With a shaky hand I pick up the first test, eyes claps shut as I try to steady my heart before looking. I'm hoping for the best, but deep down I know what the truth is. I take a few calming breaths, hoping that easing my breathing will cushion the blow. I can get through whatever the outcome is, I know I am stronger than whatever life wants to throw at me. With my eyes still closed I pull the test up towards my face.
You can do this, Veronica.
Apprehensively, I snap my eyes open Feeling them burn with tears as soon as I register the two deep blue lines that stand bold against the white background.
"No! No this can't be right" I try to reason with myself. Maybe it's a faulty test, that happens all the time.
I pick up the other three. Seeing the same blue symbol shine boldly on each of them, mockingly. The thick tears spring to my eyes before anything else, my body finally giving out as I fall to my knees and begin to sob. Who am I fooling? I tried to talk myself up, thinking I could handle whatever the outcome may have been. But I am fragile and far too weak. Deep down and despite my best attempts at looking through rose colored glasses. Those had shattered long ago.
I feel Angel wrap her slim arms around my body, trying her best to comfort me as I become a mess in the middle of the bathroom floor. She holds me for a moment, allowing me to release everything I am feeling. In a perfect world I would be filled with earth shattering joy, calling Noah and telling him the news. I'm sure he would be scared at first, but ultimately he'd be so excited to be a dad. But that's a world that doesn't exist. Even if Jasper wasn't also a possible contender in the game of "who's the daddy" there was still a big issue at hand. Noah's newly found infidelities have shattered any hope of a better outcome. As much as I love him, I can't allow him to get away with betraying me in such an unforgivable way. Not only has he caused me to doubt what love really is, but now I doubt myself. And I will NEVER allow a man to have that power over me again.
"Hey, sweet face" Angel finally speaks after a while. Pulling my face up with her soft hands and locking our eyes.
"We will get through this" she reassures as she squeezes me tighter.
I know she heard everything Natalie confessed to me, and I wish I could manage to feel embarrassed at the fact. But instead I am just broken and lost.
I'm able to pull myself together after a while. Whipping my tears with the back of my hand.
Angel and I come up with a plan. She tried to talk me out of it intently, but when her attempts were shut down she aided me in my efforts. We quickly clean up any and all traces of my pregnancy. Putting all four tests, boxes, and instructions into a plastic bag and shoving it down in her purse to dispose of. She gives me my last check in advance, that along with what I've saved up in the last few weeks is enough for an Uber, a plane ticket, and to get me set up in whoever I decide to go. She helps me with packing up what minimal belongings I have. They all get shoved into the same blue duffle bag I used when I first came home to Richmond. It's kind of funny, how everything has come full circle.
I make sure to keep Noah's things separate, it's too painful to hold onto them. I neatly fold up the bedding and leave it on the corner of my mattress. Along with all his belongings.
"Here, take my number. Keep in contact with me please. I won't tell ANYONE about today. I'll pretend like it never happened. Just please check in whenever you can and let me know you're safe. If you ever need ANYTHING do not hesitate to ask" Angel says as I escort her to the front door. She hands me a small sliver of paper, any and all means to contact her written on it neatly.
I smile before taking it, tucking it in the palm of my hand for safe keeping. I will oblige to her requests, I know she has the best interests at heart for me. She pulls me into a hug, both of us gripping onto each other for a moment. Although, we have not known each-other for long she is like a sister I never knew that I needed. She went out on a limb to give the sad lost girl from Virginia a chance when she didn't have to. Her virtue is something otherworldly, truly a soul like no other I have ever met. I will miss her more than she even knows. I hope one day our paths will cross again.
"Thank you so much, Angel. For everything." My voice cracks as I speak, my strong front crumbling.
"It's what soul sisters are for, Ron. Please be safe" it's the last thing she says before she opens the door slowly, giving me one last wave before existing through the threshold and shutting it behind her.
I run upstairs to gather my bags, quickly ordering an Uber before factory resetting my phone and placing it on top of the linen tower I had created.
