Tcelia's head was throbbing from all the laughing she had done, and the wound in her chest had started to feel a little strange as if the numbing herbs weren't working quite the way they were supposed to anymore. Still, she couldn't get herself to turn in for the night. She spun around once again as Ao'nung twirled her, colliding with his chest because she wasn't very graceful at all right now – her legs and feet were sore from dancing and her mind felt slightly muddled from the long day.
Still, she savored the way her wrists didn't hurt at all as she pushed away from him, grinning up at him. She could feel her heart beating steadily, if not a bit fast due to the dancing and the steady rhythm of the drums that sounded through the night. She watched as Ao'nung's mouth twisted into a smirk, then formed the word "klutz" as he laughed at her. Her grin turned even wider as she smacked him on the arm and then they were both whisked apart, Tcelia suddenly holding hands with Tuk and Rotxo, forming a circle with her friends.
The night was alive with color and laughter. All Na'vi had long ago abandoned all the traditional dances and the beach was now a mess of uncoordinated movements and flashes of colors due to their painted bodies. Though the traditional dances had been discarded, the Na'vi still sang in perfect unison with each other and the beat of the drums, creating a hectic yet exciting tune, fit for a celebration. Tcelia had to give it to the Metkayina – they knew how to party. Similar to the celebrations back in the forest, the Metkayina laughed and drank and danced, celebrating life and the return of their spirit brothers and sisters.
Multiple smaller bonfires had been built in a huge circle on the beach, surrounding one very large bonfire. Older Na'vi who had grown tired of dancing, sat by some of the smaller bonfires, recounting ancient stories to small children who sat with huge eyes, listening raptly, gasping and cheering as the older Na'vi told their stories, big gestures galore.
Tcelia doubted that there was anyone left in the village, even at this late hour. Younger Na'vi were running around, weaving through the many dancing bodies across the beach, or playing in the water close to the shore, laughing with glee. Some kids, a year or two younger than Tcelia, had started a game earlier on that involved trying to catch small, luminescent creatures that emerged from the sea at nightfall. They called them "sea sparks" and believed that capturing one brought good luck. The game had brought in Na'vi of all ages that were now competing to see who could capture the most. Rotxo and Ao'nung had explained the game to her earlier on and apparently Rotxo was the reigning champion, having caught fifty-nine sea sparks last celebration. He had smiled bashfully as Ao'nung had clapped him on the back, but it was obvious that he was proud of his title by the way his eyes had gleamed. Even Norm and Max were there, getting roped into a drinking game with some of the young warriors who were standing closer to the drums.
As Tcelia was pulled around in the circle, she leaned closer to Rotxo so that he could hear her over the loud noises, "Should we join them?" she grinned playfully, her eyes flickering over to where Norm now had given in and taken a drink, the young warriors cheering him on as he downed it. Beside him, Max was cheering him on as well, looking as if he was having the time of his life.
Rotxo laughed, shaking his head vigorously, "Toruk Makto would have my head if I let you drink in your condition and you know it."
Tcelia rolled her eyes, her face split in a wide grin knowing he was right. Tcelia and the others had earlier on gone to get a drink, though somehow, Jake had appeared out of nowhere, smirking at her as he said, "Nice try, champ," and stolen the drink from out of her hand. Tcelia had half-heartedly protested as he had disappeared off with her drink but actually hadn't minded it in the slightest – her head already pounded; it would be stupid to add liquor to the equation. Kiri and Tsireya had put down their drinks in solidarity, but Lo'ak, Ao'nung and Spider had only laughed and thrown back their drinks, teasing Tcelia about Jake having called her 'champ'. Rotxo had smiled at Tcelia apologetically as he had joined Ao'nung and Lo'ak for another drink. Tcelia had pretended to care, thanking Kiri and Tsireya loudly for being so sweet whilst glaring pointedly at the boys, but in truth, she hadn't minded it at all, loving every minute of their group having fun.
