Damian, but my friends got me through it, along with Jason and Salim. The demon blood took a while to leave my system, and the power I'd felt was almost seductive. This was what Azazel wanted.
I kept to myself after the temple because the power felt like a drug. I needed to purge myself of it, and it wasn't pretty. Through it all, the team had grown closer, and Mai suggested a synthetic form of demon blood. It kept the worst symptoms at bay, and I wouldn't give in to Azazel. The thought terrified me, but at my worst hour...in my weakest moments, I considered it.
After I'd recovered, I was filled in on the SS Ourang Medan, but the Men of Letters have had problems locating it. In the past six months, we have been solving cases worldwide. We also visited Zain in London and met Nick's family. His mother adopted all of us, and she adores Mai. Now we're back in the States to help Alice with the sanitorium in her hometown.
Jason and I waited with bated breath as Salim took his first bite of fried chicken. His look of surprise and delight was adorable. I caught that Jason had been worried, and knowing him, he would drive to every restaurant in town for Salim. Once Jason relaxed, I tucked into my food. Mai was right; I'm drained. And hungry.
"I'm glad you like it, Salim," Nick comments with a grin.
"I prefer your mother's roasted chicken over this, but it's still good," Salim replies.
Once Nick's mother gleaned Salim's preferences, she did the utmost to make him comfortable in her home. The two of them spent much time in the kitchen together and with Jason, too. The memories we've made have chased away the ones I carried through childhood. They didn't hurt anymore.
"She'll be glad to hear it," Nick assures him. "We're welcome back anytime."
"So, has she stopped asking for grandchildren yet?" I asked innocently.
"I-why-" Mai splutters.
"Uh," Nick chuckles. "N-no, she hasn't."
"Oh, interesting," I mutter, smirking at Mai.
"Anyway," Mai enunciates. "Were any of you able to get any information today?"
"It's like the town is being held hostage," Nick comments. "They're terrified, and after what happened to those ghost hunters, they don't think there's hope."
"We swung by the hospital to visit Sarah," Jason adds. "She's messed up by what happened in that place."
"She didn't mention seeing the doctor or any of the patients," Salim follows up. "When she was lucid, she told me you're made to relive your worst nightmares...face your darkest fears...and that's if you survive."
"Maybe that's what killed the others," I muse with a shudder. "They didn't make it through."
"But what about the disappearances?" Mai asks.
"I don't know," I sighed. "Clarice and Aerin were looking into it when we left."
"Are Hunter and Joey still in New Orleans?" Nick asked.
"Yeah," I explained. "Joey found a lead...he may have discovered why Hunter is on borrowed time."
"What do you mean?" Jason asked.
"Hunter's grandfather ran into trouble with a voodoo priestess," I muttered.
"...Oh, shit..." Mai swore softly.
"I'm noticing a pattern," Nick pipes up.
"What do you mean, Nicky?" Jason asks.
"A lot of us are connected to this shit through family members," Nick elaborates. "My cousins end up on the same ghost ship where Jason's grandfather disappeared. My family knows all about this shit, and we grew up not knowing any different. Azazel targeted Jayda's family. We all ended up in temples full of vampires. There's a connection somewhere."
"Huh," Jason murmured. "And now we're in Alice's hometown to help her fight something that brought her into the monster huntin' business in the first place."
We sat there for a moment, thinking about what was said. Mai also had a loose connection to what happened to me through Garrett. I didn't want to bring it up again, and I knew she was still thinking about it. After a while, we turned the conversation back to the case. We were going to head to the asylum later tonight.
Activity ramped up around three in the morning when the patients rebelled against Dr.Blackwood. I hoped that we could resolve this and give Alice closure, and free this town from the hell it was going through.
-JASON-
I crept along the hallway with my shotgun in hand. It's loaded with salt rounds, and I'm ready to shoot anything that's not human. I checked every room on the second floor along the way, ensuring I didn't miss anything. We've been hunting this thing for a while now. Somehow I got separated from Jayda and Salim. I could have sworn they were on either side of me, but now I'm alone. Fuck it; I've done this before.
The sanitorium I'm in is part of a local legend. In the 1800s, this sick fuck Dr.Blackwood experimented on patients until they fought back. The patients killed the bastard, but they couldn't escape. By the time the police and fire department broke through, everyone had died. Ever since then, it's been rumored that the doctor still roamed the halls, looking for more patients to fuck with, and the patients were still trapped here.
People have been sneaking inside this place out of morbid curiosity or as a dare ever since. The few that make it out aren't the same when they do. They've lost their minds, as the good doctor wanted...others have died in messed up ways. The city has condemned the building, and they are trying to keep people away from it.
The mayor called us in because she didn't know what else to do. One of the detectives on the force grew up with Alice, and he suggested it. The mayor used to serve with Alice and. Well, I'll be damned. Nick was right. There are connections all over the place. Since no one has located the ship yet, we worked on cases. I don't mind it.