I prepare myself to leave, but something doesn't sit right within me the more I think about it. As much as I should just walk out and never look back, I can't find it within myself to leave without any closure. With that in mind, I quickly find a pen and paper. Writing down a heartfelt note for Noah to find whenever he comes home.
It's cruel. Leaving him with only my words and not the chance to defend himself or even tell him he may be a father. But it is all I've got. My mind is made up and nothing can make me stay. I pour my heart out and onto the paper, the tears falling violently from my eyes as I do so. I lay it all out, most of it at least. Once I'm done I fold it up in fours, neatly. Placing it on top of a picture of him and I that I can't bring myself to take, before pulling his chain off from around my neck and laying it out on top. It was the last thing I had left of him, and watching as it shimmers under the light of my room causes my heart to completely shatter within my chest. I hope he can manage to move on with his life, find a girl worthy of his love. I wish it could have been me. But I can't blame anyone but myself.
I wipe my face harshly, grabbing the few bags I had before flipping the switch and walking out.
Goodbye Noah
—-
Two years later
I watch as she plays. Her giggles filling the air as her short raven hair whirls around in the wind. Her round cheeks tinted red, breathlessly as she continues running around. She's the purest thing I have ever laid my eyes on. A small body full of joy and ignorant to the cruel world around her. Her laughter rings through the air like a symphony of joy. Doe eyes sparkling with wonder as she explores her surroundings. Smiling widely as she picks up a palm full of mulch from the playground's surface. Throwing it in the air and watching as the wind picks it up and blows it around her. Another infectious laugh falls from her mouth violently, tickled by the small gesture. Watching her play is like witnessing pure innocence in motion. A moment that fills my heart with warmth and reminds me of the innocent beauty in life.
She turns her head in my direction, her happiness still etching on her lips as she opens her arms and runs.
"Mommy" she coos loudly. Pure innocent jubilance radiating through her tiny toddler body.
Her little feet carry her quickly, almost as if gliding in the air. She runs as fast as she can, stopping at the woman next to me's feet. The tall brunette picks her up and holds her in the air.
"Hey sweetheart! are you having fun?" She beams happily at her daughter. The giggles coming out in thick waves as the two engage in their beautiful moment. The little girl looks strikingly like her mother, the same dark hair and eyes. Both sharing a button nose and full cheeks.
"Blair!" I hear someone call for me, causing me to snap out of my mindless gawking.
I crank my head to the side, catching a glimpse of my roommate as she makes her approach. Her long slim legs carry her over in the direction of where I am sitting on the park bench. She has her vibrant red hair pushed out of her face in two thick dutch braids. I stand to my feet, throwing my cigarette to the ground before walking to meet her halfway.
"What's up, slut?" I joke as she comes into earshot.
My banter makes her laugh, her piercing clad lips cracking a wide smile.
"Are you covering for Roxy tonight?" She questions
"Yeah. Her rocky relationship provides me with the perfect opportunity to make some much needed extra cash" I answer honestly as we both begin to walk away from the park I had been sitting at.
I look back before we get too far. Seeing the mother and daughter now up from the bench and playing together on the jungle gym. My heart warms at the sight, a small smile taking over my face.
Me and Melinda, or Mellie as I call her, begin the walk to our shared condo a few blocks over. We have been living together for the last year and a half. We met each other on my first night at work. She was the friendliest one I had encountered the entire shift and by the end of the night I had offered her the spare bedroom at my place. She needed a place to stay that didn't cost my whole paycheck, and I needed the company, and help with the bills. It was a match made in heaven.
The walk from the small park to our place isn't long, it takes us only 35 minutes to get there. Mellie unlocks the door for us to enter, the old water damaged floors creaking as we step in. It smells musty, like a bag of warm wet towels, per usual. It's not the nicest place in the city, not even fucking close. Honestly it would give just about anyone the ick. The sidewalks outside of the old brick building are littered with bags of trash and people down on their luck. But it is mine; ours. And no one can take that away from me. When I walk around the small dividing wall I notice that the digital clock on the stove displays the time 6:30, which means we both have roughly an hour to get ready and get to work. Or we run the risk of being late. And Shawn did not like it when his girls were late.
