When we arrived back at Hogwarts, Pansy and I immediately went to our dormrooms to unpack our bags. We had to walk through the commonroom to get there and secretely I was hoping Mattheo would be sitting there, but it was eerily quiet in the commonroom. He must be in his own room or somewhere else in the castle. I was a bit disappointed not to see him, but maybe it was for the better. I think it will only hurt me more if I do see him. Pansy and I kept walking further to our dormroom and went inside. 'Are you ready to be back yet?' Pansy asked once the door closed. 'What do you mean?' I asked a bit confused. 'Are you ready to see him again? You haven't seen him in two weeks and now you're going to spend everyday together again. Are you up for that?' I really didn't know if I would be, but I don't have a choice. 'Yes ofcourse. It'll be fine, right?' I said with a smile that showed more hurt than happiness. 'If you ever need an out out of a conversation, just say... uhh... pineapples. Okay?' 'Pineapples?' I asked confused. 'It's our codeword from now on. So, if you ever need me to save you from Mattheo, just say that.' Pansy said it with a straight face, but I couldn't take her seriously. 'Sure, Pans. Will do.' I responded while laughing. Pansy joined me with her own laughs and together we laughed our asses off. I don't know when I will ever need pineapples, but I'm glad to have Pansy to come save me if I need her to.
After our laughing had died down, we unpacked our bags and went for dinner in the Great Hall. Pansy and I walked in together and sat down at the Slytherin table. There he was. Mattheo was sitting diagonally across from me. We stared at eachother for a couple seconds, before we got taken out of our trance by Pansy. 'Does anybody want any pineapples?' She asked. I immediately turned my head towards her. 'No, thank you, Pans.' 'Are you sure, babe?' 'Yes.' 'Okay, they're here for you when you need them.' 'I know.' I gave her a weak smile and started to grab some food.
For the rest of dinner, I did my best to not look at Mattheo, but sometimes I took a quick peak. Right after dinner, Pansy and I went back to our dorm and soon after we went to bed. That first night back, I couldn't sleep. So, I went outside my room to go get some food from the commonroom. While walking towards the commonroom, I heard some voices coming out of one of the other rooms. I walked towards the voices and noticed they were coming from Mattheo's room. I listened and I heard him groaning and yelling in pain. I opened the door to see what was happening, but all I could see was him rolling in pain while sleeping. Deep inside, I knew I had to turn around and just walk out, because his nightmares weren't my problem anymore, but I couldn't. After everything he did, he still didn't deserve those nightmares. No one does. I grabbed my wand and hesistated once more. Was this a good idea? Should I do this? Fuck it. 'Legilimens.' I whispered. I entered Mattheo's nightmare and saw how his father asked about me. Mattheo didn't answer him and in return he got hit by the Cruciatus curse. His father kept going, which is why Mattheo was screaming in pain. I turned my head around, I couldn't watch this. And I needed to focus to be able to change the nightmare. I focused as much as I could between the screams and placed a memory of my own in his mind. It was one where I was observing him while he was making potions. He was completely in his element and enjoying every second of it. Once I knew this memory would keep on playing in his head, instead of the nightmare, I got out of his mind again. I took a couple steps back, while trying not to fall over because of the exhaustion that hit me like a truck. I forgot how much energy this took. I silently tried to walk back to my room without falling over, but I stumbled against Draco's room in the process. Within a couple seconds Draco opened the door, to see me half asleep against the wall next to his door. 'What's going on Y/N?' Draco asked me. 'Hmmm?' 'What's wrong? Why are you standing here?' He asked genuinely concerned. Somehow I mustered up enough energy to form a coherent sentence. 'I'm sorry. I think I sleepwalked here. I'll be going back to bed again. Good night.' I heard Draco whisper a silent 'What?' while stumbling back to my own room. I opened the door and stumbled forward to my bed, only barely making it before passing out.
