Author's Note: Aaaaand we're done! Enjoy the ending! Thank y'all so much for reading, voting, and/or commenting on this story! :D
PS. Yes, I'm quite certain that Anidala will get back together though it'll probably take them many years before they do. :)
~ Amina Gila
Finding somewhere to stay on Coruscant with the credits Padme gave them is... not exactly easy, perhaps because of the high prices partly thanks to war refugees. It's harder when he's never had to do something like this before. He has no idea what the prices of these things ought to be.
And Anakin has never been alone like this before. It's far more terrifying than he thought it would be. How did his Ahsoka survive this? He has no idea if it was more her fearlessness and inability to see ahead, or sheer stupidity and rashness that she learned from him. Or maybe they were always there, and he was unable to help her with them, he doesn't know, but out here, he's... questioning their decision to leave. Walking away from the place he grew up a second time was hard. He'd wanted to go back there for so long, he hates himself for leaving – this is where he grew up, where Obi-Wan raised him.
Even if it's also the place that bears so many of his worst memories.
It's still hard to leave it behind. At least it's not like before, and at least Ahsoka isn't alone. That's the only solace he can find in all this.
The place they're living in is small, with only two bedrooms, but they don't need anything bigger. They were both raised with few possessions beyond necessities, and there's no reason for that to change now. They don't need anything except whatever to live with, anyway.
Anakin is... used to living in an unnecessarily huge place. Though being fair, everything on Coruscant is connected somewhere on the way down.
"I keep feeling like we should be doing something," Ahsoka nearly whines, when they get back to their apartment for the day, after finally finding a temporary job that they can do. Truthfully, Anakin just feels lost out here. He definitely has no idea how to do this anymore. When he was younger, and remembered Tatooine with more clarity, it wouldn't be so hard, but now... he's never had to concern himself with these things.
"We will... grow accustomed to it," Anakin offers finally. At least he can hope so. It doesn't really feel like he's helping people the way he should be, though. There has to be something else he can do – but the Force will answer that in time, he knows.
"Maybe," she sighs, "I just don't know how. I don't know if I want to."
"We have countless places in the galaxy we can help," Anakin reminds, "The question is whether we... will remain here for an extended period or not."
Living on their own is something they'll have to figure out wherever they go, though. He doesn't think he'll ever be part of... any Order again, and he still finds that prospect terrifying for long-term. Especially when there's no one he has to... answer to anymore.
He doesn't know where to start. That Ahsoka is here is hardly a relief – he'd much prefer if she was somewhere safe. Somewhere that his mistakes couldn't hurt her again.
For a moment, he thinks of Obi-Wan. He misses him, but it's something he's so used over the years. Still, after the nearly half a year they've spent near each other after the time travel, he was getting used to having him nearby again. He doesn't know when he'll see him again, either. Maybe it's better this way, but it hurts.
Ahsoka sighs, leaning forwards after a moment to eye what he's doing. "Since when did you... know how to fix clothes?"
Something he long since forgot, but apparently, a part of him still remembers from the days he and his mother would do it together. "I did once. Years ago."
"As a Sith?" she asks dubiously. "Since when did Sith do that?"
"It was long before that," he tells her, unable to help an amused laugh at the thought of doing this as Vader. Speaking of insulting. And his mechanical hands would have been way too clumsy for such intricate work at that point. "My mother taught me how to. When we were on Tatooine. I... know most of how to care for a house. She taught me everything, because she was... sick, often, and I would have to... do it for her. She would do the same for me."
"Oh," Ahsoka says, eyes wide. "Why was that such a concern?"
It occurs to him then that, at this point, she knows little of his life before the Temple. "We... did not live in ideal conditions," he replies finally, "Finding even necessities was... difficult."
"Oh," she repeats again, looking no less... taken aback. "I..."
"It was a long time ago," he tells her soothingly, "It is what helped me survive the war."
They leave it at that.