We go our separate ways to ready ourselves for the all nighter we we are about to pull. I take the time to straighten my otherwise wavy strawberry blonde hair, allowing the long strands to cascade down to my ribs. It's been feeling a bit dry lately, a fact I blame on the constant lightener I put on it on maintain the light locks. Mel's grandpa whipped me up a batch of her at home hair remedy that I have been using the last few weeks. All I do is wrack in a dime sized amount of it into my hair, and the fried ends feel rehydrated and smooth. After taking the time to make my hair look presentable I move onto my face. Applying thick layers of foundation onto my skin. Blending it in before moving on to fill in my brows and color my eyelids with dark eyeshadows. I want to look the least like myself, an attempt that's well received by the end of my glam session. I almost always look unrecognizable, but tonight I look like a bad bitch.
Instead of putting on my work attire I just pack it up in my bag. Throwing on sweatpants and a tank instead. I shove my new shoes into the bag as well, perfume, and makeup for touch ups. I'm all set for my one, of many, shifts.
I walk out of my space and enter the small living room immediately. Seeing Mellie scurrying around the living room to gather the last bit of necessities before heading off. She runs around like a chicken with its head cut off, turning over every pillow and piece of furniture in her efforts. She mumbles low profanities while doing so, causing me to chuckle lightly. She snaps her pointed gaze up to meet my eyes. An unamused expression taking over. I throw my hands up in surrender, not meaning to push any buttons.
"Have you seen my white fishnets??" She asks frantically, releasing an exasperated sigh.
"Pretty sure you left those in your locker at the club" I reassure her.
Her face contorts from one of confusion, to pondering, and acceptance all in a matter of seconds. Realizing my words hold truth and mentally scolding herself for being so absentminded. I can't help but let out a small laugh at her ingenuousness. She can be a bit scatter brained at times. Thankfully, I was usually there to help navigate through even her most air-headed moments. She laughs off her naivety, grabbing her bag and following me as we walk to my car. Thankfully, it's parked right out front so it doesn't take us long before we are hoisting the doors open and slipping in. I stick my keys into the ignition, listening as the early 2000s model Chevy revs loudly before starting.
Mel skips through the radio channels, disliking almost everything before settling on a local rock station. The end of Snuff by slipknot playing loudly through my blown speakers before the talk show host starts speaking.
"Up next is a highly requested song from a band that's quickly rising the charts" he says energetically before he begins the track of the next song.
"I'm not afraid
Of the war you've come to wage against my sins
I'm not okay. But I can try my best to just pretend."
His voice fills my car, causing a nauseated sensation to arise in the pit of my stomach. I try to block it out, not wanting to give him the power of making me feel anything anymore. I had successfully avoided anything that reminded me of him over the years. But lately I have found myself hitting skip on their songs that play on the radio. I knew they would make it big someday, I just didn't expect it to be so soon. No one in my life now knows about my world before, and I try my best to keep it that way. But as I continue to hear him sing through my speakers, I find it hard to keep my emotions back.
"I can wait for you at the bottom
I can stay away if you want me to
I can wait for years if I gotta
Heaven knows I ain't getting over you"
The sappy balled plays mockingly, provoking a fiery rage to run through my body. He doesn't even sound like himself anymore, a voice only time could of perfected. I take my free hand up to change the channel. Mel snapping her head to give me a bewildered look.
"Hey! I was jamming" she shrieks, exasperated. Giving me a small playful shove from the passenger seat.
"I hate sappy songs, Mel. You know that" I try to cover my track and laugh it off, squeezing the steering wheel tightly as I try to calm the storm inside of me. She gives me a shrug, buying my excuse as we settle on a different rock station. Thankfully Korn is playing on this one instead. By the grace of God we manage to make the rest of our ride without anymore reminders of Noah. To which I silently thank the universe for. It was about to be a long night, both Mellie and I having to pull a double. I couldn't risk having an unsavory blast from the past get in my way.