We got to go back to the States. Jayda and I have had fun showing Salim around. I thought we would deal with some prejudice, but a lot of the people we met were angry with CENTCOM for what they've done. We've been lucky they didn't pry when we visited town. They can't know what we were up to.
I continue down the hallway, hoping to run into this asshole myself. I never talked about it, but my mother had a short stay in an institution after putting up with my father for so long. After the news broke, my sister Janine reached out, wondering why I hadn't come home...when I explained myself, she told me the old man had passed away last month...but I'm not ready to go back. I agreed to stay in touch with the rest of my family, though.
"...You're not as strong as you think you are...I can feel it..."
Ah, the good doc is here somewhere. I move towards the whispers. I'm not afraid of the son of a bitch.
"Says the motherfucker who hides in the shadows," I retort.
"...You don't think for yourself...you're just a body and a gun...without that, what are you?"
I aim my shotgun toward the voice, but nothing's there. I kept moving. If I'm hearing him, then I'm close to where his remains are. According to Joey, the good doc liked to mess with people's heads before he killed them. I had to keep my cool.
I turn the corner, and--something's not right. The temperature drops so I can see my breath, and an icy draft sends a shiver up my spine.
"Show yourself!" I demand, cocking the shotgun.
A figure steps out before me, but...it's not Dr.Blackwood...who is that?
"You think the demons out there will kill you..." the voice whispers again. "but the demons inside your head will tear you apart from the inside..."
I didn't respond. For some reason, I needed to know who the fuck was down the hallway. Even as my limbs grew heavy, bile rose in my throat, and I fought anxiety that seeped from the back of my mind; I kept moving.
"Who the hell are you?" I demand.
The figure stepped into the flashlight in my ear, and...what the fuck? He looks like me, but-
-SALIM-
Life has taken...an odd turn after I left Iraq. This wasn't what I had imagined when I wanted to see the world, but it could have been much worse. I'm helping people with friends and two people that I love while my son gets his education. I'm not a prisoner of war. I'm not dead. I feel very fortunate. Alice has done so much for us; I'm happy to return the favor in her hometown.
Jayda, Jason, and I were to hunt down this Dr.Blackwood while Nick and Mai worked to free the asylum victims. We had already searched the unmarked grave where he had been rumored to have been buried. We salt and burn the corpse inside, but the attacks continued. We assume he has a solid connection to the place because his body might be there, and that the corpse inside may have been one of his victims.
We pull up to the gate after dinner. The asylum was a grand building in its prime; I could tell by the architecture. I didn't have to be an Empath like Jayda to feel the pain and fear radiating from the building.
"Mai..." Jayda murmured.
"I know," Mai shudders. "It's awful."
"Is there anything we can do?" Jayda asks next. "It's going to be hard to stay in there long."
"I made these amulets," Mai recalls, passing them out to us. "I'm not sure how effective they'll be, but it's better than nothing. We'll be alright. We've got our guys with us."
"Yeah, we do," Jayda says with a smile.
The relationship between myself, Jayda, and Jason has grown even stronger. I did have moments of doubt that attributed to my wife having left, especially when I explained it to Zain, and he admitted that he had grown to love them, too. They all took a hand in giving him advice or spoiling him equally. That was important to me.
I've often wondered if I was enough for either of them. I hadn't been interested in being with anyone after my wife had gone, and even if I had been, my concerns were to keep Zain out of trouble while being forced to serve in the Ground Forces. I hadn't thought about myself in years. Imagine my surprise to have met my Marines and growing to love them in a short time?
They have often assured me that while my fears are valid, I don't need to worry. We took time away from the Men of Letters and supernatural threats just to be. After Jayda was well enough, we went to see Zain, and then we visited Nick and his family. It made me realize that as much as I love my son and don't regret what I have done for him, I have stopped living for myself. Zain had pointed this out often, and I would brush it off.
"I can hear you thinkin'," Jason points out, bringing me back to the present.
"You ok?" Jayda asks.
"I'm fine," I assure them. "I was just thinking about how much has changed."
"I hear ya," Nick chuckles. "We had everything all wrong. But in a way, things have turned out better than I'd have thought."
"I agree," I tell him. "I don't want to know what would have happened if things had gone differently for us."
Nick and I have grown to be close friends, as well. After all, he was the first American to meet me with kindness in the temple. He has come a long way from being burdened by the guilt of the Green Zone and some of his actions while we fought for our lives. I assured him that I had forgiven him. He and his family welcomed Zain and me with open arms.
"Alright, man," Nick lets out a steady breath. "Let's see what this place is about."
***********************
This place...I can feel the anger and despair that lingers here. I never understood the morbid curiosity that drew people to places like this. I haven't been a hunter for long, but I've seen this worldwide. Nick and Mai reminded us of the plan, and we split up. Usually, Hunter would be with us, and we split into teams of three, but he was in New Orleans with Joey.
Jason has his shotgun loaded with rock salt. I kept the iron bar I used to kill vampires, fascinated that iron can repel ghosts. The others head the east wing of the asylum, while the three of us take the west wing, where Sarah had been found. Jayda has the EMF reader while we scan the area, looking for signs of activity.