***
It's the first time since he left the Order that Anakin has the chance to go see Rex again.
The last time he was working with him was when he went to free those enslaved Jedi. Some had been on Zygerria, and returning there had... not been easy, but it was freeing to know he was finally doing what he always dreamed of, when he was young. Once he's more... settled outside the Order, once Ahsoka is more stable, maybe it's something he can consider doing on a larger scale in the future. He will follow whatever path the Force shows him.
The clones are still essentially acting as a police force for the Republic, but now, they'll be doing it without him. He never wanted to leave the clones in the past either – for as much as he sometimes wanted to leave the Order – though there was little other choice this time. At least the war is over, so he wasn't outright abandoning them. And the clones have been working with the Jedi less frequently, anyway. Still, Rex deserves an explanation.
"I heard you left, sir," Rex says uncertainly.
He wouldn't have been working with him much longer anyway, and it's not war, so he wasn't outright abandoning them, but... he almost wishes he could have been able to speak with him about it first. "Yes," Anakin replies, "I... could not stay. I did not want to leave until the war was over, but I knew I would... have to leave in time. I no longer belonged as one of them."
"Is this because of the... time travel?" Rex queries.
"In part," Anakin admits, "I saw a path beyond the Jedi. I can no longer follow the Council the way I once did when I do not believe they are aligned with the will of the Force."
Rex nods. "I don't understand the ways of the Force, but I understand, sir. I know the Jedi and Sith are enemies and that would not be... easy."
"It is not simply that," he adds, "With everything I did as a Sith, I could not continue fighting and destroying. This destruction is what led me to become Vader. I cannot risk it happening again."
"Even fighting for the Republic?" he asks.
Anakin nods. "It is still a system of people. Not the will of the Force." He doesn't believe that the galaxy will stand under a Republic. In truth, he still thinks an Empire may be the only way, but that is no longer his role.
"I don't understand," Rex admits, "This is all I have ever done. We have always served the Republic."
"And I will not tell you not to. The galaxy needs people like you to fight for it, Rex. But if you want another path beyond this, there will always be one."
"You mean leaving?" he asks, in slight surprise.
"If you desire, you may have a chance. There are Senators pushing for... clone rights." Like Padme and Riyo Chuchi, but no one's done much about it in all this chaos following Sidious' arrest and current trial. (One he knows they've already made a decision on, so it just feels... pointless that they're even making a show of dragging it out.)
"I don't know what I would do outside this," Rex admits.
"I know," Anakin replies solemnly, "I... still am unsure. Living without this... purpose we have spent our lives fighting for will be different. I can... assist you if you choose to leave."
"What are you doing, sir?" he asks – unsurprisingly, he seems more overwhelmed at the offer than anything else.
It feels like literally nothing, and he finds himself wondering how most people live like this. In time, he'll do something to help people again. He just doesn't know how yet, in a way that doesn't involve fighting and killing. "We are... getting enough to live by," he answers.
"I may consider it," Rex replies, "But we will... miss you here."
"I will too, Rex," Anakin says, "But I still can come back to see you."
It's not going to be a goodbye, even if they can't work together the same way they used to. And he's definitely going to miss that, but things were already changing. Perhaps in time, all of the clones will have the chance at a life beyond the fight they were created to die in.
For now, it's time for him to go see the rest of the boys. They've been just as eager to see him.
***
He knew he would see Obi-Wan again eventually, because inevitably, their paths always cross again, but he didn't expect to sense him suddenly so close. When Anakin and Ahsoka enter their apartment, Obi-Wan is standing there, waiting for them.
How he got inside, Anakin doesn't know, but it's not as though it would be difficult for him.
"Master?" he asks, past the instinctive surge of emotion seeing him brings. He thought it would be... much longer. "What are you doing here?"
Obi-Wan crosses his arms, eyeing them. "I was beginning to wonder when you were coming back."