Once we finally make it to the club we both grab our bags before stepping out. The Vegas strip full of drunk tourist who ready themselves for a wild Friday night. I scoff to myself, not prepared in the slightest for the shit show I'm in store for. We make our way to the back door of our job, hoisting open the large metal door. It lets out a loud moan, the old material starting to drag against the concrete ledge.
We are met with chaos as soon as we enter the dressing room. All six of the other performers scurrying around, panicking to get ready before their sets. I will never understand why none of these girls take our approach. Getting ready beforehand was a much more efficient way to ensure everything was in order before we had to start. But no one takes advice from the new girl.
There are four girls that go on before me, which means I have around three hours to prepare myself. That is more than enough time for me. I go ahead and change into my first outfit. Which consists of a black lace bodysuit, thigh high fishnet stockings and six inch pleasers. The added height and sexy attire makes me feel like a powerful vixen. No one can touch me when I take on this persona.
Once I'm dressed I make my way out into the main area, a few already drunk men littering the red satin chairs and sofas that decorate the dimly lit room. They pay me no mind as they all gawk at the girl who's swinging on the pole above them. I make my way over to the bar, seeing my favorite person occupying the other side. His long hot pink hair is pleated down his back, skin tight leather jumpsuit adoring his slim body. He doesn't notice me at first, his back turned as he makes a Whiskey sour. When he does finally see me he smiles, blue eyes dancing with happiness at my presence.
"Blair baby! You look KILLER!" He sings cheerfully as he walks over to stand directly in front of me.
"Thank you, Eli! I decided to channel my inner dominatrix tonight" I say jokingly with a sarcastic eyebrow wiggle as he sets three shot glasses down in front of us.
He knows me well enough to know to pour me two tequila shots, and one vodka for himself. We take them in unison, both of us making a face at the sour taste. It's just what I needed to get through my night, taking the edge off. An unease had been hanging over me, especially after hearing his song play on the radio. I had managed to go almost the entire last two years without giving him much thought. Aside from the first few months after I left. That was a nightmare that I haven't even thought about, until now.
"Can Candy cover you for a second? I need a fucking cigarette" I call out to Eli, trying to fight off the angst in my mind that desperately tries to claw its way up.
He gives me a playful eye roll, laughing me off as he walks over to the tall blonde on the other end of the bar to let her know he is stepping away. We head to the back door together, weaving through the drunk men and sloppy dancers.
It has been a scorching hot summer, so when I step out and feel the first autumn breeze hit my skin it causes me to smile happily. The heat has never been my friend, but surprisingly I have gotten use to it over the years.
I withdrawal a cigarette from the black pack, lighting it up in one quick motion.
"Is it supposed to be busy tonight?" I ask Eli after a moment, talking through the thick smoke that falls from my mouth.
"It's supposed to be average. Saturday is when it's going to be insane " he replies once he lights up his own.
"Ugh I hate Saturdays" i remark with a discontent sigh.
Weekends are the worst here. All the events that come to town, tourist, and drunk party goers. But it does bring in the most money, especially in the red room or with my out of work clientele.
"You're the closer that night, and you are going to bring in so much money" he gives me a playful shove when he talks. "And there is a festival this weekend. Horning musicians" he adds in nonchalantly as he puffs away at the tobacco and weed freaked joint. Offering me a toke, to which I decline. I can't smoke and work, I don't know how anyone can manage to get much of anything done.
Vegas is a playground for the rich and wealthy to sell their vise. I've gotten used to the many powerful people that have wondered into this establishment, but that doesn't wash away the distaste. Famous people are the biggest assholes, but also the biggest payday.
I roll my eyes, taking the last bit of my cigarette down to the butt. Throwing it to the ground and crushing it with the toe of my heels. I have a love hate relationship with being the main act of the night. There was an unspoken expectation of the girl who closes the show down. It was the one everyone anticipated the entire evening, getting worked up for the grand event. It wasn't my first time holding the responsibility, but that didn't make it easier.
"I'll need a whole bottle to get through it all"
"I'll save one back just for you" although he delivers it jokingly, I know he's serious in his statement. Thank god I made friends with the bartenders, I needed all the liquid courage I could get.