"This has gotten out of hand," Jayda murmured. "The police are too afraid to come in here. We might find some physical evidence, so we should be on the lookout for that."
"What do you think Blackwood is keeping people for?" Jason wonders.
"His experiments, most likely," I guessed.
"That's so fucked," Jason grimaced.
"I agree, hayati," I respond. "The irony of a man tasked to help others when he has demons of his own to chase..."
I turned to hear his answer, but he wasn't there. What the hell? We were all in the same corridor seconds ago. I guess Blackwood's mind games have begun. No matter...I unsheath my weapon and press on.
"Jayda!" I warned her. "It's already started. Jason disappeared."
"What the-" she whirled around, and her eyes narrowed into slits. "Blackwood can't have him. Let's kill that son of a bitch!"
I nodded as we kept moving. We know Jason can care for himself, even though Jayda and I have worried about him lately. He told us about his childhood and why he never reached out, even though his sister did to say to him that their father had passed away. Their mother was doing better now that she could breathe without the Kolchek patriarch.
Yet he wasn't ready. He hasn't told his sister about us out of fear of how she would react. We hadn't known the horrors his father had put him through until Jason got drunk a few nights after Alice told him about his grandfather being connected to the Medan. Unfortunately, this made him vulnerable in a place like this. We need to find him. Now.
Jayda hooks her EMF to her jeans, and she pulls out a pistol loaded with iron rounds. I assume that Blackwood will isolate us all at some point, forcing us to face our deepest, darkest fears.
"Where are you, Jason?" Jayda murmurs.
...She'll leave, too...
That wasn't me. It's him. Blackwood.
...So will he...together, perhaps...they always leave...have you ever wondered why that is?
I admit that got to me a bit...the fear and doubt that lingers in the back of my mind from time to time. It's not their fault, as they have done nothing but love Zain and me unconditionally. This is on me. I've happily moved on, and yet I never got closure. I don't know why she left; at the end of the day.
I need to breathe. I need to stay calm. We needed to find Jason and send this demon to hell, where he belongs.
"Salim?" Jayda gently touches my arm, bringing me out of the thoughts Blackwood planted. "Hey...are you okay?"
"...Blackwood," I inform her, clenching my jaw.
"Do you need to talk about it?" she asks, running her hand from my arm to my face.
"Not in here," I promise her. "He's done enough, I think."
I rest my forehead against hers, chasing the shadows away. She nodded before kissing me, and we separated. After checking on me, she's angry again.
"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch for messing with my boys," she growled.
This reminds me of when a woman raucously propositioned Jason and me in a bar in Las Vegas. Jason and I barely had time to warn the unfortunate woman before Jayda brought down a wrath to rival an avenging angel. At the slightest hint of danger or inappropriate behavior, she defended us fiercely without emasculating us. We usually handled it ourselves, but at that moment, Jayda had been in earshot.
"He's not long for this world, then," I chuckled.
"No, he's not," Jayda agrees. "I've been worried about Jason..."
"So have I, habibti," I sighed. "He's had a lot on his mind."
"I've wondered if his sister or mother might know something more about his grandfather," Jayda says. "But it's not worth hurting him to find out. If he's not ready, we shouldn't push him."
"I agree," I tell her. "The things he told us about his father...it explains a lot."
"He's also worried about what his family would think," Jayda laments. "I mean, even if he wasn't with the both of us, neither one of us is white or straight, and-"
"-I'm not a woman," I added, and she nodded. "I understand...let's focus on finding him and solving this case. The rest will follow if it's meant to."
"Sounds good," she agrees. "Wait, what's that noise?"
She moves forward down the hallway, and I don't catch whatever she has heard until we are halfway down-
"JASON!" she screamed.
Of all of the creatures I have faced and the horrors I have seen, nothing could have prepared me for seeing Jason lying prone while Blackwood hovered over him. Jayda fires her gun, and he disappears with a taunting laugh. He's not our concern right now. We rush over to Jason, who hasn't moved.
"He's freezing," Jayda laments as she tries to revive him.
"Let's get him back to the van," I suggest. "We got here in time, and he's still alive. That's what matters."
I lift him into my arms as Jayda contacts Nick and Mai. They weren't successful, either. Even though we make one hell of a team, we have never faced anything of this magnitude. We may need to call for backup or wait for Alice and Greg.
"What the hell happened?" Nick demands as we get into the van.
"Blackwood," I explained. "We were together one moment, and the next, Jason was gone. We found him on the other side of the wing, and Jayda shot at him before anything else could happen."
"Shit," Mai swore. "I need to find something stronger than an amulet to keep him off us."
"I'm gonna call Joey," Nick decides.
"I had the same thought," I tell him.
"This is our toughest case yet," Jayda says as she starts the van. "Let's get Jason out of here and regroup. Maybe we went about this the wrong way."
As we leave the sanitorium, I mull through the research we've done in my head. I don't think this is an angry spirit. I have never heard of one doing the things that Blackwood has done tonight. What the hell are we up against?