That really doesn't answer the question. "Do you... need something?" He wouldn't be here if he didn't, right?
"The Council sent me here," he replies, "To..."
"Keep an eye on us?" Anakin guesses. It's not as if he can blame them for that.
"Yes," Obi-Wan admits, "And help you if you need it."
"We do not," Anakin assures him, "But thank you."
"You're planning to stay here?" Ahsoka clarifies.
"Yes, I am."
He doesn't know why he didn't realize that earlier himself. Suddenly, he doesn't know what to think about the fact that they'll be so close to Obi-Wan. For all that he craves for his master's presence, he fears it – and him – just as much. It's been hard to be around him, but he could never push him away – even if he wanted to – because it's been far too long since they were together.
"I..." Anakin trails off, trying to find something to say.
"Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks him uncertainly.
"It's fine," he reassures immediately, "I just never expected to have you with us."
"Is... there room?" he inquires.
"We can work it out," Anakin assures, though he remembers with a start that they only have two bedrooms – one for him and one for Ahsoka, which will mean Anakin will have to share with one of them. He's... not entirely certain he can sleep next to Obi-Wan. Not without panicking or having nightmares all the time, anyway. But he doesn't want to intrude on Ahsoka like that, either.
"I cannot believe you spoke to the Council in such a manner," Obi-Wan adds.
Anakin shifts, waiting – he should have known that would be the first thing his master has to say. "I know it was not my place," he says lamely, shifting on his feet.
"Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks again.
Anakin nods, looking away. Obi-Wan steps closer to him. "I can stay with Ahsoka," Anakin suggests, "If... that's alright?"
"Of course," she agrees readily.
"I do not mean to intrude."
"You're not," Anakin tells him – it must be as awkward for Obi-Wan as it is for himself. He doubts Ahsoka has much a problem with it, at least. It would be bad if they all did.
"Good."
"I am... glad you came," Anakin adds.
"What do you do here?" Obi-Wan asks, scanning the room. Unsurprising. Anakin can't imagine his master ever sitting around doing nothing like this.
"We are... figuring it out."
Obi-Wan gives him an incredulous look. "Of course, you are."
***
Every inch of his body hurts from the lightning pouring into him, leaving him gasping desperately for air when it finally stops. Except it feels like he can't breathe and all he can hear is the rasping sound of his broken respirator. Everything around him is red again, and –
"Did you truly believe you would be free?" Sidious' voice hisses, and when he looks up, he can see the Sith standing over him, at the top of a far too familiar lava bank. "Forget everything, except me."
He jolts awake with a start, tears burning his eyes, choking back a cry – it was just a dream. It's nothing to be so worked up over. Except... he cannot stop seeing it. He doesn't know why he's having so much trouble with this.
Anakin pushes himself upright, breathing labored, as he struggles to find some semblance of calm. Ahsoka is here, and he doesn't want to wake her with his fear, so he slips out of their room to just... be.
Even if only for a few minutes – though he hates being alone, and everything is so strange and different now that there's nothing grounding to him anymore.
The room is dark, and it's not really helping, even if he thinks light would make it worse. All he can remember is everything Sidious did to him after he'd confronted Luke on Bespin, no matter how hard he tries to suppress it.
He hears a sudden noise from behind him and looks up to see Obi-Wan entering. "Anakin," he says hesitantly, "I sensed you... awoke."
"It's nothing," he replies automatically, stiffly. He doesn't know how to... talk about this.
"Nightmare?" Obi-Wan guesses, and he nods. "Bad?"
"I have had far worse," he answers, rubbing a hand over his face. Sometimes, he wishes he could just sleep uninterrupted.
Obi-Wan lays a hand on his arm, and Anakin leans into it, freely letting himself be vulnerable for once. He lowers his head, pressing his forehead to his master's shoulder. For a moment, they're quiet. If only rebuilding something with Obi-Wan was as easy as it was with Ahsoka.