Once we both finish up we head back inside. Eli goes to the bar while I head back to the dressing room. I make my stop at my makeup station, pressing some powder on the oily spots that have started to collect on my T zone. Making sure every hair is in place, not a bit of makeup smeared or lipstick smudged. As I continue to look at my reflection I take in my pursed lips and raised brows. No longer am I the sad weak girl from my past, but a stone cold woman. I take pride in my appearance, knowing it aids me in my job. Which I do well. I have finally found something I am good at. It may not be the most conventional means of making money but it was what worked for me. I didn't need a man to support me anymore, I hustle on my own. I did it all by myself and that's a fact I am damn proud of.
No one can break my glass heart if it's fortressed by thick concrete walls.
The evening goes by without much action, my set eventually rolling around. I take a few more shots to ease the jitters, it was nerve wracking to have all eyes on me. Thankfully I make it through without any issues. Sensually dancing to Sick Bubblegum by Rob Zombie. It's not unusual to hear metal music in this club. Most of girls in here have an alternative style, brightly colored hair, tattoos and piercings were a common trend amongst these ladies. I've also learned that Las Vegas is a melting pot of different styles and people, all of which are mostly excepted amongst the men who frequent our establishment. Most guys are too ashamed to admit that they got aroused by the freaky girls, but once the liquor hit their lips they couldn't keep their secret.
I run back to the dressing room, needing to touch myself up and change before my next task. I swap out the lace body suit for a two piece set, straps of leather wrapping around my midsection. It leaves little to the imagination in the ass area, I think dental floss would have been more modest. Two years ago I wouldn't be caught dead in such a risqué attire, hell I would have stayed as far away as possible from this entire city. That's what made it the perfect safe haven for me, no one expected it. But that was old Veronica. The girl who cried herself to sleep and let undeserving guys ruin her. The girl who had been a victim one too many times. She's dead now. Blair taking her please.
"Blair!" I hear someone call for me from somewhere in the distance. I turn from the mirror I was staring at, mindlessly caking my lips with more deep lip stain.
I see Mel coming to approach me eagerly, a wide smile on her face. Eyes glossy and red.
"Yes?" I inquire
"Shawn wanted me to tell you that you have a red room client" she's breathless as she speaks. The smoke sesh she had just come from exasperating the small girl. Cheeks blushing red as she attempts to collect her breathing.
I let out a groan, not pleased with my boss's eagerness to offer my services to anyone with a few hundred dollars. It was just extra money in the both of our pockets, I couldn't be mad about that. Just wish I was able to have at least have a say in who I spent an hour alone in a room with. Some of the people he has set me up with are real bottom feeding creeps with no respect or dignity. Good thing I have mastered the art of self defense.
"And when am I needed?" I ask as I flick my eyes dramatically.
"Twenty minutes"
I agree, not that I have much of a say in the matter. I wasn't supposed to host the red room tonight, but money talks. So with that in mind I finish my touch ups, running a hot iron through my hair due to the slight moisture that coils it up at the roots. I eye my reflection, giving myself the mental pep talk to need to proceed.
You got this.
He won't do anything that YOU don't want.
You are in control.
It's just what I need to get myself ready for the event. Feeling my inner goddess awaken, as a sudden rush of confidence takes over. I make my way through the club, one pleaser after the other. The loud clicks echoing in the air, colliding with the loud music that plays as one of the last girls starts her set. Making a quick pit spot at the bar to grab another shot from Eli. He hypes me up the entire time, telling me to give him everything I've got. He's apparently some bigwig with a lot of money.
I walk down the small dark and narrow hallway. Anticipation building with each step I take towards the door at the end of the hall. I reach it quickly, my nerves still on edge despite the patron I had been funneling into my body all night.
I let out a deep calming breath. In through my nose, out through my mouth.
You're in control
—-
What do we think of the first chapter?! I hope you guys enjoyed! I am going to be updating at least once a week, I have a lot going on in my life right now but writing is helping me get through it. I hope you guys enjoy everything I have planned for this story and I hope you aren't too mad at me for how Glass Houses ended (:
-XXJ