After that, she had belonged to the people. For every step she had taken, she had been approached by a new Na'vi, some of whom she had never even spoken to before. The younger ones had expressed their relief for her having woken up, some even bringing her pretty seashells that they had found to cheer her up. The warriors who had approached her had praised her for her bravery and her endurance, clapping her on the back as they smugly remarked that 'it was a good thing that they had gotten to the demon ship in time'. Many of the older Na'vi had held her hands in theirs, expressing their relief for her improving condition and praising the Tsahik for having cured her. Lo'ak had stayed by her side through it all, making sure that she wouldn't become too overwhelmed by everyone, but the others had disappeared to go dancing.
Tcelia was sure that by the time that Lo'ak and her had been rescued by Tuk and dragged over to their small group again who were dancing by the bonfire, she had spoken to the entire village. That was, everyone except for the one she longed to talk to the most.
She had only seen Neteyam in small flashes throughout the evening. When she had first arrived at the beach as the sun had begun to set, Lo'ak and Tuk by her side, she had seen him chatting with Jake and Neytiri by the edge of the celebration. They had walked over to them, but Neteyam had excused himself and slipped into the crowd of Na'vi before they had reached them without as much as a glance at Tcelia. As Jake and Neytiri had greeted Tcelia and the others, Tcelia had tried to convince herself that Neteyam hadn't seen her and that was why he had left.
Then, not long after, when they had gone to look for their friends, they had found him with Kiri and Spider, chatting by one of the smaller bonfires. He had finally looked at her then, softly smiling at her. She had smiled back, but as she had dropped Tuk's hand to make her way over to his side, a Metkayina guy, perhaps a little older than them, had appeared and drawn him away. When Tcelia had looked at Spider and Kiri, confusion written across her face, they had explained that Neteyam had promised to help the Metkayina guy with something important. Tcelia had watched as Neteyam walked away, his gaze lingering on her for a moment before disappearing into the crowd once again.
After that, she had only seen flashes of Neteyam from a distance. He hadn't joined their group later on which Tcelia thought was strange. He usually always hung out with them, and she had felt a nagging emptiness that had followed her around even as she tried to ignore it and enjoy her night. She had succeeded for smaller periods of time in forgetting him, but they never lasted long, and she found herself always looking for him in the crowd, every time another Na'vi had approached her she had hoped it was him, and as their group had danced, she constantly hoped that he would join them.
She was starting to grow annoyed. How could he just ignore her the entire day? Not to toot her own horn or anything but she had just sacrificed herself for him and been on the verge of dying. Was he not concerned for her wellbeing? Was it too much to expect some acknowledgement or a conversation after everything they had been through? He had said that he was mad about her taking the bullet for him, but that wouldn't stop him from talking to her, would it? If so, that would be incredibly low, something she would never have expected from Neteyam of all people.
She hadn't seen him in a while now, and she glanced around, trying to locate him. She had dropped Tuk and Rotxo's hands and Rotxo scrunched his nose, asking what was wrong as Tuk barely spared a glance up at Tcelia before grabbing Kiri's hand.
"Have you seen Neteyam?" Tcelia yelled over the suddenly annoyingly loud singing. Her head was pounding, and she had a hard time focusing on her search.
Rotxo glanced around for a second before pointing in the direction of the forest, "There!"
Tcelia furrowed her eyes, looking in the direction that Rotxo was pointing in. When she saw him leaning up against a tree by the edge of the forest, looking down at the sand, her heart skipped a beat. She cursed her traitorous heart; even when she was annoyed at him, she still couldn't control her feelings for him.
She gently lowered Rotxo's arm, squeezing it quickly and telling him she'd be right back. Without waiting for an answer, she made her way through the dancing crowd. She had decided earlier on that she would wait until he approached her, stupidly convincing herself that the reason he hadn't found her yet was because he had been busy. But now, as she had spotted him standing there by himself, looking at the sand, her patience had run thin.
She planned what she wanted to say to him as she maneuvered and weaved around the dancing bodies. She'd start by asking him why he wasn't dancing and enjoying the celebration like everyone else. Then she'd ask why he wasn't with their group, and then she'd slowly ease the conversation into why he hadn't approached her.