What felt like only a couple minutes, but were actually hours, later Pansy woke me up. 'Hey, babe. Wake up. It's time for breakfast.' 'Please let me sleep, Pansy.' I responded half asleep. 'Come on, Y/N. You need to get up. Why aren't you up already? Normally you're awake at first light.' Pansy said, while trying to pull me up out of bed. 'I'm just tired, Pansy.' 'Didn't you sleep okay?' She asked genuinely concerned. 'I slept fine. I don't know, why I'm tired. But, I'm up. I'm up, really.' I said with as big a smile as I could muster, before standing up and making my way to the bathroom. I got dressed as quickly as I could, because I saw that we were running late for breakfast. Normally, I'm the one to wake up Pansy and then we're almost early for breakfast. But, since it's the other way around today, we were running a bit late. After getting ready, Pansy and I made our way to the Great Hall. Everyone else was already there, we were the last ones to arrive. 'Good morning, ladies.' Blaise said. 'This is a first. Y/N arriving last at breakfast.' Theo said with a smile. 'Yeah, yeah. I'm late for once in my life.' I said a bit irritated. Normally I would be able to laugh about it, but right now, I'm way too tired. Pansy and I said down next to Blaise, with Draco, Theo and... Mattheo opposite us. I quickly glanced at Mattheo, before my attention got pulled away by Draco. 'Heyy...' He whispered. I knew exactly what he was going to ask and I had to silence him before the others heard. I'm not known for sleepwalking, because I don't sleepwalk. So, if Draco started talking about it, I would get questions from everyone what I was doing in the hallway in the middle of the night. 'Heyy, I know what you're going to ask, but can we please keep this between us? I was not feeling to great last night and I don't need anyone to worry about it okay?' I whispered back. 'Okay.' Draco responded. 'But, Y/N?' He added. 'Yes?' 'Are you okay? You look exhausted.' 'I'm fine, Draco. Just a bit tired.'
During the rest of breakfast I stayed quiet not talking to anybody. The only thing I was focused on was not falling asleep. I somehow was able to eat a bit of french toast, before having to get to my first class. While in class, I didn't hear anything the professor said. I was still focused on not falling asleep, which kept on happening throughout the day. After my last class was finally finished, I told Pansy I would skip dinner today and go to bed immediately, because I was not feeling well. She asked me if she needed to bring me some dinner, but I knew I wouldn't wake up before breakfast the next day, so I told her not to. I quickly walked back to my dormroom and in no time I was asleep. And like I predicted I didn't wake up until first light the next day.
Once I woke up again, I was fully energized again. I woke Pansy up this time and we were one of the first to sit down at the breakfasttable. Everything felt normal again. Like that night of helping Mattheo with his nightmare never happened. Only I wouldn't feel like that for long. Because the next night I once again couldn't sleep. I was again walking towards the commonroom for a snack, when it all felt like a deja vu. I could hear Mattheo's painful screams coming from his room and before I knew it I was in his room again. I couldn't keep on doing this, but I also couldn't let him go through this pain every time. I let out a big sigh and raised my wand once again. 'Legilimens.' I entered Mattheo's mind once again. It was the same nightmare as last time, Mattheo being hit by the Cruciatus curse by his father over and over again. However, it felt worse than it did last time. I want to run up to them and help him, but I can't be seen by Mattheo. If he sees me, he'll know what I'm doing and he can never know. I turned around in the nightmare and it took a lot, but I focused just enough to think of a memory I could change the nightmare into. I grabbed the memory of our first date out of my mind and replaced the nightmare with it. I removed myself from the memory and let Mattheo see his happy self wandering through the bookshop and looking at all the books, just like I had watched him back then. It hurt not being able to go back to that bookshop with Mattheo again and to see how happy we seemed to be together, so I got out of his mind and this memory as soon as I could. Just like last time I stumbled back a couple steps from the exhaustion that hit my body. I walked in slowmotion back to my own room, making sure not to hit any of the other doors on my way, before letting myself fall on my bed and passing out.