Obi-Wan's hand is touching his back now, far gentler than it ought to be, and Anakin remembers with a surge of pain that that's where his master cut him open on Jabi'im, that's why he couldn't walk – Obi-Wan's lightsaber went straight through his spine, and he inhales sharply, wincing.
"Are you hurt?" Obi-Wan asks, and Anakin can hear the frown in his voice.
"It's fine," Anakin tells him immediately, "It just... reminded me of something. One of the times we fought, I... was injured there." And he can still feel it, the burning heat of Obi-Wan's lightsaber as it slashed through his skin. "I wanted you to kill me, or to... I was tired of being in pain, and I couldn't let Sidious hurt you, and I just... I don't know. I wanted you to end it. I can't understand why you refrained."
"I do," Obi-Wan answers, "I could not, even if I tried."
"Why?" He has to know – know what made Obi-Wan do that to him, because he can't understand how his master could have been wrong that he deserved it all. He doesn't know how Obi-Wan could have been wrong about everything, but he somehow was, and... it's confusing. For years – years – it had been the memory of Mustafar, and Jabi'im, and the fact that Obi-Wan was certain he was lost that made Anakin accept that he was. And he had been too convinced to try. And he needs to know what happened – what changed.
Obi-Wan sighs. For a moment, Anakin doesn't think he'll get an answer. "I love you," he says, finally, "I always have. I could never hurt you."
"But you did," he protests, confusion mounting, "And all that time I was hoping you would set me free, you never did." He went to Jabi'im thinking – hoping – Vader would die, in some sense or another. It was Anakin who died instead, and it had taken Luke to rekindle that spark, Leia to get him back. "And you may not remember it, but it was a part of my life for decades." It hurts to know how easily they could have set each other free that day, but Obi-Wan never did – he always held back, every time he could, even when Anakin was a padawan, and he doesn't understand.
Obi-Wan's arms wrap around him tightly, and Anakin presses closer, clinging to him – he feels like a scared, lost child, and in many ways, that's exactly what he still is. His mind doesn't feel as different as he thought it would after the time travel. He's younger now, and he can feel that his thought process is... cleaner, simpler, less jumbled. Lightning, he suspects. But it's not... more childish, exactly. He never grew after Mustafar. He was still a child then.
Somehow, it hurts more, knowing that he was trapped as one for years. He feels childish for crying over it, but truthfully, there is no reason not to – it would hardly be the first time Obi-Wan saw him crying. His master's hand slides to the back of his neck. They stand there for a few moments, content to hold each other.
"We should lay down," Obi-Wan tells him finally. He pulls back a bit, his hand sliding to Anakin's cheek. It's so light and gentle. Anakin suspects most people would be self-conscious, but he's not entirely certain he's capable of that any longer.
Not with everything he went through as Vader. Not with how many times Sidious had him torn apart and rebuilt even with other people present. He doesn't want to think of any of it right now. He's too exhausted, and it's the past. He wishes his mind accepting that would be just as easy. Maybe it will eventually, but it still won't be for a long time. The pain of it haunts him constantly, and it leaves him feeling... itchy, uncomfortable after not having to stress over it for an extended period.
"Come," Obi-Wan says, pulling him back to his room. Anakin doesn't risk going back to where Ahsoka is. She's sleeping soundly, and Anakin doesn't want to risk waking her. They don't have much here, but it's no worse than the one Anakin had to sleep in on Tatooine. It's not as if they haven't slept in much worse places. At least they're finally together after years of being apart. That, at least, somewhat eases the pain in his heart.
It's strange to be doing this with his master again. He hasn't since the Clone Wars. He already got accustomed to it with Ahsoka, but this... is weird. Obi-Wan wraps an arm around him, and Anakin curls up against his side, closing his eyes. It's... comfortable here. At least Obi-Wan is familiar, grounding.
"I love you too, Obi-Wan," he mumbles, glancing up at him through the darkness.
"I know you do."
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