As she finally cleared the crowd and stepped out on the other side, she raised her head high, only to be met by his gaze instantly. Something slammed through her, and she had to force herself to keep walking towards him. He had been painted in dark colors, hiding some of his bioluminescent freckles, and Tcelia had to strain herself from reaching up to wipe the war paint away from his face so that she could see her familiar night sky glinting down at her.
As she stopped in front of him, he made no move to begin the conversation, and even the way he looked at her couldn't stop the irritation that spiked in Tcelia as her lips formed a frown. "You never came to see me." Her voice was accusing, and she realized too late that her plan for how the conversation should go had just been thrown out the window. Well, no turning back now. She looked up at him in what she hoped was a demanding way and crossed her arms, waiting for an explanation.
He looked at her for a second longer before he spoke, "No." he sighed, "I didn't."
Tcelia stood still, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, the irritation that had simmered in her turned into frustration, "That's all I get?" she asked incredulously, "A 'no I didn't' and a sigh?" As Neteyam began to speak, she held up a hand, signalizing that she wasn't finished, "You're not even really at the celebration! You're just standing here, looking at the sand as if you'd rather be anywhere else. I don't know if you're aware, but I almost just died. Now if it were one of my friends, I'd like to think that I'd at least check up on that person after- " She stopped abruptly as Neteyam began to chuckle, shaking his head at the sand. That cursed sand. "I'm sorry, is something funny?" she crossed her arms again, glaring at him.
Neteyam's lip quirked up in one side as he raised his head to look her in the eyes. Her heart sped up as he looked at her and she desperately tried to ignore it, focusing on her frustration. "You think I've been looking at the sand all night?" he asked, his brows quirking up in amusement, which only served to annoy Tcelia even more.
"I'm sorry, did you swap personalities with Lo'ak or something whilst I was asleep? What's with these stupid, vague answers?" Her head had started to throb even more as her frustrations grew, and suddenly the festive tune of the music behind them began to annoy Tcelia as well. "I mean, they're not even real answers, you're just responding with a question!"
This time, Neteyam laughed. He actually laughed. Why was he acting like this? What had gotten into him?
As Neteyam watched Tcelia's face retort into one of pure annoyance, his laugh faded although Tcelia could see that he was trying to hide his amusement behind the serious mask he was putting on.
"You want to know why I've been avoiding you?" he asked, looking down at her with a gaze that Tcelia couldn't identify but made her whole body tingle.
"Aha!" Tcelia exclaimed, pointing at him accusingly, "So you have been avoiding me."
"No wait," Neteyam's brows furrowed, "I think I chose my words wrong. It's not because I've been avoiding you exactly." He shrugged a little, trying to seem indifferent, "Things just got in the way."
Tcelia's heart pounded in her chest as she struggled to comprehend Neteyam's words. The weight of his indifference hit her like a punch to the gut. "Things just got in the way? I almost died, and you haven't even bothered to talk to me, to check if I'm alright, like it didn't affect you at all." she said, her voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt.
"Hey," Neteyam's eyes darkened as he took a step back, his expression momentarily clouded with hurt before a flicker of anger replaced it. His voice turned accusing, devoid of any amusement. "You have no idea what I've been through ever since you pulled that little stunt of yours! I thought you died," he retorted, his eyes flashing with raw emotion.
Tcelia scoffed, her voice laced with bitterness. "Oh, I'm sorry that me taking that bullet for you was so inconvenient for you. Next time, I'll just let you die," she snapped, her frustration pouring out with every word. She hadn't expected nor wanted him to thank her for what she had done. That wasn't why she had come and it wasn't why she had taken the bullet for him in the first place. But she hadn't expected this level of anger from him, as if she had been the one holding the gun herself.
The pulsating music surrounding them only heightened her tension, and she could feel her anger blending with the rhythmic beat. Her head was throbbing, and her frustrations blended in with the warmth from the fires behind her, intensifying her emotions.
