Wanted: Undead or Alive

By eacomiskey

5.9K 1K 1.6K

*** A disillusioned young woman leaves her mundane desk job for a chance to earn big bucks as a bounty hunter... More

Hot Apple Cider
The Night Shift
My Best Friend, The Cop
Kind of Like Airport Security
A Blue-Eyed Irishman
Storage
Bona Fide Credentials
It's Got To Be A Drug Front
A Bad Day For Moose
Another Shirt Bites The Dust
I Hated That Job Anyway
Partnership
A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight
Metallurgy Is Not My Strong Suit
A Lonely Crossroads
No Cider Tonight
Triple-A Doesn't Cover That
Mx. Landry Was Right
Cider in the Morning
That Frog Is Staring At Me
Pierogi and Gang Colors
Beer Cans, Condoms, and, Sometimes, a Dead Cat
Echoes
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
The Second Law of Thermodynamics
That Frog Is Staring At Me Again
Pomegranates
He's Old
Oh, Baby!
Another Bad Day for Moose
A Celestial Pissing Contest
I Know I Love Hot Apple Cider
That Frog, Though
Book/Season 2 - Six Months Later - Distracted By Fruit
Well, That's Not Normal
Smart And Apocalyptic
It's Not Nick's Style
It's Some Shady Sh*t
Orange Is The New Black
Just A Little Snack
We Call Him The Weiner Man
Tacos and Tears
Yup. Sure. Just A Joke.
Maybe The Cat Did It
The Chapter You've Been Waiting For (Kind of)
The Business of Death
Cars Still Have Back Seats
Surrender
Intent to Pursue
If You're Going To Lose...
Listen To The Gut
Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave
Worst Plan Ever
On Or Off?
A Truly Exhausting Game
It's Not Like The Movies
It's Fine
Big Feelings And Worthless Carbs
Go Ask Drake
Chasing Fire
Waiting Rooms and Fireballs
Stress Relief
April (Snow) Showers
Back To Business
Pointy Gray Shoes
I Wish
Always and Forever
What The F- Is He
A Choice
Love Hurts
Kings, Gods, and Devils

You Win Some, You Lose Some

67 12 2
By eacomiskey

For all the obvious reasons, Nick couldn't meet with us in person. He put me on speakerphone and invited Mx. Landry to join the conversation.

Holly Warwick, Moose, and I sat around Holly's kitchen table with my phone in the center. Baby Zoticus napped in his swing. When I commented on the uniqueness of his name, his mother told me it meant "full of life." From Death, came life. I sort of loved it.

Nick kicked the conversation off by asking Moose if he was okay, even though I'd already explained that he was fine.

"I'll be a fuck's lot better when I get out of this witch's house," Moose said.

"Don't be an ass, Moose. That's what got you in trouble in the first place," Mx. Landry said.

Moose crossed his meaty arms and pouted like a child.

I took the next few minutes to explain the details of the situation as I understood it. "Did I get it right?" I asked Holly afterward.

"Yeah. That's pretty much it," she said.

"Pretty much, or exactly?" Nick asked. "There is no margin for error in this."

Holly said she couldn't think of any more accurate way to explain it. "I'd rather not go into detail about my relationship with Valynais, but in broad strokes, Olivia is correct."

"I take it Sathanas doesn't know about the child?" Nick asked.

Her gaze darted to the baby. "No one knows. Nobody at all, except you. Please—"

Nick cut her off. "You don't need to beg. It's not our secret to tell. I will give you my mother's information, though. Get in touch with her. She'll know how to help better than anyone. You can't raise such a child on your own. It's not safe for you or for any of us."

She nodded. "I understand. Thank you."

"Mx. Landry will come to the house and stay with the baby," Nick said.

"I'm not really a kid person," Mx. Landry said.

"You're the only one who will know how to get the child to safety if this goes sour. The celestials are involved. We can't leave anything to chance."

We could all clearly hear Mx. Landry's great sigh. "Fine."

"Holly, you're going to need to go outside the perimeter of your warding. It's the only way to draw Sathanas. We'll be ready for him."

I thought Nick was promising a bit more than he could deliver, but I was loyal enough, or maybe hopeful enough, to keep my mouth shut.

"It's not the only way," Holly said. "If Valynais comes, Sathanas—"

"If Valynais and Sathanas both show up, it's going to be a war. There's no way we can guarantee the safety of your neighbors under those circumstances. Valynais needs to let us manage this."

"Can you guarantee the safety of my neighbors if he doesn't come?"

"I can guarantee their odds are better."

Nick asked if I still had the sphaera captivitatis.

"It's in the Honda."

"Get it out and hold it in your hands and do not set it down again until you attempt to use it. Moose?"

Moose grunted.

"You're the guard, my friend. It's on you."

"I won't let you down, boss."

"I'm aware. Give Mx. Landry twenty minutes to get there and waste no time. The faster we move, the less likely unexpected circumstances will arise."

We hung up and the three of us spent an awkward and tense twenty minutes in Holly's kitchen. She paced back and forth across the width of the small room. Moose sulked in his chair. I retrieved the fancy bowling ball from the Honda and held it in my lap while I made embarrassing attempts at small talk until Holly finally paused her pacing long enough to ask, "Will you please just stop?"

