"Thank you so much." Paige says as she gets in his car.
She doesn't need to thank him. Paige could call him at one in the morning and be two hours away in need of a ride and he'd still go pick her up. If he's honest, she's probably top on his priority list.
Liam notices goosebumps up her arms and turns the heater up a couple notches. The chilly air outside probably made her cold since she's only in a black T-shirt with the coffeeshop logo on it and green shorts that match the logo that make up her work uniform. She gives him a grateful smile while buckling in.
"I'm really sorry. My mom had a shift tonight and I didn't want to make her use her break to come get me."
"It's okay." He nods in understanding.
She shifts her back pack that's down by her feet over to get more comfortable. Liam drives through the streets without needing to get told where to go. He's had to drive Paige home once or twice before.
"How was Ember's?" Paige asks quietly into the air.
Liam smiles. "Good."
"Really?" She tilts her head over. Her hazle green eyes shine with understanding. Liam notices her blonde hair coming loose in the braid she probably did herself in the breakroom. "You had a good time?"
Liam has always been more honest and open with Paige. She understands him a little more. She always let's him talk about things that are bothering him and is quiet when he needs to time to think. She also understands when he can't talk and just needs quiet. He was honest with her about his feelings with her because she always seems to understand in a way no one else can.
"Yeah." Liam nods. "I was awkward as hell but it was relaxing. Pizza is really good."
That makes Paige laugh quietly. "Yeah, it is."
That was another thing. She didn't judge him for all that he missed out on. The foods that are so normal but he hasn't gotten to try and the movies that he's never even heard of are things people usually don't understand. They just check it off as he's a spoiled rich kid but Paige always just smiles and goes with it. She doesn't make him seem weird for not knowing what those things are like.
"Ian seems nice. So does Chris. I don't know about the Lucas guy though. He's quiet so I don't know if he was just silently judging me the whole time or not." Liam says even if she didn't ask. She doesn't have to ask to get him talking because if he wants to talk about something he will with her. She always listens.
She hums. "Lucas is like that. He sits and just observes everything. He has to be around you a few times before he'll really start talking."
Liam hums and nods. He could understand that. In a way, he's similar to that.
"He's not very judge-y though, so I'm sure he wasn't just sitting there thinking you're weird the whole time."
Liam didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't so sure, but he wouldn't object. Paige always knows better than him on situations like this.
"You gonna be able to start hanging out with us outside of school?" She asks quietly. There's no hope or anything in her voice other than curiosity. She doesn't make it sound like there's a wrong answer.
"Maybe." Liam thinks about it for a couple more seconds. "Yeah, probably."
She smiles. "Good. I think it'll be good for you."
"What do you mean?" Liam glances over at her. She's just smiling softly though, giving nothing away.
"You're anxious all the time, Li. You're always nervous and you don't know how to talk to people. I think maybe being around Ian and his friends sometimes when you're over will help you. I also think it's an opportunity to learn new things. Like today, you had pizza for the first time."
"I also got to eat on the couch, using a paper towel as a plate." Liam adds. The situation was completely new to him. If he ever ate on the couch at home, or used something other than a plate, his mother would throw a fit.
Paige smiles. "Yeah. So, you're getting new experiences. I think it'll be good for your mental health."
Paige is always talking about Liam's mental health. She thinks he has anxiety. Maybe he does. He doesn't know. She tries to help him by giving advice often. It does usually help when he tries it out but the aching feeling has never fully left.
Liam thinks about the way he relaxed on the couch of Ember's living room. The way he focused on the movie and let himself calm down. The way he walked out without a knot in his throat and tensed up shoulders.
"Yeah, maybe it will be." Liam says quietly.
Paige smiles. They drive the rest of the way to her house quietly. Liam likes it that way. It's just easy with Paige. There's no need to fill the silence with talking and there's nothing awkward about it.
He pulls up in front of her apartment complex. He's been in there once, momentarily. It's really small. There's two bedrooms, a bathroom, and then the living room and kitchen are one. With the furniture, everything seems crowded. It's cozy though. Liam liked it more than he likes his own home.
"Thanks again for the ride." Paige smiles and Liam returns it.
"Of course. See you later."
"See you." She shuts the door and walks up to the entrance of the building. Liam waits until she waves and steps into the door before driving off. He starts the drive home and the closer he gets the sicker he feels.
He pulls into the driveway and parks at the end of it. He should park in the garage but doesn't. His father tells him he should park in the garage often but that doesn't make him want to. Walking all the way across the yard to the garage in the early morning seems like too much work just to go to a school Liam doesn't want to go to.
He walks over and steps on the concrete path up to his house. The hedges are about knee high on either side of him. He follows them up to the short porch and opens up the door.
The foyer welcomes him just as it had said goodbye to him that morning. He hears a chair scooting away from the table to his left. He turns over and sees his mother walking over to him.
"Where the hell have you been?" She cursed, that means she's mad.
"Out. I was with friends." He speaks calmly. "Sorry I'm a bit late."
It was 7:02 when he pulled into the driveway so he knew he'd be getting this talk. Dinner is at seven. It's always at seven. If he's going to miss dinner he has to text or else he better be home in time.
He walks into the dining room and nods in greeting to his father before taking his seat. His mother walks in after, still looking upset. She takes her seat with a scowl set on her face.
"If you're going to stay out until ungodly hours of the night reply to my texts, William."
He hates the way she days William. It's a dead give away that she's pissed. He resists the urge to roll his eyes at her.
"It's seven, mother. I wasn't out all that late."
"Late enough to be late for dinner."
His father was calmly eating at the end of the table. He didn't usually get involved in conversations like this. He just sat back and let Liam's mother do all the punishing and scolding. She was good at that.