"I wish you had! I never asked you to step in front of that bullet for me," he exclaimed, his voice filled with a mixture of frustration and sadness.
"What?" Tcelia exclaimed incredulously, her eyes widening. "I know that you skxawng, but that still doesn't mean that I can't do it. Besides, you would have done the same for me."
"In a heartbeat, but that doesn't mean that you—" Neteyam began, but Tcelia cut him off, her voice filled with conviction.
"No, that's exactly what that means, Neteyam," she asserted, pushing his chest lightly to emphasize her point. He stumbled backward, his feet sinking into the soft grass as they moved away from the sandy ground. "It means that we have each other's backs."
Neteyam shook his head, his lips tightly pursed as he struggled to contain his rising anger. He pointed to the ground, his eyes ablaze with a fiery intensity. "No, what you did was stupid and irresponsible. You left me here without a second thought, to live in a reality worse than death." he accused, his voice seething with heated frustration.
Tcelia felt her own anger boiling inside her, threatening to erupt. She fought to control her trembling body as she looked up at Neteyam, desperation in her eyes. She longed for him to break, to release the collected facade and reveal the vulnerability beneath.
"What do you want me to say?" she demanded; her voice filled with defiance. "Do you want me to admit that it was selfish, is that it? Because I know it was. It's the most selfish thing I've ever done. But I don't care. I'd rather die than watch you go through what I went through, so if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. But I will not let you make me feel bad about it."
Neteyam's gaze hardened, his voice laced with heat. "Why can't you get it through your beautiful head that I feel the exact same way? If you're a bad person, then I must be a horrible person because I'm not mad at you for taking the bullet. I'm mad at you for leaving me behind as if it was nothing, as if my feelings meant nothing."
She was so mad now that she barely registered him calling her beautiful. Barely. "Why can't you get it through your head that it was nothing for me?" She had to use every restraint in her body not to stamp her feet like a little child as she spoke, her entire body trembling with frustration. "I did it without even thinking and I'd do it a million times over, because no matter what happens to me, at least you're alive."
"But I don't want to be alive if you're not here, don't you get that?" He hissed, his eyes never wavering from hers.
"Well, that's just too damn bad because that's not how life works, Neteyam!" Tcelia retorted, her voice rising. "You don't get to pick and choose who lives and who dies."
"Then why do you?" he accused, his jaw clenched tightly, his breathing ragged, "You had no problem with making me let go from that net when you were captured, and you had no problem with staying with me when I told you to follow Lo'ak and Spider off that ship."
Her voice rose, sharp and cutting, as she fired back at Neteyam, "Because your family is all I have!" she exclaimed, her voice tinged with indignation, "Your parents took me in when I had no one. I'd never be able to forgive myself if any of you died because of me. I owe my entire life to your family."
"You speak of being expendable and not being able to choose who lives and dies but you're the biggest hypocrite I know. We all moved away from our home. The eight of us?" his eyes flickered over her shoulder, and he nodded tightly towards the beach. Tcelia's head swiveled to see what he was gesturing at, spotting the Sully family and Spider sitting by one of the smaller bonfires, chatting animatedly and laughing at something Jake was saying. Tcelia noted briefly that it didn't seem as if anyone had noticed Neteyam's and her arguing – no one was even glancing their way, still preoccupied with the celebration and the dancing. Perhaps they were shielded in the shadows that the low trees provided. Neteyam continued to speak, his voice still hard as steel as Tcelia forced her gaze away from the happy family. "We're all we have, we're all we've ever had!"
Tcelia clenched her fists, fingernails digging into her palms, her anger intensifying with every word he spoke. She couldn't believe that he was throwing her own actions back at her, accusing her of hypocrisy. She knew that they all had lost something, she wasn't the only one who had suffered, that wasn't what she was trying to get at. The weight of his words settled heavily on her shoulders, but she refused to back down.