When Mx. Landry knocked on the door, I was out of my chair so fast it nearly tipped over.

"Where's the kid?" they asked.

I pointed toward the baby, still sleeping in the swing.

"He's smaller than I expected."

"Babies tend to be that way," I said.

They shrugged. "Not a fan."

Moose checked that the multiple crucifixes he was wearing were all still in place. After last time, he didn't want to take chances.

Holly bent down and whispered to her child. "I'll be right back, baby boy. Mommy's going to take care of something."

"Ready?" I asked.

She nodded.

Moose and I left together. He crouched in the shrubbery, doing a reasonably good job of making himself small, considering how freaking big he is. I jogged across the street and hid behind the black Lexus parked on the curb. My hands sweated against the metal demon trap.

I started counting to sixty and only made it to thirty-eight before Holly opened the front door. Either I counted too slowly or she was early. No matter, though. We were in place.

She held her chin high as she descended the steps, crossed the scrubby little yard without looking at Moose, and walked out of the front gate. She faltered a little on the sidewalk. A look of uncertainty crossed her features and, for a moment, I thought she would dash back inside, but she squared her shoulders and shouted. "Sathanas! I know you're near."

A vaguely anthropomorphic form of black smoke shimmered into view in the flickering streetlights atop the brick-walled storage unit that neighbored the tiny patch of hallowed ground.

How the hell was I supposed to throw the bowling ball up to the roof without being seen? I willed her to draw the demon down to the street.

"You're here. I knew you were here. I knew you were close. I knew you'd call out to me in time," Sathanas hissed.

My stomach cramped at the sound of his voice, but I managed to avoid tossing my cookies. Let's call it personal growth.

"You knew I was in this area because you've been tracking Valynais. You know we're together. You know I choose him. You need to leave us be."

Sathanas hissed.

I closed my eyes and took a deep, steadying breath.

"You know I love you. I've loved you since you first summoned me."

Geez. I never thought to ask how they met. I did not want to know why she'd been summoning upper level demons—the kind that require virgin sacrifice and so forth.

"You don't love me." Holly stood staring upward, shielding her eyes against the fluorescent glow. "You don't love, period. You're a demon."

"We had good times," Sathanas said.

Nope. Definitely did not want to know.

"Good times aren't the same thing as love."

"I do love you," he insisted. "I was angry when I couldn't find you. Frustrated. But did I kill anyone? No. I showed restraint because I knew that's what you would want."

"You blew up half the town."

"No one died," he said.

"You pulled power from me. Stole my spells. Burned buildings with witchfire," she said. Come down and talk to me, Sathanas. Don't let us shout at one another like this for all the neighborhood to hear."

"Your warding pains me, and the other side of the street is hallowed ground."

"I'll move away from the house," she said.

Shit. Away from the house meant further away from Moose and me. Why didn't we anticipate that?

She took a moment to glance around and then moved to stand in front of the storage unit door. From there, she wouldn't be able to see him, but she called out. "There. Now you will not be pained. Come."

The smokey form slithered down the front of the building and landed in front of her. It solidified into a distinctly man-shaped form with glowing yellow eyes. "I love you," he said again.

"You are obsessed with me." Her gaze darted toward me.

Time to shit or get off the pot. I duck-walked to the very front of the car. Adrenaline raced through my system.

"What is love if not obsession?" the demon asked.

"The fact that you ask that is proof enough you do not love me," the holy woman answered.

He spat on the ground, and a little fireball popped from the pavement. "But you believe Valynais does?"

I hit the button on the side of the sphere and rolled it as hard as I could.

Sathanas roared, and I fell back, cracked my head against the pavement, and rolled onto my belly. Brilliant white light shattered the shadows. I thought I heard gunshots. From my vantage point—cheek against the blacktop—I saw the SUV door open and a pair of black-boot-clad feet hit the pavement.

Panic and rage seared through the pain.

I scrambled to get up, blinking hard to get my night vision back, and saw Holly, wrapped in Sathanas's arms.

"I will kill her!" he screamed.

Clenching my fists so hard my nails bit deep into my palms did little to quell the desire to watch the demon burn.

"Not if you love her," Nick shouted before firing a stream of holy water in the demon's direction.

Ah. So that's who got out of the car. It all made sense now.

Sathanas dropped Holly in the gutter and took off, a shadow, sliding across the pavement toward the end of the block.

Nick sprinted after him in hot pursuit.

Nick was not supposed to pursue. Not ever.

If I could have caught the demon, ripped into him with my teeth, watched him writhe and beg for mercy, and then sent him to Hell, I would have joined in.

Moose ran behind them, losing ground with every step.

The sphaera captivitatis lay on a storm grate.

I raced across the street and snatched it up. "Moose!"

He glanced over his shoulder, and I threw the ball with all my might. Moose caught it in one giant hand, hit the button, and propelled it forward. There was a flash and a pop. The demon screeched and a man-shaped shadow split the light. And then a second followed.

The ball closed. The light disappeared. I caught up with Moose. Holly joined us, and the three of us stood staring at the silver ball laying in the street—the silver ball where we'd just imprisoned our boss with a high-level demon.

Numb confusion welled up inside my mind.

An unfamiliar voice spoke. "Well, you win some, you lose some." Death incarnate stepped out of the shadows.

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