"I'm sorry. I hadn't planned on missing dinner. I was just running a little late." Liam said truthfully. He hadn't planned on missing dinner but Paige needed a ride. She would always be more important than dinners with his parents.
"Who were you even with?" She questions. Liam swallows, hoping to get rid of the lump in his throat. It doesn't leave.
"My friend, Ember." He says. "We were at her house."
"A girl? Who is she? What's her last name?" His mother shoots back, still seeming mad.
"Morrison."
His mother scrunched up her nose. She hadn't heard of the name before. Her eyes shoot to his father across the table from her. His eyebrows are furrowed in concentration before he slowly shakes his head.
"I don't know any Morrisons."
"What do her parents do?" His mother shoots her attention back to him. Liam sighs internally.
"I don't know what her mom does. Her dad runs some company in Florida and pays for her schooling."
That doesn't seem to make his mother any calmer. She does stop asking questions though. The maid carries out the plates of rib and removes the salad that Liam didn't eat. He eats some of the meat though.
"I don't want you going over there anymore." His mother speaks up finally. Liam's eyes snap up to hers.
"Why?"
"She's clearly a bad influence on you. You're never out at this time on school nights. You've always been home after school."
Liam holds back the urge to snap at her. He's always home because he has no life. He has no life because of this exact reason right here.
"I'm late because I took a detour on the drive home. Ember had nothing to do with it."
"I still don't like it." His mother says and takes a bite from her food.
"You don't have to like it." Liam states. His mother's eyes widen and she looks up at him. "I'm still going to hang out with Ember."
"William, don't talk back to your mother." His father's voice is cool and collected but it's still a silent warning. Liam sighs and stands up.
"May I be excused? I'm no longer hungry and would like to go up to my room to go to sleep now."
His mother looks irritated again. "We are not done discussing this, William, sit down."
"Thank you for dinner." Liam ignores her and pushes his chair in before walking away.
"William, come back here!" Her voice follows after. His father calls his name after as well but he ignores them both. He goes up the stairs and heads to the door at the middle of the hall.
He opens the door that doesn't feel like his and steps into the room. Nothing about this room feels like his. Nothing in this house feels like his.
The walls are off white and his bed is spread in different shades of gray. He had a desk with a plush dark gray office chair rolled up to it. He's got a light gray carpet on the floor. He has white curtains but in the dim lighting even they seem gray.
Everything is just so lifeless.
He also has a bookshelf filled with books. Even those are depressing to look at though. None of them are books he picked out. There's historic books, classics that actually aren't that bad, traveling books for the rich, and some business education and or law books. He hates them all because his mother and father are the ones that picked them out, not him. He doesn't get to pick anything out for his room. He doesn't get choices in his life.
He sighs when he realizes his backpack is still in the car. He'll have to wait about an hour before going out to get it or else he'll risk bumping into his parents. After dinner they talk for at least twenty minutes at the table before finally retiring to their room for the night. He doesn't want to have another conversation with either of them tonight.
He sits on the edge of the bed. He starts to unbutton his shirt, tired of being in the stupid uniform. He all but throws it off when he gets it unbuttoned. He can't stand being in the uniform.
He takes off his belt next and starts unbutton his pants. When he's finally completely out of the uniform he walks over and opens his closet door. He walks in to the big closet and pulls out a T-shirt and pajama pants.
His mother hates his choice in clothes that he wears at home. He can only have plain T-shirts, he's not allowed to get any that have words or pictures unless it's supporting some group she also supports. She hates the basketball shorts and sweat pants he wears but can't say much. At least he doesn't wear them in public, she'd probably have a heart attack if he left the house dressed like a normal human being.
He walks back out and picks up his uniform. Even if he hates it he still gently folds up everything. He walks it into the closet and sits it on a shelf.
He hates it but he's still neat and organized. There are just certain things that are driven into his skull. Certain habits he's just unable to shake. It's like a natural instinct now.
That's what happens when you have proper etiquette nailed into you from a very, very young age. It's a side effect of being raised on the sayings 'don't be rude' or 'mind your manners'. There's no escaping it.
There's no escaping anything really. Not for Liam. He's trapped in this perfect little circle where everything has to be just so. This is his life, there's no getting out.
He sits on the edge of his bed and rest his head on his hands. His head hurts. There's a dull burn behind his eyes and a beating in his temples.
The sickness is back full force in his stomach again. It twists at his insides, making him feel like puking. His chest hurts. Everything hurts.
He lays down, hoping to make it hurt less. It doesn't. It never does. He rolls over and buries his head in his pillow.
For a brief moment he thinks about going to sleep. If he just goes to sleep he won't have to deal with this feeling. Sleep is the only escape.
He can't, he reminds himself. He can't go to sleep. He has homework. Lots of homework. He has to go get his bag out of his car. He has to stay awake.
He has to force himself to sit up again. That doesn't help much so he stands. He paces around his room like a madman.
At eight ten he finally leaves his room and goes down to get his bag. Breathing in the fresh air outside helps a little. It makes his lungs feel a little bit more open. It makes breathing feel easier.
It doesn't help for long though. He has to go back inside. He has to do his homework. He has to be trapped in that room while being awake for a while longer before being able to finally go to sleep.
Nothing hurts when he sleeps. He wishes he could sleep all the time. He can't though. Sleep is only a temporary escape. There's no way to get out for good. There's no way to make this feeling go away for more than a little while.
He's stuck. He's trapped in this loop where he's destined to hate his life until it comes to an end.
He thinks about being at Ember's. About the calmness in the air. Maybe he's stuck here forever but there is a way to get a break. There is a way to have some peace. He knows that now.
•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•
Liam's at a very low spot in life right now and that's way too therapeutic to write about than it should be.
Anways,
Love you ♡
- Z