"You think I don't know that?" she hissed, her voice breaking with emotion. "You think I don't understand the sacrifices we've all made? But that doesn't justify your anger towards me. We're a team, Neteyam, and sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good!" The Sully family would heal if Tcelia died. She'd like to imagine that they'd be sad and mourn her, but they'd heal eventually. They'd never get over Neteyam's death.
"The greater good?" he scoffed bitterly. "Is that what you call it? Sacrificing yourself without considering the consequences? Without considering how it would affect the people who care about you, the people you leave behind?"
Tcelia's eyes burned with intensity as she met his gaze head-on. "You say I left you behind, but I didn't. I'm here, aren't I? I'm standing right in front of you, fighting with every ounce of my being to understand why you're acting like this. I get that I made you mad, I get that you didn't want me to take that bullet and I get that you've suffered. But you're alive, that's all that matters to me—that you survived. Why can't you just accept that?"
"Because surviving without you isn't living, Tcelia." He hissed as he leaned forward, his eyes searching Tcelia's face, "You can't just make decisions for me and think that it won't affect me at all. I have a say in my own life, in my own fate."
She threw her hands up in the air in an exasperated gesture, "And I don't?"
"Not when it comes to this!" Neteyam's voice rose, filled with torment, "You are everything to me, Tcelia. My whole life, it's always been you. And if you died, there would be nothing left of me. And you are so unbelievably oblivious that even Lo'ak picked up on my love for you before you did."
Tcelia's breath caught in her throat, her anger momentarily forgotten as his words washed over her. She stood there, stunned, as the weight of his confession settled deep within her heart. The world around them faded into the background, leaving only the two of them standing there, face to face, their emotions laid bare. Everything came to a sudden halt. Tcelia's world stopped spinning as Neteyam's words echoed in her mind.
It's always been you. Even Lo'ak picked up on my love for you before you did.
My love for you.
Oh. Oh.
She had been so stupid. So unbelievably stupid. First Lo'ak and now Neteyam? She wasn't extremely proud of her perception at the moment. But somehow, it was even worse that Neteyam had loved her. She had, for so long, pushed away her feelings for him, denying it to the people around her and to all of her friends. He was the Olo'eyktan's son, there was no reason for him to be in love with her when he could have literally anyone that he wanted. So, denying her feelings had been the easiest way for Tcelia to live her life without constantly having to squash down her hope for a future with him.
She had built walls around her heart, convinced that her place in the Sully family would never allow her to be a suitable match for Neteyam. The fear of rejection and the desire to protect herself had kept her from acknowledging her own love for him. She had convinced herself it was for the best, stifling her hopes and dreams of a future together.
She had hoped, but never in her wildest dreams had she thought that Neteyam actually felt the same as she did.
'Nah, I have everything I want right here.'
Her mind raced, replaying moments and interactions with Neteyam through a new lens. His protectiveness, his jealousy—it all made sense now. Every stolen glance, every gentle touch held a deeper meaning she had been blind to. How angry he had gotten when she had told him that 'Ukxo and her had kissed and how he never seemed to like 'Ukxo again. How Neteyam had looked at her as she was doing her breathing exercises those first days at the Metkayina village, how he had broken up her and Rotxo by the spirit tree, accusing her of flirting with him. Oh Eywa, how he had reacted when he had thought that Ao'nung and her had kissed in the Cave of Tears.
She felt a heavy weight of realization and regret settling upon her. How could she have been so blind, so foolish? The truth hit her with full force, and it was more painful than she could have ever imagined.
Neteyam was breathing hard as he looked at her, his eyes still flaming from their argument, obviously waiting for her to retort.
She swallowed harshly, suddenly finding it difficult to meet his gaze. Instead, she stared straight ahead, focusing on a bioluminescent freckle on his chest that hadn't been covered by paint. His chest was rising and falling quickly, and she suddenly felt very lightheaded.
"Neteyam – I don't know..." her voice trailed off as she realized that she had no idea where she was going with the sentence. She had no idea how to respond, how to act. Slowly she raised her eyes to meet his and she could feel her heart wrench as their gazes connected.