The next morning, Pansy had to wake me up again. 'Y/N, wake up!' She almost yelled it. 'Pansy, please can you talk a bit quieter?' I responded groggy. 'I have been trying to wake you up for about five minutes, babe. Why didn't you wake up? This is the second time this week, that you're that deep asleep after first light. What is wrong?' 'Nothing is wrong, Pansy. I'm awake.' I stood up out of my bed trying not to show Pansy how hard it was for me to get up. 'See!' I said while opening up my hands as if I was presenting myself to her. 'Please, tell me if something is wrong, Y/N.' I grabbed Pansy's hands before trying to reassure her. 'Pansy, I'm fine. I promise. Now, I'm going to get ready, so we can head down for breakfast.' 'Okay.' She said hesitantly. I once again quickly got dressed, because we were late.
We made our way to the Great Hall and before we even had the chance to sat down, I was greeted by Theo. 'Late, twice in one week. You're slacking off, Y/N. I don't know if I should be proud or disappointed.' 'You should be quiet, that is.' I said with an enormous amount of sarcasm, before sitting down. 'Someone's not a morning person today.' Theo whispered underneath his breath, just loud enough for me to hear. I looked up and glared at him. Theo immediately avoided eyecontact and left me alone for the rest of the breakfast. Just like last time, I kept quiet en focused on staying awake during breakfast and my classes.
Right after my last class finished, I tried to make my way back to my dormroom to go to sleep, but I was held up by Mattheo. 'Y/N, wait up!' He half-jogged his way up to me before slowing down to a walk beside me. 'What is it, Mattheo?' 'Why are you doing this, Y/N?' 'I don't know what you're talking about.' I lied. 'Okay, why are you helping me with my nightmares?' 'I'm not.' I lied once again. It doesn't surprise me that he found out it was me, but I was not going to admit it to him. 'Yes you are, Y/N. Every time one of my nightmares is getting bad, it somehow turns into a happy memory. The first time it was me making potions in class and the second time it was our first date in the bookshop only you weren't in it. Neither of these dreams are memories from my perspective.' 'Why should that mean that I'm doing anything? Don't you think your own mind is changing your nightmares and the perspectives off the memories?' Mattheo sped up his walk, so he was in front of me. He then stopped and turned around, so I had no choice, but to stop walking. 'Don't play dumb, Y/N. I know you're doing this, because both times it has happened, the next day you're so exhausted, you're at the brink of falling asleep in class and you're barely standing up right as we speak. You skipped dinner two days ago to go to sleep and you were about to do the same today. I was the one who told you it takes a lot of energy to do this and I can see how much it is taking from you. So why are you doing this?' I didn't know, what to say. So, I just looked at him. 'Please, tell me. Why?' Mattheo pleaded. 'Because, you don't deserve them.' I said, my voice barely audible. 'What do you mean?' 'You don't deserve the nightmares. And you don't deserve that pain.' 'But, I hurt you, Y/N.' Mattheo said confused. 'I know you did, but that doesn't mean you deserve to be hurt as well. Nobody deserves the hurt, your father is causing you.' I meant both the hurt he was causing Mattheo in his dreams and the hurt he caused Mattheo in real life. These kinds of nightmares are almost always based on memories, so if Mattheo was having nightmares about being hit by the Cruciatus Curse, I don't doubt for a second he's been hit by it in real life. And Mattheo knows it. 'Now, if you don't mind. I'm going to bed.' I said when Mattheo didn't say anything anymore. I started walking again and Mattheo stepped aside before saying one last thing. 'Just promise me, you won't do this anymore, Y/N. It hurts too much to see you so exhausted, because you're trying to help me. I'll be fine, I just need you to be fine as well.' I stopped walking for a second, doubting if I should respond. But, I didn't. I resumed my walk and made my way back to my bed.