But apparently Neteyam hadn't seen what he had wanted to see in her eyes, because a flicker of hurt passed over his features so quickly Tcelia wondered if she had imagined it, followed by all the emotions in his eyes shutting off, leaving his gaze cold, so devoid of the fire and emotions that had been in them mere seconds ago. She could only imagine what he had seen in her eyes that made him turn cold so quickly, but she guessed that it was fear and confusion. That was exactly what she felt.
He pursed his lips, nodding tightly, his braids swinging slightly at the movement, "Right." He spoke, then he took a step backwards and it felt like a chasm was opening between them, splitting them apart, "I'm sorry I overspoke." Then he took another step backwards and Tcelia almost felt physically sick at the emotionless voice that had come from him.
The second he turned around, making his way further into the forest and away from Tcelia and the beach, something in Tcelia broke and suddenly her feet were moving by their own accord. She couldn't let him walk away, not anymore.
"No, wait!" she called out, her voice laced with desperation, her hand shooting out to grasp his arm, spinning him around to face her. Neteyam stood there, his body tense with conflicting emotions, yet he refused to meet her gaze. His glare bore into her shoulder, his jaw clenched tightly, waiting for her to speak.
Tcelia's mind raced, searching for the right words, the perfect explanation that would make him understand. Her hand trembled as it pressed against his chest, uncertain of its purpose, before it traveled up to his cheek, her touch firm yet gentle, forcing his face to turn and look at her. Their eyes met, and in that charged moment, time seemed to stand still.
The weight of unspoken words and tangled emotions hung heavy in the air. Without uttering a single word, Tcelia closed the remaining distance between them, her lips finding his in a desperate kiss.
Neteyam seemed frozen for a moment, caught off guard by the unexpected intimacy. His body tensed, but the heat of Tcelia's touch and the fervor of her kiss slowly thawed his resistance. The world around them faded into insignificance as they lost themselves in the gentle but intense moment. But the kiss was over as quickly as it had begun and suddenly Neteyam jerked his head away from her, stepping out of her arms completely, a wild look in his eyes. Tcelia's stomach dropped, immediately worried that she had overstepped or done something wrong.
He held up his hand, "Wait," he breathed, looking at her desperately, "I just— I need to know how you feel— that this isn't just out of pity."
Tcelia's eyes softened, relief spreading through her body. She restrained herself from giggling as she stepped closer to him once again. It was crazy that Neteyam couldn't see the truth in her eyes, she was so sure that they were filled with everything words could never manage to say.
He continued speaking, taking another step backwards as she approached him, "Tcelia, please. I need to hear you say it." She could barely hear his voice over the drums in the background, but she could see the seriousness edged in his face, his need for confirmation.
She slowly took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently as she looked up at him, "Kissing someone out of pity is not really my style." She placed his hand over her heart, just beside the white gauze. Neteyam inhaled sharply as his hand made contact with her skin and Tcelia's already hammering heart sped up even more. "I love you, Neteyam. My heart wouldn't speed up like this when I'm around you if I was lying, would it?"
Neteyam looked at her for a second, before his face split into a grin. "No, it probably wouldn't." Then he dipped his head to crush his mouth into Tcelia's. This kiss wasn't soft or tender. It was years and years of waiting. It was a desperate breath at the surface of the water when you're rescued from drowning.
Their lips moved in sync, their breath mingling in a passionate dance. It was a collision of pent-up emotions and unspoken desires, a meeting of souls that had been torn apart by frustration and misunderstanding. With each press of their lips, the walls between them crumbled, replaced by an overwhelming sense of longing and yearning. Neteyam's fingers found their way to Tcelia's waist, pulling her closer, their bodies molding together in a desperate embrace.
In that stolen moment, everything else faded away. The world outside ceased to exist as they became lost in each other, their embrace offering solace and understanding amidst the chaos. They clung to one another as if their lives depended on it, seeking solace and reassurance in each other's arms.
Tcelia only noticed much later that her paint accidentally had smudged onto Neteyam, leaving him with traces of yellows and oranges across his darkly painted chest and stomach.